Broken (15 page)

That’s a mother’s blind spot right there. If anyone is going to fuck up their relationship it will be Tom and his overly sociable dick.

When Tom and Jennifer leave I decide Tess and I should head home, too, but now the centre of attention has gone, my mum’s questions turn to me instead.

“Any luck pitching your books to that Holder place?”

“It’s Holden House,” I correct. “And no. That’s not why I took the job,” I repeat for what must be the hundredth time since I applied for the position.

“Oh I know, I know,” she says with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I just want you to do well, baby boy.”

Tess is used to the ridiculous nickname my mum calls me now, but I remember a time when she would rip the piss out of me for days at a time over it.

“I
am
,” I counter. “I’ve got over two thousand likes on my Facebook page.”

“Two thousand?” She presses a hand to her chest. “Two thousand people know my son’s name?”

“Well, my pen name,” I say, but I don’t think she hears me. Either that or she doesn’t care about the semantics.

“Wait until I tell Pauline!” Pauline is my aunty. She lives in Devon and I only see her at Christmas. “That’s so exciting!”

“I think so,” I agree, feeling proud from her enthusiasm.

“They must be good books then, eh?”

“They are,” Tess chips in. “You should totally read one.”

My mum shudders. “Oh no. I prefer to think my boy doesn’t know anything about the kind of dirty stuff he writes about. The reviews are enough for me.”

“You read my reviews?” I don’t know why but that shocks me a little. I’ve always known she’s proud of me but it’s not something we often discuss.

“Some of them. I avoid the bad ones. They break my heart. Everyone should like you, and some of them are just plain nasty. Doesn’t that upset you?”

I smile at her concern. “Not anymore,” I answer honestly. “You can’t please everyone.”

“Yes you can. You’re mine, and you’re perfect.”

“They’re judging the story, not me.”

Well, some of them judge
me
, but they’re arseholes who I refuse to let blip on my radar. I don’t add that to the conversation because it would only worry her.

“We need to head off now, Mum. Tess is working early in the morning.” It’s a white lie but I always feel bad leaving her since my dad died. It’s been four years but she’s all alone in an empty house. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t bother her as much as it does me, but having an excuse makes it a little easier to leave.

She follows us to the front door and kisses first me, then Tess, on the cheek. “Call me when you get home safely.”

“I will. Thanks for dinner. It was gorgeous, as always.”

“Oh, wait there!” I hold the door open while she scurries away, returning a few seconds later with a plate wrapped in tinfoil. “Leftovers. You’ll eat it won’t you? I don’t want it going to waste.”

“Definitely.” It’s a lie. “I’ll eat it for supper.” I love my mum’s cooking but reheating potatoes should be a criminal offence. They taste like shit when warmed up several hours later.

On the way home Tess and I discuss Tom’s girlfriend and agree that she seems nice, but because we’re twats, we also take bets on how long it’ll last. My money is on two months. Tess, however, thinks two weeks tops. When we reach the flat I give my mum a quick call to let her know I haven’t died in a horrific car accident, and then grab my laptop. For the first time in too long, I’m excited about writing and plan to get stuck in right away.

“I’m going to the bedroom,” I say, assuming Tess is staying over again. “You coming?”

“Nah. I’m gonna watch TV for a bit, leave you alone to get in the zone.” She laughs but I don’t get the joke. “Hey, that rhymed! Maybe
I
should be a writer.”

“Spell onomatopoeia.”

“Fuck off.”

Tess always spent occasional nights over at my old flat, but since I moved to Manchester it’s become a regular thing. I don’t mind, I like the company in fact, but as I settle into bed I wonder if I should ask her to move in permanently. It seems stupid to shell out rent on a place she’s barely at and, in all honesty, I could do with a little extra cash to furnish my living room.

Once I’m propped up against the headboard, my laptop open on my knees, I push Tess out of my mind. Closing my eyes, I bring all the conflicting emotions I feel for James to the surface, reliving every moment with him, every thought I’ve had about him, and then put them into words.

Several hours later, feeling satisfied, and positive about my work tonight, I close the laptop and yawn. It’s almost three AM and I feel bubbles dancing in my stomach knowing I get to see James again in just a few hours. Grinning to myself, I put the laptop on my bedside table, shuffle onto my side and drape one arm over Tess, who’s been snoring like a foghorn next to me since midnight. Closing my eyes, I don’t expect to get much sleep and decide I need to invest in some damn earplugs.

**********

The next day, Stacey collars me in the cafeteria and asks to speak to me about an email I sent out last week. Leaving Ed, Katie, and another girl whose name I don’t know at the lunch table, I follow Stacey to her office.

I don’t understand why she wants to speak with me privately and I’m nervous as I take a seat at her desk. “Did I do something wrong?”

“There is no email.”

Now I’m even more confused.

“Are you sleeping with James Holden?”

Whoa.
I consider Stacey a friend but I don’t feel like I’ve known her long enough to be so blunt. Evidently, she feels differently.

“
What?
”

“It’s something Mike said last week. I thought nothing of it at first, but then there’s the way you defended him to Ed. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, too.”

I don’t look at him like anything.
Do I?
“Mike’s a bellend. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“So you’re
not
sleeping with him?”

I sweep a finger under my collar because it suddenly feels like it’s choking me. Christ, I’m uncomfortable, but I’m not mad at her. She sounds concerned rather than nosey or interfering.

Still, her worry, if that’s what it is, baffles me. “It’s not how you think it is.” I realise how lame that sounds as soon as I’ve said it. “He’s a good guy, Stacey. I like him.”

Stacey sighs. Her smile is small, sympathetic, almost like she feels sorry for me. “
Really?
” She sounds surprised. “He’s a bit of a miserable sod don’t you think?”

“I know how he comes across. I couldn’t stand him at first.” Just thinking about him makes me smile. “But he’s fun underneath.”

“
Fun?
James Holden is
fun
?” Giggling, she shakes her head.

“He is! He has an amazing laugh. Throaty. Genuine. He’s smart, too. Quick-witted. And he sings like
all
the time.”

“You’re taking the piss.”

“I’m not! I don’t know why he doesn’t show it more, but I’m telling you he’s a great guy.”

Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she chews on her lip as if she’s concentrating, summoning more questions. “When…I mean how…Most people here have known him for years and he’s just ‘the boss’ to us. He’s never exchanged a friendly word with anyone. He’s strictly business, unless he fucks you of course, but as soon as that’s out the way he reverts straight back into conceited CEO mode.”

I fight the scowl that wants to crawl onto my face. I know all about James’ indiscretions, hell, everyone does. That doesn’t mean I like being reminded.

“Even before he made CEO he was a pretentious arse. How do you know him so well? And after just a few weeks?”

“I literally have no idea.” I start to chuckle because, honestly, nobody is more surprised than me. “Remember David Gandy that first night you went to the village?”

“The guy you saw in the bathroom?”

“Yeah. Well what you don’t know is later that night, I kinda had sex with him. What you also don’t know is that David Gandy is in fact James Holden.”

“No!” Her jaw drops open, any further and it would smack the floor. “But oh my God you’re right! I never saw it before but he does have a look of him.”

“You can imagine my surprise when I saw him here the following Monday.”

“Sooo,” she begins, drawing out the word. “He remembered you and you just hit it off?”

“Well, my car broke down that same Monday. James saw me and offered to give me a lift home. Then somehow he ended up picking me up every morning while it was in for repair and every day I started to enjoy being with him a little more.”

“You
drive
to work? In city traffic?”

“I hate public transport.” I shake my head as if somehow it will unscramble my thoughts, help me make sense of things. “There’s just something there. A connection. A spark. I can’t explain it. I know it sounds stupid.”

“It doesn’t,” she says. “It sounds…” she breaks off, looking to the ceiling as if she’ll find the answer she’s looking for written on it. “Kind of special. I just can’t get my head around the fact it’s James Holden you’re talking about.”

“I’m not doing it for a promotion,” I feel obliged to say. That’s what Mike thinks and, no doubt, so would a lot of others if they found out.

“Oh, Theo, I know that. We wouldn’t be friends if I thought you were that kind of lad. Why do you think I don’t talk to Mike unless my job requires it?”

Huh?
Wait…

Stacey sucks both of her lips between her teeth like she wants to eat her own mouth rather than elaborate.

“Are you saying Mike and…
James…
” The words that should follow taste bitter on my tongue so I swallow them back down.

“I’m sorry, Theo. I didn’t think. Me and my big gob. It’s common knowledge around here. I forget you’ve not been here that long. You know Holden’s reputation though. Don’t you? Crap, you didn’t, did you?”

“Stace-”

“Oh God I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”

“Digging a giant hole?” An inexplicable heaviness descends on my stomach but I force a smile.

Of course I know about his reputation. Hell, even
Ed
has slept with him. But
Mike
? The image that won’t leave my mind makes me feel a little sick. I don’t just
want
to hate him like I did with James, I genuinely despise the smarmy bastard.

“Chill out, Stacey. I’m okay with it.” At least I
will
be. This shouldn’t be news to me. It’s probably safer to assume James has slept with every man in Manchester and consider it a bonus if I discover otherwise.

“He’s not a threat, I’m sure. I’ve never particularly thought of Holden as a man with many morals but he’s not stupid. You’re a good lad, Theo.”

I smile, but I’m not sure it’s convincing. Knowing about Mike doesn’t sit well with me but I’m most definitely not threatened by him. The only person who remains a threat to our relationship, if that’s even what we have, is James himself.

“Honestly, don’t worry about it,” I assure her, because I mean it. If it really is common knowledge, I’d have found out about it sooner or later.

“If it makes you feel any better, as far as I know, it was a couple of years ago when Holden first started working for his dad.”

“You knew his dad?”

“Oh yeah. Eric Holden was a great boss. A real gent, you know? He was so involved, took the time to get to know everyone who worked here. That’s an exception rather than the norm in a business this size.”

“So what you’re saying is, he was the complete opposite of James?” A slight chuckle catches in my throat.

“He was just as driven, and could crack the whip when he needed to, but yeah. You wouldn’t have known they were related unless you saw them together.”

“They looked alike?”

“Not so much. It was more the look in Eric’s eye when they were together. Pride, I suppose. I guess you’re not the only person who sees another side of Holden. Although I believe it more coming from you, if that makes sense? Eric was his father, of course he saw the best in him.”

It’s interesting how she refers to his father as Eric and James as Holden. She does it automatically, unconsciously, and it’s testament to how differently the two men are perceived.

“You know, James actually said something similar to me once, about how his dad saw something in him that no one else does. I didn’t quite understand because
I
see it, too. I have from the beginning.”

“I can’t help find it strangely fascinating,” Stacey says. “I’ve always found him so abrupt, so…”

“Arrogant?”

She smiles. “Yeah.”

“He is. Absolutely. I’ve told him as much, too. But that’s not all he is.”

“Well you know what, Theo? I’m happy for you.”