Authors: Stuart MacBride
Tags: #General, #Fiction, #Political, #Mystery & Detective
'Ah,' said Ma, 'we had a book on feng shui and they said--'
Rickards grabbed a policewoman and got her to help shift the desk off to one side.
'--bad luck to move it! It destroys the energy flow of the whole room! It--'
The edge of the rug was rolled back, exposing the dark border between trapdoor and floorboard. 'Of course,' said Logan, as an embarrassed Rickards apologized, 'it probably helps that I've raided this place before.'
The basement didn't quite stretch the length of Ma's office. It was a claustrophobic space in white-painted concrete blocks, one end stacked floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes - cigarettes, whisky, wine, and for some unfathomable reason, nappies. The other side had been given over to a mini pirating empire - four PCs and a stack of DVD burners. It wasn't even automatic: someone would have to manually change the disks. A small colour laser printer sat in the corner, a stack of labels sitting next to it, and a couple of boxes of blank DVDs.
'I'm really just storing these things for someone else,' said Ma with her best harmless-little-oldlady smile. 'Now, would anyone like a nice cup of tea? We've got Eccles cakes.'
Logan arrested her.
40
'You know,' said Rickards when Ma had been processed and stuck in a cell, 'I thought she'd be more ... upset.'
Logan snorted. 'She's used to it. We've been doing her for peddling porn for years. We arrest her, she won't tell us who her suppliers are because, "naebody likes a clype", goes up before the Sheriff and does her, "I'm just a confused old woman" routine, he takes pity on her, she gets a small fine, some community service - which she actually
enjoys
- and about a year later we'll catch her doing the same thing, and it all goes round again.' He shook his head. 'The circle of porn.'
'Do we--'
'Sorry to interrupt,' DC Rennie, looking flustered and out of breath, 'but DI Insch wants to see you in his office.'
'Can it wait?'
Rennie shifted uncomfortably. 'Well, you see ... there's been another rape ...'
Logan closed his eyes. 'Fuck.'
'That's not the worst part.'
By the time Logan pushed through into the inspector's office most of the shouting seemed to be over, but the air still crackled with pent-up fury. Insch's face was a furious shade of purple, glowering at Jackie as she stood with her hands behind her back in front of his desk, flexing her fingers. The room's other occupant was a uniformed PC, slumped in one of the visitor chairs, holding a big wodge of toilet paper to his nose and making groaning noises.
'I was just--' was as far as Jackie got, before Insch held up a fat finger.
'Not another word!' There was some mumbling from Mr Blood and Toilet Paper, but Insch wasn't in the mood. 'That goes for you too!' Silence.
Logan's heart sank. It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened. 'You wanted to see me, sir?'
'About bloody time. Take
this
,' pointing at Jackie, 'and have a word with it. Tell it that it's this bloody close to getting suspended and if it doesn't pull its bloody socks up I WILL KICK ITS ARSE FROM HERE TO BALMORAL!' Flashes of spittle arced through the stuffy office. He turned a baleful eye on Jackie. 'Get out of my bloody sight!'
She stood there, staring furiously at the carpet for a moment, then turned on her heel and pushed past Logan and out into the hall. Logan froze, looking from the inspector's thunderous expression to PC Nosebleed, thought better of asking, and hurried out after Jackie, closing the door behind him as another tirade of abuse began.
She was almost at the stairs by the time he caught up with her. 'You want to fill me in?'
'What the hell is wrong with everyone?'
'What happened?'
'I don't want to talk about it.' Then she started marching off again. 'A woman's been raped and he's making jokes!'
'So you clobbered him? Jackie, if he makes a complaint you're going to get carpeted.'
'One fucking night we're not watching Macintyre ...'
Logan grabbed her. 'Where, what happened?'
She yanked her arm free of his grip. 'Wendy Smith. Student nurse. She was eighteen. Finished her shift and Macintyre jumped her. Only this time the bastard beats and cuts her so badly she's lost the sight in one eye. Her face looks like fucking strips of liver! Three hundred stitches!
Three
hundred!
The people she worked with in A&E couldn't even recognize her, and he gets a seven-figure book deal!'
'Where? Where did it happen?'
'Dun-fucking-dee. Same as usual. The little shite--'
'Then it's not him.'
'Of course it's him!'
'IT CAN'T BE HIM!' Losing it. Clenching his teeth to try and calm down. 'We were there last time - remember? All night! He was at home when the last girl was raped: it's on the video!'
'It was him.' She turned and made for the stairs.
'How? How can it be him?'
'It's him!'
This was pointless - like arguing with his mother - she was never going to admit she was wrong. Logan let her go.
There was no way he was going straight home - not if she was in that kind of mood - so when the shift was over Logan asked if anyone wanted to go to the pub. No takers, not even Rennie.
'Rehearsals. Come along, it'll be fun. John's coming, aren't you?'
Rickards nodded happily. 'I'm prompting.'
'Oh, well ... Don't worry about it. I'll go see a film or something.'
'No, come!' Rennie made various theatrical gestures. 'And then we can go get that curry we were talking about - lads' night out!'
Logan shrugged: why not?
They marched up Union Street, with Rennie babbling on about how some plot in
East Enders
was a parable for
Othello
.
'So,' said Rickards when Rennie managed to shut up for thirty seconds, 'you got cornered by Tina last night.'
'Tina?' It took Logan a moment to figure out who he meant - Mrs Bottoms Wield The Power. 'Yeah ... she's a little ...
intense
.'
'Yup, that's our Tina. They're not all that bad you know. She's just a bit evangelical about the whole thing. Husband left her for a dental hygienist and she's been on this self-empowerment trip ever since. Last year we got dragged along to see her in some bloody awful pantomime.'
'Yeah, she said.' They stopped at the lights on Union Terrace and watched the traffic grumble past. The day's warmth was long gone and a cold wind whistled up Bridge Street, sending an old newspaper flapping drunkenly into the air like a dying seagull.
'Be surprised how many people do both, you know: the scene and performing. Always thought about giving it a try myself. That's how come I'm prompting. Next year--'
'Hang on a second...' Logan's phone was ringing. According to the caller ID it was R TULLOCH - DPF. He stood, staring at the illuminated display as it rang, debating whether to take the call or pretend to be busy. Not really wanting to do either.
Rennie: 'You going to answer that then?'
He'd speak to her. It wasn't fair not to. He ... the ringing stopped - it'd gone through to voicemail.
Now he'd have to ring her back. 'Shite.' He dialled in and checked his messages. There was some hissing and clicking, then one from his mother he'd been avoiding for nearly a week - he skipped it; one from DI Steel about some stolen office equipment; and last but not least:
'
Hi, Logan? It's me ... er ... Rachael. Look, I had a
good time the other night and I wanted to know if ...
' the volume dropped, as if she was muttering to herself. '
Bloody hell, this was easier when I thought
about it in the car ... Look: dinner, tomorrow night. I'm
making something scary out of an old Delia Smith book.
Make it half-six, and you can keep me going with wine
while I cook
.' A pause, then she remembered to leave him the address and hung up.
Logan's thumb hovered over the 'delete' button; now he
had
to call her back. 'Fuck, fuck ... fuck.'
Rennie smiled at him. 'Good news?'
'Shut up.' Logan stuck the phone back in his pocket, message intact, and trudged away to Insch's rehearsal. Maybe a bit of very amateur dramatics would make returning Rachael's call a bit easier. Or maybe he was just being a spineless bastard.
He knew which one his money was on.
41
... and his eyes flickered open in the darkness, the dream coming to a sudden halt. Logan screwed up his face and peered out blearily from beneath the duvet - according to the clock radio it was nineteen minutes past four. No wonder it was cold: the heating had been off since half eleven.
He stuck a hand out, feeling along the mattress for Jackie, finding nothing but a deep-frozen expanse of bed. Still not home yet. No change there then, she was never ... A noise from the hall - probably the same one that had woken him - someone fiddling with the flat's front door. Cursing quietly, he shivered out of bed, grabbed his trousers off the chair in the corner and pulled them on, followed by what felt like a sweatshirt, and padded barefoot out into the hall just in time to see the door swing open and a familiar figure bundle in from the stairwell. Jackie, wearing her cat burglar outfit.
She clunked the door closed behind her, trembling as she peeled off her coat and gloves and headed for the kitchen.
'Jackie?'
She froze for a moment, not looking round, then carried on, stripping in front of the washing machine, throwing everything in - hat, scarf, jacket, gloves, shirt, trainers, trousers, underwear - then added a couple of detergent pouches and switched the thing on. The hiss of rushing water sounded in the kitchen. Arms wrapped round her pale, shivering body, she marched through to the bathroom without a word. Her knuckles were swollen and red.
'Jackie? What's going on?'
Click: the shower power cord was pulled, then another click and the blow heater filled the bathroom with a deep whubwhubwhoooo and the faint smell of burning dust. The light came on, and Jackie's pale skin fluoresced white as she clambered into the bath, goosepimples disappearing behind the blue plastic shower curtain. Wafts of steam billowed out into the cold room.
Logan closed the door. 'Jackie, what the hell happened? What's going on?'
'Nothing.' Her was voice muffled by the water, curtain and noisy heater, but he could still hear the tremor in it. 'Nothing's happened. If anyone asks, I was here all night.'
Oh fuck ...' Jackie?'
'All night, OK? We spent the night here. You and me.'
'Jackie what happened?'
'Nothing happened. I was here all night: remember?'
'Jackie?'
No answer. He hung around but she wouldn't say anything else. As far as PC Jackie Watson was concerned, the matter was closed.
42
Logan was up and out as soon as the alarm went off. They'd spent the night back to back, Jackie smelling of the large whisky she'd poured herself after her shower, Logan staring at the alarm clock's glowing numerals. Waiting for the night to be over.
He was half an hour early for the start of his shift, sat in the CID office with a big waxed-paper cup of fancy coffee from the canteen and two buttered rowies, hoping the caffeine would kick in soon and make the world a better place. Knowing it was too much to hope for.
'Right,' said Steel when the morning briefing was over and they'd all done their best rendition of
We Are Not At Home To Mr Fuck-Up
, 'what you got on just now?'
Logan didn't have to think about it for long. 'Nothing much, all the big stuff's with the PF's office. Just wee things to tidy up ...' He finished off with a huge yawn.
'Good. You can take a couple of days off - you look like shite and the DCS's been nagging me about the overtime bill. Like I
care
!' Which was fair enough; he'd spent most of his three days off in the office anyway, so as far as Logan was concerned he was due some time in lieu. Steel got her cigarettes out, one winding its way into her gob where it bobbed and wove unlit while she talked. 'When you come back we'll take a look at some hate-mail wee Sean Morrison's parents been getting.'
'Hate-mail?'
'Aye, well, nothing special. "Your kid's a murderin' wee shite", that kind of thing. Just some arsehole blowin' off steam. Meantime, finish up anything you've not done and fuck off out of it.'
There was a box of DVDs in the corner of the CID office - seized from Ma Stewart's shop then signed in and out of evidence so people could borrow a couple of films for the evening. Not surprisingly all the hardcore ones had been first to go. Logan pawed through the remainder, looking for anything that might fill the awkward silence permeating the flat, unable to face another night of Insch's
Mikado
.
A policewoman sauntered over, carrying a handful of Hollywood blockbusters - most of which weren't even in the cinema yet - and dumped them back in the box, saying, 'That new one with Tom Cruise is OK, but a couple of the others were well dodgy copies.'
'Mmm?' said Logan, not really paying attention.
'Yeah. Is it OK if I borrow this one?' Holding up a case for something animated with a penguin on the cover. 'Got my niece coming to stay tonight.'
'Just make sure you get it back by lunchtime - they're shifting this lot to central storage tomorrow afternoon.'
'Will do.'
Nine o'clock and he was all set to go home, hoping that Jackie wasn't there. He grabbed a handful of DVDs from the top of the pile, stuffed them into his heavy overcoat, and headed out of the door.
The whole flat sparkled. It was weird: the carpets had been hoovered, the surfaces dusted, and Logan got the sneaking suspicion that even the bathroom had been given a once over. And from the kitchen came the smell of baking. A sudden, very nasty thought occurred, but when he risked a peek in through the kitchen door, it wasn't his mother standing in a blue-and-white-striped apron, it was Jackie. Which, if anything, was slightly more scary.
'Did you fall on your head last night?' he asked.
Jackie didn't even turn around. 'Don't be daft, I was
here
all last night, remember? Now you go get changed and I'll put the kettle on.'
Whatever she'd been up to she wasn't going to talk about it without a fight. And Logan couldn't face that right now. 'I got some films from the raid yesterday.'
Jackie peered out of the kitchen window, watching the thick blobs of rain join together and run down the glass. 'Good, it's a shite day anyway. We'll watch something, have lunch, go get a couple bottles of wine, something for tea, nice lazy afternoon. How does that sound?'
It sounded eerily like Jackie used to be before her obsession with Rob Macintyre. 'Er... good. That'd be good.' He hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the front door. 'They're in my coat - big pocket at the back.' He went through to the bedroom and swapped his damp work suit for jeans and a casual shirt, wondering how long this small bout of normality was going to last. How long it would be before she started--
'What the hell's this?' Amusement and surprise sounded from the hall and then Jackie appeared, carrying a small stack of DVDs.
'I told you: we raided Ma Stewart's yesterday. I--'
'You dropping a hint or something?' She held up the DVD on top of the pile, showing him the cover:
Crocodildo Dundee
. 'Think our love life needs spicing up with a bit of hardcore porn?'
'What? No ...' He went to take the DVD from her, but she danced back into the hall, laughing.
'You're such a pervert McRae!'
'It's ... No: the guy who made it - the film - he gave me and Rickards a copy for getting back some stolen goods. Insch got one too!'
'Join Michelle "Crocodildo" Dundee, as she struggles to find her feet, and other bits, in the big city,' she read, putting on an appallingly over-the-top Australian accent. 'She's a filthy girl who can't wait to have adventures "Down Under"!'
'I'd forgotten all about it! Look, I didn't ask for it, OK? It's not--'
'Oh we are so going to watch this!'
'Jackie...' But she was already running into the lounge to close the curtains and fire up the DVD player.
'Come on then! And put the heating on, just in case we get all carried away and naked.'
It was one of the most embarrassing things Logan had ever done in his life. Jackie roared with laughter the whole way through as the actors did a reasonable pastiche of the original film. He'd only ever seen the thing on fast forward before, looking for suspects that would match the e-fit of Frank Garvie, but to be fair it wasn't as awful as it could have been. The jokes were actually funny, there was a plot, and enough sex to keep Jackie in hysterics as people from the north-east of Scotland pretended to be antipodeans. But it was excruciating sitting here watching it with her, not wanting to seem too turned on by the whole 'other people having sex' thing.
The heroine stood in a dark alleyway and a woman with a skimpy outfit and
huge
hair stepped out of the shadows, demanding, '
Give me all your
money!
' as she brandished an eight-inch rubber willy then twisted the end, setting it vibrating.
'
That's not a dildo
,' said Michelle Dundee, hauling a massive eighteen-inch job from the holster on her back, '
THIS is a dildo!
'
Jackie could barely sit on the couch, she was laughing so much. 'Oh, yeah!' she yelled, in a better Australian accent than any of the actors, 'Dan't knaw about you, Cobber, but oim randier than a snake on a barbie! Show us yer didgeridoo!' And then she jumped on him.
'I don't--'
'Ooh, it's all excited! Rippa!' as she burrowed into his trousers.
Then Jason Fettes appeared onscreen - making his porn debut, not knowing that it would only be a couple of years before he'd be lying face-down on a slab in the morgue with a police photographer taking stills of his cold, dead body. The thought didn't do a lot for Logan's ardour.
'Ah naw, Blue!' Jackie pulled a startled face. 'We're losin' it! Quick - mouth to mouth!'
And Logan suddenly found it very easy to forget all about Jason Fettes and his ruptured innards.
The happy, post-coital glow lasted a whole two hours, the pair of them lounging about in bed, laughing and joking, enjoying each other's company for the first time in what felt like years. Ignoring the phone; letting the answering machine take care of it.
It wasn't until some bloody-minded sod kept ringing, hanging up and ringing again and again and again that Logan grumbled his way through to the lounge - stark naked - and picked up. 'What?'
DI Steel. '
That's no' very friendly
.'
'We're ... busy.'
'
Aye, well, you can put it away for five minutes. Telly:
ITV news
.'
Logan sighed, picked up the remote and clicked the television on, getting the lunchtime news - something about the latest balls-up in the war against terror. 'So what? It's...' and the picture switched to a stock photo of Rob Macintyre's ugly mug. He cranked up the volume.
'--
missing from his home late last night. The twenty-
one-year-old signed a seven-figure deal for three volumes
of his autobiography this week
--'
'Maybe he's just off getting drunk somewhere?'
Macintyre's face was replaced by his fiancee at a press conference, looking distraught in a cleavage-revealing top and perfectly-styled hair, sniffing and crying away as she told the world that her husband-to-be hadn't come home last night. That he'd missed practice this morning. That they were worried for his safety.
Someone from the media office appeared beside her and made an appeal to camera. Logan hit the mute button. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck--
'
You still there?
'
'Er ... yes. Yes.' Eyes darting towards the bedroom where Jackie had started singing.
'
Right, get your arse back to the station
-
Hissing
Sid's shooting his mouth off, the press are all over us
and the CC's having kittens
.'
'I ... You said I could have a day off and--'
'
Now, Sergeant!
'
Cursing, Logan hung up. 'Jackie?' He found her in the kitchen, drinking orange juice from the carton. 'Macintyre's gone missing.'
'Yeah?' She shrugged, wiped her mouth and put the juice back in the fridge. 'You want Thai or Italian for tea?'
'Jackie, what happened last night?'
'Nothing happened. I was here with you, remember?'
'Jackie--'
'I fancy noodles. If you're going out, pick some up, eh?'
'But--'
'Dinner's at seven.' She planted a kiss on the end of his nose. 'Don't be late.'