Brother Willy's Traveling Salvation Show (33 page)

CHAPTER XXIV

Sunday night came and went with Michelle being the guest of honor at William and Betsy’s farewell party. With the exception of Scott, everyone had expected Michelle to change her mind about going to Washington. She spent all day on Monday and most of Tuesday morning getting ready to leave, but they saved Tuesday afternoon for a quick trip to the lighthouse.

After their afternoon at the beach, they drove
back to New Bern for dinner on the waterfront. Knowing their time together was ending, their dinner date was a somewhat somber occasion even as they both tried to make it somewhat festive.

Scott
drove Michelle home around eight-thirty in the evening. Stopping in front of her house, he was watching Michelle as he turned off the engine. “When we used to leave each other to go to school, I always knew we would get together when we came home on breaks.”

Michelle
looked out of the window to avoid looking at Scott. “I always knew you would be here. If you move to Asheville or anywhere else, you won’t be here the next time I come home.”

Scott
realized he had to understand what Michelle’s expectations might be. “I talked to you almost every night while we were in school, but now you say you need to get away from me for a while. Do you want me to call you or do you want the time alone to figure out your life.”

She thought about his question before she gave him an answer. “If I hear the sound of your voice, I’ll find a reason to come
running home and that’s not going to solve my problems.”

“This is starting to sound like a real goodbye.”
Scott replied.

“Do you think I’m making a mistake?”

Scott rolled down his window before he answered. “You could ask the person you see in the mirror that same question, but I don’t think she would have an answer for you right now.”

She reached for the door handle. “We had a good run together and to be honest, I would love to spend the next two weeks telling you goodbye, but this is just too hard for me.”

They got out of the car and stood on the sidewalk holding each other for several minutes. Michelle hit him in the back lightly as her arms were holding him. “I almost want you to argue with me and tell me I should stay with you.”

Scott
continued to hold her. “I can’t argue with you because you said that I have to be on your side even when you’re wrong. If we didn’t have that rule, I would try to talk you into staying.”

“That would imply that you don’t think I am making the right decision.”
Michelle replied.

“On Wednesday night, you said we had to make a commitment to each other
and I thought we did. What happened to that commitment?” Scott asked.

Michelle
thought for a moment. “You made a deal with a girl who can’t get her life straightened out. I know you love me because you can see everyone’s problems and issues except mine.”

Scott
shook his head. “I can see your issues as clearly as you can see mine. I just accept you for who you are which is why I have always loved you.”

Michelle took both of his hands as she looked at his face. “Promise me that if I ever come up to bat again, you’ll tell me what the pitcher is going to throw.”

Scott
thought about her question for only a moment. “The leaves in Asheville will be changing colors in October. There will be a cool crisp feel of the wind in the morning when the sun reflects off the dew. With a few logs on the fire, it is a great place to watch the sunrise and sunset. There will be a place for you if you decide you need a short vacation.”

Michelle
considered his offer. “What if I decide I need a vacation that lasts for several years or maybe for a lifetime?”

Scott
was not going to leave his invitation opened ended. “I guess that all depends on how long it takes you and me to get our heads on straight. Until we get there, neither of us knows where this road takes us.”

Michelle
turned and started for the house as Scott returned to his car. She knew Scott was telling her that time waits for no one and she knew how hard it was for him to say those words.

For years, t
hey had been dreading the coming of this day and now the hour was at hand. It was typical of their history together that neither should say the word “goodbye” and tonight was no exception. They concluded years ago that “goodbye” sounded much too final.

Scott
started the engine as he watched Michelle close the front door. He spoke in a whisper as he put the car in gear and started down the road. “Goodbye Michelle.”

Thinking it would be too hard for both of them,
Scott and Michelle agreed they would not see each other on Wednesday before she left New Bern. Instead, Scott returned to the lighthouse where he spent the day alone with his thoughts.

He
went to visit Ashley at the rehabilitation center on Friday afternoon. Once again, she was in the courtyard sitting alone when he arrived. He pushed her wheelchair closer to a wall where he could sit while he talked to her and held her hand. Scott could feel her trying to hold his finger while also noticing the strength of her grip was not as strong as usual.

She
always seemed to enjoy having Scott brush her hair, which led him to look inside her small purse and remove a brush. As he pulled the brush through her wind blown hair, he thought she was making an effort to smile. He was finding it difficult to think of subjects or news she might find interesting when Scott decided to tell her about the shark he caught while fishing at the beach.

Scott
began to brush her bangs, but stopped for a few moments and stared at her. The right side of her face was slightly drawn up and the muscles in her arms and legs were loose and weak, looking slightly contorted. If she were able to understand him, then he wanted to make her feel some sense of pride and satisfaction. “You look beautiful today.”

In the past when he spoke to her, she would try to make some response, but he saw nothing in her eyes that would lead him to believe she had heard his words.

After spending forty-five minutes with Ashley, one of the attendants came to take her to physical therapy. With his usual hug and kiss, he sat on the wall as they pushed her into the building.

Scott
remained seated on the wall and staring down at the ground. Soon after Ashley was taken away, a nurse came and sat down beside him. In pure hopeless frustration, Scott turned to face the nurse. “Does she have a clue who I am? When I’m looking at her, am I only seeing what I want to see? Does she really smile at me or is that just my imagination? Does she have any memory of who I am or why I’m here? Do her eyes sometimes sparkle sometimes because she’s happy or is it just an allergy?”

The nurse looked away as she replied, “We don’t know with any certainty what she does and doesn’t know. Last Friday, she became somewhat agitated and stayed that way until late Sunday afternoon. We don’t know what might have set her off.”

“How is she doing with her therapy?” Scott asked.

The nurse shook her head. “We do physical therapy with her twice a day now
, but she is losing muscle mass, which is not a good sign. She seems less attentive and responsive and she has had some respiratory issues.”

Scott
was staring at the ground as he spoke. “Is she dying?”

The nurse looked at
Scott and then turned her head. “We are not allowed to talk about her condition except with family members.”

Scott
’s voice was much stronger when he spoke again. “I’ve been coming to see her for what seems like forever. I need to know if she’s dying.”

The nurse looked directly at
Scott. “Yes. She is dying and I am afraid there is nothing we can do to change that fact. We are starting to see some weakness in her liver and kidney function tests. The family has asked that we not take extraordinary steps to save her.”

“How long do you think she has?”
Scott asked.

The nurse shook her head. “It’s impossible to say but I would think a few
months at best, maybe sooner.”

After several minutes of silence, his words reflected his pr
ivate thoughts. “At least she’ll be free and become a part of something much bigger than us. I guess that’s a good thing.”

The nurse
stood as she prepared to leave, as she needed to check on other clients. “For what it is worth, you’ve stood beside her the entire time and I think you being here makes a difference in the quality of her life. I can’t prove it, but I think it’s true.”

Scott
also rose to his feet. “Thank you for telling me the truth and thank you for taking care of her. If she has two weeks or two months left, I have to make whatever time she has left be the best I can make it.”

Scott
left the center so absorbed in his sense of impending loss, that he did not take the time to answer his cell phone when Beth called. Every memory he had about his time with Ashley was flowing through his mind. His last dance with her at the prom, the crumpled twisted metal of the car that destroyed her life, her endless stare into oblivion at the rehab center, and all the time they spent together in high school were now all meshed together creating a tapestry in his mind.

Contemplations
of her death brought about his feelings of premeditated guilt and loss. After all, he could have done more for her. He could have come to see her far more often than he did. Had he made a different choice on prom night, she would never have been the victim of her fate. At least for the moment, if there was anything he could blame himself for, he was going to do it.

As he sat in the parking lot, his cell phone rang once again. This time he looked down to see who was calling only to realize it was
Beth. With some hesitation, he finally answered the call after several rings. They took only a few minutes exchanging greetings and engaging in small talk.

It was not long before
Beth came to the reason for her call. “Michelle called me this afternoon and said I should check in on you.”

Scott
replied without thinking about his answer. “That’s very nice of Michelle to call someone else to ask how I’m doing.”

Beth
’s reply was slower in coming. “I don’t think I want to get into that discussion on the phone. Anyway, the people who were going to use the beach house aren’t going to be there this weekend. I thought you might want to stop by if you didn’t have anything else planned.”

Scott
declined Beth’s offer without giving any real explanation or consideration. “Maybe we can get together in a few days.”

“Where are you?”
Beth asked.

Scott
replied, “I’m in Swansboro getting ready to go back to New Bern.”

Beth
’s reply made it clear she intended to get her way. “I’m in Swansboro too so why don’t we have dinner together and then you can head back. You sound like you need a friend.”

After only a few moments,
Scott knew he had no acceptable reason to avoid meeting Beth and therefore agreed to have dinner with her. He found her at Captain Charley’s Restaurant where he and Amie had been to lunch before her treatment began. It had been almost two weeks since he had seen or talked to Beth and seeing her now was a somewhat pleasant distraction. Their conversation during dinner was relaxed and at times offered him some escape from his discouraging week.

After dinner,
Beth and Scott walked down Front Street to the Gray Dolphin bookstore. They spent the next hour browsing in this and other shops before going back to the parking lot. They stopped several times along the way to peak in the windows of other shops before making their final stop for an ice cream cone.

Beth
leaned against her car knowing they were now ready to say goodnight to each other. “Thank you for taking me to dinner tonight. Dinner was very nice and to be honest, I’ve wanted to call you before now.”

Scott
also leaned against her car. “I’ve had a nice time too. I really didn’t want any company tonight but as it turns out, you have been the best part of my day.”

She looked down at the pavement. “I haven’t been the best part of anybody’s day in quite a while.”

“Maybe you haven’t given anybody the chance to say that to you.”

She smiled as she shook her head. “Most people think I am too screwed up and they don’t want to waste their time on me.”

Scott looked across his shoulder at Beth for a few moments. “One of these days, I am going to get inside your head and find out what makes you tick.”

Beth
turned her head as she issued a warning. “If you were able to get inside my head, I might lock the door and never let you leave. You would think you were trapped inside an enigma without solution or escape.”

Scott
turned his eyes to the sky as he tried to remember his last encounter with Beth. “You once told me you were a shark swimming in circles around me and that you were going to bite me. I think you are taking a nibble of me right now.”