Broken Soldier: A Novel (10 page)

“You look amazing,” he said.

She smiled, hands smoothing her gown. “Do you like it?”

“Very much so.”

“Good.” Her hands found his shoulders, and she gently turned him to his stomach. Her thumbs worked back and forth over his traps, up onto his neck and down either side of his spine. Tension he didn’t even realize he had slowly bled out.

Emily’s breath blew hot on his neck. “Feel better?” she whispered.

“Just don’t stop.”

Her fingers dug deeper, working his muscles. She slipped his robe down to his waist. Her body pressed against his, warm and soft and pure woman. He felt himself getting harder. Her fingers gave way to her lips. She kissed his shoulder blades and his neck.

Rafa turned toward her then, taking her in his arms. The robe fell open, leaving him in his boxers and her in her nightie.

He froze, a feeling of doubt leaving him utterly paralyzed.

 “What’s wrong?” she asked. Her hands caressed his shoulders, her thumbs tracing his scars.

“Nothing.” He thought he was over himself, thought that he had convinced himself that he was whole again, but something about the intimacy, the vulnerability, of making love to Emily brought all his worries bubbling to the surface.

“You are the most wonderful man I’ve ever met in my life, Rafael Carpenter. Tender and caring and strong and handsome, and if you don’t make love to me right now, I will never forgive you.”

She didn’t sound angry or upset. Just sincere.

He kissed her, his swollen lips pressed against hers. His left hand slid under her head, cradling it. The leverage wasn’t quite how he remembered it from before the accident, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t work with.

The lovemaking was slow and steady, building toward a promise of something greater. They had the whole weekend, so Rafa wasn’t in any kind of hurry, and once Emily realized that he’d overcome his earlier hesitation, she melted against him, letting him lead.

Rafa’s tempo built, and he forgot all about his leg and his hand. All that mattered was their bodies, the mutual pleasure, the bond between them. He kissed her hard, pressing his tongue to hers. She bucked back, throwing her hips against his, wrapping her legs around him.

When they finished, Rafa held her close, breathing the scent of her hair and trying to keep himself from shaking. He kissed her jaw, her ear.

“That was wonderful,” Emily said.

“I haven’t... that’s the first time since...” He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Shh. Whatever worries you have about your abilities, they are unfounded.” She pecked him on the lips. “Now hold me.”

Rafa wrapped his arms around her, rested his head beside hers. “I am not the man I once was. I wonder what you see when we are together.”

“Arms and legs do not make a man.” She stroked a finger along his chest, up to the rough stubble of his chin. “It is the heart, the mind that governs who you are. I have told you what I see when I look at you: tender, caring and strong. I like what I see.”

It felt so unbelievable that she could care for him the way she said, but he was beginning to believe it might actually be true. His eyes closed, and he let himself finally relax. He wasn’t sure where home was anymore, but he knew that it would never again be far from Emily.

S
OFT
 morning sunlight streamed through the open blinds, illuminating the room. Emily turned toward Rafa, squeezed his shoulders. His hair splayed across the pillow in a dark wave. He looked so peaceful, so content. She marveled at how someone so beautiful, so strong could be so conflicted on the inside, but it warmed her heart to see how he’d changed and started to come to terms with himself.

She brushed the hair from his face and kissed him on the forehead. She went to the bathroom and started the shower.

Outside the cabin, the sun was shining over the edge of the mountain, casting the slope in soft yellow light. The whole world was glimmering and white, not a footstep marring the perfect surface. The storm had blown past in the night, leaving them with a powder coated paradise.

They still needed to talk about his future. About their future. Emily wasn’t sure what she would do if he decided to leave. She couldn’t abandon her practice, not with the kids that needed her. Maybe if Rafa couldn’t find something immediately, she could convince him to take a little longer in his job search. And if he needed a place to stay, her bed was plenty big enough for two.

She let the hot water beat against her shoulders for a while, then got out and got dressed. When she emerged from the bathroom, the bed was empty and the smell of bacon wafted through the cabin.

She found Rafa in the kitchen, a spatula in hand and two cups of coffee on the counter. He looked up and smiled. “I wanted to serve you breakfast in bed, but you woke up too early.”

“You didn’t need to do that, but I appreciate the thought.”

He passed her a plate and a cup of coffee. “Do you want to eat in here or?”

“By the fireplace?” she suggested.

They went back to the living room together and sank down onto the sofa in front of the fireplace.

“My phone is working again,” Rafa said.

“Have you called Paul and Christa yet to let them know about the car?”

He shook his head.

“Well, we could wait a while for that. We have this gorgeous cabin with a fireplace and a hot tub. And a massive bed.”

Rafa’s eyebrows rose. “Are you sure about that?”

“As sure about anything as I’ve ever been in my life.” She scooted toward him. “Have you decided what to do about your job?”

He produced his phone and opened his email. Emily read the message on the screen aloud, “Dear Mr. Carpenter, The Department of History at the United States Air Force Academy would like to extend you an offer for the position of Lecturer at the Colorado Springs campus. Full details--”

She cut off and looked up at him, her heart soaring. “Really?”

“I sent a résumé earlier this week. I have found something here I do not wish to leave behind.” He leaned forward, his lips finding hers.

When they parted, Emily spoke, “And what would that be, Mr. Carpenter?”

He grinned. “The mountains.”

She let her smile collapse into a fake glare. “You...”

He laughed and kissed her again. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met in my life. And I mean that.”

“But--”

“No, buts. I know you think you are too big, but I don’t see it. You have a shape, you have curves. I think they’re beautiful, and I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

It was the sweetest, nicest thing anyone had said to her, and he was utterly sincere about it. She blinked, trying to keep from crying

He took her hand and kissed it. “I do not know where this road leads, Em, but I wish to walk it and see.”

“Me, too.”

She snuggled against him, content with him and, for the first time she could remember, content with herself.

H
ARVEY
 looked up from the puzzle, smiling. “It’s a puppy, isn’t it, Miss Emily?”

“Yes, Harvey,” Emily replied. “Go ahead and finish it.”

It didn’t take him long to get the last dozen or so pieces into place and complete the image. It was a Labrador this time, rather than a poodle, but Harvey didn’t seem to mind.

“Have you been getting along better with your grandma’s dog, Harvey?”

“Yes, ma’am. Grandma bought me some pretzel bags, and I’ve been sharing with Snowflake.”

“Has he been nicer to you?”

Harvey nodded. “And I haven’t eaten his food once.”

“That’s good, Harvey. What about the kids at kindergarten?”

He shook his head.

“Are they still mean to you?”

“Sometimes. I tried to share my pretzels, but the teacher got upset.”

Emily laughed. “That’s very kind of you, Harvey. Maybe we can talk to your teacher and find something that she won’t mind you sharing with the class.”

“Okay.”

“How did you feel about sharing?”

He shrugged. “It’s okay.”

Not a perfect answer, but at least he was making an effort. It was more than she had expected so soon.

“The next time the boys say something mean to you about your size, you just remember that Miss Emily thinks you’re the most handsome boy in class and it doesn’t matter what they think.”

His little cheeks flushed pink and he looked away, embarrassed.

“I’m serious, Harvey. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. People grow and change, and accidents can happen that can make you look completely different, but it’s who you are on the inside that matters.”

“I like sharing with Snowflake,” he said.

“That’s very good. When you share, you make friends. And when you meet meanness with kindness, you make even more friends. The boys won’t always be nice, but you need to always remember, it’s who you are on the inside that matters most.”

His eyes seemed to light up at that, and Emily felt like she’d finally made a breakthrough with him. They weren’t finished, not by a longshot, but it was always the first step that was the hardest.

E
MILY 
arched an eyebrow. “Madrid? For Christmas?”

Rafa sat on the end of Emily’s bed, his shirtless chest chilled by the pre-dawn breeze blowing in the open window. “My cousin Carmen is getting married, and I thought...” He motioned toward Emily, smiling. “I thought you might like to go with me and meet my family.”

She lay on the bed, a sheet pulled up to her chin, her hair cascading over a pillow. He could see her thinking about it. The way she chewed her lip and scrunched her nose was impossibly cute, even in the dim bedroom.

“I’ve always spent Christmas with my parents, but...” She met his eyes and smiled. “But I’ll give my mom a call in the morning.” She slipped out of bed, revealing her perfect figure. Two months with her and she had only grown more beautiful in his eyes. She sashayed toward the bathroom, leaving him alone on the bed.

She was more than he deserved, he was sure of that, and now that he’d found her, he couldn’t imagine what he would do without her. But fortunately that didn’t seem to be problem, at least not so far.

Rafa glanced at the clock. It was nearly seven. The shower turned on as he settled his right knee into the cup on his prosthetic leg. Even that part of his life was going well. The new prosthesis allowed him to jog without the pain that had been ever-present for much of the last year. He slipped into a pair of PT shorts and a t-shirt and went to the kitchen.

The shower stopped as he was starting the bacon, and Emily emerged dressed and prepped half an hour later as he was spreading jam on her toast.

“You didn’t need to do that,” she said when she saw him.

He bowed, tucking his spatula behind him. “That’s the point.” He balanced both of their plates on his right arm and scooped a carafe of juice from the counter. Glasses and silverware already lay atop the little round table Emily kept in her breakfast nook.

He ate quickly, his years of army habits not yet broken. Emily was half-finished with her egg as he crunched through his last piece of bacon.

“You could slow down, you know.” A grin played over Emily’s lips.

“Sorry.” He forced himself to sip his orange juice.

“Are you worried that the Taliban will catch you in the middle of breakfast?”

“Something like that. I’ve spent too many years treating food as nothing but fuel. The faster I finish eating, the quicker I can get back to the things that are important.”

“Rafa, are you beginning to get comfortable with me?”

His eyes narrowed. Had he upset her somehow? “No. Err... yes. Perhaps?”

Emily laughed. “It’s a good thing. If you want to wolf down breakfast and go run, feel free.”

“I feel more comfortable with you than with anyone in my life.”

“Even your army buddies?”

“Especially them. Comradery and comfort are not the same things. I could never feel truly comfortable with my men, not when I had to lead them in battle.” There were memories there he did not wish to relive, not with Emily. Men that fought and died. Men that fought and lived and wished they had died. He had been down that road himself, and was thankful every day that Emily had helped him find another path. That road led to a destination he did not want to reach.

“Well, I see that you don’t want to talk about it, but if you change your mind, I’m here for you. And I don’t just mean in my professional capacity, okay?”

Rafa clenched his teeth and nodded. He was beginning to accept that she saw him as a man and not a patient.

Emily finished her toast, but left half her bacon and a few bites of egg. She gathered her dishes and took to them to the kitchen. “I’ll clean up,” she offered.

“No,” Rafa said, slipping his arms around her waist, pulling her back from the sink. “It’s not your mess.”

Her lips were softer than rose petals. He held her and kissed her and felt the solidity of her. He had once thought he’d known what it meant to care for a woman, but he had never felt anything like what he felt for Emily. A fierce, all-consuming longing. Even the thought of her leaving for nine hours at the office was unpleasant.

Eventually, she pulled away. “You are a true gentleman, Rafael Carpenter. Are you going to cook my dinner, too?”

He grinned. “It would be my pleasure.”

At the word pleasure, her lips quirked into a smile. She stepped away, her eyes straying down to the hardness in his shorts. “At ease, soldier.”

Rafa flushed, embarrassed. What did he have to be embarrassed about, though? It was only a shame that she needed to leave for work soon. “If you don’t mind being a little late to the office, I have an idea...”

“I can’t, Rafa. I have a client right at 8:00. But tonight...”

He escorted her to the front door, pausing as she collected her notebook. She stopped with a hand on the doorknob. “I’ll call my mom today and see when she and Dad are available for dinner. Are you sure you don’t mind meeting them?”

“Not at all.” The words gave lie to the sense of dread of he felt.

“Then I’ll let you know once I hear something.”