Bursting With Love (24 page)

“No shit. Blake Carter’s cousin? No wonder he was asking about you. Is she cute?” Rush asked.

“Beautiful. And smart. She’s a lawyer.”

“What’s she doing with you?” Rush teased.

Jack feigned punching his arm, and Rush pretended to punch Jack in his stomach. They were laughing as they approached the door to Siena’s loft, but Jack’s laugh was forced. Rush touched his arm.

“Jack. I was a real douche to you, and I’m sorry. I know I was a dick, and I said things that were pretty shitty. It’s just…you were the guy I always looked up to, and when you fell apart…” He shrugged. “My hero had fallen. You disappeared and I got pissed. And then I saw how mad Dad was, and I jumped on that train, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, Rush. We all messed up. I just wish I knew why Dad was so mad.”

“Got me. He’s never said anything. He was real supportive of you until you disappeared, and then it was like a switch turned and he was like he is now.”

“Well, maybe he’ll find a way to tell me what he’s thinking. And, Rush, I wasn’t exactly kind in the way I handled things with you, either. Let’s just say we were both dicks and move past it.” Jack patted him on the back, and when Rush flashed the smile Jack hadn’t seen in two years and he heard laughter coming from inside Siena’s loft, he knew they were on the right path.

“Okay. Maybe you can forget that I said you were my hero. I’ll deny it if you ever say it in front of them.” He nodded toward the door.

“Jackass,” Jack teased.

The second they stepped into Siena’s loft, the room silenced. He could have heard a pin drop. Instead they heard their father’s loud footsteps descending the stairs right before the door swung shut.

“Where’s your father?” Their mother rushed to Jack’s side and touched his arm. “Are you okay?”

Jack placed his hand over hers. “Yeah, actually. I am.”

The door swung open, and his father stepped inside. He made a wide arc around Jack and his mother and joined the others at the table. Without a word, he laid a napkin in his lap and reached across the table for a dish of lasagna.

Jack’s mother pursed her lips and shook her head. She patted Jack’s chest, then took his hand, as she’d done so often when he was a boy, and they sat at the table. Siena and Dex exchanged a roll of their eyes at their father’s behavior, and Kurt, too passive to get involved, was probably taking mental notes to use in one of his thrillers. Sage lifted his beer bottle and smiled at Jack and Rush.

“To family,” he said with a wink.

Everyone except his father toasted, and it broke Jack’s heart to see his father alone on the opposite side of the Remington line.

SAVANNAH CLIMBED THE steps to her apartment, thinking about Aida and Jack. Now that she had Jack in her life, she felt transformed. It struck her that she was finally in a relationship where she wasn’t the only one doing the giving.
It feels good
. She shook her head at the thought.
No, it feels grea
t
!
She was less on edge. Their lovemaking wasn’t one-sided, and she felt herself changing as much as Jack was. She’d always thought she needed to be a man’s only true love, and what she discovered with Jack was that love came in different levels. She knew Jack loved Linda, but she saw the way he looked at her and felt the way he touched her, and she knew in her heart that regardless of what he’d felt for anyone before her, he loved her in a completely different way than he’d loved anyone else.

 She hoped that Aida would find the same kind of true love one day and that at some point the right person would see Aida’s boisterous, flirtatious nature as a layer that they just needed to delve beyond and love her for it as much as for what lay beneath. Just as she’d seen Jack’s anger as a mask of pain and she’d known that below that pain could only be a passionate, loving man with a heart so big it just about strangled him.

She flipped through her keys on her way up the stairs.

“There’s my angel.”

She looked up and met Jack’s smile with her own.

“Jack. How did it go?” She rushed up the stairs and stood on her toes to kiss him. She’d been trying to push away the question that Aida had planted in her mind over dinner, and now that she was looking at Jack, the thought moved to the forefront of her mind.
How did you get that scar and the ones on your back?
Aida had wondered if it was something that happened in the military, but Savannah had noticed that he rubbed it when he spoke of Linda, and she’d have to be blind not to see the connection—and that’s what had kept her from asking him all along.

“Better than I’d expected. Let’s go inside and we’ll talk.”

Inside the apartment, Savannah poured them each a glass of wine, and they settled onto the couch.

“So it went well? Your family was receptive?”

“For the most part. Siena, Dex, and Kurt were very open and welcoming. Sometimes I forget that while I’ve been angry for two years, that’s my own little circle of life. For everyone else, life goes on as normal. They work, they hang out with friends, and I’m sure they have passing thoughts about me as their brother, but really, it was my life that was messed up, not theirs.”

“It’s hard to keep that perspective. I know that sometimes I get really wrapped up in a case and I can’t understand why everyone else isn’t feeling as conflicted or overwhelmed as I am.”
And since I’ve fallen for you, I wonder why everyone else isn’t on cloud nine like I am
. “What about Rush? I know how worried you were about him.”

Jack sipped his wine. “Rush…Rush was good. He’s in a tough place. He’s always tried to be the man our father wanted us all to be—and I don’t even know who that man he wants us to be is anymore. I’ve been thinking about it. We’re all good men, and we’ve always worked hard and done our best, and I always thought it was enough, but after tonight, I have to wonder…” Jack took Savannah’s hand and looked deeply into her eyes. “You’ve changed me, Savannah. You’ve given me strength to do what I needed to, and you’ve taught me to look beyond the hurt and anger. Tonight, when I looked at Rush, I saw his anger as something other than an attack on me, or hatred for what I’d done. Because of you, I understood where it came from.”

“What do you mean?” She saw a smile form on his lips, then fade, as if he didn’t want to believe that whatever he was thinking could be true.

“I realized that Rush was doing what he thought my father needed or wanted him to do. He was stuck. My whole life, he idolized me. I can’t even imagine anyone idolizing me.”

“Jack.” The pain in his eyes drew her hand to his cheek. He covered it with his own hand and smiled.

“My mom does that same thing, touches my cheek like that. You’d like her.” He kissed her palm, then held her hand within his own. “Anyway, Rush said he felt like I let him down by giving up. He actually said his hero had fallen and that he was pissed that I took off, but beyond that, I could see that it was his own messed up need for our father’s approval that pushed him to act the way he did toward me. And I get that, you know? We all want our father’s approval.”

“I’m sorry, Jack. I’m missing something. What happened with your parents?”

“My mom was just glad to have me back in her life again. She’s very earthy. You know, the love-thy-neighbor and to-forgive-is-divine type.” He smiled. “To this day, I have no idea how she ended up with my father. He didn’t say much to me tonight. He and Rush and I went outside to talk, and I was very open with him about everything, and he didn’t soften once.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sure he’ll come around. He’s your father, and really, what does he have to be mad at? Because his son needed time away to deal with the death of his wife?”

Jack placed his hands on her cheeks. “You’re an amazing person, Savannah. You see the good in everything and everyone.” He kissed her softly. “In my father’s defense, I said something to him tonight that I never realized I felt, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I must have. He’d prepared me for war, and he’d prepared me to act ethically and work hard and for all the things he deemed important for a man. But no one ever prepares you for the death of a spouse, and I guess I wish he had.”

“Jack, how could he have done that? That’s not something parents do.”

“No, but talking about death in a manner other than being proud about snuffing out the enemy is, and that’s what was missing. I do remember my mom talking us through when our pet bunny died when I was probably eight or nine, but what I remember most about that summer was my father’s belligerent attitude and his blatant disregard for what she was trying to teach us. I can only recall his words, not hers.
Stop crying. Sissies cry. You’re a man. That rabbit’s life is over. Time to move on.”

“As horrible as that sounds, he was probably trying to get you to, you know, man up, or whatever guys think. I can’t imagine that any father would say that if he thought it would have long-term negative effects. Do you know how long you mourned that rabbit? You know how kids are. Is there a chance you were milking it for weeks like kids do?” There had to be another explanation. Jack was too good in his heart to have been raised by someone so cold.

“I honestly don’t remember.”

“Maybe your father has a hard time with the line between manliness and sensitivity. It’s okay to be a virile man and have feelings.”

Jack shrugged and shook his head. “My father’s not always like that. Maybe I am overreacting. I don’t know. But I know that I didn’t overreact tonight. I kept my cool, and other than that one burst of blame, which I’ll retract the next time I see him, I was pretty calm.”

Savannah sat back and sipped her wine. “So you’ll try again?” Savannah’s family was such a big part of her life. She couldn’t imagine trying to navigate a situation where one parent was not welcoming of their child. She’d deal with anything for Jack, but in her heart she had to believe that he and his father could move past whatever was blocking their path to a happier relationship.

“Yes, but not tonight. Tonight I want to hold you in my arms and just know you’re there.”

Savannah wanted that, too. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, and as her hands slid up the back of his arms, she felt his scar, and she knew that, like everything else with Jack, when he was ready, he’d tell her how it got there.

JACK WOKE UP to an odd ringing noise. He reached for Savannah, and his arm fell on empty sheets. Jack sat up and looked at the clock.
Six fifty-eight?
It took him a minute to realize that he’d actually slept right through the night. He loved going to sleep next to Savannah just as much as he’d loved being there when she arrived home the night before.

He climbed from the bed and located the ringing as he dug his cell phone from the pocket of the jeans he’d worn the night before. By the time he’d retrieved it, the call had gone to voicemail. He wandered through the apartment looking for Savannah and found a note from her on the counter.

Dear Jack,

You were sleeping so soundly that I didn’t want to wake you. Make yourself at home. I’m leaving you my extra key, so come and go as you please
.
I’m tied up most of the day in meetings, but call my cell and I’ll pick up if I can. Good luck with whatever you have planned today.

Love,

S

PS: Happy Friday. I can’t believe we met a week ago today! Xox

Jack picked up the key from the counter and rubbed it between his thumb and index finger. They’d moved so fast and so seamlessly into a relationship that it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to be holding a key to Savannah’s apartment while standing alone in her kitchen wearing nothing but his boxers. He hadn’t thought about how things might flesh out with their living arrangements. He’d never ask Savannah to leave the convenience of her apartment and move out to Bedford Corners, and now that Savannah was in his life, he wondered how often he’d make the drive there himself. Or if he’d ever want to again.

He looked at the missed call registered on his cell and recognized his parents’ number. Although he wasn’t awake enough to deal with his father, he didn’t want the call looming over him for the next twenty minutes, inducing anxiety while he drank coffee and showered. He punched in their number while the coffee brewed.

“Hello?”

His mother’s cheerful voice greeted him. “Hi, Mom. It’s Jack.”

“Oh, honey. Do you really think I wouldn’t recognize my own son’s voice? How are you? You sound tired.”

Jack poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. “I’m good. Actually, I slept better last night than I have in forever.” He and Savannah had gone to bed shortly after their talk the evening before, and true to his word, Jack had curled his body around her luscious curves, and instead of making love to her, as his body had craved, he’d held her until she fell asleep. The cadence of her peaceful breathing and the comfort and warmth of her body against his had eased him into a deep sleep.

“I called your house phone,” his mother said.

He knew she was fishing for information, and he also knew his father would have told her what Jack had said the evening before. “I’m not there, Mom.”

“You’re not?”

Her feigned surprise brought a smile to his lips. “Mom. Who told you, Dad or Rush?”

“Your father. I didn’t have a chance to talk to you last night, Jack, and I would like to.”

“I’m happy to talk, Mom. Things were a little uncomfortable last night. I have to do some clothes shopping. Why don’t you come along, maybe have some lunch afterward?” Jack hadn’t spent time with his mother in so long that he missed spending time with her and he hoped she’d agree to meet him. “It might be fun.”

“Your father is out for the day. He had an early meeting in New Haven, so why not? Where are you now?”

She would spend all day fishing for details rather than asking. Jack ran his finger over the edges of the key and decided to ease her mind. “I’m at my girlfriend’s apartment in the city.”
Girlfriend
. He’d played the word over in his mind only a few times since he’d been with Savannah, and even though it rolled off his tongue smooth and secure, it felt much too light for the emotions he had toward her.

“Oh, Jack. I’m happy for you. You’ll have to tell me all about her. Are you shopping in the city? Other than coming into the city for dinner at Siena’s, I haven’t been there in weeks. This will be an adventure.”

He pictured his mother rising to her feet from her favorite reading chair in the sunroom. The room they both loved most. It was filled with plants and flowers that she tended to daily. He could almost feel the cold tiles beneath his feet and the warm transition to the colorful throw rug that had been there since he was a boy.

“Yes, it will, Mom. Want to meet me at Savannah’s or at the store?” Jack glanced at the clock. He had plenty of time to shower and dress before the stores opened.

“Savannah? Is that your girlfriend’s name? That’s just beautiful. Is she Southern?”

He loved hearing the tenderness in his mother’s voice as she tamped down her excitement. If she were Siena, she’d have
whooped
into the phone at the thought of a girlfriend.

“She’s from Colorado. She grew up on a ranch. I’ll tell you all about her when I see you. Ten o’clock?” He thought about his cabin in the mountains, and he wondered if Savannah would enjoy it as much as he had. Jack took a drink of his coffee and noticed a picture frame on the bookshelves that he never noticed before. He rose as he gave his mother Savannah’s address and picked up the photograph.

“I’ll see you at ten, Jack.”

“Okay. Love you, Mom. Thanks for calling.” He was distracted by the photograph, and even after his mother hung up the phone, he still held his against his ear. His hand slid down his face, and he held the frame in both hands, then ran his index finger over the image of Savannah’s face. She was nestled between her brothers, who were all big, strikingly handsome men. But it wasn’t the beauty of her family that struck him. His own family was quite attractive. It was the natural closeness between them that had him mesmerized. They weren’t posed. Their smiles did not appear feigned or forced, as evident in the way Savannah was looking at the tallest brother, her head thrown back midlaugh, her eyes laughing right along with her. He imagined the sound of her laughter. The brother to her left was Hugh. Now that she’d told him who he was, he recognized him. He looked rather playful, with one arm around Savannah and the other around another brother who wore his hair much shorter than the rest and who was looking over Savannah’s head at the two brothers on her other side.

Jack remembered when pictures like that were annual events for his own family. His father would pester them to stand up straight and look at the camera, and inevitably they’d have thirty photographs of them laughing and teasing and one photograph with stoic faces caused by a final threat to behave. He could still hear his mother trying to calm his father down during the process. She’d say,
Aren’t they cute? Leave them be, James. They’re happy.
And his father would clench his jaw and wait another five minutes before trying to regain control.

He set the frame back on the bookshelf and thought about his father. Jack’s grandfather had raised his father with an iron hand. That was old news in the Remington household, but even his grandfather wouldn’t turn away his own son for reacting the way Jack had. Not for the first time, Jack wished he understood his father better.

He pressed the speed-dial number for Savannah and was surprised when she answered on the second ring.

“Hey there,” he said.

“Hi, sleepyhead. I was so happy to see you sleeping this morning. I couldn’t wake you.” Her consideration of him was just another thing he could add to the growing list of things he loved about her.

“I haven’t slept this late for years. Thank you for letting me sleep, but I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking over your space or becoming an imposition.” He looked at the key in the center of the table.

“Jack, I loved coming home to you last night and waking up to you this morning. You’re anything but an imposition. Did you get the key I left you?” she asked.

“Yes, that was really thoughtful. I promise not to abuse the privilege.” He wanted to tell her that he’d like to be there every day when she came home from work and every morning when she woke up, but Jack knew that they were moving at the speed of light and he had a feeling that the men in the picture he’d just looked at might not take too kindly to his moving in with their sister so quickly.

“Please, abuse it,” she teased. “What’s on your plate today?”

“I’m meeting my mother in a little while. We’re going to shop for clothes for your brother’s award ceremony and then have lunch.”

“Oh, Jack. That’s wonderful. But please don’t buy new clothes on account of my family.”

“I’m not. I’m revamping so much of my life that the idea of putting on dress clothes from two years ago just doesn’t sit well with me.” He didn’t need to tell her that the last time he’d worn dress clothes was to Linda’s funeral, or that he’d burned those particular clothes the minute he’d gotten back home. The past was slowly being pushed to where it rightfully belonged—behind him. And he was excited to move forward. If only he could resolve the issues with his father. He was determined to heal that relationship. He rubbed his scar and realized that he still hadn’t told Savannah about what else had happened the night of Linda’s accident, and he had to face that, too. As soon as he felt strong enough, he would do it, and then he hoped he’d be able to bring Savannah fully into his life, which meant welcoming her into the home he had shared with Linda and to the cabin. Once he was secure enough to do those things, their biggest hurdles would be behind him.

“Well, have fun. I can’t wait to see you tonight. Will you be at the apartment, or are you heading back to your house?”

He heard the hope in her voice that he’d come to love, and he knew the answer to the question he’d asked himself earlier. He had no interest in driving back to Bedford Corners when Savannah was right here in the city.

“I’ll be here when you get home for as many days as you’d like me to be.” He walked into her bedroom and began taking his clothes from his backpack.

“I’m a needy girl, Jack. I never used to be. In fact, I’ve never wanted any man to stay overnight at all. But with you, I want nothing more. So let me know if I smother you.”

“Impossible.” The word flew from his lips.