Breathless (7 page)

Lainey tried to swallow, but couldn’t. “It’s none of your business.”

Jon’s mouth twitched at the corner, and his eyes darted to the grocery bag. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. We can talk about something else.”

Lainey kept her eyes down, listening to her sandals slapping the sidewalk. A part of her wanted to spill everything, but the other part wanted to puke on his shoes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that I don’t want to talk about tomorrow. Not yet.”

Lainey tried to blow the hair out of her eyes, but the strands kept blowing back. Jon noticed and stepped closer. Her heart pounded as his fingers gently tucked her hair behind her ear.

“You’re allowed to have secrets, but don’t let those secrets define who you are.” He smiled as his hand dropped.

She nodded. “I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You’ll know when you are. Trust me.”

*~*~*

Once dinner was eaten, Jon and Lainey’s family sat down to play Uno at the kitchen table. Lainey watched for a bit. Her heart wasn’t in it. Jon kept glancing in her direction, but she pretended not to notice, even though every time their eyes met she felt like laughing or puking. The sound of a hand slapping the table jarred Lainey’s thoughts. Jon laughed as he twitched in his chair and moved his yellow “draw two” card forward.

“Why are you so full of excitement?” Peter drew two cards from the deck. “Lain, what did you give him?”

It took her a moment to realize. “Oh, we went for coffee today. He said he’d never had any before.”

Her stepdad laughed as he shook his head. “I’d say you’re on a bit of a caffeine buzz, Jon. Luckily it’ll wear off soon.”

“I feel like I could run a marathon.”

The guy could barely walk without stubbing his toes. She laughed at the mental image as Mom lay down a wild card, changing the color to red. Rachel drew a card.

“It’s your turn, Jon.” Rachel grabbed a handful of M&M’s from the bowl at the center of the table. “Jon?”

Lainey glanced up from rearranging the discard pile. Jon’s gaze was focused out the kitchen window. The last yellow light from the sun disappeared beyond the watery horizon. His eyebrows tightened and she swore his hands trembled slightly. It only lasted for a second before Jon turned and smiled at Rachel, plucking a wild card from his hand.

“Sorry, I was enjoying the sunset. It’s beautiful.” He picked blue as his color and leaned back in his chair.

His posture was tense as he waited for his next turn, and his skin seemed a little pale. Lainey knew. She wasn’t the only one with a secret.

Lainey’s mom and Peter wanted to take the next day off work, and Lainey begged them not to. It wouldn’t exactly help. She wanted to be alone. Jon didn’t know what was going on, and Rachel took him to the swimming pool to give Lainey some time alone. Lainey didn’t move from her bed until silence filled the house. She slowly rolled to her feet and went to the closet, pulling out her black lace dress. It would have to do. She dug around in her sock drawer until she found the small jewelry box. The lid was dusty. She slowly opened it, and pulled out the dolphin necklace. It was a blue jeweled dolphin on a silver chain with a single word below the animal.
Best
.

Once she was dressed, Lainey walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Two red roses rested on the table. Lainey knew her mother had bought them for her. Not bothering with shoes, she went onto the deck. The walk to the beach was slow; Lainey wished today would just end. The water was cold at first, but it didn’t matter. Her hands shook as she slowly pulled the petals from the first rose and dropped them into the water.

“I’m so sorry, Becca. I miss you.” She tried to swallow the lump her throat. “I miss you every day. You’re my best friend. Forever.”

Lainey walked out a few feet into the ocean and lay the second rose down. She let the waves pull it in and toss it around. Soon, it belonged to the sea.

Jon found her a few hours later. She was sitting on the sand, her legs pulled up to her chest. The water barely touched her toes as the waves broke onto the sand. He plopped down beside her.

“I hate that the sun is shining,” Lainey whispered. “Nothing is allowed to be happy today.”

Jon didn’t speak. His shoulder pressed against hers, but she didn’t pull away. His touch was comforting.

“Would you like to talk about what happened?” he asked after a long pause.

Lainey nodded, not bothering to wipe the tear tracks from her face. Her gaze didn’t leave the surface of the water as she spoke. “It was just a normal day for us. Becca and I went to swim in the water, pretending we were dolphins or mermaids. We did that every day. A storm was blowing in, and we knew it was gonna be a good one. While we were out in the water, she… she lost her friendship necklace. I had given one half of it to her.” Lainey fingered the small dolphin around her neck. “Her dolphin said ‘friend’. I told her not to worry about it, but Becca said she knew where it had fallen. The storm was coming in so fast. I begged her to come back to the beach but she didn’t listen. She dove under the water.” Lainey paused. “I only saw Becca one more time. She swam to the surface, and she was screaming. Screaming my name. But the current was too strong and it pulled her under again. I’ll never forget the sound of her screaming.”

Lainey put her face in her hands as Jon wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her against his chest. He waited until her sobs lessened a little.

“What happened then?”

“I tried to save her. I called Peter’s cell phone and begged him to help me. He came running down the beach as the rain started to pour. I was in the water, trying not to go in too deep and calling out her name. Becca didn’t surface again. I was hysterical. Peter and our next door neighbor, Ryan, hauled me out of the water, and Peter carried me up to the house. The storm was in full force. Help came, but it was too late. They never… they never even found Becca’s body.”

“I’m so sorry, Lainey,” Jon murmured.

“I should have saved her. I should have gone back into the water or pulled her out with me. I shouldn’t have let her go back for the necklace. It’s my fault.”

Jon shook his head. “It’s not your fault. You’ll keep telling yourself it is for a long time, but it isn’t. Lainey, you didn’t want it to happen, and I’m sorry it did. It’ll take time, but one day you’ll hopefully realize it was meant to happen. I know that isn’t comforting. It’s taken me over ten years to get to that point.”

She wiped at a tear trickling down her cheek. “You lost someone?”

“Yes, I lost someone very close to me. It changed everything. I can’t say it was all good or bad, but I’m learning to live my life.”

Lainey nodded, returning her attention to the waves. “I just wish I could get past being so hurt and upset all the time. I’m tired of my mom, Peter, and Rachel all walking on egg shells around me so they don’t make me cry. I’m sick of it.”

Jon took a deep breath, putting his hands in front of him and resting his forearms on his knees. “We sorrow when people die because we love them. In order to remove the pain, we would have to remove the love. No one wants that. It’s okay to grieve and feel pain, but we have to be able to pick up the pieces and move on, no matter how hard it is at first. It gets easier.”

Lainey didn’t speak. The only sound came from the waves and Lainey’s occasional sniffling. After a while, Jon stood up and brushed the sand from his jeans.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m taking this day to help you remember Becca with joy, not just sadness.” Jon offered her his hand. “Trust me.”

Lainey took his outstretched hand, and let him pull her up.

“What is something you used to do with Becca all the time? One of your favorite things to do together?”

“We went swimming here on the beach all the time.”

Jon shook his head. “Not a good enough answer. This beach holds bad memories for you now. I need a place where you and Becca were really happy.”

Lainey didn’t want to waste his idea and thought hard before answering. “You’ll laugh, but Becca and I used to eat those candy necklaces all the time. We actually wore them to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day when we were sixteen because we were both single and it was our gift to each other.”

“I’ve never had a candy necklace, but it sounds good to me.”

“They sell them at the local drug store. We should be able to pick some up. But are we going to have dinner this early?”

Jon smiled and Lainey felt a small chip of ice melt from her heart. “Of course. I believe they call it lunch. Come on.”

*~*~*

Mr. Lester stood at the counter in the drug store. He looked up over the top of his glasses as Lainey pulled Jon into the dollar aisle and grabbed a package of candy necklaces. The old man gave them a smile as Lainey set them on the counter.

“Good day, Miss Stafford. I haven’t seen you smile like this in a long time. Probably not since you bought the last package of candy necklaces.” He took her two dollars and handed her the change. “It’s nice to see you smile.”

Lainey blushed. “Thank you, Mr. Lester. Have a good day.”

Jon took her hand without asking, giving it a gentle squeeze before guiding her out of the store. Lainey opened the package with her teeth and pulled out one of the candy necklaces. She motioned for Jon to lean over a little. He raised an eyebrow, but did it. She stretched the thin elastic and put the candy necklace around his neck. He reached up to touch it; his fingers brushed hers. She slipped on a necklace of her own, pretending nothing happened.

“Now what do we do with them?” Jon asked.

“You eat them. It’s a necklace you get to wear and eat. Your snack is your jewelry.”

Lainey lifted it and used her lips to pull two into her mouth. She bit them off. The chalky candy melted on her tongue, and she remembered how awful they actually were. Jon watched her closely before doing the same. The biggest grin crossed his face as he tasted it.

“These are wonderful,” he murmured. “Someone had a genius idea to do this.”

“I don’t know if I could call it genius, but it’s definitely a unique idea.”

Jon took another bite before letting the necklace snap him in the neck. He winced before laughing. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Lainey blinked the tears away, not wanting to ruin the moment. “You’re welcome.”

Jon reached out and took her hand. Lainey didn’t let go as they walked the slightly longer trek to the restaurant. Jon kept up the conversation in between eating his necklace. She kept glancing at the smile on his face, soaking up every moment with him.

When they finally arrived at Aunt Polly’s, Jon and Lainey were seated quickly. The restaurant wasn’t usually that busy on a weekday at lunch. It was decorated with red flowing table cloths and strings of lights tracing the ceiling and hanging down like rain falling. It was dark inside, but candles lit each table. It was the most romantic place in town, but Lainey didn’t care. She was having lunch with a friend.

Their meal was full of laughter and stories. Lainey told him all of Becca’s secrets, the good and the bad. She didn’t want to leave.

After lunch, Lainey took Jon around town. She showed him all of Becca’s and her favorite places to hang out. They had frozen yogurt for dessert. Jon simply listened, adding comments and asking more questions.

As night fell, Lainey and Jon headed back to the beach. He’d borrowed her phone to call and let Peter and Mom know they’d be home soon. It started to rain as they walked back to the beach.

“I promise it doesn’t normally rain this much.” Lainey laughed, holding her hands up and spinning around. “I do love a good rain dance.”

Jon laughed before grabbing her hands and spinning her around. He pulled her close, putting a hand on her upper back and holding her other hand. “I’m not a good dancer.”

Raindrops fell in her eyelashes. “I doubt you could be that bad of a dancer.”

“I’m not light on my feet, and I’ll probably step on your toes.”

Her answer was soft and barely above a whisper. “I don’t care. I wanna dance.”

Jon slowly began to move his feet, leading her and humming softly. She didn’t recognize the song, but it didn’t matter. Rain dripped from his hair into his eyes. He didn’t let go. His chest was warm against hers and kept her from shivering in the cool air. Lainey felt her heart race as he spun her around once and pulled her back against his chest. The smell of fresh air filled her nose, along with the scent of bar soap. He leaned in a bit closer. Lainey took a shaky breath. Her eyes closed as his soft lips pressed against hers. Her hand slowly reached up and touched his cheek as he deepened the kiss. Jon lifted her, letting Lainey wrap her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He simply held her as they kissed. The taste of strawberry frozen yogurt lingered on his lips.

When Jon broke the kiss, he kept his face close to hers. “I wish I could keep you,” he whispered.

Lainey had no words for him. She kissed him again, letting herself think of nothing but her lips on his and the feel of his breath against her skin. Jon didn’t let go or push her away.