Burning Bright (12 page)

I had to. Like Emmi said, I would die if I didn’t.

The next day – Tuesday – Mum packed me off to school explaining she expected me home straight afterwards. She also announced she wanted to see the call log on my
phone every day so she could check I wasn’t speaking with Flynn. She had already made me delete my Facebook account.

But it’s basically impossible to stop two people talking if that’s what they want to do. I spent a long, humiliating ten minutes being lectured by the head for missing school the day
before, but at last I was free. I borrowed Grace’s mobile and called Flynn at school. To my intense relief he answered straight away. Not that he told me much about what had happened to him
when he got back from the police station on Sunday. Just that – as Dad predicted – he wasn’t being charged.

‘And my dad’s fine – apart from his nose it’s just a few bruises.’

I explained what Mum and Dad had said to me. There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

‘That sucks, Riv,’ he said at last.

I’d expected him to insist that I had to lie to my parents and do anything I could to keep seeing him, but he was strangely silent.

‘What do you think I should do?’ I asked in the end.

‘Let me think about it, yeah?’

What?
In all the time I’d known him, I’d never heard Flynn hesitate for more than a few seconds before announcing his views. He always knew his own mind.

‘Okay,’ I said, thrown. I raised the outstanding question that was still in my head. ‘Emmi told me there was someone at your school who claims he saw you with Alex’s
iPad. Did the police ask about that?’

Flynn gave a derisive growl. ‘Yeah, they asked. But that guy doesn’t know what he saw. Anyway, even if he saw me holding an iPad – which he didn’t because I wasn’t
– there’s no proof it was Alex’s. The whole thing is just his word against mine.’ He paused. ‘You do believe me about that, don’t you, Riv?’

‘Course,’ I said. But, once again, a shard of doubt lodged itself in my mind. ‘So, you’re not being chucked out of school . . . or sent to prison?’ I said, trying
to cover my confusion.

‘No, but . . .’ Flynn hesitated. In the distance I could hear the bell ringing at his school, signalling the end of break. ‘There’s something I need to talk to you about.
Can I meet you after school? I’ll be careful no one sees me.’

‘Okay,’ I said, my heart beating faster. What on earth did Flynn want to talk about that he couldn’t say over the phone?

I was in a state, waiting to see him, all day. I couldn’t concentrate on any of my lessons. Flynn clearly had something important to tell me and I was terrified of what
it might be. He hadn’t been charged by the police and his school had obviously decided to give him another chance. Apart from my parents’ ultimatum, nothing between us was really that
different from how it had been last week. Was it?

I raced out of school as soon as the bell rang. Flynn was already there, leaning against the end of the metal-barred gate. Everything about him was so perfect. The way he stood, the way his
whole body fitted together. I moved closer. The bruises on his face had come out properly now – dark purple and grey. I stared, soaking him up. A moment later he turned, saw me looking, and
smiled.

‘You look a mess,’ I said, walking over.

‘I know.’ He put his arms around me and held me. Girls were starting to trickle out of the gate now. A couple passed us, giggling. ‘Come on, let’s get out of here before
anyone sees us and reports back to your mum.’ Flynn took my hand and we strolled along the road. I leaned against him and he slid his arm around my shoulders. Again, I had that sense of us
fitting together like we’d been made for each other. Being with Flynn was the best thing in my life. How could I possibly stop seeing him?

‘So, what did you want to talk to me about?’ I said.

Flynn looked across the road, away from me. My chest tightened.

‘You’re breaking your promise to your mum and dad by being with me, aren’t you?’ he said, his voice flat and dull.

‘That doesn’t matter,’ I said.

‘Yes, it does.’ Flynn paused, still staring into the distance. ‘And, unless you agree to stop seeing me, you’re going to be exiled to your dad’s drop-out centre
– which will take you away from your school and your friends too.’

‘It’s a commune, not a drop-out centre,’ I said. ‘But no way am I going there. And they can’t stop me seeing you. Not if it’s what we both want. Nobody else
understands us – like
no one
. So they don’t understand that we’re going to find a way to be together. We
have
to . . .’ I stopped.

Flynn turned back to look at me. His whole face was etched with misery.

‘What is it?’ Fear twisted inside me.

We turned the corner onto a quieter, smaller road. We were just three streets from my house. Flynn stopped walking. He rested his hands on my waist and dipped his head down to touch mine.

‘I’ve screwed up, River,’ he whispered. ‘I don’t mean just Sunday. I mean . . . I mean everything.’

I stared up at him, a hard lump in my throat. Flynn closed his eyes and rolled his forehead across mine. For a second I wondered if he was going to admit to stealing Alex’s iPad, but then
he said, ‘When I got home from the police station it was awful. You should have seen the state Mum was in. I’ve never seen her like that. Siobhan said she’d been hysterical since
. . . what happened in the church. I couldn’t bear it . . . Mum’s always so together and here she was, all upset, and it was my fault. And then Siobhan was angry with me for what I did
and for running off afterwards.’ He stopped and his voice dropped to almost a whisper. ‘But the worst thing was Caitlin. She . . . oh, River . . . she was frightened of me. When I went
near her she shrank away, like I might hit her or something. Just like she did when Da tried to touch her, remember?’

I nodded, stroking his bruised face. He opened his eyes. They were bright green, full of remorse. ‘Mum wanted me to go to see a doctor cos of my face and I said there was no need. And then
she started shouting at me. And I ended up shouting back which I didn’t mean to . . . Anyway, she kept going on about the police, how they might charge me after all, how the school might
exclude me . . . how I was throwing away all the chances I’d worked so hard for . . . Like I didn’t know.’ He paused.

‘What happened next?’ I said.

‘I lost my temper with her and shouted that it wasn’t fair to blame me, that it was Da’s fault. And I could see Siobhan in the corner of the room with her arms round Caitlin
and they were both crying.’ He screwed up his face. ‘All three of them were crying. And it suddenly hit me, I’d turned into my da – like you told me once, remember? When we
were doing the play?’

I nodded, my heart in my mouth.

‘Well, suddenly I saw it too,’ he said, his voice so low I could barely hear him. ‘I saw myself – yelling and lashing out and scaring people. And I just stopped. I was so
shocked that I just stopped. I don’t even know what I was saying – I didn’t say anything else. I just said sorry to Mum – for everything. And she hugged me and I let her but
all I could think was that I was such a loser. And I
knew
how your folks would react. And if you were my daughter I’d feel the same way. So . . . so all I could think was . . .
I’ve ruined everything.
Everything
.’

‘No you haven’t.’ I pressed my hands gently against his face. ‘I’m still here,’ I said. ‘I love you.’

‘But just seeing me means you’re breaking your word to your mum and dad.’ Flynn drew back. ‘I shouldn’t be putting you in a position where—’

‘Flynn, stop it,’ I said. ‘Stop worrying about everyone else. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing to see you because I know that Mum and Dad have got you wrong. Okay,
so you’ve got a temper . . .’

‘Riv, I could have killed him.’ Flynn’s eyes were darker, more urgent. ‘You know that. The police kept saying it too. But what I realised . . . what really got to me when
I saw Mum and the police and everyone . . . was that I don’t honestly think I’d care if I had.’ The words tumbled out of him, jerky and harsh. ‘I can’t help it, Riv.
They’re all going on about me doing therapy. Taking stupid anger management classes. And I’m, like,
yeah, yeah, you’re right
. But the truth is that I’ve only been
pretending to everyone that I’m sorry I hurt him, because really I’m not sorry at all. And you’re the only one I can tell.’ His voice cracked. ‘I know it’s wrong
but he’s a bastard and I hate him and I’ve always hated him . . .’ He closed his eyes again.

I pulled him towards me and we hugged in silence. My heart pounded as Flynn’s angry, raging face flashed into my head again. I tried to make sense of what he was saying. He hated his
father. He didn’t care if he killed him. I couldn’t get my head round feelings like those. I simply couldn’t imagine hating anyone that much, especially my own dad, no matter what
he’d done.

‘Maybe therapy
would
help?’ I suggested timidly.

‘No.’ Flynn shook his head emphatically. ‘No way. It’s only my da who makes me that angry and I can deal with him.’ He smiled. ‘Anyway, I’ve got you to
talk to.’

I sighed. A moment or two passed. The sun went behind a cloud. I started to worry about getting home – about Mum checking the clock, maybe even getting in her car and driving about looking
for me. But Flynn was still holding me tightly. I suddenly knew there was something he hadn’t told me yet. I looked up.
Yes.
It was there in his eyes. ‘What is it?’ My
heart raced.

Flynn’s mouth trembled. ‘Mum wants . . .’ He paused, his voice hollow. ‘She wants us – me and Siob and Caitlin and her – to move back to Ireland.’

‘What?’ I couldn’t have heard him right. ‘You mean move to the
country
Ireland?’

‘Yes, back to where Mum comes from.’ He sighed. ‘She wants me away from here. Away from my da. She’s scared there’ll be another fight and this time the police
won’t let it go.’

‘But . . . ?’ My heart was cracking into pieces. Ireland was far away. Far too far away. It made Dad’s commune look like a short stroll round the corner. ‘You’re
serious?’ I whispered.

Flynn nodded. His voice was flat and dull. ‘Mum’s been in touch with her sister and we’re going to stay there while we find somewhere to live.’

I gulped. ‘So . . . so it sounds like it’s all sorted.’

Don’t go. Don’t leave me.

Flynn’s forehead creased into a frown. ‘I could refuse. I mean Mum will definitely go and Siobhan and Caitlin will go with her. But I’m seventeen. I could stay here. I could
get a job. A
proper
job and—’

‘But you’d have to leave school,’ I said, thinking of all Flynn’s ambitions and all his hard work for his A levels.

‘I know,’ he said miserably. ‘Look, I have to choose, Riv. And I want to choose you. But I don’t know if I should. I don’t know what to do. Mum’s terrified
I’m going to get in real trouble if I stay. If I don’t go with her she says she’ll worry all the time.’ He paused. ‘And I’ll worry about
her
, Riv.’
He looked down at me, his eyes deeply troubled. ‘I’ll worry about all of them.’

I wrapped my arms round his neck and leaned against his chest. Then I reached up and kissed him.
I can’t let you go.
I kissed him fiercely, with only one aim. To remind him how hot
I was. To remind him how good we were together.

I felt his heart beat faster.

Yes.
I had him. A sense of power surged through me.

‘Maybe I could come with you?’ I whispered, my lips brushing against his ear. I couldn’t see that working at all, but I was playing for time, trying to decide whether to turn
him on more, or whether to start crying. I know how awful – how ruthless – that sounds, but I felt like I was fighting for my life.

Lust or pity – which would keep him with me?

‘River.’ He pressed against me.

Well, the lust was working so far . . .

I kissed him again.

He groaned. ‘Can you imagine what your folks will do if you run off to Ireland? They’ll have Interpol after me.’ He pulled me really tightly against him, running his hands down
my back. ‘I don’t see how you can come too. But like I said, I could stay.’

I looked up at him. His eyes were bright green, just the faintest hint of gold, hungry for me.

‘Yes,’I whispered. ‘You could stay . . . you could . . .’ I stopped, thinking through the reality of what it would mean for Flynn to remain in London: he wouldn’t
just have to leave school and get a job, he’d also have to find somewhere to live on his own.

Flynn bent his forehead down onto mine. ‘I’ll stay if you want me too. I’ll go anywhere with you. I don’t want to lose you.’

I hugged him hard, fighting with my conscience. I wanted to plead with him to stay, but the words died on my lips. I couldn’t ask him to give up everything just for me. And that’s
what him staying in London – or us running away together – would mean.

We stood holding each other in silence for what felt like ages. My phone vibrated in my bag – it was bound to be Mum, wondering why I hadn’t come straight home.

There wasn’t much time.

‘River?’ Flynn’s voice shook. ‘I don’t know . . .’

I gazed up at his strong, sad, beautiful face and it was obvious what I had to do.

‘Well
I
know,’ I said. ‘I know it would be
really
difficult getting by on your own. And I know you’d hate being without your family. So . . . you should
go.’

Flynn said nothing.

‘Ireland’s not
that
far away,’ I went on. ‘I could get a job – maybe your job at Café Yazmina – and save up my money so I could visit
you.’

Flynn squeezed me tighter. ‘Sure, we could
both
save up. But it’d be ages before we could afford the ticket. And I can’t imagine your mum and dad letting you come and
visit me.’

‘Well, maybe they’ll calm down. Maybe in a few months.’

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing myself say. I couldn’t survive for more than a few days without Flynn. Forget lust and pity. Every cell in my body was telling me to throw
myself at his feet. Beg him not to go. To tell him how lost I’d be, how pointless everything would be without him.