Broken (32 page)

Cassidy shifted positions and Max tightened his grip to keep her lying atop him. She settled with a sigh, her body weight becoming heavier as she drifted deeper into sleep. He wasn’t ready to let her go. This past weekend had brought home the fact that despite the wedding ring Cassidy now wore, his relationship with her was still precarious. He was trying to give Cassidy all the time she needed, but fear and uncertainty had a way of undermining his patience.

What if her father had been totally against their marriage instead of maintaining a “wait and see” posture about it? What if she decided her parents were right and their self-uniting ceremony didn’t constitute a real marriage? What if, despite her words to the contrary, Cassidy never forgave him for abandoning her and decided she didn’t have to be in a relationship with him for Max to be a father to their child?

He tried to tell himself he worried for nothing. It had only been a little over a month since he knocked on her door and discovered he was a father. They’d made tremendous progress in moving beyond the past and toward a future together. Zoe called him Dada. Cassidy had announced their marriage to her parents. Still, he couldn’t help but feel she was holding back, keeping a part of herself safe in case things didn’t work out. Or in case he didn’t measure up in some way to her expectations. Or rather, lived down to them and ran out on her again.

He was here now. Didn’t that count for anything? And, he was giving Cassidy his all. Was it too much to want Cassidy to do the same? How long would she hold their past against him? How long would he have to pay for his crime? When would she open up and let him all the way in?

Max knew she loved him. What scared him was that she’d decide if this half-life they were living was good enough. That she didn’t need, or want, anything more than what she had—a live-in, part-time lover and a father for her child. Sex whenever she wanted it without any emotional risks. Or, his worst nightmare, one day she’d find someone she could love who didn’t have their personal baggage or ties to her ex-husband.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Cassidy loves you. She just needs a little more time,” he cautioned himself aloud in an effort to silence his depressing thoughts.

“Cassidy loves me,” he repeated. “She’s not looking for anyone else. She wants our marriage to work as much as I do.”

“You say something, Max?” Cassidy mumbled into his chest.

“No, go back to sleep, honey.” He caressed her hip, and noticing her shiver, flipped the covers over them.

This time everything would be all right. There was no Phillip to come between them, her best friend Erika approved of him, and Cassidy’s parents accepted his presence in their daughter’s life. He’d simply have to be patient and wait on the rest. In the meantime, he’d be grateful for small blessings, because while things may not be the way he wanted them, they damned sure weren’t as bad as they’d been a year ago.

The next two weeks flew by as they threw themselves into the Christmas spirit. There was an eight-foot Fraser Fir in the front room and a smaller six-foot one downstairs in the basement. The bases of both were filled with so many toys and presents, Cassidy had to threaten Max to make him stop buying. If left to his own devices, Max would completely and utterly spoil Zoe rotten.

She’d also purchased gifts for Zoe, her parents, Nell and Brian, Erika and her family, and assorted friends and family members. The gifts she placed under the tree with Max’s name on it were camouflage.  His real gift she hid in her bedroom under the bed in a box. Well, the contents of the box were only a representation of her true gift—herself, with no reservations. She hoped when she revealed it to Max on Christmas morning he’d understand their significance.

A weather system moved through the area, dumping three feet of snow on them. Zoe got a case of the sniffles and Max pretty much lost his mind, much to Cassidy’s amusement. He insisted they take Zoe to see Erika. When Erika explained that Zoe’s minor congestion and runny nose were par for the course with daycare-aged children, Max declared Zoe wasn’t returning to the childcare center until her immune system became stronger. When she reminded him it meant he’d be the one home caring for her, his response had been a simple, “I know.”

Cassidy was in the break room, amusing one of the other female physician’s on staff at the clinic about Max’s overblown reactions when her business cellphone chimed. She didn’t recognize the number but frequently received calls from nervous mothers-to-be from a variety of unknown numbers. “This is Dr. Brannon. How may I help you?”

“Cassidy, this is Nicco, Max’s brother?” a deep, male voice stated.

Instantly her lingering smile died and her tone became cool. “I know who you are.” She motioned to the other woman that she needed to take this call, rose from the table, and walked to stand next to the window.

“Yes, I imagine you do,” he said, sounding rueful but amused. “Look, I know you’re busy, but can I have a few minutes of your time?”

So many responses tore through Cassidy’s mind—none of them positive—she had to sit quiet a bit to allow her emotions to settle. While she wanted Max to reconcile with his family, she hadn’t planned on being part of the process. Finally she said, “I’m listening.”

“First, how are you doing? No lingering ill effects from your accident, I trust,” he said amicably.

“Nicco, cut the bull. You don’t give a damn about me. You didn’t two years ago, and you don’t now. Just state your business and get the hell off my phone,” she said, coldly infuriated at his gall.

“Ouch! I suppose I deserved that.” He chuckled briefly, inviting her to share his self-depreciating humor before turning serious. “All right, I’ll cut right to the chase. This thing with Max has really devastated Momma. She’s fallen into a depression none of us can bring her out of. It’s actually impacting the whole family. He didn’t come home for Thanksgiving and he won’t answer any of our calls or texts. I was hoping you would talk to him. Intercede on our behalf.”

Cassidy stared out at the frozen landscape of fresh snow and dirty slush. Cars drove at a steady pace up and down the two-lane road while pedestrians bundled from head-to-toe hurried about their business so they could get out of the cold. Her insides felt as cold and hard as the concrete sidewalk on which they strode. “What makes you think I have any influence over Max?”

“He loves you,” Nicco said simply. “I’ll admit, I underestimated the depth of his love and commitment to you before, but there’s no denying its existence. If anyone can get through to him, it’s you.”

 “That doesn’t explain why you think I’d be interested in helping
you
…or your mother,” she added, almost as an afterthought, though she really didn’t have anything against Max’s mother. Mrs. Desalvo had made her position clear from the very beginning and hadn’t once swayed from it. Cassidy respected and understood the woman.

It was Nicco with whom she was angry. She’d believed Nicco to be her and Max’s one ally in a sea of hostile Desalvo faces. His betrayal and duplicity cut deep.

Max’s brother was quiet. She could almost picture him gathering his words, choosing his argument. Finally, he said, “The woman I met two years ago was kind and compassionate. Despite the rude reception you received from my mother and the things she said to you, you forgave her. You sympathized with her position, and out of love for Max and a desire not to force him into an untenable position, you refused to tell him what transpired between the two of you. That woman would help my brother be reconciled to his family, knowing how close we all are. I can only hope the events of the past haven’t changed those aspects of your character.”

His words struck a nerve. Cassidy stared out the window while rage warred with compassion. This situation with Max’s family wasn’t her problem. She didn’t owe his family anything, not after what they’d done. She was the victim here. What about what she’d suffered because of this man and his mother? Why should she give a damn about them?

Max’s family is also Zoe’s family, the compassionate side of her nature interjected.
That’s Zoe’s uncle and grandmother you’re mentally consigning to hell
.
Your actions today could have an impact on your daughter’s future.

“Hello? Cassidy, you still there?”

“I’m thinking,” she said, voice brusque. After another long silence during which Nicco patiently waited for her to gather her thoughts, she said, “What is it, exactly, you’re asking me to do?”

“Christmas is in two weeks. Everyone will be gathering at my parents. See if you can get Max to come, or even just stop by. Let Momma see with her own eyes he’s okay. Max has never missed a holiday gathering before. His missing Thanksgiving shook the whole family.”

Cassidy sighed. “I’ll talk to him, but I’m not making any promises. Right now Max is bitter, angry, and deeply resolved to have nothing to do with you.”

“Thank you, Cassidy. Make sure you come with him, and bring the child,” Nicco said, sounding more confident in the outcome than he had a right to be.

Eyebrows rising to her hairline, she echoed in a tone dripping with ice, “The child?”

Nicco cleared his throat. “We, ah, know Max fathered your child. However, Max refused to give Momma any information regarding it. Or if he did, Momma hasn’t said, other than that Max is now a father. She tears up anytime his name is mentioned.”

Oh, Max!
Cassidy briefly closed her eyes as understanding hit her. Max had done the one thing he knew would hurt his mother the most. In a soft voice she said, “Her name is Zoe. Zoe Maxine.”

“Zoe. That’s a beautiful name. I’ll, um, let the rest of the family know.” Nicco sounded a little choked up.

Ready for this conversation to be over already, Cassidy said with heavy sarcasm, “As nice as this little reunion has been, I need to go.”

“Wait! Before you hang up, I just want you to know I sincerely regret my interference in your relationship.”

Because he sounded as if he meant it, Cassidy asked the one question that had plagued her ever since discovering his perfidy. “Why’d you do it?”

“I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me, but I did it for Max. You didn’t see him, how drastically he changed after you went back to your husband. I just wanted my little brother back to the way he used to be. It was a simple matter of cause and effect. You were the catalyst for the changes in his personality. Eliminate you, eliminate the problem. It was ruthless of me and I knew Max would be mad as hell if he ever found out, but I figured the end justified the mean. It was nothing personal against you. Besides…”

“Besides what? You figured I was a simply a rebound relationship. That Max was caught up in the sex and novelty of the forbidden and once the newness wore off, he’d realize he made a mistake?” she asked grimly.

“Yeah, that was part of it. I wasn’t sure of Max’s feelings for you. I knew you loved him, even if you were conflicted about it. But more importantly, I truly believed in the end you’d stay with your husband. I knew he was holding something over you, some threat that had you really frightened. You told me as much that day in the restaurant. I didn’t want Max any more hurt than he already was,” Nicco confessed.

Cassidy hung her head and brought her hand to her forehead to deal with the pressure there. How could she begrudge Nicco his opinion of Max’s feelings for her when she’d thought the same? Not only that, she had been frightened at the time that she’d have to stay with Phillip to keep him from losing custody of Zoe.

“Like I said, had I known the ramifications of my actions, I never would have interfered. It’s an occupational hazard. I spend so much time helping others fix their lives that sometimes I forget I’m not God. As a physician, I’m sure you understand,” Nicco added.

Not personally
. A god-complex had never been one of her faults, but she knew plenty of surgeons and specialists who did suffer from the affliction. In Nicco’s place, could she have resisted the urge to “fix the problem” as he saw it, and let the relationship run its natural course, no matter the outcome? Especially if she were convinced, as Nicco had been, the relationship was doomed and delaying the inevitable was only causing more harm? She didn’t know, and that knowledge troubled her.

“I’ll speak with Max,” she reiterated. “That’s all I’m promising.”

“Believe me, it’s enough. If you can’t get through to him, it’s all right. The rest of us will continue trying to reach out to him. He can’t hold out against us forever,” he assured her.

Cassidy disconnected the call and held the phone to her chest, distressed over what she’d agreed to do.