Broken (27 page)

I hung up still enraged but with a tiny hope growing
inside of me. If we could find
Luyu
and get her away
from Michael, then I could get
Aiyana
out of that
gruesome cage. All wasn't lost yet.

It was still only past noon when I came back to
Aiyana's
house. She sensed my presence as I walked closer
and turned into the backyard. She sent me a stream of thoughts to try and stop
me from coming closer to her.

Don't Christian. Her voice was moaning. Don't come
back. Please just forget me. Forget I ever existed. It's the best for
everybody.

I didn't answer. I kept walking. Soon I was at the
window again.

Why do you keep coming? Don't you know it's too
painful for me to see you?

I took a deep breath and fought the tears that came
again when I looked at her. The ghastly sight of her in that cage caused my
hands to shake as I lifted up the bag I held in my hand. I took out something.
A book I had bought in a small bookstore not far from her house.

What are you doing Christian? Why are you here?

Because I love you. I held up the book but she wasn't
able to turn her head enough to look at it. I have something for you. Something
I know you'll enjoy. You once told me that you used to read stacks of books as
a child. That to you reading was like 'a dream that didn't stop.'
 
Well I have come here to give that dream
back to you. To ease your pain while you're waiting. To give you some release.
This is my escape plan. I fought my tears hard now as I looked at the book.
Moby Dick. Remember that? You told me once it was your favorite book. You told
me that your dad used to read it to you when he was home from his many travels.
These were the happiest moments of your childhood. Remember you told me that? I
will try and bring you back to that place. I will read this to you to ease your
pain. I hope I'll be able to help you escape for at least a little while. No
one will ever hear us. I will read this to you in your mind. I will place
images and words and make you forget where you are.

She never answered. Through the window I heard her
crying. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened the book. A tear rolled
over my cheek and landed on the first page. I wiped the rest that followed
away. Then I started reading.

'Chapter one. Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never
mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing
particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and
see the watery part of the world.'

I read that book for her for hours while she lay still
in her cage. Now and then she moaned or laughed a light yet troubled laughter.
I believe I managed to give her some sort of comfort during the many hours.
Soon her thoughts calmed down and were less troubled. I think I managed to make
her forget just as I planned. I took her out to sea with Ishmael on his voyage
to catch the big white whale on the
whaleship
Pequod
commanded by
Captain Ahab. I helped her imagination along by putting my pictures in her head
and pushing them at her to make her feel like she was out there in the open sea
with the wind and the waves and nothing but the wide open ocean in front of
her. And I succeeded. Even if it was only for a short while.
 

I continued to read even when I realized that the sun
was about to set on us. Darkness soon swallowed us and I sensed the change had
started. Still I kept reading as long as I could. Even when my fingers
disappeared and the claws came followed by the soft paws and the glossy hairs
on my arms and legs. I kept reading even if I had to undress myself while I did
it to make room for the transformation. I kept reading for as long as I could
until I sensed that she had also gone through the change and I could suddenly
hear her roar from inside the house. That's when I knew I had to stop. As
jaguars we could not speak nor share each other's thoughts. I rose to my back
feet and placed my front paws on the windowsill to look inside.
Aiyana
was fighting the cage.
 
I blinked, and then burst into tears. I
was suddenly weary, feeling a sense of despair. I saw her struggle to get out,
but just hurting herself more and deeper. She was whining and whimpering,
bleeding from the wounds in her face, stripes of blood running over her eyes
when I caught her glance. She was begging for me to help her. Her helpless eyes
were pleading. She was beaten. She was broken.

That was when I heard someone inside the house.
Someone yelled her name. I didn't have to stay, I knew it was him. It was
Michael. He had come to gloat. To show how powerful he was. He had tamed the
beast; he had finally managed to make her stay at home despite her wild nature,
her deep desire to hunt in the night. He had conquered her.

He smiled viciously when he entered the room and
stared at
Aiyana
in the cage. She growled when she
saw him, snapping her teeth at him. He burst into laughter. While still
laughing he lifted his head and stared directly into my eyes. I jumped
backwards. I heard him yell then everything went quiet. A door slammed. Seconds
later he was in front of me pointing a rifle at me. It shook in his hands, he
was so angry. I was breathing heavily trying hard to stay calm. I wanted to
jump him and kill him on the spot. I wanted to sink my teeth into his skull and
kill him with one bite. Oh how I longed to finish him off with my mighty
strength. He aimed the rifle at me and I backed up slowly staring at him
directly into his eyes. I let him know that I wasn't afraid of him. I would
kill him for what he had done to
Aiyana
.

When the first shot went off I didn't move. It hissed
over my head and hit a trunk behind me. I never took my eyes off of his. I
refused to show any fear even if I was truly terrified. When he took aim for
the second shot I stepped closer. Then I roared as loud as I could, birds fled
from the trees and startled Michael enough to divert his eyes from the rifle
sight long enough for me to turn around and run into the neighbor's yard and
disappear behind the houses. He fired several desperate shots behind me. I felt
like a coward for leaving her at his mercy once again. I felt guilty for not
having freed her when I had the chance. What would he do to her next? Had I
just made everything even worse for her? Was that even possible?

Chapter 32

The
following hours were
a blur to me. I roamed the
neighborhood area for hours that night not knowing what to do. I listened to
sirens in the distance, trying hard to fight my instincts to hunt and instead
stay close to
Aiyana
. I wandered, hiding high up in
the trees until I could no longer resist my rapidly growing hunger. It forced
me to head back towards the Twelve Mile Swamps again. I needed to eat.

I headed straight for the river. The water felt
amazing on my fur. I dove into it and caught a couple of fish with my paw. I
ate them whole, swallowed them almost without chewing. I swam upstream for a
while to get to the more wild areas where it was easier to find bigger prey
that could satisfy my desire to hunt and my need for food. I had to keep my
mind off
Aiyana
and what was happening to her. For
Luyu's
sake. This was what
Aiyana
wanted. The not knowing almost drove me mad with rage. I needed to get some of
it out. Relieve the pressure within myself. So I looked for a bigger animal,
one that would put up a fight.

I didn't have to look very far before I spotted one.
An animal I had wanted to kill for a long time. Upstream I saw an alligator
lying with only his head in the surface and for a second I was taken back to
ten years ago when two alligators dragged me under water and started this
extraordinary chain of events. In a way I was grateful to them. Even if it had
caused much trouble and turbulence in my life I never wished it hadn't happened
- not for one second. It had enriched my life tremendously.

I crept closer to the alligator and climbed on shore.
Then I leaped onto a tree and jumped inaudibly from branch to branch. A trunk
had fallen across the river and I crawled slowly out on it, sliding across it
with my slim feline body. Now I was just above the alligator. My tail was
swinging beneath me with the anticipation of the kill. The fury inside of me
grew as I kept seeing pictures of
Aiyana
in that cage
before my eyes. The alligator spotted me. I didn't mind. That only made it so
much more challenging. I was looking for a fight. The alligator backed up to
avoid turning its back on me since it knew I could outrun it and would attack
it from behind. I stared into its fearful eyes. It knew it was its time to die.
But it wasn't going down without a fight.

I played with the alligator like it was a toy. I
slashed my paw in its direction causing it to back away. It knew I would attack
and attack fast. It knew it would hardly have time to react before my teeth
would be in its skull.

I lifted my body, crouching so I was ready to jump. It
snapped its teeth at me trying to scare me, to make me back off. We looked into
each other's eyes one last time before I leaped into the water. The alligator
turned and tried to run. Wiggling its way in the water, but I was too fast. I
was on its back in a split second. My jaws clenched around its head, pressing
my fangs through thick layers of alligator skin. It was bigger than I expected.
I should have known better. It was with alligators as it was with ice bergs; you
only saw the top of them in the water. Once it rose to its feet with me on top
of it I realized that it outsized me. It was able to move even with me attached
to its head. I pressed my teeth through the skin tasting the muddy water in my
mouth. The alligator stood still now, feeling my teeth slowly finding their way
to its skull and into its brain. Then it tried to move, get me off its back by
moving from side to side. I was panting, fighting to stay in place while it
tossed me around. Water was splashing, other animals fled. I snarled through my
teeth to try and scare the alligator to stop tossing its body in the water, but
he wasn't willing to give up that easy. Then I used my claws and grabbed its
throat, ripping into its skin. Blood from its throat spurted into the water.
The alligator was far from defeated. While I was slowly crushing its skull and
getting closer to its brain the alligator fought for its life underneath me. As
it tossed me around I slipped and was thrown into the water. Now we were face
to face. I roared and licked the blood off my fangs. I crouched on my hind legs
getting ready to jump it again when the alligator snapped at my leg and bit
into it. I roared in pain. Then I lashed out with my claws and hit it in the
face forcing it to let go of my leg. Still in pain from my bleeding leg I
jumped it from the front and bit into its skull again. Holding on to it with
all my strength, I sank my fangs into its brain while it grew weaker. Only now
and then it snapped its teeth at me, slowly giving up the fight. I held it
tightly between my jaws and crushed the remains of its skull. It was like
letting air out of a balloon. It died between my jaws. Just stopped living,
stopped fighting. I held on to it for a minute or longer to make sure it was completely
dead when I finally let go of its head. I pulled my teeth out and threw myself
on the muddy water. I gasped for air trying to catch my breath again. Then I
looked at my prey in the water. I grabbed it between my teeth and dragged it
off shore. Then I ate. I sunk my teeth into the flesh of its stomach and drank
its blood. The intoxicating taste of the raw meat almost maddened me. It was
inebriating. After the feast I stood for long and stared at the quiet river. I
was overwhelmed with a feeling, a sense, and a vision but without the images,
it was more of an instinctive sudden awareness.

I knew then I was going to kill Michael one day just
like I had killed the alligator.

Chapter 33

I
wanted to go
back to
Aiyana
but my leg was hurting too badly and it was slowing me down, so I ran towards
home instead since it was much closer.
 
I barely made it there before the sun came up. My leg was hurting like
crazy. It was a good thing that I healed quicker now and I could tolerate more
pain than before otherwise I would be afraid of losing my leg. I threw myself
in the grass in my yard and let the transformation take over. I watched as my
weak human body slowly returned. It still amazed me how different it felt to be
human than being the jaguar. I was suddenly faint and puny.

Then I cried. I thought I was alone so I burst into
tears and brooded in the grass when Sarah suddenly called me.

"Doctor! What on earth are you doing out there at
this hour? Are you okay? Doctor? Christian? Are you crying?"

I hid my face and stayed curled up in the grass as the
rays from the sun started licking my body. Sarah understood my need for privacy
and paused. Then she left for a second and returned with a blanket. She put it
gently over my body and started stroking my hair. I turned my face away from
her and tried hard to restrain myself, to stop sulking. I didn't want her to
see me cry like this. It was pathetic. A grown man lying on the ground, crying.
But at the same time I couldn't stop. Everything kind of piled up.
Aiyana
, Heather, William. All those people I loved and
cared for. All this pain and sorrow. I pleaded for the tears to stop.
Eventually I succeeded.