Burning Desires (Blue Bandits MC Book 4) (7 page)

Burner felt coldness settle in his guts as he recalled the number of times they’d trapped women while he was with them. His hands clenched on his knees and his teeth ground together as memories bombarded him. The muscles in his neck felt tense, almost painful, and a vein throbbed there while he shifted in the chair, trying not to let his emotions show. The memories that flooded him came with a price and they tore him up inside in ways he never knew how to deal with.

“I don’t know what the fuck they’re up to but we need to figure it out soon because this shit is getting too close to our territory. We need to get a handle on this before they try to start the crap the Jackals are pulling over in Devils territory. They’re bombing shit and that isn’t going to start happening here. It’s just not. We need to find Hacker because if we can take him out, it will make them less organized. Half the damned club is full of Juice-jacked idiots who can’t find their ass without a damned map. Take out Hacker, their president, and we can get a better handle on this stupid shit. He’s the brains of the operation.” Reaper slammed the map back down on the table before slouching into his own seat and propping his feet on the table in front of him.

“Yeah, I agree,” Iron nodded, his eyes cold as he spoke. “I think Animal would agree too. He’s still trying to figure out what the hell Blade was talking about and has been out working his contacts for ten days.”

“Did he learn anything?” Burner asked, leaning forward, his eyes pinned to Iron as he waited for an answer. Iron shook his head and Burner wanted to curse. They needed to get this puzzle put together before shit hit the fan.

“Think you can contact him to see if he has any information that could help us?” Reaper asked, looking at Burner.

“I could but I’m not sure if we can trust what he gives us. I know Roz said he was on our side but it may be an internal power play. I just don’t know enough about him to make a full assessment and Animal and I agreed, he’s a hard man to know,” Burner replied, sitting back and running his hand down his jaw, his agitation apparent to all the men surrounding him as he grunted and shrugged. 

“I agree, until we know more and I talk to Death, we will sit on this information. I just can’t understand how these raids would benefit him unless you’re right and there is some kind of internal power play, maybe between Blade and another enforcer? Fuck, I don’t know. Let’s table this till Church next week,” Reaper said, breaking up the meeting. They all filed out and Burner started to head out behind the others, only to be stopped by Reaper’s hand on his forearm.

“You coming to dinner tonight?” Reaper asked from behind him.

Burner winced because it hadn’t been his plan to go over to Reaper’s for dinner; he wasn’t really in the mood but he couldn’t refuse again, it would be the fourth time in the last three weeks. Ever since the night of the bonfire Reaper had been riding him to come over for dinner with him, Josh, and Sarah. He couldn’t put it off again. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go, it was just hard for him because he felt like he wasn’t good enough to be a part of their little family. They always treated him like he was and he ended up being an asshole, making him feel like shit every time.

“Yeah, sure,” Burner said and Reaper released him, grinning.

“Good.”

Burner nodded but he didn’t think it was good because he wasn’t really sure he deserved to be anywhere near them or hell, any of the men he called brothers after the shit he’d done.

Chapter Six

Burner pulled up to Reaper and Sarah’s place thirty minutes early and stood near his bike looking at the little two-story brownstone house Reaper had bought for them last year. It was situated in the middle of a row of houses and trimmed in green. Reaper had bought the house so that Sarah and Josh were closer to the clubhouse if something happened. He’d also bought the two houses on either side of him and moved Lock into one and Token and his old lady into the other.

Burner thought it was funny that Reaper was so protective of a woman who was deadly with a gun and could very well take care of herself without the added security. The slide-down steel shutters and the escape tunnel weren’t enough for Reaper; he needed to have people close to protect her if it became necessary. 

Iron and Roz lived across the street and down three houses as well which meant this lane was becoming another safe haven for the Blue Bandits. It wouldn’t be too long before they owned the whole block he’d bet. As people moved out Reaper bought the houses and allowed families loyal to the club to move into them.

Burner wished as he stood there watching the lights inside the house that he could climb back on his bike and get the hell out of here but he knew that would only mean Reaper would ride him for another week about dinner. Sighing, he moved towards the front door, unsurprised when it was thrown open before he got fully up the steps and a small boy darted out from behind Reaper.

“Burn, Burn,” Josh said, giggling as he threw himself at Burner. He caught the little boy in his arms, lifting him for a strangling hug as the little boy nearly squeezed his head off trying to hug him. Burner didn’t mind, the little guy was sweet and at three now, he was still just as cute as he had been the first time he had seen him covered in applesauce.

“Hey, little buddy. How are you doing?” he asked and the little boy started babbling about his new toy. Burner let a genuine smile curl his lips as he listened to the boy and carried him towards Reaper, who stood in the doorway. Reaper reached out to rub the boy’s head as they moved into the entryway.

Burner still couldn’t believe the way Reaper had settled into fatherhood. He’d never thought the other man would be good with kids but somehow he was. He supposed he shouldn’t be completely surprised; after all taking care of the Blue Bandits motley crew was a little like parenting over-grown assholes. Burner let out a snort at that thought, earning a raised brow from Reaper who was standing next to him. Burner shook his head and let the now wiggling little boy down setting him on his feet. Josh grabbed his hand and began to tug him towards the stairs.

“Burn see, Burn see my room,” he demanded as Burner let the boy pull him towards the stairs.

“Hey Burner,” Sarah said, her head poking out from the kitchen. Burner smiled at her; she looked so happy. Reaper was already moving towards her, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her into a little hug as they watched Josh lead him towards his room on the second floor. “Josh wants to show you his new toys but dinner’s almost ready so don’t take too long. Ten minutes max, okay.”

“All right,” Burner replied and followed Josh up to his room. “Let’s go, buddy, mom says we have to hurry.”

Josh nodded, a serious expression on his face before he turned and ran up the stairs with Burner following, letting out a little chuckle at the boy’s enthusiasm. He entered Josh’s room, which was painted like a forest and filled with a wooden bed that had likely cost Reaper a fortune since one of the Devils had hand carved the damned thing. Not to mention the toy chest and dresser that matched but Reaper had always had a taste for the finer things; it was no surprise he bought things like this for a boy he considered his son despite not having been the sperm donor.

“Burn, see my new train,” Josh said, jumping up and down in front of the train track that was set up on a low table next to the wall. Burner grinned and moved closer.

“That’s cool, buddy, did daddy get you that?” he asked as he knelt beside the boy and Josh flipped a little switch, clapping as the train began to race around the little table.

“ ’Eaper Da get,” Josh told him, nodding sagely. Burner still laughed inside at the name he called Reaper; it had started a few months after he’d returned. Josh had called him ‘Eaper at first but added the Da later and now that was who he was to the little boy. Every time he heard the name he wanted to crack up because someone calling Reaper, a mean-assed MC Vice, ‘Eaper Da was funny as hell.

“I see, ‘Eaper Da.” Burner couldn’t help but let out a little snicker after saying the name before he continued, “Got it for you. It’s really cool, buddy.”

“I think you get too much enjoyment out of him calling me that,” Reaper said from behind him, making him turn to look up at him hovering in the doorway of Josh’s bedroom.

“Come on, it’s funny,” Burner told him, laughing outright.

“It’s not that funny but Josh can call me whatever he likes. It’s time to wash up, little man, so we can eat,” Reaper said, talking to the little boy.

“ ‘Eaper Da,” Josh cried and ran to him with his arms open and his chubby little legs pumping as he moved to him. Reaper scooped him up and watched Burner for a minute before he turned, carrying him toward the bathroom to wash his hands, calling over his shoulder, “You’re to wash up too, jackass.”

Burner was laughing his ass off as he turned off the train and followed Reaper out of the boy’s room. He ducked into the downstairs bathroom and washed his own hands, feeling a weight that never seemed to let up lately lessen a little. His heart felt lighter as he entered the kitchen heading to the dining room where Sarah was setting out plates.

“Can I help?” he asked when she smiled at him.

“Sure you can grab the silverware, it’s out on the counter in the kitchen,” Sarah said, setting the last plate on the table. Burner nodded and went to grab them and headed back to find Josh buckled into his seat and Reaper kissing Sarah. He grinned and winked at Josh, who waved brightly at him from his chair.

“Eat, mama. Eat appiesauce,” Josh demanded.

Pulling away from Reaper, she shoved him back, her expression dazed and her eyes heavy-lidded as she hissed at him, “Behave, we have a guest and our son is hungry.”

“Ha, Burner’s family and he isn’t surprised that I am kissing you and as for our boy, he’s always hungry. Aren’t you, you little monster.” Reaper said the last as he leaned over to mock growl near the little boy’s face, earning a giggle and two hands smacking his cheeks in merriment.

“Appiesauce,” Josh commanded again, still giggling.

Sarah shook her head at the two of them and moved to grab a plate of food from the kitchen, returning to place it in front of Josh before sitting in her seat next to Reaper. Burner watched them with a bit of envy in his heart. The three of them fit together in ways he never would have thought possible and they tried so hard to include him but he wasn’t sure he’d ever feel the carefree happiness they displayed. It was what made him avoid them for the past month, not only because he couldn’t shake the screams but because he felt envious of them when he saw them like this. They were just so damned happy and he’d like to have that but knew it would never happen for him. It just wasn’t something he’d ever have after the things he’d done.

Burner leaned on the porch railing, his hands gripping the wood, his fingers digging in as he tried not to tell Reaper to mind his own fucking business.

“I know you’re pulling away from the club so don’t try to bullshit me. I’ve tried not pushing but enough is enough. You need to get your head straight, man, we need you,” Reaper grunted from his seat in a rocker that was along one wall.

They’d finished dinner and Sarah was upstairs giving Josh a bath before putting him down for the night. Reaper had suggested that they come outside to chat and Burner had known what that meant, another lecture. He had been arguing with Reaper for the past thirty minutes.

“Damn it, Reaper. I’m fine,” Burner growled, not wanting to talk about this again. He couldn’t explain to a man who was more like a brother than a friend that he didn’t deserve his sympathy or his worry.

“You’re not,” Reaper growled back.

“Leave him alone, Reaper. If he says he’s fine, then let him be,” Sarah said, coming out onto the porch. Burner was grateful for the interruption.

“You know as well as I do that he’s not fine, Sarah,” Reaper growled, pulling her down into his lap.

“I know it’s not going to get better if you keep hounding him, Reaper,” Sarah told him, kissing him lightly on his tight lips.

Burner watched the two of them, feeling relieved that Sarah was on his side for the time being. He bore no illusion that one day she’d be pushing just as hard as Reaper was and he wondered if he’d end up hurting them by pushing them away. He wanted to believe he would get past it enough to live a little but after the past few weeks, he wasn’t sure that was going to happen.

“Fine, but it’s not okay for him to keep sulking,” Reaper said, glaring at him over Sarah’s head as she sighed and tucked it beneath his chin. “Our boy asleep?”

“Yeah, he was out like a light. After playing with the other kids today, he was really tired,” Sarah replied, her arms wrapping around Reaper’s neck as she turned to face him. “You need to leave Burner alone. He has to deal with what happened in his own way, not in the way you think he should,” Sarah told him.

Hearing them discuss him as if he wasn’t there left Burner feeling as if his emotions were cannon fodder for the two of them. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling and Burner wanted to stomp off the porch after telling the two of them it was none of their fucking business but he couldn’t. Reaper was like a brother to him and Sarah was only trying to get him off his back. That didn’t stop him from gripping the railing so hard his hands ached or release the tension that flooded him, making his shoulders throb.