Broken Lives (14 page)

“
Good morning, momma,” James
says as he runs up and hugs me. 

“
Good morning, Emma,”
Raelynn says, also hugging me. 

“
Come on, let’s go and eat.”
I follow the kids out of their room. Alec is standing up near the
window, looking outside. The mail has been cleared off the table,
and there is no sign of the card from Molly. “Go sit down and I’ll
get your breakfast for you. Would you like milk or orange juice to
drink?” 

“
Milk, please,” they say in
unison.

After a hearty breakfast,
Alec and I talk quietly about the unopened card. When he is ready,
he slowly opens it and reads it out loud.
It is just a plain and simple birthday card.
Innocent enough,
I think
to myself. Molly signed it, “I love and miss you.
Mommy.” 

“
I think you should spend
the day with Raelynn and show her the card. Let her know that her
mother is thinking about her.” 

“
I know she has a right to
see it, but I don’t want to introduce Molly back into our lives and
have to sit here and watch my daughter’s heart break all over
again. Raelynn was devastated when Molly left; that’s why we don’t
even talk about her. I don’t want to put her through it again.” He
cracks his knuckles and runs his hands through his hair.
“This person is not the woman I married, and that
is why I divorced her.” 

“
Alec, I will support you no
matter what you decide. If you want to wait and think about it,
take all the time you need — there’s no hurry.” 

“
I’ll take some time and
think about it. We still have the issue about Molly stalking you,
Raelynn, or us. I’m not sure what her motive is or whom she is
watching.” 

“
I’m not worried about her;
what could she possibly do?” 

During the day we stay home and get caught up
on some cleaning, laundry, and yard work. I make a roast, potatoes,
and carrots for dinner and Cheryl brings over one of her homemade
spice cakes for dessert. Alec tells me that he spoke with his mom,
and she agreed with me about letting Raelynn have her birthday
card.

James takes a nap, and I give Alec and Rae
some time alone. I go into the bedroom and start straightening the
clothes in the dressers. Before I am done, Raelynn walks into the
room, carrying her birthday card from her mom. I look at Rae, then
Alec, and then Rae again. “What’s this?” I ask, sitting on the edge
of the bed. I already know what it is, but I don’t know what else
to say. 

“
Look, Emma, my mommy sent
me a birthday card.” She walks over to me and holds the card out
for me to see.

I smile and take the card
from her. I read the card to her although I know Alec already has.
“Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter.” The outside of the card
has a woman and a girl all dressed up and sitting in front of a tea
set, drinking tea. I open the card and read what is on the inside.
“Today is your special day. Happy Birthday and I hope you have a
wonderful day.
I love and miss you. Mommy.”
I open and close the card before handing it back to her. “This is a
very nice card.” 

“
Me and mommy used to have
tea parties when she was here.” I pick up Rae and set her beside me
on the bed. Alec is leaning in the doorway and watching us; he
looks exhausted.

“
I’m sure she misses you
very much.” 

“
Daddy said she’s sick,” Rae
says, sadly.

“
I’m sorry,
Raelynn.” 

“
Do you think we could make
her a get-well card?” 

Alec speaks up and says, “Rae, we don’t know
where she is. How will she get the card that you make for
her?” 

“
Daddy, the mailman knows
where she is. He brought me the birthday card from her. We’ll put
it in the mailbox, and he will take it to her. It will make her
feel better.” 

I look at Alec, and he smiles and shakes his
head. His daughter is a genius.

Alec walks further into the room and kneels
down in front of his daughter. “Raelynn, this may not work. He is a
very busy man and he may not remember where she is.” 

“
We won’t know if we don’t
try,” she says, looking at him with her big blue eyes.

“
We’ll try it, but I don’t
want you to get your hopes up.” 

I say, “All right, let me get the arts and
crafts out, and you can make her a card.” 

Raelynn hugs me, “Emma, you’re the best.”

I hug her back and kiss the top of her head.
“I love you.” 

When Raelynn is finished making the get-well
card for her mother, she immediately wants to mail it. I watch as
Alec walks her the short distance to the mailbox. She places it in
the mailbox as he looks up and down our street. He shows her that
for out-going mail you need to raise the red flag on the mailbox to
alert the mailman there is mail.

Alec showers and gets ready for his midnight
shift at work. We are in the bedroom when Alec asks, “Why do you
think Molly sent Rae a card now?”

“
I think she truly misses
and loves her.” 

He looks at me. “But, why now? Why didn’t she
reach out to her over the past year?” 

I brush his hair away from his sweet face. “I
wish I could answer that. Maybe she wasn’t around then or maybe she
is trying to get help now. I have no idea.” 

“
I hope Raelynn doesn’t get
her hopes up. I have a feeling this isn’t going to benefit Raelynn
at all.” 

“
The worst case is that now
Raelynn knows that her mom was thinking about her on her
birthday.” 

He smiles at me and says, “You’re right, she
was pretty excited about that card.” He looks at his watch and
says, “Walk me to the door, or I’ll be late for work.” 

I kiss and hug him goodbye and he reminds me
to lock up and to call 911, if anything happens. I laugh, but I
lock up before going to bed.

“
Em, Emma, wake
up.”
 

I blink a few times and
smile. Max is lying beside me on the bed. He smiles and his clear
blue eyes are beautiful. “You’re here?”
 

“
I am, I have missed you,”
he says, leaning over to kiss the tip of my nose. He gently
caresses my earlobe like he always does. “I love you so
much.”
 

“
I love
you.”
 

“
Where have you been? You
used to visit me more often.”
 

“
The less you need me, the
less I need to come.”
 

“
But I’ll always need you.”
I lean over and touch Max’s scruffy face.
 

“
Em, I’ll always love you. I
just want you to be happy. Are you happy?”
 

“
I am. Alec is good to me
and to James. But I still love you.”
 

“
Good, that’s all I care
about, and it’s ok to love both of us.”
 

“
It is?”
 

“
You have no reason to feel
bad for that. You have been blessed to find love twice in your
life. Some people never find it at all. I just want you to be happy
and to love again.”
 

“
Thank
you.”
 

“
Em, there is going to be a
time when someone you meet will need your help.”
 

“
Who? I don’t
understand.”
 

“
When the time comes, you
will understand. Em, I love you, always and forever?” He
smiles.
 

“
Forever and always,” I
correct.
 

I wake up and my heart hurts
for Max. I think about him everyday, but when he visits me in my
dreams, it makes me miss him that much more.
The less you need me, the less I need to come.
Soon he will stop showing up at all. A tear slides
down my cheek.
It’s ok to love both of
us.
Max is giving me permission to move on
without him. He understands that I can still love him and someone
else. I know that Max watches me and he knows that Alec has a
daughter. Max and I once spoke of having more children. Max wants
me to be a mother to Raelynn — she needs my help, the help of a
mother.
I pick up my phone and text
Alec. 

Emma: I miss
you.
 

I lay my phone down, not expecting him to
reply. I am surprised when my phone chirps with a text message
alert. 

Alec: I miss you, too. Is
everything all right?
 

Emma: I’m fine, I can’t
sleep.
 

Alec: I can’t sleep,
either.
 

I giggle at his playfulness. Of course, he
can’t sleep. He is working. 

Emma: Well that’s a good
thing — it is hard to sleep when you’re saving
lives.
 

Alec: I’m no hero tonight;
the most heroic thing I have done so far is toast a bagel without
burning it. Go back to bed and dream of me.
 

Emma: Stay awake and think of me.

I am able to go back to sleep and I dream of
Alec. I wake up before the alarm and shower before getting the kids
up for school. The kids get dressed, and we eat breakfast together
before leaving for work and school. I text Alec and tell him to
have a good sleep, and then I drive to work after dropping the kids
off at school.

Sara, Brea, and I work well into the
afternoon before stopping for a break. Angel walks in, carrying
lunch for everyone.

“
I hope I’m not too late and
you guys haven’t already eaten lunch,” she says, closing the door
behind her.

Sara stands up to help her in with the food.
“No, we haven’t had a break yet. We didn’t expect to see you here
today.” 

“
I know. Mason and I wanted
to do something nice for you guys.”

Brea and I also stand and follow everyone
into the break room. Angel and Sara place all the food on the table
and we begin to dig in.

“
How are you feeling,
Angel?” I ask, looking over at her. 

She smiles before answering.
“I feel great. The morning sickness is about over and my boobs
hurt. They are getting bigger. Mason says that the Titty Fairy
keeps visiting me
.
But, other than that, I feel great.” 

“
When is your ultrasound
scheduled?” Brea asks.

“
Tomorrow morning, we are
the first appointment. We won’t find out the sex tomorrow, will
we?” 

“
No, not yet. It’s too soon.
Your babies will still look like peanuts. Babies? I can’t believe
you are having twins,” Brea says excitedly. 

Angel pats her small baby bump. “I know,
every time I think about it, it’s like the first time I am hearing
it. I think I am still in shock.” 

“
I loved being pregnant,” I
say, sadly. “Max was so loving and sweet during my pregnancy. We
always said we wanted three kids. Feeling your baby kick you was
just amazing.” 

I feel the tears start to build up in my eyes
when Brea says, “She’s right, it’s the most amazing feeling in the
world.” 

Angel sniffles and says, “Mason touches my
belly every day and he talks to the babies like they can hear him.
It is so sweet and caring. He will make a great dad.” 

The phone rings and reminds us we are still
at work.

“
I need to get going,” Angel
says as she stands up.

We clean up, thank Angel for
lunch, and say our goodbyes. Later that day, I get a text from Alec
saying he’ll get the kids from school. As soon as I arrive home, I
check the mail and I am excited to see that some of the platoon
members have returned their RSVP for the July
4
^th
party. I call Brooke to let her know the party will definitely
be taking place.

On June
17
^th
,
the 5
^th
anniversary of Max’s death,
I take the
day off from work and do nothing. It’s been five years since his
death, and it is still very painful. I am moving on with Alec, but
that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss and love Max.

When Alec comes home from his morning run, he
notices my eyes are red and swollen. He comes up and kisses
me. 

“
I’m sorry, Baby. I know you
miss him.” He holds me close to him. 

“
I love you, but I do miss
Max. I know that sounds like it can’t be possible, but it is.” He
hugs me back, and I rest my head on my chest. 

“
I know that you can love
the both of us. I wish I knew what to do to help
you.” 

He offers what comfort he can for me. James
appears sad, too. Even though he can’t remember his dad, I know he
misses him.

“
I have an idea, what was
Max’s favorite meal?” Alec asks. 

“
It was a clam bake,
additional seafood of any kind, and strawberry cheesecake for
dessert. Oh, and his mother’s homemade cornbread.
Why?” 

“
I think from now on, on
this date, we should have Max’s favorite meal,” Alec looks from me
and then to James. “On the anniversary of his death, I think we
should have a clambake with additional seafood, cornbread, and
strawberry cheesecake to honor him. I also think it may help with
the sadness of losing him.”