Broken (35 page)

Cassidy frowned. “I didn’t say that. Philly’s less than an hour away. I plan to drive over to see Erika and exchange gifts. I simply don’t want to go too far from home.”

“You’re driving into Philly…
Christmas Day
?” Damn, damn, damn. Were the fates conspiring against him?

Both eyebrows rose and her eyes widened. “I was hoping it’s ‘
we’re
’ driving into Philly, but if you don’t want to go, Zoe and I can go alone.”

“No, absolutely not. I’m not having the two of you on the highway by yourselves in this weather. I’ll drive,” he said, all thoughts of his family forgotten. No way was his wife and child getting on the highway without him. Especially when he knew Cassidy still didn’t feel comfortable driving on the expressway.

“Okay. Since we don’t have to entertain my parents, we’ll have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever we want. Do you plan to attend Mass?”

Max blinked. “Huh?” Talk about out of left field. Where’d that come from?

“One of my coworkers is Catholic and she invited us to attend. She said they hold Mass at midnight?” Her gaze was questioning, as if she wasn’t sure she had the time right.

“Yeah,” he said absently, guilt nibbling at the corners of his mind. He’d promised God he’d go to Mass and had yet to attend.

“Anyway, she attends St. Agnes, and from the way she described it, they have a really nice candlelight service.” She turned her attention to Zoe. “That’s enough, young lady. Obviously you’re not going to eat your veggies. Look at the mess you’ve made.”

Zoe giggled and squished another pea into her fist. Cassidy sighed. “Well, what do you think? It’s been years since I’ve been to church. It might be nice to go, even if I don’t understand half of what is being said.”

“If that’s what you want to do,” he said slowly, his stomach in knots.

Cassidy turned away, but not before he caught glimpse of the very satisfied smile on her lips. Seeing it, Max sensed he’d somehow been maneuvered but as he replayed the conversation, couldn’t figure how.

Two evenings later, as the clock struck midnight, Max found himself stationed in a pew of the historic cathedral of St. Agnes’s parish. Beside him, standing and holding her side of the hymnal, stood his wife. Due to the crowd, he’d reluctantly allowed Zoe to be left in the nursery where she could lay on a pallet and sleep.

Cassidy’s face seemed to glow with good cheer as she sang with the choir and the rest of the parishioners, “Oh Come Let Us Adore Him.” Max mouthed the words as he watched, with interest, the entrance processional. The priest, along with his deacons and altar boys, came down the center aisle, greeting and making welcome the assembly who’d gathered to worship on this most sacred of holidays. Max let the peace of the familiar ritual wash over him, soothing a mind that continued to be troubled.

They continued to sing the refrain as the priest stopped first to bless the infant Jesus and lay him in the manger, and then moved to the center of the platform to incense the altar.

The priest, Father Perez, greeted the congregation warmly. “Welcome. We are here to celebrate the nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus of Nazareth, who came as God made man, bringing blessings of redemption, of peace, and fellowship. This holy sacrifice of the Mass calls to mind our sins and leads us to ask for His mercy.”

After the welcome, the priest proceeded into the first litany of prayers. Max followed along, responding automatically. One of the deacons stepped forward to read the Gospel of Christ. Max’s mind wandered as the man read the well-known scripture passage outlining the visitation of the angel to the Blessed Virgin Mary, their travel to Bethlehem, and ending with the birth of Jesus in the stable. His family would all be gathered together in Philly at their local parish. No one missed Midnight Mass if they could help it. Were they looking around, wondering if he’d appear?

Father Perez took his place on the raised platform to expound on God’s Word, and the assembly sat down. He began with a reading of the prophecy of Isaiah concerning the birth of Christ.

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel, meaning God with us. Glory to God in the highest. Peace on earth, good will toward men. That’s what the angels cried to the shepherds when announcing His birth. Christmas is a time of repair, restoration, and renewal. God, the divine architect, is our divine restorer. His original noble intent was that His creation would radiate with good, not evil. However, like the first Adam, we said no and choose self over God. Therefore, in His infinite mercy, God sent His son Jesus to come to earth, God in man, and bring us back to Himself.

“Repair, Restore, and Renew. To repair—to restore by replacing a part or putting together what is torn or broken. We, through our own willfulness, were torn from relationship with God. To restore—to give back someone or something that was lost or taken. To return something to an earlier condition by repairing it, or cleaning it. Jesus came to restore that which was lost through sin. And to renew—to make new, fresh or strong again. To begin again with more force or enthusiasm. During this advent season, we have to the opportunity for a new beginning.

“Let the repair, the restoration, and the renewal begin. On this silent, holy night, all is calm. On Christmas, things are back where they should be. God, our Father, smiles for the repair, restoration, and renewal has begun. The cracks are repaired. Things on Christmas are, just for a little while, as they should be. Bells chime in joy. War pauses. Families are united…”

Max inwardly flinched.

“…Warm memories trump the chilling one. Grudges are put on hold. Peace reigns supreme. God and man are no longer distant but one. God in man, Immanuel. Repair, restoration, and renewal. Is it any wonder we proclaim Joy to the World? Oh, come, let us adore Him.”

The choir burst out in a robust rendition of “Joy to the World.” Max barely heard them. The words “families are united” kept ringing through his head. God had repaired his relationship with Cassidy, restored his daughter and wife to him, and renewed their love so it shined brighter and stronger than ever before.

Mind busy, he repeated the public profession of his faith in God by rote. He zoned out during the Eucharistic prayer and had to be nudged by Cassidy when it was time to greet others with a handshake, hug, or a kiss as a sign of the unity and peace made possible by the birth of Christ. When the time came to receive the Body of Christ, Max remained seated, knowing he was unworthy. He was no longer counted as part of the faithful.

But you can be
.

The words floated across his consciousness.

Accept the peace and forgiveness I extend to you, and then present that same hand of mercy to others
.

Max sat, wrestling with his conscience as carol after carol was sung, and the line of parishioners waiting to receive the Eucharist swelled and dwindled to a scant few. 

They lingered after Mass, joining the other parishioners and guests in the parish’s fellowship hall where they were served their choice of coffee, hot chocolate, and a smorgasbord of desserts. Cassidy met up with her coworker, who was happy to see her. Zoe woke and was cranky at having her sleep interrupted. Max held her while he made his acquaintance of the priest and other leaders.

Now that West Chester was going to be his home, he needed to find a new parish. He liked the feel and vibe of this one, the mixed-raced congregation, and more importantly, the laidback, yet empathetic, manner of the priest. This was a man who really cared about his flock. He reminded Max strongly of Father Murdock. Max could see himself being comfortable here, and Cassidy as well, noting the way her coworker was introducing her and Zoe around to the other women.

They arrived home well after three in the morning and fell into bed. Any hopes of sleeping in were rudely dispelled by the insistent ringing of the phone at the ungodly hour of eight a.m. Max stretched out a hand from under the covers, snagged the phone off the receiver and muttered an incoherent, “’Lo?”

“Merry Christmas!”

Recognizing the too cheerful voice, Max nudged Cassidy awake. “It’s your mother,” he grumbled and passed her the phone.

“Mom?” he heard her say as he rolled over and pulled the pillow on top of his head.

“Merry Christmas to you too. No, we’re not up yet. We went to Mass last night and didn’t get in until around three. Zoe’s still sleep.”

Max groaned and pulled the pillow tighter to his ear, trying to drown out the sound of Cassidy’s voice. Didn’t they care he was trying to
sleep
?

“Max?” Cassidy laughed. “Yes, that was him. He’s a bear when he hasn’t had enough sleep. Yes, Zoe gets it from her father. Um-hmm, I’ll tell him. I don’t think he’ll appreciate it at the moment. He has the covers pulled over his head. Where’s Daddy?”

On the bedside table, Max’s cellphone vibrated its way across the wood. Muttering a curse, he reached for it and read the display. A text from his sister Margarette, wishing him a Merry Christmas and asking if he was coming to Momma’s for lunch. No sooner than he’d cleared the text, the phone signaled another in his inbox. Giving up all thoughts of further sleep, Max gave in to the inevitable and rolled out of bed.

One hot shower later found his mood brightened as his tiredness washed down the drain. Now the need for coffee dominated his desire. He exited the bathroom and crossed to the dresser, pulling on a loose pair of jeans and a black pullover.

“Yes, we’ll be sure to take plenty of pictures. I’m sure Max will videotape Zoe opening her presents.” Cassidy was still on the phone with her parents from the sound of it. She blew him a kiss as he left the room.

In the kitchen Max got the coffee started, and the smell of it brewing caused hunger to stir. His first Christmas with his ladies marked a special occasion, and Max celebrated by going all out with breakfast. By the time Cassidy entered with a dressed and shiny-faced Zoe in her arms, he had scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and French toast on the table.

Cassidy surveyed the feast with evident amazement. “You expecting company?”

“Nope, this is all for us,” he said, pausing long enough to give her a proper good morning kiss. “Morning, Princess,” he added, buzzing Zoe on the cheek to her delight and amusement. “It’s our first Christmas together and I feel like celebrating.”