By Way of the Rose (7 page)

“Stop it!” Daniel took her by her arm and lifted her from the ground and looked deeply into her large brown eyes. “It wasn't these Indians, it was renegades. You can't blame all for what some do, you taught me that, remember? Evil is not confined to one race. Sarah is one of the good ones and she's our daughter.”

Marion buried her face in Daniel's broad chest as she wept. “Help me. Please help me not to hate them all!” But it was too late, the seed of bitterness had taken root.

John turned fifteen. With his birthday came a great feeling of freedom and also the frightening realization that he was now free to live on his own and be fully responsible for himself. He had done it, he'd made it through without responding to any of Nathan's provoking comments against him or Sarah. There had been times when he'd almost succumbed to his fiery temper. It was time he left home to begin making his own way. With a bit of sadness he packed his bags and said goodbye to his family. It was Sarah who really tore at his heart. When he kissed her little forehead the tears flowed down both of their faces.

“John, why can't I come with you?” She asked tremblingly through her sobs. “You can't just leave me!”

“The life I'm about to lead isn't one for you, my Princess. It's going to be hard to find my way and to make ends meet. I can't take care of you, sweetie. Not the way a Princess should be cared for.” John turned from her, hugged his mother and took off walking away from them.

Sarah's cries could be heard echoing behind him as he walked on with tears flooding down his face. He knew this was the only thing to be done. Perhaps things would be better for all of them without him there. He was no good at the kind of work that he was expected to do. If he found a good job he could send money home and help out. This was the only way he knew to surely keep his promise to Agnes. These thoughts kept him walking toward his new life as an independent man. He would make something of himself. He would make life better for everyone. He was sure that without him there Nathan wouldn't be so angry and this would make life easier. There were times he just wanted to turn and run back home. Sarah's cries echoed in his head. But he forced himself onward.
For you Aggie,
he whispered through the tears.

Nathan taunted Sarah freely now that John wasn't around to take up for her and soon even Cora joined in the “fun". “Look at the little savage read.” Nathan punched at Cora as he laughed.

“Yeah, she's a little Injun John always hanging onto a book.”

“Have you ever heard of an Injun book worm?”

“No, but it's the strangest thing I've ever seen!”

Sarah closed her book and walked out of the cabin.

“Oh, look. The little savage is upset!” Cora snickered.

Sarah's greatest joy came when Mr. Hamilton, sticking to his word to educate poor children, built a free school in town. Now she could be with other ‘book worms’ just like herself. She loved her tall and stately teacher, Mrs. Lykes, whose speech was like poetry, always perfectly enunciated as it rolled over her full, cherry red lips. The girls wanted to be like her and the boys wanted to bring her flowers.

Cora and Nathan wanted nothing to do with the new school. Neither of them had any use for learning, or being stuck in a little building for hours on end. Sarah was glad.

On her way home from school, Sarah would pick up the mail in town. She was always thrilled when there was a letter from John; she'd grasp it like a priceless treasure and run home as fast as her legs would go. After the letter had been read Sarah tucked it away in her tanned leather bag where she kept all of his letters. She would read and re-read it until the next one came.

John was in New York now and had a job delivering ice. Sometimes there would be money in the letters. One of them had as much as three dollars in it. He seemed to be doing well, making three dollars and fifty cents a week. He was staying in a boarding house that provided him one meal a day.

No one knew that John had decided that the provided meal would be the only time he'd eat because he wanted to save as much money as he could. He wanted to make his folks proud. To be the “good son.”

The days became long and lonely. The nights were even more gloomy with no one around. His room was ragged, worn and bleak. Rats scampered through the rafters. He could hear them nibbling and scratching in the walls as he tried to sleep. He missed telling Sarah her bedtime stories. He wondered who was doing it, or if anyone was.
She can't fall asleep without a story.
He worried. Tears stung his eyes as he thought about her and home while he lay in his lonely dark room. He found it hard to fall asleep... the rats’ constant gnawing didn't help. “For the love of God, shut up!” He picked up his boot and threw it hard against the wall. The noise stopped and he lay back on his bed, but soon the gnawing started up again. He wanted to go home. This wasn't the life for him. This wasn't what he wanted. He'd made it without fighting with Nathan. Maybe he could stand Nathan better than the loneliness and rats he'd endured these six months. The next morning, John packed his bag, picked up his pay and bought a ticket for the next train home.

Sarah waited and watched the whole day John was due to arrive. “The train isn't due in hours,” Marion informed her. But Sarah would not stop looking toward the end of the drive for him. Finally, late that evening, there he was walking as fast as he could toward her. “John's here!” Sarah squealed. She took off running toward him.

John lifted her up in his arms. “I missed you so much!” he cried. “Oh, how I've missed my sweet Princess and home!”

“I missed you too... it was awful without you here! Don't ever leave me again!”

“Well, I'm home now. It won't be awful anymore!” He smiled. Marion rushed up to him as he put Sarah down.

“John, my boy!” She hugged him tightly. “We got your telegram... I've fixed all of your favorite food. I just can't tell you how wonderful it is to have you home again. You're too skinny!”

“I can't wait to dive into it, Momma. I missed your cooking something fierce!”

For a while, things were perfect, even Nathan was decent. But then it started with little things and grew. John held his temper. Anything was better than that rat infested hole in the wall. He had to make this work! He had to let Nathan's tormenting remarks go without rebuttal. He worked from early morning to late evening to prove himself. He wanted to show that he was more than books, brains and a playmate for Sarah. He could pull his weight and contribute to the household. Sarah's small footprints still tracked in his big ones. She was like a little lost puppy.

“John, are we going to town today? You can meet Mrs. Lykes. John, can we go down by the spring to get flowers for Momma? John, will you tell me a story?”

He wanted to pick her up and go running over the hills, go to the library and read her stories. To see her face light up as she heard the exciting tales. He wanted to hear her sweet giggle when she'd picked a beautiful bunch of flowers or caught a butterfly. Yet, with Nathan's sarcastic glares, he couldn't... that would give him ammunition for more hurtful remarks. “Not right now, sweetie. I've got work to do,” he'd answer her.

As they all sat eating supper, John noticed Sarah having trouble so he started cutting her meat.

“Can't she even eat on her own? She's seven years old for crying out loud!” Nathan snarled. So John let it go. He handed Sarah her fork and knife.

“Sure she can eat on her own... she's a big girl.” John winked at her. Sarah took her knife and fork and wrapped her fists around them and started to cut her meat, but she slipped and the plate fell to the floor. Sarah started crying.

“Uh oh... ” John smiled. “It's all right, Sarah, don't cry.”

“No, it ain't all right! She wastes food all the time. She's stupid and careless!”

“It was just an accident, Nathan.” John got up to clean the mess while his mother went to get Sarah another plate.

“I'd make her eat what she wasted on the floor. Maybe she wouldn't be so careless next time!”

“What is your problem, Nathan? You're acting like a total ass!”

“You're my problem and so is that careless little
shadow witch savage
of yours!”

“Shut up Nathan... just shut up.”

“Why? What are you going to do about it, pansy?”

“Boys, I want both of you to be quiet,” Daniel warned. John sat quietly but Nathan kept on goading.

“Just like I thought... you ain't going to do anything. You're too much of a
field pansy
.”

“May I be excused, Poppa? I'd like to go for a walk.” John stood from the table.

“Can I come too?” Sarah eagerly hopped up.

“You're still eating, sweetie. I won't be gone long.”

“But I'm not hungry... I want to come with you.”

“You'd better get back here and eat your food after momma fixed you another plate!” Nathan snorted. “I don't care who you think you are, you can't waste food like this!”

“Nathan, is there any way you could let Momma and Poppa tend to her?”

“Is there any way you could be anything but a field pansy?” Nathan smarted back.

Suddenly, that was one too many slights. Something inside John snapped. He forgot about everyone and everything as he flew into Nathan like a madman. He let his temper soar, let all the anger and pent up emotions out as he pounded into Nathan over and over.

“Stop... you'll kill him! Please stop!” John heard Marion screaming. He looked and saw the terror in her face as she clutched at her heart and cried out. He looked up and saw Daniel standing over him trying to pull him off Nathan. He saw his brother's bloodied face and he couldn't believe he'd done this, that he'd exposed his family to such horror! He had done the unthinkable. He'd broken his promise to Agnes! He stood and backed away slowly. “I— I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!” He shook his head.

That evening he packed his bags.

“John, you said you were home for good.” Sarah's voice trembled and her bottom lip quivered.

“Sarah, I don't belong here. I know that now. My life is somewhere else.” He hugged her then looked at her long, wanting to engrave every part of her face in his memory. He knew he was not coming back for a long time now. This leaving was different than the first. Saying goodbye was even harder this time because he knew what awaited him. He deserved it. He deserved to live alone in a bleak little room with rats. He'd done the unthinkable and he'd do his penance. He would have to scrape by for a while, but he'd make it somehow. Someway, he'd make money and a better life for himself and for his family away from here. Away from Nathan and the possibility of ever breaking his promise to Agnes again.
I'm sorry Aggie, I tried. I just can't stand Nathan. I'll make it up to you and to everyone.
Tears blurred his vision as he walked away.

“Why couldn't I have kept my blasted temper!” John chastised himself as he shoved a large block of ice across the floor of the ice house. “Now here I am back in this hell hole. Stuck here with nothing and no one!” He'd returned to Rochester, to his old job, and to his old room. Mr. Bryant had been kind enough to hire him back.

John grasped the block of ice in the large, steel tongs and began lugging it up the steps. Outside he swung it into the back of the wagon where he covered it over with the tarp and hay.

The vibrant notes of a jaunty whistle glided on the air through slum's alley out back of Mr. Bryant's store. John looked from his chore and saw a slender young man strolling toward him. His hair was a copper color with more blonde than red. His stride was tall and proud. His was the posture of a gentleman or an aristocrat but his dress was that of a poor ice hauler, like John.

He smiled and held out his hand as he neared John. “Ye must be the fella’ Mr. Bryant was tellin’ me ‘bout. I'm Amos Douglas Mahaffey, me friends call me Doug, and I be pleased to be makin’ yer acquaintance, I am.” He spoke with an Irish accent.

“Likewise.” John clasped his hand. “I'm John DuVal.”

Doug explained that he was seventeen and fresh off the boat from Ireland. Over time he shared with John how he'd been sent here to marry his cousin, Gracie who was from Rochester. But he'd run out on her and been cut off from the family's money. Both sides were angry and refused to give him aid. So Doug, being a young man of principles and a bit strong willed as well, went to make his own way in the world. They could keep all their blasted money as far as he was concerned. He didn't love Gracie, but what was more important to Doug was the fact that Gracie didn't love him. And so it was Doug's idea to let them lay all the blame at his own feet for the failed wedding. He would see to it that Gracie would hold none of the blame for it. He could stand for the both of them. He wouldn't see her scramble in the mud like he was having to. He could take all they dished out, she couldn't and he would see to it that she wouldn't have to!

A fast friendship was formed between Doug and John. They liked each other immediately. Doug was bright, entertaining and full of life. His antics kept John laughing. Soon he told his new friend all about his family and his favorite little sister, Sarah.

Doug suggested that they should room together to save money. “No need in rentin’ two rooms when we could split the cost of it and save,” he offered in his funny accent. “I promise, I don't snore and for the savin’ of the money I don't care if you do.” He laughed.

“Well, I've never stayed awake to find out if I snore or not. But like you say, I wouldn't really care if you did. I would welcome the company and the saving. Besides, I'm used to a big family and it gets lonesome.”

“You wouldn't go a-snugglin’ me in your sleep, now would ya?”

“I won't if you won't.”

“'Tis a pledge then.” Doug spit into the palm of his hand and held it towards John who did the same; they clasped hands in agreement.

John sent his extra money home while Doug saved every cent for his coffer. Months passed with both boys pinching every penny for their dreams. Once in a while they'd go out for a drink and mingle with other people, but mostly it was work and save, work and save. “I'll be glad when the day is over,” John moaned as he and Doug traipsed toward the ice house. His head was pounding from the night before and each step felt like his brain was bashing against his skull.