Brocreation (2 page)

PAUL

NO!  Not her you can’t-

RANDY

I don’t wanna hear it!  You’re jealous, fine, be a man and deal with rejection!

RANDY goes to exit to the bedroom but ANGE enters the main door wearing a trench coat with one arm ripped off.  She has one arm visible, in which she is holding a gun.  The jacket shoulder area on the other side is bloody and oily.

PAUL

Jesus!

PAUL jumps to the floor, flings the coffee table on its side for cover. ANGE takes a few shots and dives behind the couch. PAUL pulls out a gun, they start to fire at one another.

RANDY

What- No- Why- STOP!

RANDY runs in between them, they both immediately stop.

ANGE

Randy, you idiot, get the Hell out of the line of fire!

RANDY

Oh thank God you didn’t shoot me!

PAUL

You never run in the line of fire!  

RANDY

I know but- You were shooting and I didn’t know what to do.

ANGE

Running towards the hail of gunfire is
always
the wrong idea!

RANDY

It worked!

ANGE

Move out of the way Randy this isn’t my good arm.

RANDY

Don’t do anything-

ANGE

I can’t aim as well with this arm Randy I don’t want to hit you.

RANDY

I don’t want you to hit anyone!

ANGE

Stealing my shooting arm.  Can’t say I expect any less from something like you.

RANDY

That’s your-

PAUL

Worked didn’t it.

ANGE

Not many could yank my arm clean out of the socket-

RANDY

Ange… Ange… You’re a kill bot?  Paul was telling the truth?

ANGE

I doubt it, but if he said he was from the future-

PAUL

I told him the truth!

ANGE

He thinks I’m a robot-

PAUL

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck-

RANDY

Ange are you or are you not a Robot!

ANGE

No I’m not.  Not exactly.

RANDY

The fuck does that mean!?

ANGE

I’m a human with cybernetic enhancements.

PAUL

Aka Robot-

ANGE

Cyborg!

PAUL

Abomination!  Do you even know where your brain stops and your control programming kicks in?

ANGE

I could ask you the same question you reprogrammed, indoctrinated, technophobe!  Randy… my arm.  

PAUL

Don’t listen to her Randy.

ANGE

Please.

PAUL

No!

ANGE

Throw me my arm.  We’ll talk and I’ll set the record straight, you’ve been lied to.

PAUL

If you do that she’ll kill us both-

ANGE

My aim’s bad but I could take him out easy standing where he is Paul and you know it.  I haven’t taken the shot because I want him alive.  If he dies I can’t get pregnant and Glorious Leader might never exist.

RANDY

You’re the mother!?

PAUL

Don’t listen to her she’s lying!

ANGE

I’ve never lied to you Randy-

RANDY

You have a metal arm!  You’re a cyborg from the future!

ANGE

You never asked me if I had a metal arm or if I was a cyborg from the future!

RANDY

That’s not a thing normal people ask one another!

ANGE

See I never told you I wasn’t a cyborg from the future-

PAUL

It’s a lie of omission!

ANGE

Like how you omitted that your group are in the minority of people who feel Randy Junior is mega mecha Hitler and how humanity is enslaved and running on hamster wheels to power the machines that enslave them-

RANDY

Human battery, like the Matrix, but yeah that’s
mostly
what I heard!

PAUL

It’s easy to
seem
like you agree with a dictator when you’re his
slave
!

ANGE

We elected, we consented, to hardwire ourselves.  Randy junior is a savior. He’s a mega mecha Jesus not Hitler!

PAUL

You’re incapable of free thought-

ANGE

Randy give me my arm.

PAUL

Don’t!

RANDY

If I give you the arm do you promise not to hurt Paul?

ANGE

If I have my arm back I can promise Paul won’t be hurt.

RANDY tosses the arm to ANGE.  ANGE pops below our line of sight behind the couch, snaps and robotic whirring is heard.  

PAUL

You’ve doomed us.

Both her arms are now visible and functional.  PAUL stands and runs toward ANGE.  ANGE points the gun with her newly reattached arm and shoots PAUL.

RANDY

You promised!

ANGE

He didn’t feel anything.

RANDY

You shot him in the head.

ANGE

Yeah but he didn’t
feel
anything.

RANDY

You can’t possibly know that!

ANGE

Yes I can.  He’s a robot so he can’t feel.

ANGE swings a cable over the couch, jumps over it, plugs her phone into the cable.

RANDY

You still-

ANGE

He’s a machine Randy.  Machines don’t feel.

RANDY

He did…  He he felt things constantly!  Pain, sadness-

ANGE

He made you think he could feel.  There are mechanisms that fire off to make you think he feels but in reality he does not.  He was sent here to manipulate you the best way he could.

RANDY

He wouldn’t do that.  Sure he constantly wanted to bang me and had a hard time accepting
no
but now that I hear he
was
from the future and was just ensuring-

ANGE

Randy!  He does not feel, he is not your roommate, he is a machine.   

RANDY

So are you!

ANGE

Part
machine, part.

RANDY

You still lied to me!

ANGE

While researching the period it was said that people of your era didn’t like to reveal everything on the first date…  had to leave “A little mystery.”

RANDY

A little mystery?  

ANGE

Randy- I never lied to you.  I love you, I just… had to keep things from you to keep you safe!

RANDY

How do I know
you
aren’t manipulating me, things are firing in
your
brain telling you how to manipulate me!

ANGE

This is a lot to take in.  I get that.  I am a cybernetically enhanced human being.  From the future.  I was sent back in time to find you.  Destiny has brought us together Randy to ensure the survival of the human race through the innovations of our son.  This being, the one you thought was your roommate is a lifebot that was taken by the coalition for natural existence; an extremely conservative technophobic terrorist organization hell bent on preserving an existence free of technological advancement.  They’re like the global warning deniers or the anti-vaxxers of today; regardless of the science or research they refuse to listen.  Not sure where they got this Paul unit from- they may have built him themselves but my best guess is they got their hands on a decommissioned model and sent him back to kill you.  

RANDY

Like Terminator?

ANGE

Kinda.

RANDY

He wouldn’t kill me.

ANGE

You don’t know that.

RANDY

But I do.  He wouldn’ve done it by now and he said-

ANGE

To them the ends justify the means.  They will use whatever they need in order to get what they want.  Even go against their values. He is a tool.  And they are using him.  Luckily my virus should be running its course and he will be a tool for
us
.  

RANDY

Destiny… Robot…

ANGE

While this downloads we should probably get to copulating-

RANDY

Copu-

ANGE

Sex, we need to bang.   I’m at my peak ovulation period.  

RANDY

No thanks.  I’m good.

ANGE

You’ve been dropping hints that you’re totally ready-

RANDY

Well now I’m… not.

ANGE

If anything you’ve been pressuring me-

RANDY

I haven’t been pressuring-

ANGE

If it weren’t for this walking hard drive we would’ve done this months ago-

RANDY

I don’t know-

ANGE

You were a little pushy-

RANDY

I sure- yeah I
wanted
it but I was waiting, I was willing to wait, and now you’re a cyborg!  And- and- and- when we- I wanted it to be special. With someone I knew- Not someone who killed someone I know-

ANGE

Randy what could be more special than sharing ourselves and knowing our spawn will save the entire world.

RANDY

We’ve only been seeing each other for four months! 

ANGE

I remember when we met.  Ever since that day in Professor Plumb’s literature class, when you looked deep into my eyes I could tell you wanted me-