Breathless Promises (Alluring Promises Series Book 3) (38 page)

Aubrey

Dear Clark,

You’re going to break my heart. I know this and I think you do too. So, why are we continuing this charade? Am I falling for you too fast? I can already answer that one. Yes. So, why am I going along with it? Why am I even taking the chance?

Here’s the thing. Remember when you asked me if I’d take a chance again, knowing that I might get my heart broken again? I’m at that point right now. I’m taking that chance and it’s with you. The unknown terrifies me. This whole thing that we’re in can’t even be defined.

I stopped and tapped my pen against the journal. All I could do right now was make out a list of things as they popped into my head.

You’ve screwed over the roommate you’ve slept with before.

You’re probably still in love with Tina and I’m just a rebound.

I’m not supposed to fall for a guy so quick. Although it’s not really quick since I’ve known you for quite some time.

Tina. You’re in love with Tina.

My God, that’s a horrible list. I stared at all the questions and knew I should stop everything between us. But I didn’t want to.

I want you to be in love with me. Just me.

******

He took in a deep breath and pulled me closer to him. I nestled in a little more and took in my own deep breath. His fingers began to stroke my hair as I felt a sweet kiss on my forehead. This was surreal.
Too surreal.

“What should we do today?” he asked as his fingers entwined around mine. He pressed another kiss to my hair. I couldn’t help but smile, especially since he couldn’t see my face. I was elated, to say the least, to feel this type of happiness after being depressed for so long.

“Mmm,” I moaned as I tried to think about what else to do besides lying like this together on the couch. “I don’t really care. I’m kind of enjoying this.”

He pulled me tighter and squeezed my shoulder. “I kind of like this too,” he told me before I enjoyed another kiss, this one a little closer to my ear.

I adjusted myself so I could turn toward him more. With his arm around my neck and his other arm slipping around my stomach, we both were angled perfectly for our lips to meet. A smile graced his lips and touched mine. Soft, this time. So tender and sweet and nothing like the hard, fast kissing we enjoyed earlier. I opened my mouth inviting his tongue to dance with mine for a kiss more than we’ve ever shared before. I felt his body adjust so he could lean in for more of my mouth. With every moment that passed our embrace grew deeper and hungrier than before. I couldn’t help but moan my appreciation. His hand slid down my side, brushing against the side of my breast, erupting another sound of need from me.

He stopped for a moment; his hand slid up to cup my cheek as I opened my eyes. Smiling, he bent down again to give me a quick kiss.

“Amazing,” he whispered.

Returning his smile, I asked, “What’s amazing? And why do you keep saying that?”

I watched his tongue sweep across his lip as he smiled again and shook his head. “You. I…just really enjoy being with you.” I beamed, my heart pounded in my chest.

Slightly embarrassed, but awestruck I replied, “Well, I enjoy being with you too.” Smiling back he bent down and kissed me again. Long and hard as his hand slid behind my head, pulling me in closer.

A knock at the door interrupted one of our most romantic moments I’ve ever had with a guy.

“Did you make plans with anyone?” he asked. I shook my head that I hadn’t. He pecked my lips as his brows pulled in. He sat up when a second knock echoed throughout the apartment.

“It’s probably just Vanessa wanting some girl time,” I told him as I stood up quick. “I’ll get rid of her and we can finish what we started,” I tossed out over my shoulder as I walked over to the door, adjusting my clothes and my hair as I made my way.

I swung the door and greeted her, “Hey Vanes…” I stopped short as I stood there staring at the gorgeous blonde goddess before me. Tina stood there smiling happily as she peered around me.

My heart stopped.

My stomach churned.

“Hey Aubrey!” She waved and pushed passed me to get into our apartment.

“Tina.” I continued to stare out to an empty hallway with my heart caught in my throat. I swallowed the lump back down and turned around. My eyes met Clark’s right before he flicked his back to Tina’s.

“Baby, I did it!” Her voice filled with nervous excitement as she practically ran to him. Clark stood quickly as he adjusted his shirt over his stomach. Just seconds ago my hand had swept over that same area he was trying to cover up.

He ran a hand through his hair as he questioned her, “You did what?” His eyes flicked to mine before back to hers quick. She turned her head to me nervously and I got the message that she wanted to tell him something in privacy. I pointed to my door as I pressed a fake smile and walked into my room. I closed the door and pressed my ear against it while my heart thumped wildly in my chest and my stomach churned.

Their voices were muffled, but I still understood perfectly, especially when she cried out, “I finally left Hank!”

I stared at the beige carpet begging myself not to get sick right now. For some weird sadistic reason, I tried to listen to more of their discussion—not that I could hear anything considering my heart pounded so loud, I imagined they’d hear it out in the living room.

The conversation was mostly one-sided. Either Clark had nothing to say or spoke very quietly. I sank against the door as I realized what I thought I had with someone was nothing more than what I had made up in my head—again. How stupid was I to fall for Clark of all people and to think that something could actually be between us?

The sound of Clark’s door shutting could be felt in my heart. At least I assumed it was his bedroom door. After news like that, why would they leave the apartment?

Nope. That was what I needed to do.

Leave. To clear my head.

I swallowed hard, attempting to keep the tears back as I pushed all thoughts of what they were probably doing right now to celebrate her new freedom. I grabbed my jacket and walked out of my bedroom.

Just as I thought…his door was closed and I heard soft voices. I grabbed my purse off the floor and my keys from the bowl by the door. In my most passive-aggressive move, I slammed the door shut. I wanted Clark to know I left. Maybe he’d at least feel some sort of guilt for making me hurt this way.

The wind whipped cold air at my face and the irony struck me. I was warm in his arms just moments ago and now I was out walking the street in frigid temperatures, alone. My life had changed in just a matter of seconds with just a few words from another woman. Not just any woman though. Deep down in Clark’s heart this was the woman he really did want in his future. The one he really hoped, but he would never admit to. She would someday leave her boyfriend to be with him; she fulfilled that promise. Now that Hank was gone for good, Clark would get what he secretly hoped for.

Where does that leave me? Alone on the street, walking as the freezing air whipped at the tears streaking down my face. They now were more like icicles. I ducked into a coffee shop to gather my thoughts.

After ordering a hot coffee, I sat down on a bar stool facing the giant window. People watching might let my mind wander aimlessly so I could try to forget my breaking heart. I blew on my hot coffee as I heard the faint buzz of a text from my phone. I ignored it as I stared at the passersby.

“Funny meeting you here,” a deep voice boomed from behind me. I swallowed quick and hoped I hadn’t looked like I was crying. I turned to see Blake’s smile drop and realized how horrendous I must look. “Hey.” The warmth of his hand on my shoulder and his caring expression helped lift my mood just a little. “Are you all right?”

I pasted on my fake smile and nodded. “Yeah.” I waved my hand. “Just doing too much thinking,” I attempted to joke. He straddled the bar stool next to mine and placed his coffee on the bar.

“Wanna talk about it? I’m a really good listener.”

I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about how hard I just fell for Clark. Blake knew Clark and everything about him too well. Being made a fool of by the rest of the bar didn’t really appeal to me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, hoping to change the subject. He gave me a faint smile knowing I didn’t want to discuss my problems. I was grateful for that.

“I just felt like getting out of my apartment this morning and decided to go for a walk. I haven’t had coffee in a long time and used to come here a lot. I guess it was meant to be I ran into you, huh?”

I smiled and gave a small laugh. “I guess so.”

After a nice long chat with Blake and being asked out tonight, which in my spiteful, angry state, I accepted. I really didn’t want to go back to the apartment just yet so I sent a text to Vanessa.

Clark hadn’t run after me, so I knew he was most likely happy with Tina back in his life. I should have known she would come back. Although I never really thought she’d leave her boyfriend, I was pretty sure she would at least come back for another round. And what had I expected? That Clark would tell her to go away? 

What Clark and I had was just a great friendship. He is someone I could joke around with and he’s someone who helped me through my troubled times. I scoffed at that thought and shook my head. Clark, the manwhore, actually helped me through my tough times. Who would have ever seen that one coming?

Vanessa:
Movies? Or Lunch?

Me:
Movies. Then lunch. Or the reverse. Doesn’t matter!

Vanessa:
Deal. I’ll come get you when I’m ready
.

Me:
I’m not home. I’m down at Sav’s Coffeehouse. I’ll explain it all later.

Vanessa:
I’ll be down in five
.

I must have piqued her curiosity since Vanessa doesn’t usually get ready that quick. I sat back in my chair and watched the people pass by. Couples were laughing happily and parents were pushing strollers with their cups of coffee. Life was going on all around me and it realized I needed to do the same—get on with my life. 

I had let enough of my life revolve around what other men wanted of me instead of what I wanted for myself.

The problem is that I want Clark and he’s not what I should want.

******

“But you can’t fall for Clark. You know this. You’ve seen the way he uses women. Uses them and only calls them back when he wants more sex,” Vanessa lectured me on what I already knew.

Vanessa and I now sat at a table in a small café not even forty-five minutes after our texts. We scratched the idea of watching a movie the moment Vanessa saw my red eyes. She wanted details and after what I put her through, I wasn’t going keep her in the dark or to lie to her ever again. I had already told her about the little things he’d done for me. She knew already about him painting my room. But then I spilled my guts about how close Clark and I have become. And then Tina came back.

I nodded, knowing Vanessa’s summary of Clark was right. “Vanessa,” I started. She looked up at me after stabbing her salad with her fork. “Remember when you were worried about Matt. When you had all those doubts about him, but he still did those little things that made you believe there was just something different about him. There was something more to him than the guy who slept with all those women.” She put her fork down and stared at me. She knew I had a point. “Matt stopped sleeping around. He loves just you.” I was hoping that she would give me some reason to hang on to my hopes for Clark, but deep down, there was something else that made Clark so different than Matt.

“Matt let go of his love. He moved on so he and I could have a relationship. From what you have told me, Clark really does care for Tina, even though his actions make that questionable. You’re the one who told me all this, Aubrey. Not to mention,” she paused, looking at the table before glancing back at me. “We can all kind of see it when he looks at her.” My heart sank. Hearing it out loud confirmed my real fear. Now that Tina wanted to be with just him, he would choose her.

I felt her hand on mine. “I’m sorry, Aubrey.” We both sat there quiet for a moment. Tears stung my eyes. I drew a quivering breath when the realization hit me that I was just being used until Tina came back to him.

“I really thought because of what I went through with Clark that maybe he could be…” I trailed off not even wanting to finish my sentence.

Vanessa sighed and stared at me for a moment longer. Before she spoke, she pressed her lips together as if she wanted to stop her words from coming out. “I…I don’t want this to come out wrong or anything, but, have you considered the fact that maybe you feel like you’re falling for Clark because he’s always there for you?

I shrugged and looked around the room.

“I’d suggest you try to be alone for a little bit, but I know you better than that,” she said smiling.

I sniffed back the tears that threatened and nodded. “I already have a date for tonight,” I told her through more sniffles. Just saying that out loud made me snicker.