Burning Desires (Blue Bandits MC Book 4) (24 page)

Burner pressed his hardened cock into her hot wetness, grunting with the pleasure that assaulted him as she closed around him making him lightheaded it felt so damned good. It suddenly occurred to him as he began to move inside her that this was the feeling that kept him addicted to her.

This blissful rightness to being inside her was the reason he couldn’t seem to let go of her even though he knew he should. Burner held her right leg up as he pumped into her hard, trying to absorb her into his very skin so that he could have this feeling always. 

Kelsey felt Burner enter her and cried out his name. She moaned as he began to move inside her, feeling his hand tighten on her hip as he pumped into her over and over, his thrusts heavy and his eyes looking down into hers. She didn’t know what she was seeing in his darkened blue eyes as he watched her but she knew that he was trying hard to not be affected by this and was failing at that.

It was in that moment as he thrust into her with his eyes clinging to hers that she realized the reason she allowed him to come here and make love to her. She was in love with him. As if this realization increased her pending orgasm, she felt her body shake as her world came apart in a kaleidoscope of broken pleasure that left her panting and limp beneath him. Her body clenching around him must have sent him over the edge because he came a moment later with a roar of pleasure ending in her name.

They lay there together with him resting on her with most of his weight on the couch and her hands running over his skin gently. Kelsey knew that she had to get him to open up now more than ever. If she wanted to have a relationship with him, she had to help him get past what had happened to him when he was with the Headhunters.

Burner finally pulled away from her. Sitting up, he put his jeans back on and Kelsey did the same, pulling her jeans and underwear up and back on. Searching the floor for her shirt and finding it in a crumpled mess by the end table, she put it on while her mind tried to find a way to bring up the subject of his stay with the Headhunters without making him run again.

Burner was trying to get his raging emotions under control. He sat beside Kelsey on the couch with his mind reeling. He almost couldn’t breathe and found himself rubbing his hand along his jaw feeling the light stubble that must have left red marks on her skin. Turning, he looked at her for a moment, seeing the love bite on her neck and the red marks along her jaw with a possessive satisfaction.

Damn, he needed to get a handle on this addiction. He should get up and walk the fuck out of her apartment before he fucked up her life even further. He was a bastard and she didn’t deserve to be used as a buffer from the screams in his head. Kelsey shifted; standing up, she looked down at him.

“I’m hungry. I made pasta earlier, do you want some?” she asked, her hand brushing her red hair back from her face. Her brow was raised in question and he wanted to grab her to drag her back on the couch to kiss every inch of her. Burner felt his fingers twitch with the need to reach out for her but he held himself back.

“Sure,” he found himself saying even as his brain told him to get the hell out of here and leave her alone. Instead he stood up and followed her into the kitchen, his eyes glued to her sexy ass in those tight jeans. Burner almost swallowed his tongue when she leaned over to grab the bowl from the fridge.

Have mercy
, he silently begged. His cock was already hard for her again, and he wasn’t thinking of leaving anymore. Nope, he was thinking of how long it would be before she let him ravish her a second time. Shaking his head, he sat down at the little table while she heated up the pasta on the stove. When she was finished, she placed the food on two plates and brought them to the table, setting one in front of him.

“What do you want to drink?” she asked, drawing his attention from his observation of her breasts.

“Beer if you have it,” he grunted.

“I do.”

She went back to the fridge and he bit his lip to contain the growl that rose in his chest when she had to bend over to get the drinks. His hand clenched on his fork as his eyes drank in the view. She came back with a soda for herself and a beer for him, sitting down across from him. Burner began wolfing down the pasta, trying to keep his mouth full so that he didn’t have to talk with her. Eating with her suddenly seemed too intimate.

If he was going to end this farce between them then he needed to stop allowing himself to stay after he fucked her. He refused to call it anything else despite the fury that thought sent spiraling through him. Burner saw her little smile as she ate her own meal as if she had a secret that she was trying not to blurt out. He eyed her across the table, her smile making him nervous. She pushed her empty plate away when she was done, sitting back in her chair staring at him as he ate the last few bites of his pasta.

“What?” he asked when he couldn’t stand the staring any longer.

“Can we talk about what you told me the other day?”

“No,” he barked flatly. Unable to stay still, he grabbed his plate and hers, taking them to the sink. He ran the water over them hoping that she would drop it.

“Why not? I have questions,” Kelsey said from right behind him.

He whirled, resentment burning his guts as he stared at her. “Questions,” he spat out, his eyes narrowing on her. “What do you want to ask me, Kelsey? Do you want to know how many times I hit a woman, or maybe you want to know about how many times I sat and watched a woman get raped? Is that it? Or do you want to ask how many times each one begged them to stop? How about how often their screams echo inside me every day? Are those the
questions
you have for me, Kelsey?”

Kelsey blanched and she took a step back from him, making him furious. Now she was scared of him when she should have just left this alone instead of deciding to poke at the sore spot inside him. Burner turned back to the sink to give her time to recover because if she flinched away from him again he wasn’t sure what he would do. It lit a fire inside him that burned his insides, scorching him.

“No–I don’t want to ask you th-that. I want you to talk about it, Burner. It’s eating you up inside but if you need to tell me those things then I’ll listen. You have to let it go.” Kelsey’s voice was firm and he’d bet she was steeling her spine in order to deal with the poison inside him.

His fury became a mountain that almost crushed him. He didn’t want Kelsey anywhere near the horrid things she wanted him to tell her about. Didn’t she know that that was what he was trying to protect her from? How could she not understand that her knowing the things he had done would break him and he was already shattered. Turning to face her, his hands still wet from rinsing the dishes, he stepped towards her.

“You think I want to talk about that bullshit? That you’re the one I would ever talk about that with?” he demanded, grabbing her upper arms to shake her slightly.

“Why not me, Burner? We’re more than just fuck buddies and we both know it. You stay here all the time, we’ve become friends, and we have amazing sex. I just want to help you because I care,” Kelsey told him, her hazel eyes full of sympathy he knew he didn’t deserve. Hardening his jaw, he felt his hands tighten and knew he was likely hurting her but he couldn’t seem to let go.

“What did I tell you when this started, Kelsey? We aren’t in a relationship and I warned you not to think that’s what this was. I just like to fuck you.” Burner felt her jerk and he could see tears in her eyes and felt like a total dick. He wanted to say he was sorry but he couldn’t seem to find any words because his throat was clogged.

“I don’t believe you. You’re just trying to make me think that because you’re scared of what’s happening with us,” Kelsey muttered, her lips trembling as the first tear slipped from the corner of her eye.

Burner had to let her go then or he would have taken back every word he’d said to her in the last few minutes because her tears fractured something inside him in a way no other woman’s tears ever had. He suddenly couldn’t breathe as he stepped away from her, forcing himself to continue hurting her when all he wanted to do was stop.

“Scared?” Burner forced out a laugh. “Sweetheart, I’m not scared at all. You’re the one trying to force this,” he pointed back and forth between them, “to be something it’s just not,” he finished.

“Then what is this, Burner? What am I to you, tell me,” Kelsey commanded.  

“You’re just another fuck and I can get that from any number of women. You just happen to be the one I wanted to fuck tonight,” Burner snorted out.

“Fine, then go fuck another woman, Burner. It’s not like this matters, like
we
matter. We’re just fuck buddies, right?” she screamed, her tears now pouring unchecked down her cheeks as she spat the words at him. He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t true but he couldn’t; it would only drag out the inevitable outcome of this fucked up relationship he never should have started. Burner watched the tears, his body vibrating with the need to hold her and tell her it would be all right, but he stiffened his spine.

“That’s right,” he forced himself to say, his chest feeling heavy, and it was all he could do not to rub the ache that had formed over his heart.

“Then just go. Get out! If you can’t man up and admit that this is more, then I’m done, Burner. Don’t come back here,
ever
.” The last word rang with a finality he almost wanted to beg her to take back but he knew this was the right thing
for her
. He wouldn’t allow the poison inside him to take any more from her than it already had.

“Fine, I don’t need this bullshit anyway. I don’t understand why women insist on ruining shit by trying to force a man to talk. Fuck, if I’d wanted to talk about this shit then I would have done it already. Did you have to wreck a perfectly good fuck with this dumb crap?” Burner stormed towards the living room as he hurled those words at her, already hating himself for trying to hurt her even more but he needed to be sure he couldn’t fix this easily or he’d be back. He needed to prevent that by making sure this was over for good.

“Apparently we do. Just get out, Burner,” Kelsey yelled from a few feet behind him.

He grabbed his cut and his shirt off the couch, glancing back at her briefly, feeling a ripping sensation in his chest that nearly brought him to his knees. He moved towards the door, wanting to beg her to forgive him so badly it was all he could do to walk. Kelsey stood there with her arms wrapped around her waist, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes were puffy and great big sobs were wrenched from her. He closed his eyes as he turned to the door, the words he needed to say hovering on his lips but he couldn’t say them for a moment. He paused, gripping the door handle tightly, feeling it dig into his palm.

“By the way, thanks for the great fucks. If you like I can certainly recommend you to the next man in the club who wants you,” he managed to utter, feeling gutted by the very thought of another man touching her.

If any of those assholes tried anything with her they’d end up dead because he wasn’t going to allow that to happen
ever
. He wasn’t saving her from himself just to let her go down that road with another idiot from his MC. Burner heard the sobs like blows as he ripped the door open and stormed out into the early morning light feeling more defeated than he could ever remember feeling in his life.

Chapter Nineteen

Kelsey felt a sob shake her whole body as she watched Burner walk out of her apartment, her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. The door slammed hard behind him rattling the windows and it crushed her heart. She had just admitted to herself today that she loved him and now it was over between them because she refused to allow him to destroy her. His parting words to her echoed in her ears and she screamed out an internal denial, destroyed by the truth that pierced her chest with a white hot pain that almost sliced her in two. Burner had never cared for her at all. He’d made that perfectly clear with that last declaration. Kelsey felt anger surge up inside her blistering her with its fire.

No, just no, she wouldn’t fall apart over this.

She refused to allow him to make her into a weak, weeping mess. Using her arm to wipe her face, she turned on shaky legs, walking through her room into the bathroom. She grabbed a washcloth off the shelf she kept them on, wetting it to wash her face. She held it over her eyes while a few more tears poured out of her letting the warmth soothe them away.

Kelsey knew that she wasn’t about to allow him to wreck her with his words. She knew that there was a reason he kept coming back and it wasn’t just because he liked to fuck her. Even if he said that it was, she damned well knew it wasn’t, but what she’d told him before he left was true too. If he couldn’t man up and admit this was more than just a screw for him then she wasn’t going to allow it to continue.

She met her eyes in the mirror seeing the puffiness around them and the sadness filling them, sighing because she knew that she’d made her decision even if it was killing her. She would need time to come to terms with ending their relationship. She loved him but if he wasn’t willing to fight for them, she was done.