Broken (Broken #1) (28 page)

“
Caleb was
great with kids from what I can recall,” he says and my heart
plummets. “Always smiling, always happy and playful. The kids
flocked to him.” His hand comes up to cup my cheek and his thumb
presses against the corner of my mouth. “So I’m guessing the key is
to be happy and smiling whenever in the presence of a tiny
person.”

Gulp. “I don’t think that
applies to new-borns.”

His thumb lingers for a moment
before his hand falls away, “We’ll figure it out.” We? “There
aren’t many places nearby that sell furniture suitable for an
infant. I’ll take you into the city next week.”

“
Nursery
equipment is really expensive, Nathan,” I say quietly.

“
I have
money, besides, when I get my hands on Caleb’s trust fund you can
pay me back,” he winks and my heart flutters with glee.

“
How are you
going to do that?”

He smiles wickedly, “I’m taking
my father to court.”

My mouth drops open, “Just for
Caleb’s trust fund?”

“
Yes and my
own, they’re what our grandfather left us, not what my father gave
us. The only reason he could touch them is because we were stupid
enough to keep them in their original accounts. My dad had been
placed on both accounts to oversee them before we became of age. I
never thought he’d do something so callous.” He steps over to the
small desk where he usually leaves his keys and opens a small
drawer beneath it. I watch as he flicks through a bunch of
envelopes before finding the right one and tucking it into his
pocket. “It’s not a large amount, it’s more the principal than
anything.”

“
Wow,” I’m
not sure what to say. “So, this house used to be your
grandfather’s?” He nods in response. “Why’d he leave it to you and
not Caleb?”

“
Guilt,” he
says, his tone deep and dangerous.

“
Guilt?”

“
Yes.”

I wait for him to explain but
he doesn’t, “Okay. Do you... umm… want to do something?”

He looks regretful for a
moment, “I actually have to go to the city to oversee a few
things.”

“
Oh, okay,” I
take a step away from the door. “Well, drive safe.”

“
Aren’t you
going to ask me how long I’ll be gone?” He looks surprised for a
moment but his blank mask quickly falls into place.

“
You told me
to respect your privacy,” I respond and twirl a lock of my hair
around my finger. “Have a good trip.”

He thanks me and reaches for
the door but stops before his hand touches the handle, “I’ll be
back late this evening.”

“
I’ll leave
your dinner in the oven.”

His eyes burn into mine with an
emotion I can’t read and don’t care to explore further, “Thank
you.”

I start to make my way to the
stairs when he calls out my name, I wince and glance back over my
shoulder at him. What does he want now? Light brown eyes linger on
me for what seems to be a long time, “You have twigs in your
hair.”

My mouth drops open as my hands
frantically feel my head for said twigs. When I manage to find the
last one and pull it loose, Nathan has already gone.

He couldn’t have told me this
when he was stood right in front of me? Or maybe that’s why he was
stood so close. Maybe he was going to pull them out himself.

Nah.

I race up to my room and
immediately take the picture of Caleb from my pocket. Taking a
sticker from an old label, I rip it in half and stick that part
over his nude area. I want to see his face, the rest I don’t mind
missing out on.

He looks miserable and it hurts
my heart. Parents can be bastards, my mum has naked pictures of me
and I used to scream at her when she got them out to show my
friends. He also looks adorable, his almost chocolate irises are
shining so brightly considering this picture is most likely an old
Polaroid.

“
I miss you
baby,” I say softly and touch his chubby cheek. “I wonder if Caleb
junior will look like you. Is it wrong that I want him to, almost
as much as I don’t? I don’t know what will hurt worse, if he does
or he doesn’t, because if he does I’ll be constantly reminded of
what we’ve both lost. If he doesn’t I won’t get to gaze upon your
face every single day for the rest of my life.” I fold it up and
put it back in my pocket.

Tears fill my eyes as I imagine
my deceased fiancé stood directly behind me, moving the hair from
my neck like he did so many times and placing his lips in the spot
he cleared. Every time he did this I shivered and my skin broke out
in goose bumps. My knickers would soak in seconds and usually his
hand would snake around my waist and slide between my trousers and
my underwear.

Just thinking about it makes me
tingle in ways I shouldn’t. My own hand follows the trail that
Caleb’s hand left so many times. It’s harder with my stomach in the
way so I pop the button of my jeans and dip my fingers directly
into the wetness that seeps from my core. A sharp breath leaves me
as I imagine Caleb’s hand working that sensitive nub. I do it
exactly the same way he used to, circling slowly, picking up the
pace as his other hand came up to tease my nipple. My hand follows
this movement and I squeeze my full breast in one hand, still
teasing my clit with the other.

Burning spreads through me and
my mind conjures how it felt to have his lips and tongue tasting my
neck, as my ears pick up on words once spoken but no longer
there.

It starts in my clit before
spreading up and around to every sensitive spot on my body. My
nipples become erect, at this moment he’d press it with his thumb
like a button before rolling it gently between his thumb and
finger.

A strangled cry escapes me as I
bring myself to the edge, my hand working quickly in my pants. I
want to push my fingers inside but I can’t reach, my stomach won’t
let me.

“
Oh god,” I
breathe and continue my movements.

My eyes seem to darken as the
burning and tingling focuses on one place in my lower stomach. I
gasp and rub harder, willing it to burst forth.

It does and I almost fall to my
knees but manage to free the hand teasing my breast and grip the
desk with it. “Ah,” I cry out as my breath comes out in pants and
the explosive climax tears through me, ripping my body to shreds
before finally piecing it back together with the lingering pleasure
that lasts a few seconds after.

With one final shudder I
collapse to the ground and cry. My body exhausted and sated but my
true desire nowhere near fulfilled, nor will it ever be again.

It’s been a while since I felt
like screaming, the need to is almost unbearable.

Instead I stagger into the
bathroom, turn on the shower and step under the cool spray without
removing my clothes first. I should never have done that, I’ve
never needed to do that before. Caleb was always the one to turn me
on and finish me off. Every single time.

Not once during our entire
relationship did I ever pleasure myself.

Now I just feel guilty and
dirty. Why did I do that? I shouldn’t even be feeling horny after
everything that’s happened. I’m weak.

Weak and stupid.

I’m lonely.

I’m lonely and tired, tired of being
alone.

Chapter
Fourteen

I remember when Sasha told me
not to lose myself to a darkness I’ll never be able to climb out
of. She was right, but she was also wrong. Caleb was my light. Sure
there’s darkness that I can’t climb out of, but not because I lost
myself, it’s because I lost him.

The week drags on and nothing
new or exciting happens, I continue cooking for an invisible man
and cleaning with Jeanine. I search for photos, notes and other
things that may prove to me that Caleb once existed and ran through
this house.

Unfortunately I find nothing
yet and I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t started looking in the first
place. The amount of disappointment I feel each time I don’t find
anything just pushes me further into that darkness.

On Tuesday I went into town and
printed off a lot of pictures from my phone, wishing I’d done so
sooner. This brings me a small amount of joy and an even bigger
amount of frustration because I can’t bring myself to look at them.
They still sit on my dresser in a closed envelope, gathering dust
that doesn’t exist in this bleach scented house.

Part of me was hoping we’d go
baby shopping this past week. Nope. Either Nathan forgot or he’s
changed his mind or maybe he’s been busy. I don’t know and I don’t
want to ask.

His moods are never certain and
I can’t deal with pushing him over the edge right now.

Why is he such a recluse? It
can’t be healthy.

It’s none of my business.

Why do I pick at everything
when Nathan pops into my head? I don’t do it over anybody else.
What is it about him that makes me want to protect him and slap him
all at the same time?

He’s a riddle.

I manage to roll out of bed
just after nine and get ready by nine thirty. By ten I have
breakfast made and served but I hold no hopes that I’ll be dining
with anyone this morn. Jeanine doesn’t work Saturdays and Nathan
has been a no show for the past week.

The baby tumbles and twists in
my stomach. It’s extremely uncomfortable.

With a heavy sigh I sit back
and pull up my shirt to reveal the stretched skin. It’s surface
shiny and moving as hidden limbs press against it from
underneath.

That is really weird.

I can see it.

“
CAL…” I
start to shout and bite my tongue to stop myself. “NATHAN!” I shout
instead. He doesn’t respond so I shout louder.

“
Yes?” He
calls and I hear his footsteps along the first floor.

I wait for him at the bottom of
the stairs, “You have to see this. It’s like something out of
Alien.”

“
What is?” He
looks perplexed, not that I blame him.

After walking into the room I
sit on the couch and slowly lift my shirt once more.

“
What are you
doing?” Nathan looks panicked.

I smile and beckon him closer,
“Look!” I prod my belly and watch as it jiggles and moves ever so
slightly. “Isn’t that weird?”

He kneels on one knee by my
legs to get a closer look, his brow furrowed, “That’s definitely
weird.”

I snort and place my hand on
the top of it, smiling as I feel the kicks as well as see them.

“
May I?” He
asks, his brows still furrowed.

I shrug, “Sure.”

Teasing his lower lip with his
tongue, he reaches forward and places one gloved hand on my
stomach. The baby wiggles again and his hand moves back in a flash.
He flexes his fingers and this time moves both hands to my stomach.
“That’s amazing,” he says and strokes his glove clad hands all over
my bump. His eyes sparkle as they meet mine. “Does it hurt?”

“
It’s a new
feeling, so it is slightly uncomfortable,” I admit and watch as
Nathan continues to feel the baby move. “Your hair needs cutting,”
I say, reaching forward with my hand to tuck the longish dark locks
behind his ear. It almost immediately pings back forward but it’s
nearly at the length that Caleb used to have it. “You’ve been
hiding in your room for too long.”

His fingers slide up my sides.
I inhale a sharp breath. What is he doing?

They hook around the edge of my
shirt and slowly slide it over my belly. His eyes come to mine and
stare intensely. “Let’s go out.”

“
Where?”

“
To the city,
we’ll stay the night.”

“
Okay,” I
breathe, wanting to turn my eyes away but not having the willpower
to do so. “Why?”

“
Baby
equipment, you only have four months left.”

“
Four months
and two weeks,” I correct him.

He rolls his eyes, “Don’t split
hairs.”

“
Ugh, my mum
used to say that to me,” I mumble and let him pull me off the
couch.

“
Stay here,
I’ll gather our things.”

“
Our?”

He gives me a quick nod before
leaving the room. How does he know what things I need? I’m a little
uncomfortable with him going through my underwear drawer.

On that thought I dash up the
stairs and into my bedroom where a bag is open on my bed and Nathan
is walking back and forth, placing things in neatly. “This is
weird.”

“
I told you
to wait downstairs.”

“
I couldn’t
resist watching you pack my bag. It’s a little odd.”

He frowns at me, all the while
folding a dress top, “Didn’t Caleb ever pack a bag for you?”

“
Yes
but…”

“
Then why
shouldn’t I?”

Is he serious? “Are you
serious?”

“
Yes.”

“
Because I
was… you know… with Caleb.”

His lips twitch, “You were what
with Caleb?”

I watch him place a top of mine
into the bag, my cheeks heating. “I think that’s pretty obvious
considering my predicament.”

He lets out a light laugh, his
almost chocolate eyes sparkling with humour, “If I didn’t know you
were pregnant, I’d think you were a virgin.”

Splutter, “I… This is not a
normal conversation. Besides, we were all virgins once, it’s
nothing to be ashamed of.”

His hand stops on the zipper
midway across the bag and a dark look comes over his features,
“Yes. Once.”

“
Shall we go?
Or would you like me to pack your bag for you?” I’m joking
obviously, I don’t think he knows that though because his brow
quirks. “I desire nothing more than to randomly start going through
your underwear drawers.”