Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) (31 page)

“You feeling all right? You look kind of pale,” Clark whispered to me right before we sat back down.

I felt it too. I felt like any life I had left was draining from my body. My mouth became more dry as I felt bile starting to rise. I tried to nonchalantly pick up my water glass, but it caught on my plate and some of the water spilled onto it. Vanessa’s head whipped toward mine.

“Are you all right?” She asked as she grabbed her napkin and began to dab at the water on my empty butter plate. I was just thankful that my food hadn’t arrived yet. I debated how to answer Vanessa. She had no idea what had just happened. Clark did though, which made me a little nervous he would say something if I left.

My eyes caught his and reassured me. I swallowed and turned back to Vanessa, noticing that everyone around the table was now staring at me, waiting for what I would say next.

I couldn’t stop shaking and I felt like the tears were about to spill over. “I…I actually am feeling a bit sick. I think I’m going to head home, if you don’t mind.” I turned toward Izzy. “I’m so very sorry, Izzy. I’ll make it up to you,” I apologized and began to stand, barely meeting her eyes.

“Of course, Aubrey. I hope you feel better. Do you want me to walk you back?” I quickly shook my head.

“No…”

“I’ll walk her back, guys. No need to worry,” Clark interrupted me, surprising all of us at the table. I met his eyes and he shrugged quickly.

“You don’t need to walk me back, Clark. You can stay and enjoy dinner.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t too hungry, actually.” I met Vanessa’s gaze, laden with worry and mixed with slight shock at Clark. She touched my hand and I gave her a meek smile.

“I’ll be all right. I just need some air.” She nodded knowing I didn’t like to be babied. Clark leaving with me was annoying enough. I didn’t want any other sympathy. I quickly grabbed my purse and stood to leave.

Vanessa stood up too as Clark reassured her he would take care of me. Everyone was so concerned, which only added a layer of guilt to what I was feeling. I could barely look up at her and started to panic when I realized that she might see Gre...

“Oh my God!” She whipped her head and looked back at me. I froze as she leaned forward and whispered excitedly, “Gregory DuBois is here! We haven’t seen him since college.” Her smile was broad and her eyes were thrilled to see our old friend from college. My ex-fiancé. I felt sick as I felt my pulse race with panic.

Matt turned around to follow her gaze. “Old boyfriend of yours?” She smirked back at him.

“No. He was actually like our third wheel sometimes, right Aubrey?” She didn’t bother waiting for an answer for me because she was so excited. “Remember how we both used to have a huge crush on him? Well, mine was probably bigger,” she laughed when she said that. “Want to walk over with me to go say hi?” She didn’t bother waiting for my answer as she continued talking. “Look at the woman sitting with him. Wow. She’s quite beautiful. I wonder if he’s married now.” She looked back again. “Aubrey, let’s go say hi.”

“I can’t. I’m really not feeling well.”
Especially now.
She pouted her lips and gave me a sad expression. She hugged me tight as I swallowed hard, not wanting to know if Gregory tells her or not.

“I hope you feel better.” I nodded into her shoulder and turned to leave before she could see the expression on my face.

My stomach churned with a mixture of the sadness and panic that Vanessa will find out that I was engaged to Gregory. I waved slightly as I made a mad dash to leave. I felt Clark right on my heel and as I approached the door, rushing ahead to swing it open for me.

“What was that back there?”

I sniffled and swallowed hard to get the lump in my throat to go down. “What was what?” I asked as I kept walking, stuffing my arms into my trench coat. Clark grabbed the other side of my coat to help me as I squirmed my arm into the sleeve. I shrugged my coat over my shoulders and pulled the collar closer, as if that would conceal what I was feeling. I always seem to feel so naked around Clark. I’m sure he’d prefer that actually.

“Seeing your fiancé back there.”

“He’s not my fiancé anymore,” I snapped.

“That doesn’t answer why you reacted that way back there.”

As glad as I was that Clark was accompanying me home, I was completely annoyed with his questions. I was too overwhelmed from seeing Gregory—the man I’d thought would be my husband. Was I was bothered by the idea of wanting to be married or the idea of being married to Gregory that I had wanted so badly?

“Knock it off, okay? Just stop trying to figure everything out. It is what it is with him. I screwed up and now it’s over.” My voice cracked at the end. I continued to try to walk, but Clark grabbed my arm and spun me to face him.

“It’s not okay, Aub. It’s not that simple so quit trying to make it like that.” The feel of his fingers under my chin warmed me as he tilted my head so he could look me in the eye. Even though his voice was soft, I could still hear every word over the noises coming from the traffic nearby. “Were you in love with him?” The intensity in his brown eyes softened. “Are you still?”

I swallowed and tried to keep the tears from coming as I shook a stray hair from my eyes. “No, he’s a good friend and I’m thrilled for him, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay. And I don’t believe you one bit. I could see the hurt in your eyes back there. Why didn’t you tell him? Why didn’t you ever tell him that you actually love him?”

“Because I don’t!”

He leaned in, his face mere inches from mine. “Bullshit.”

The tears were flowing now and I couldn’t stop them. People darted past us, cars were honking as they tried to maneuver through the streets and here I had to discuss love with Clark on a busy sidewalk. “What do you want from me? Why do you even care if I do or don’t love him?”

I could really use a drink right now.

No, I should go workout.

My mind started flipping through what I should do next so I wouldn’t have to think about Gregory and his new fiancée. That word made my stomach roll. I felt Clark’s hand on my arm and I shivered. I wasn't sure if it was from the cold air or his touch.

“I’m sorry, Aub. I just…I just wanted to know….”

“Know what?” Completely frustrated with his questions, I darted my eyes to the traffic passing nearby. I crossed my arms over my chest, needing to conceal my feelings from him. I wanted a break from him, but at the same time I felt like I needed him. Or needed to talk to him. The thoughts of drinking or working out just moments ago were clearly my way of wanting an escape from these feelings and I knew from my recent therapy I probably needed to hit everything straight on.

“Love.” My eyes shot to his. “If you’re still in love with him.” Those deep cocoa orbs begged me for the truth. The pain in my chest throbbed as if he hit me right there with his hands. But he hadn’t touched me…only his words had. Why did he care?

“Don’t. Please don’t ask me that. I don’t know how to answer it.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know if it was really love or the idea of being in love.”

“With him?”

“With anyone. Why do you want to know that?”

“I just...I’ve just been watching you, that’s all.”

I huffed as I stared back out the bustling street. Before I could think about it, I turned back to him and asked, “Are you…in love?”
In love with Tina?
I wasn’t sure that I really wanted the answer. The moments that keep happening between us were something that I’ve never had with any man. I couldn’t tell if it was just a really close friendship or the something
more
that I’ve always craved.

He looked across the street and I could see the outline of his jaw as he clenched his teeth. He shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I have these feelings, but…” He looked back at me, his eyes so full of questions and uncertainty. “How would I know? And how would I know that I wouldn’t be left again?”

“What do you mean by that? You mean your mom?” Surprise now replaced the questions in his eyes. “I…Z told me a long time ago. Sorry, you probably didn’t want anyone to know, but I kept pressing him for a reason why you were the way you were. Are. Why you are the way you are.”

His mouth turned up at one corner as he shook his head and seemed annoyed with Z for telling his secret. His hands rested on his hips as he explained what Z left out. “She left and never came back. The letters. That’s why I write them. One of my teachers found out that my mom left. I guess I was acting out a little.” He shook his head and chuckled. “She told me to write my mom a letter to get it all out—all my anger, frustration. Everything. She insisted it would help. It did.” I nodded, still unsure of what to say. “I…can’t let anyone back in. I know I’d be left again.”

My heart sank just thinking about Clark as a little boy waiting for his mom to return only to find out she never would. Even if it wasn’t me that he was in love with, he’d been through so much with me; I couldn’t let him hurt. I reached out and squeezed his arm gently.

“You don’t know that. You have to take a chance, see where it leads. It might be another heartbreak, but it could also be the best thing that’s ever happened to you,” I told him boldly. As if I really knew that as uncertain as I could be sometimes. 

His eyes bore into mine, doubting what I told him. “You really believe that? After what happened with that Greg guy, you’d be willing to take a chance with someone else? You’d chance going through that pain all over again?”

My eyes searched the street for a moment, needing to try to explain feeling this way. Knowing and seeing all our friends around us falling in love and enjoying their lives together, I knew there had to be someone out there for me. My eyes flicked back to his.

“Yes. Absolutely.” I swallowed as I reaffirmed my answer, “I’d be willing to chance it all just to have a shot at love; the type of love that our friends seem to have.” I looked at the ground as I thought about it some more. “I just want that once, even if it’s for a short while.” I bit my lip and looked back at him. “That feeling would carry me through the rest of my life until my dying breath.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I chuckled as I wiped them away. “Good job, Clark. You made me cry,” I teased.

He was still staring at me, studying me for a moment. Then the corners of his mouth turned up and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “It’s a gift. I’ve been told I’m really good at it.” He pulled me to start walking back with him. “At least you didn’t slap me like most chicks do.”

******

A couple of nights later after work we were sitting on the couch relaxing. I came home a little early and cooked dinner for the both of us, which was fun to surprise Clark with. I guess he had no idea I could cook. I’m not a great cook, by any means. Nothing like Izzy and her gourmet meals, but at least I can create a little something.

Much to my surprise, Clark helped me clean up. I had fully expected him to sit on the couch and let me finish up the dishes. He keeps doing things that don’t seem to fit what most people would expect of him. It made me remember what Tina had told me when I first questioned her about wanting to be with him and putting up with his ways.

“Wanna go to the movies?” Clark asked with a boyish shyness that was quite endearing. He had turned in his seat and seemed like he was slightly nervous asking me.

I couldn’t help but smile. Although there was something about the way he asked me that made me wonder something. “Do you usually go with someone?”

“Always. I can’t be one of those losers that sit by themselves.”

I chuckled and told him, “I do it all the time. It’s nice to see a movie by yourself sometimes. No one there telling you their opinion throughout the movie or debating on which movie to see. You can go to whatever one you want. And you get to eat all the popcorn.”

Clark’s brows pulled together in slight confusion or maybe he was considering what I was telling him. “Yeah, that still makes you look like you couldn’t get a date.” He took a restless breath. “Do you want to go or not?”

I was all in, but couldn’t resist holding off on an answer just to watch him squirm a little more. “What movie are you going to see?”

“I didn’t decide yet, but an action one. None of that sappy girl shit.”

“No romantic comedies for you?”

“No, then the chick gets all mushy and doe-eyed.”

I swallowed, unsure if I really wanted to know the answer to my next question. “Do you take Tina?”

“Yeah, usually. Why?”

“Just Tina or usually other girls?”

“Sometimes I go with other girls, but just Tina usually. Why?” He didn’t bother waiting for my response as he gave me another quizzical look. “Do you want to go or not?” He pressed.

“I’m just asking who you take since you don’t like to go alone.” I looked around the apartment. It was raining outside and I had planned on just flipping through the TV tonight. “I’ll go with you. Let me change really quick.”

“Wear something tight so I can brush against your boobs once in awhile. I gotta get my thrills from you somehow,” he teased as I stood up. I just shook my head.

“Cute, Clark, really cute.” I headed to my room and closed my door. I grabbed the first pair of jeans lying on the floor. They were faded with slight rips in them. I considered what top to wear. I grabbed a huge, grey sweatshirt, which concealed as much of my well-endowed chest as possible. That should keep his mind somewhere else. Who am I kidding? It’s Clark. I ran a brush through my hair, refreshed my makeup and walked out to the living room. Clark was leaning up against the back of the couch staring at his phone and looked up.