Business Doctors - Management Consulting Gone Wild (15 page)

“Did you just say -
performance
?” Bullet didn’t sound too sure she had heard it right.

Andres still hurting from the prior evening’s incident, grabbed his crotch provocatively as he stared at Bullet, “Yes pumpkin, and I’m looking forward to my next
performance,
with you. The last one did not end as I expected.”

Schneider didn’t want another altercation breaking out. He ignored Andres’ provocation and responded to Bullet, “Yes ma’am, I did say that. You’ll learn more about it later.”

He hoped he had been successful in keeping the mystery and the anticipation alive. That was his only effective tool against this group and he needed to wield it well.

He clapped his hands and raised his voice, “Ok, guys. You got the basic facts today. Today’s your last day of rest. Tomorrow morning we get down to business.” As the group prepared to disperse, he raised his voice again.

“But, first things first. We start with the medical tests tomorrow. Please pick up your stool and urine kits before you leave. And remember no food and drinks after 8 P.M. today. Remember people – don’t touch the bottle tonight.”

Fernando walked around and picked up one of the containers for collecting urine samples lying on the table. “You mean we gotta pee in this?”

“Yes, and there’s more.” Schneider lifted the bigger container and held it next to the one Fernando had picked up.

“Oh crap!” Fernando exclaimed.

“Exactly,” Schneider quipped.

* * *

The next day everyone was present in the room where the hospital nurse and her orderlies had set up shop, ready with their medical kits.

“Quite a disciplined group, I have to say,” said the nurse. “In our corporate group packages we always have a few people who get missed out or come in late. You don’t look like the typical corporate group though. What does your company do?”

There were no responses.

“My name is Nancy and I’ll be your medical guide for the next few hours.”

“Hmmm, guide…now where have we heard that before?” muttered Gabriel to his neighbor. “We have had two guides already and we haven’t seen no exotic sights yet on this freakin’ tour.”

Nancy explained how it was going to work, “I’ll have to hand over these forms for you to fill in. Your medical history, allergies, any medications etc. Standard procedure. Helps us know you better.”

“Why? You planning to set us up on a date, mamma?” Gabriel asked

“No, dear. That’s something for you to manage after you get out of this place. We’ll just certify that you are fit for whatever you intend to do
after
we are done with you.” The nurse winked at Gabriel. “Here are your forms and some pens. The second form has a list of tests that you’ll go through. Please help yourself.”

Jason picked up the second form. “HDL, LDL, try-glee-say-ride…this makes no sense to me.”

“Don’t you worry, dear. They are all routine tests. So don’t think too much about it.” The nurse was apparently in no mood to get into the technicalities.

She disappeared and returned after a while to collect the forms. “I’m sorry sir, but I’d have to request you to fill up the personal history form again.” She offered a new form to Fernando.

“Already did it, and as the form suggests,
to the best of my knowledge
,” said Fernando, reading the text from the form.

“Sir, under Allergies, you’ve written
Allergic to the asshole sitting next to me
. In the Medication section of the form, you’ve got scribbled
preferably
weed.
Under the
Alcohol Consumption
section, you have listed all the liquor brands that you enjoy. I don’t know your intention, sir, but I know for sure that the doctor will not find this humorous or entertaining.”

Fernando put up a sad expression. Without conviction he said. “Okaaay, I’ll fill it up again.”

The medical tests that followed dragged on for half a day as each candidate was put through a battery of tests.

Chapter 14

By 7:00 A.M. the candidates had assembled in an open ground. There were two guys missing, Fernando and Benny ‘The strong silent one’. Nurse Nancy had handed the reports the previous evening to Schneider and he had been quick to tell Woody that these two were suffering from hepatitis C and gonorrhea. Though the majority of them had been, and possibly still were, drug addicts
who had no doubt shared needles, and infected bodily fluids, that number was surprising low. Since old habits die hard, and given that there was a woman in the team, there were quite a few possible routes of transmission of bodily fluids. In an effort to minimize the spread of diseases, Schneider had decided to oust anyone that was suffering from major diseases. The two in question had been politely but sternly whisked away and thrown back in the wild – the outside world – to fend for themselves. Though the rest of the team was aware, no one bothered to give much thought at it. If this was all a big fight – every man for himself – then they’d rather have someone else fail.

Everyone was dressed in dark blue track suits. Schneider joined them soon. “You guys look like a team today, in those tracks. I heard you had a good time at the hospital yesterday?”

“If your idea of a good time includes peeing in bottles, then yes, we had a blast,” Alex’s sarcastic response was appreciated only by his homies – Gabriel and Emiliano. The bruised ego hadn’t healed completely. The rest of the group didn’t seem to share the enthusiasm and treated them as a separate unit.

“Well, look on the positive side. That one trip to the hospital before our activities begin will ensure that you are all ready for the physical stuff that’s going to follow.”

In his mind, Schneider was walking down the value-stream map his team had created. They were moving from the physical fitness over to a series of games that would test everyone’s aptitude for the various businesses they had been recruited for.

“Hey Bullet, seems like you got competition,” Kruger whispered to Bullet. He was referring to the attractive lady who had accompanied Schneider on to the ground.

“Hmm, new addition to our little family. Or maybe not. Her track-suit isn’t as ridiculous as ours,” thought Bullet using logical inference to shoot down Kruger’s theory.

Schneider realized it was a good time to introduce her to the group as many of the guys had been checking her out.

“Meet Stephanie Grey. She works as a personal trainer for several celebrities. She’s got her own fitness studio in Beverly Hills. She’s trained many of the top actors and helped them prepare for physically strenuous roles and action sequences in their movies. Today we are going to focus on endurance tests and Steph will help us out with the technique and the evaluation.”

“More tests? I thought the medical tests got over yesterday,” Emiliano’s question was directed at Schneider, but his gaze was transfixed on Stephanie.

Stephanie responded, “They did. What we are going to do today aren’t medical tests really. They are basic exercises that’ll test your agility, stamina and flexibility. Most of you appear to be in good physical shape. So if I have Schneider’s permission, we could get started.”

“By all means, Steph. They are all yours,” Schneider moved back a few steps in order to get the focus on Stephanie.

“Thanks, Schneider,” Stephanie moved a few steps forward to take center stage. “Are you familiar with the concept of fitness tests? Anyone?” Stephanie asked the group.

“You talking about push-ups, pull-ups and stuff?” Ryan asked.

“Yes, those and several others. That’s exactly what we are going to do today. We’ll focus on the basics. I’ll explain the technique to you and also demonstrate the exercise before I ask you to do it. No complications here. Sounds simple and fair, right?”

“Sounds fair to me,” said Kenny.

“Good. Let’s use the next fifteen minutes to warm up and loosen our muscles, shall we? Do what suits you best or just follow what I do.” Stephanie proceeded with a mix of stretching, skipping and on the spot jogging exercises. Some followed her moves while some just stood there watching, ogling, and admiring her assets.

“Fifty bucks says they are implants,” Kenny Krannert was back focusing on his core area of interest.

“Naa, I don’t think so,” said Gabriel.

Hearing the two guys just standing around and discussing something that wasn’t entirely audible, Stephanie
suggested, “Guys. It’s not a good idea to plunge into physically strenuous activities without a good warm up. You’d want to be ready -”

“We were born ready, Steffi,” Gabriel sounded confident.

“That’s Stephanie,” she corrected and continued with her exercises.

After around ten minutes of warming up, Stephanie turned to the group.

“Someone mentioned pull-ups earlier. Let’s start with that.”

Stephanie pulled out a small pad and started walking towards a horizontal rod suspended about seven feet from the ground.  “I guess you already know how this works.”

Stephanie was about five-and-a-half feet tall. She stood below the rod, bent her knees and launched herself vertically. She gripped the rod and her body hung motionless, displaying her pierced belly button.

“This is your starting position. The dead hang. Pull yourself up till your chin crosses the bar and bring yourself back to the dead hang position.”

Stephanie demonstrated the technique as she was speaking and the entire process appeared smooth and effortless.

“Make it clean. No straining. No jerks.”

“No jerks?” asked Emiliano. “Does that mean we are excused from this activity?” He turned to his buddies for some appreciation.

Bullet chipped in. “We don’t think you are jerks - we think you are assholes. So you get the privilege of joining us for this one.”

Emiliano had no witty comeback ready to counter Bullet’s rejoinder. He let out a muffled snort in a bid to brush aside Bullet’s comments.

Stephanie continued, “Twenty pull-ups. No time limits. Who’s going first?”

Jamal walked up towards the bar which was just five inches above his head. Without speaking he held on to the bar and let his body drop. His feet were still touching the ground.

“It’s a little short for you, sir. You’ll have to bend your knees,” Stephanie suggested.

Jamal completed the push-ups as effortlessly as Stephanie had demonstrated and walked back without uttering a word.

“Not a bad start,” said Stephanie noting down the time on her pad. “Mr. Gabriel, you wanna go next?”

A little on the plump side, Gabriel didn’t seem too perturbed by the task. He walked confidently towards the bar and jumped with his hands raised high. He missed. He jumped again, and missed again.

He adjusted his T-shirt on his beer-belly, turned his head to the group. “A little help, guys?” With Jamal and Alex on either side, Gabriel jumped again and grabbed the bar. He hung from it motionless for while. His paunch protruded from his T-shirt. However unlike the trainer’s flat abs, this one had a tattoo of Bart Simpson mooning, the belly button serving the purpose of an important orifice in the act. This drew guffaws from those around him.

“Hey, it was a bet,” Gabriel clarified, still hanging. “And I won! Just like I’ll win this challenge.”

And he hung on for some more time.

Stephanie was getting impatient. “You can start whenever you are ready, Mr. Gabriel.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just focusing on my breath and getting my thoughts ready. I’ve been doing this Yoga thing for several years now. Mind over matter, ya know.”

With a quick jerk of his legs and his whole body, he pulled on the bar. His head hit the bar hard with a loud thud and his body came back to its original position. He let out a little yelp, but held on.

“Ouch,” muttered Chang to Bullet. “That must’ve hurt.”

“I’m okay. I’m fine,” Gabriel was still holding on to the bar.

“Take it slow, Mr. Gabriel,” Stephanie encouraged him.

After a while of absolutely no effort, Gabriel let go and dropped to the ground, holding his back with both hands.

“I think I pulled a muscle.”

Stephanie touched Gabriel’s back, “Here?”

“Aaaaah!”

“Looks like you’ve hurt your
latissimus dorsi
muscle. Get back here and sit on this chair. A couple of days rest and you should be ok.”

Gabriel half bent at the waist walked slowly to the chair and winked at Alex as he passed him. Alex wasn’t sure if Gabriel was really hurt or was pretending to be, just to excuse himself from the physical rigors. If it was the latter, then that was a very bad strategy. Given the unexplained disappearances after the medical test, Alex could surmise the fate that awaited Gabriel for failing another test.

A few feet away, Emiliano had frantically started spot-jogging, apparently realizing that he needed to warm up before he took up the task to avoid ending up in Gabriel’s state.

One by one, each candidate completed their pull-ups, some more successful than the others. Jamal and Gabriel had set the two extreme benchmarks for the event and the other candidates managed to fall somewhere in between.

“Let’s take a short ten minute break and then move on to crunches,” Stephanie announced after everyone had got a chance.

Hendrik seemed unusually quiet since the time he had arrived at the guesthouse. Kruger came up to him holding a glass of water.

“Water?” he offered.

“No thanks.” Hendrik’s responses were always curt and short.

“Everything ok with you, buddy?”

“Yeah, all fine.”

“I don’t think so. You’ve hardly spoken a word with anyone since you arrived.”

“That’s me. I like my space.”

“I don’t mean to intrude, but I think there’s more to it. I’m not a mind-reader, but I can judge people and I can bet that you are not your real self right now.”

“So you’re gonna play shrink for me now?” Hendrik sounded a little agitated.

“No, but I might have a solution for your problems, something that you may not have thought about on your own.”

For reasons that weren’t entirely clear to Kruger, Hendrik lowered his defenses and opened up for the first time. “I have to get back to Michigan.”

“Why?” Kruger already had a foot in the door and tried pushing a little more.

“My family is in trouble. I need to meet them, speak to them, find out what’s happening.”

“Awright guys, time to get back,” Stephanie’s voice hollered in the background.

Kruger ignored her invitation and continued on the topic. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Money problems. That was the reason I ended up behind bars. I got carried away and thought this would be the first and the last time. Since the time I was arrested, the situation has gone from bad to worse for them.”

“Who’s there back home?”

“My wife and two kids. When I last spoke to her, she was juggling three jobs and struggling to pay the bills.”

“I wanted to go meet them immediately after I escaped from prison...”

“How did you escape?”

“I drove out.”

“You
drove
out?”

“Well, it’s more complicated than that. But yes, I did have a car with me.”

“What stopped you? You could’ve just taken the car and taken off.”

“Whoever got us out of jail also made sure that we didn’t do the disappearing act after our exit from prison. My car got intercepted a few minutes after I hit the highway and I got scooped up. I tried reasoning with the bastards and they knocked me out. When I came to, I found myself in this hotel or guesthouse or whatever they call it. There’s no phone, no TV, no newspapers. They don’t want us to have any contact with the outside world.”

“Hellooo. You planning to join us?” Stephanie was waving out at Hendrik and Kruger.

“Come on, buddy. Time to get back to boot camp. We’ll see what can be done about your situation. For now, let’s do what we are expected to do,” Kruger got up and dusted the back of his pants. Hendrik got up slowly and followed Kruger as they headed back to join the rest of the group.

“Ok, guys, here’s a word of caution…always remember…crunches are not the same as sit-ups,” Stephanie was on the floor and had already started the demonstration. “These are less likely to cause injury.”

“Check out the right technique. Once you are on your back, bend your knees. Cross your hands over your chest. Keeping them behind your neck isn’t such a good idea, as you might end up putting too much pressure on your neck. Always remember this. You are focusing on your abs here, not your neck. You’ve got two minutes to do as many crunches as you can. Aim for a hundred. Or sixty. That’s one crunch a second.”

Kenny was keenly examining Stephanie’s abs during the demo. “Dude, she’s got a six-pack,” he said to Gabriel who was relaxing in the chair.

“So you’re now guessing if her six-pack is for real, or just implants?” Gabriel tried to pre-empt Kenny’s next question. “She really pounds those muscles hard. No wonder she’s got a body like that.”

“Man, I’d love to pound those muscles as well?” Kenny couldn’t take his eyes off Stephanie.