Breathless (5 page)

But I didn't think that was what she meant. "He's really interesting, don’t you think?"

"Fucking gorgeous is what he is," said Lilith.

"Yeah," I said. "I guess." I hadn't really considered whether or not Jason was attractive. I'd been too busy trying to figure out who he was. Plus, I was in love with Toby. It wasn't like I was scoping out other guys.

"Speaking of gorgeous," said Lilith, "Did you see Eric Nelson tonight without his shirt on? That boy is like a golden god."

I laughed. "But he's such a jerk."

"Who cares?" said Lilith. "As long as he's not talking, I could spend like an eternity with him."

"Is Eric your latest conquest then?" I teased. Lilith didn't really date boys. She sort of steamrolled them. But she might have met her match in Eric Nelson. He was pretty much a dick. He used girls like toilet paper.

"Maybe," said Lilith. "But, you know, it wouldn't be much of a challenge to bang Eric. He'd fuck anything in a skirt. If I go after Eric, I have to make him fall in love with me."

I laughed. "Good luck! I don't think that word is in Eric's vocabulary. And besides, since when was it in yours?"

Lilith shrugged dramatically. "I'm getting older," she said. "I'm a senior now. I'm developing mature feelings."

"Oh whatever," I said.

"Seriously," she said. "Besides, Eric would look so good in my prom pictures. He's beautiful. And those things will end up on my grandmother's refrigerator for like a thousand years. I want to be able to look at them when I'm old and fat with seven babies and say, 'I was beautiful in high school, and I had a beautiful boyfriend.'"

"Since when are you planning on having seven babies?" I asked. But I was thinking about my own grandmother--the one who was still alive. She disowned my mother.

She didn't speak to our family. I'd never known her. Where would my prom pictures go? When I moved out, my mom was sure to turn my bedroom into a haven for two or three foster kids.

"Maybe not seven," said Lilith, "but I'll definitely have kids. Everyone ends up doing it, even if they say they won't." She held up an empty beer cup. "I need more beer,"

she announced. "You?"

I didn't, but I chugged the rest of mine and followed her back to the keg.

"I know you dream about birthing Toby's blonde brats," she said.

"I don't," I said. "I don't want kids." Lilith was leaping pretty far into the future, wasn't she? Just because Toby was my high school boyfriend didn't mean we'd start...breeding. If it worked out that way, I guess it wouldn't be so bad, but--

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud yell behind us. "Fight!"

Great. I rolled my eyes. Lilith and I turned to watch as nearly everyone in the party rushed towards the struggling figures of two guys, illuminated from behind by the headlights. We moved forward too, carried by the tide of bodies.

Why did guys have to resort to violence all the time? Civilization might have been created by a male-dominated society, but it sometimes boggled my mind to figure out how. I groaned, wondering if this meant the party was going to get broken up. I'd just gotten here!

Next to me, I heard two girls talking.

"Who is that guy?" one asked.

"I don't know. One of the Jones' foster kids, I think."

Oh God! Cameron! I knew it had been a bad idea for him to be here.

Spurred on by the thought of dragging a beaten, bloody Cameron into the house, I pushed through the bodies that had formed a tight circle around the fighting guys. I shoved people out of the way. Ducked under their elbows. Finally, I cleared the mass of bodies, and I could see.

But it wasn't Cameron.

It was Jason.

Jason was fighting with Eric Nelson.

There wasn't much to see. Limbs flailed, occasionally making contact. They grasped at each other, one grabbing the other in what looked like a bear hug. Then the other would slip from his grasp and grab the other guy in a similar hold. I could hardly tell who was who. They moved so quickly. I yelled, but it didn't matter. Everyone was yelling.

It seemed to go on an agonizingly long time. I didn't understand why no one was breaking this up. Didn't fights usually get broken up in just a few seconds? This one seemed to be dragging on and on.

Eric leaned over and drove himself into Jason's midsection, head first. His arms wrapped around Jason's waist. Jason went down, but he held onto Eric's arms and Eric went down with him, collapsing on top of Jason.

Eric was struggling to extricate himself, but somehow Jason flipped Eric over, turning the tables, so that now he was on top of Eric.

Pinning Eric, Jason let loose on him, raining punches onto Eric's face.

I could see now that Jason's face was bleeding, but so was Eric's now.

Blood spattered the grass. Jason's fist connected with Eric's nose, and there was a sickening crunching sound.

Now, suddenly, Toby rushed forward, pulling Jason off Eric and throwing him on the ground.

"Break it up!" Toby said, and several other football team members, who echoed his words, soon flanked him.

I ran up to Jason. He was half sitting, half reclining on the grass. He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand. I collapsed on my knees next to Jason.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "What happened?"

Jason just shook his head, too out-of-breath to speak.

I glared up at Toby. "What were you thinking? How did you let this go on so long?"

Toby looked at me darkly. "Oh, of course," he said. "You're worried about him. What about Eric? I think your precious Jason broke his nose."

"What happened?" I asked Jason again.

Cameron appeared behind Jason. "It wasn't his fault," he said. "It was me."

"You?" I said. "It was Eric." I had no problem believing Eric had started this fiasco.

Cameron smirked. "Well...yeah. But Eric was ragging on me. You know, typical orphan stuff."

The guys at school picked on the foster guys sometimes. Eric tended to lead the pack.

Like I said, he was a jerk.

"So Jason attacked him?" Toby demanded. He was holding Eric's chin in his hand, surveying the damage to Eric's ruined face.

"No," said Cameron. "No, I told him to shove it, and he said we should make him. Me and Jason. I told Jason to ignore him, but Eric came over and pushed me. Jason told Eric to get lost. Eric pushed Jason. And then...well, you saw what happened."

"Is that what happened Jason?" I asked him.

He'd caught his breath enough to nod and say, "Pretty much."

"Sure," sneered Toby. "Of course he'd say that. It makes him look innocent and pure like the driven snow."

"Why would Jason pick a fight?" I asked Toby. "He's new here. He wouldn't want to make trouble."

Toby dropped Eric's chin and stood up straight. "What do we even know about Jason anyway?"

I stood up to face him. "Well, we know enough about Eric to know he's a dick, don't we?"

"A bleeding dick with a broken nose," said Toby.

"So, you're on Eric's side?" I wanted to know. Toby and Eric got along okay, but they were not exactly close friends.

"So, you're on Jason's?"

"Why are you so pissed?"

Toby didn't answer for a second. He looked down at his hand, which he balled into a fist and then released. "Maybe I'm just not crazy about watching my girlfriend kneeling over some other guy, okay?"

"What?"

"You rushed over to him, didn't you?" Toby said. "'Oh, poor Jason,'" he mocked me.

What? Jason was hurt. Why was Toby being like this? I hadn't done anything wrong.

I'd just wanted to make sure Jason was okay. That was all. Why was Toby bent out of shape about it? I looked up at him. I felt hurt. I didn't deserve this. "Go to hell," I said softly.

I turned away from Toby and offered Jason my hand to help him to his feet.

"Are you okay?" I asked him again.

"I’m fine," said Jason. He looked at my hand, but didn't take it. Instead, he pushed himself to his feet. "I'm sorry about this. I shouldn't have fought that guy."

"You were defending yourself," I said. "You were defending Cameron."

Jason shot a glance over my shoulder. "Maybe you should talk to Toby," he said.

I shook my head. "I don't have anything to say to him." I looked at Jason. "Come on.

We'll find another ride home."

Chapter Four

morningstar68 (02:33:05): it can't happen any earlier than samhain.

michaela666 (02:33:44): that's weeks away. he's got too much time between now and then.

morningstar68: (02:34:14): There's no way to prepare the vessel adequately before then. even this is rushing things.

michaela666 (02:34:58): are you sure? time is of the essence in this, as I'm sure I don't have to tell you.

morningstar68: (02:35:08): you don't. but I have to say, I'm not excited about this turn of events. are we sure we have to use her? couldn't someone else be the vessel?

michaela666 (02:35:48): you've know this was her destiny since she before she even existed. I saw her in the vision, when I saw him.

morningstar68: (02:36:24): I know. I know. but it can't happen before samhain. can that work?

michaela666 (02:37:01): I guess it will have to. it's the best we can do.

Jason, Cameron, and I sat at the dining room table, facing my parents. Considering Eric's nose was broken, he'd had to go to the emergency room. And because of that, everyone had found out about the party at the Nelson farm, including my parents.

They were less than happy about the fact that all three of us had snuck out.

I'd expected them both to be livid. I'd expected them to yell and possibly throw things.

However, they just seemed very sad and disappointed. This was kind of worse than their anger. It made me feel guilty and ashamed. Plus, I was worried about Jason. If they punished Jason, he might just leave and never come back.

Because I didn't want to look at my parents, I looked at Cameron and Jason instead.

They were on either side of me. Cameron was inspecting his fingernails, looking about as guilty as I felt. Jason however, held my parents' gaze, his face blank. He didn't look worried or guilty. Then, of course, he didn't know my parents. They were pretty good at making you feel the way they wanted you to feel. They didn't tell you how to feel or that you were wrong. Instead, they just laid out all the possible consequences of your actions. I hated that. It made me feel so... responsible.

I just wished they'd get it over with already. All this sitting in silence was getting to me. I knew my parents weren't talking because they wanted me to contemplate what I'd done wrong. It was working. I felt wretched.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. "I was the one who made Jason come to the party," I blurted out.

My mother and father just looked at me.

"He wouldn't have even been there if it wasn't for me," I said. "I totally talked him into it."

Seeming to follow my lead, Cameron spoke up. "I'm the reason that Jason got in the fight with Eric. I kind of picked a fight with him. It's not Jason's fault."

"None of this is Jason's fault," I said.

Jason looked down the table at us, raising his eyebrows. "Well," he said, looking at my parents, "I did consent to go to the party. And I am the one who broke Eric's nose.

So, I guess some it is my fault."

What was Jason's problem? Cameron and I were trying to take the fall for him.

Couldn't he see that?

"I'll understand if you guys don't want me to stay here anymore," said Jason. "That might be the best thing for everyone."

"Jason," said my mother, "let's not get drastic."

"Of course we want you to stay," said my father. "Believe me, this isn't the first time one of our boys has gotten in a fight."

"Right," said Cameron. "And this one didn't even involve knives."

Aaron, a boy who'd lived with us a year ago, had gotten in a knife fight at school once. He'd gotten expelled. My parents fought to keep him, but the state took him away anyhow. He still kept in touch sometimes. We all visited him in jail last Christmas. Apparently, he got in a bad bar fight (amazing, since he wasn't even eighteen, let alone twenty-one) and the other guy didn't survive. Aaron was serving time for manslaughter. Poor Aaron. If my parents had been able to keep him, maybe...

"Thanks for the perspective, Cameron," said my father.

"Listen," said my mother, "you all know—well, Cameron and Azazel know—that we want to encourage you to make your own decisions. We're not here to impose a rigid order on your lives. These are your lives, and it's your job to make them into whatever you want them to be. However, we do try to provide boundaries for you."

Oh, God. Not this speech. Please not this speech.

My mother continued, "We feel that these boundaries can help guide you. We feel that they can open you up to options that you might not consider otherwise. While it's a perfectly valid choice to live in the moment, and to live for fun, we feel that there are other valid choices, and we feel that since you're very young, you might not think of those choices."

"And," said my father, picking up where my mother left off, "once you've made a series of certain kinds of choices, it can be difficult to decide to make different ones.

You can rack up all kinds of nonproductive consequences that get in the way of a productive life."

My head was swimming. Why couldn't they just be like normal parents and say that what we'd done was wrong and now we were going to get punished? It all amounted to the same thing anyway. This was just psychobabble. It was rationalization.

I stole a glance at Jason. His forehead was wrinkled as if he was trying very hard to concentrate, or if he was very, very confused. I didn't blame him. My parents'

reasoning was complicated.

"I feel," I said, "that we've all seen what kind of nonproductive consequences happen when we sneak out. Jason got punched. I got in a fight with Toby. And we all had to ride home with Lilith, and her car is very small. To that end, I don't think we need any more punishment. We've all learned our lesson."

"We're not going to punish you," said my mother.