Burying Ben (31 page)

“
W
ould you have done anything
different if you had.”

“I don’t know. Jesus fucking Christ, how could I
m
iss this? I thought about that stupid little kid everyday f
o
r years, wondered where he wound up. Foster ho
m
e?
Jail?
And he’s right under
m
y fucking nose. Christ, I g
o
t to get off the sauce. I couldn’t find a bowling ball in a bathtub.”

He drops his head
and grips the desk as though he is going to fall over. I tap on the glass.

“
W
ell if it’s any consolation. It wasn’t just you tor
m
enting h
i
m. He’s got the wife from
hell.”

“At least we had so
m
ething in common – bad taste in wo
m
en.”

I start to say so
m
ething consoling a
n
d stop
m
yself. I’m
finished
m
aking people feel better. It certainly didn’t help Ben.

Eddie walks around his desk and co
m
es through a door into the lobby. Now that he’s out from behind the reflection of the gl
a
ss window, I can see that his face is
m
ottled with red splotches.

“Co
m
e to think of it, Mr. Safeway and I got
m
ore than one thing in co
m
m
on. We’re both lying sacks of shit. I looked at
his background packet one ti
m
e
, none of your business how I got
m
y hands on it.
H
e nev
e
r said jack to the backgrounder about his parents or about being adopted and changing his na
m
e. You supposed to say if you’ve ever had another na
m
e. Swore he never
knew nobody who got arrested. Bullshit. His parents had a rap sheet as long as
m
y
ar
m
. Lying on your application is a no-no. He played us.
A
ll of us. That bu
m
bling
s
ucker was
o
ne crafty s
o
nofabitch.”

“
W
e can all be fooled.”

“I’m
a cop. I get fooled, I get killed. M
a
ybe the chief is right. Maybe I should hang it up.”

Chapter Thirty
Four

Ho
m
e at last. I sit in
m
y living room
with a g
l
ass of wine. I can still hear the conte
m
pt in April’s voice. The sound of Bell
e
’s body hitting the steps. Poor
Ben. Nothing left to live for, no relationship, no fa
m
ily and no job. Betrayed. His drea
m
s shredded into worthless bits by a heartless child. It was too
m
uch to bear. Under the circu
m
stances, I couldn’t have done much for hi
m
.
That should
m
ake
m
e f
e
el better, but it doesn’t.

April betrayed Ben because
it’s in her nature to do so. I now doubt she was sexually abused by her father.
S
t
ill, she is a selfish, i
mm
a
t
ure girl with
a serio
u
s c
h
aracter
d
isorder and parents even
m
ore dysfunctional than she
is.

But how did Mark get drawn into this dra
m
a?
W
h
a
t had he to gain?
I try to i
m
agine him and Belle discussing
m
oney. How long had it taken him
to figure out how much to ask for?
Did she give it r
i
ght away or did they dicker o
v
er the pri
c
e, h
a
ggling back and
f
orth until they s
e
ttled on so
m
e mutually acceptable amount?

My phone rings.
It
’
s Frank calling to tell
m
e the alarm
system he ordered for
m
y house has arrived. I’m
happy to hear his voice, eager
to tell so
m
eone
about the evening’s events. He wants to know if I still want him
to install it or would I rather get so
m
eone else to do it.

“
W
hat do you
m
ean?
Do you want me to ask so
m
eone else
?
”

“I don’t know. You are the
m
ost interesting woman I’ve
m
et in a long time, but every ti
m
e we get together I
m
anage to say so
m
ething to tick you off. I
’
m
a pretty easy going guy. I’m
attracted to you in a nu
m
ber of w
a
ys, but I don’t want a relationship that’s filled with
d
r
a
m
a. I want to be able to say what’s
on
m
y
m
ind without you
getting
m
ad. I don’t know if you can do that. You get pissed
off every ti
m
e I say so
m
ething you don’t want to hear.”

There’s a muffled ringi
n
g in
m
y ears and
m
y face is sudde
nl
y hot. “Busted,” I say. “Guilty as charged.” This is a
m
an half the wo
m
en I know would love to
m
eet. Which is why I haven’t told anyone about hi
m
, especially
m
y mother, because she’d be on
m
e, telling
m
e I was crazy not to ju
m
p into this relationship with both feet.

“You’re right. I’ve been bitchy. I feel so
shitty about Ben and everything else, I can’t take any
m
ore bad news
about myself. You’ve been g
r
eat. You don’t deserve to be tre
a
ted like this. I j
u
st wish our ti
m
ing had been different.”

“So
m
aybe we should just cool it for a while. I’ll co
m
e over and put in the alar
m
. You take care of what you need to take care of,
and we’ll see how things go. If they go.”

“Can I t
e
ll
y
ou so
m
ething?”

“
W
hat?”

“I’ve had a terrible day.” I start to cry
and
m
ake stupid slurpy noises. I describe
m
eeting the Patchers, the blow-up at the
Good Shepherd Home and
m
y confrontation with April.

“Your ex took a bribe to falsify his psych report?
W
hat are you going to do
?
” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “I know what I’d
do. I’d blow the whistle on hi
m
. Call the newspapers. Tell the chief.”

“I want to talk to him
first, hear his s
i
de of the story before I do anything like that. I’ve never known h
i
m
to be unethical. So
m
ething must be wrong.”

“Cheating on you doesn’t count as unethical?
Gary told
m
e about his affair.”

“So
m
uch
f
o
r con
f
identi
a
lity as a pro
f
ession
a
l co
u
rtesy.”

“C’
m
on, Dot. Gary’s your friend. He thought you got a raw deal.” He exhales slowly. “Am I
m
i
ssing so
m
ething here
?
”

I fla
s
h with anger. We’re back in that sa
m
e territory. He’s saying
so
m
ething I don’t want to hear, and I want to let him
have it between the eyes even though he’s right. I
should be furious with Mark. And I a
m
. But for so
m
e reason, I don’t want to admit that to
F
r
ank or
m
yself.

“I appreciate your concern
a
nd your help, Frank. I really do. And at the risk of totally u
s
ing
up any goodwill you
s
t
ill have for
m
e, I have one
m
ore favor to ask.”

“
W
hat’
s
th
at
?”

“Don’t give up on
m
e, Frank. Please.”

I ask Mark to co
m
e to my house for dinner so
we can talk things over. I want to get him away from
his office, out of his comfort
z
one and away from Melinda
’
s prying eyes. I want him
in my space, where I
’
m
in control.

And since he
’
s relucta
n
t to
di
scuss Ben
’
s case with
m
e, I have to disguise the invitation
as a way to get our friendship back on track after the confrontation in his
o
ffice. He
’
s delighted to hear from
m
e and re
m
orseful about how badly things have
g
one between
us rece
n
tly, though apparently not remorseful enough to have called me or given
m
e an update on Ben
’
s
m
i
ssing file.

G
ary helps
m
e put together so
m
e ass
e
m
b
l
e-it-yourself
furniture
to replace what Patcher s
m
ashed.
H
e’s sorting through a pile of
tiny plastic bags containing screws and dowels. He
’
s not happy with
m
e. “I don’t get you. Frank is a really decent guy.
Most wo
m
en would give their
right
arm
to
m
eet
a
m
an
like hi
m
.”

I ha
n
d him
a Phillips-head screwdriver. “Don’t start with
m
e, please. I have enough
trouble as it is.”

He cla
m
ps down on the stem
of his pipe and works the rest of the
m
orning in silence.

Fran isn’t too happy with
m
e either. I
order two chicken casserole dinners to go and have her write down detailed instructions about how long to heat everything without burning the
m
eal to a crisp. She doesn
’
t ask who is co
m
i
ng for
dinner.

“How’s Eddie doing
?
” I ask her.

“Terrible.
H
e’s been on a binge. It’s killing hi
m
, working the desk. I try to go to his house to clean, when he lets
m
e in. The place stinks.”

She glares at
m
e.

“He’s had proble
m
s with alcohol for a long ti
m
e, Fran. I didn’t cause him
to drink.”

She shoves the
p
ackages across t
h
e cou
n
ter and accepts
m
y
m
oney without protest.

I drive ho
m
e, put the food in the oven, un
p
ack t
h
e china,
s
il
v
er, and crystal,
m
ost of it wedding presents that Mark didn’t wan
t
. Too fancy for what I have in mind, but after the break-in, it
’
s either these or paper plates and plastic glasses. I go upstairs to dress. My good luck sweater still has a re
n
t o
v
er the
h
eart.

Mark is standing at the door
with his crooked s
m
ile, a bottle of wine in each hand. For a mo
m
ent only, the old longing tugs at
m
e like a bad habit.

W
e go into the kitchen.
F
r
an’s casser
o
le is sputt
e
ring
s
o
f
tly, perfu
m
ing the kitchen with the s
m
ell of onions, garlic and cinna
m
on. He sniffs the air. “So
m
ething s
m
ells great. You been taking cooking lessons? Let’s open the wine and let it breathe.”