Cadence Reflection (Wheels & Hogs Book 2) (14 page)

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A
s I lay in bed listening to the soft sounds coming from Trinity, I reflect on the last couple of hours. I can’t believe how relieved and peaceful I actually feel.  Never once since my time with Duke have I felt any type of calm in my life.  With my hands behind my head, I think about Trinity and our child. I don’t know what it is about her but she calms the voices and the pain that have been a constant in my life for so many years. When I look at her, I think to myself that I have been with prettier, sexier, and much more experienced woman than her, but no one has ever come close to touching that place in my heart the way that she has. I’m no good with emotions and feelings toward other people, except my family, and I’m not even good with those.  She is new territory for me. Trinity, in her own way, was always trying to see a good guy in me, but I blew that all to hell. 

Suddenly Trinity rolls over, throwing her arm around his waist and holding on tight, moving her leg just over mine, causing my cock to stand up and take notice.  I let out a moan and try to shift away, but her hand at my waist tightens even more, holding me in place.  I pull my hands from behind my head and grab her shoulders to move her off me but I hear her whisper, just barely, “No, Cadence. Please don’t leave me. We need you.”

I stop immediately and hold my breath.  What? Is she fucking with me?
They
need me? Who are
they
?  Then it hits me like a punch to the gut. She’s dreaming about me leaving her and our baby and it’s then that I feel something break open in my chest. It’s a tingling that starts in the center of my chest and spreads, filling that part of my heart that has been dead for so long. I blink uncontrollably as I feel the tears flowing from my eyes, down my cheeks.  I have two people who need me now and I want it – I want it so bad I can taste it. This feeling is more satisfying than any pill or piece of pussy I could ever have. It’s contentment, perfect and untouched. As we slept, I had no nightmares, I dreamed of nothing. Pure peace.

A
s I put the oil plug back into the car I’m working on, I think about the last couple of weeks.  After that night that Trinity and I revealed our pasts to one another and my whole family, things have been calm and we are making progress in our newfound friendship. She is still living at Wolf’s, which I have come to accept.  It really is the safest place for her to be right now. No one would mess with Wolf. 

Her ribs are healing nicely according to Doc, and the bruises on her body are just about gone.  With having regular meals and plenty of sleep, she is looking better each and every day. Pregnancy is finally agreeing with her.  The morning sickness has finally stopped and her body is definitely changing.  Her breasts are fuller, as well as her hips.  The small swell in her belly catches my eye constantly, always making my heart race.  My baby is growing in there, and the male part of me just wants to go around and pound on my chest, but the male part of me also sees these changes to her body, causing me to have a constant hard-on.

A couple of days ago I caught her dancing in Wolf’s kitchen while cooking. I watched as her hips swayed from side to side and felt my cock pitching a tent in my cargo pants.  As I went to adjust myself, she turned and caught me.  Looking disappointed, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Yesterday as she was playing with Spirit, one of Wolf’s rescue dogs, she was on all fours just like the dog playing with him, shoving a toy around the floor when again, I got hard. Before she could catch me, I walked away from her with a loud groan, but I didn’t get away as unnoticed as I thought as I heard her giggling, and it wasn’t at Spirit.

With everything on my plate; work, the upcoming Charity Ride for Fern, and now Trinity, I thought I’d be stressed out, but it’s just the opposite. I feel like I have a purpose in my life now.  Every night after work I go straight to my place, feed the kittens, clean their litter boxes and spend some time with them. As silly as it sounds, the kittens give me a purpose I never had in my life before. They depend on me for everything, and that makes me feel like I’m needed and necessary. After my time with the kittens, I then head to Wolf’s for dinner, and to spend the night with Trinity.

I have a new respect for Wolf.  I had no idea of all that was on Wolf’s plate.  Besides the garage and his fabrication skills, Wolf has a full functioning ranch/farm, not sure of the correct term, but between a few cows, a couple of pigs, a chicken coop and the horse corrals, there are also the rescues that are free to run the property.  By property, I mean acre after acre of God’s pure untouched land.  Over the years Wolf has expanded his acreage and until now, I had no idea why a guy his age would need so much land, but now I get it. 

In the back, behind the main house are little cottages scattered here and there.  At a glance I counted nine, but there could be more.  I ask Wolf why they are there, and instead of telling me, he asks me to walk with him.  We walk toward the cabins and as we get closer, I can hear voices in conversation and laughter.  When we pass by the tree line, I’m shocked at what I see. 

There are different sized families out, either by a cabin or barbequing. Kids are playing ball or sitting at picnic benches that are scattered around.  A young woman, no more than probably twenty, sits on a lawn chair with a kindle on her lap, reading.

When I look her way, I pull in a deep breath as I feel my anger spread throughout my body.  Her face looks like someone used it for a punching bag.  Wolf pushes me in her direction and I notice that she starts to tremble as we approach her.  Wolf squats down and puts his hand on the arm rest of the lawn chair, “Hey, Prudence. How are you today, honey?”

She raises her head to reply, “I am doing ok, Mr. Wolf. And you?”  Wolf throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh.  Everyone looks his way, then goes back to whatever they were doing. 

“Honey, I have told you time after time to drop the Mr. and just call me Wolf like everyone else does, okay?”  Wolf looks to her then back at me, “Prudence, I want to introduce you to one of my closest friends who I consider a brother. Meet Cadence. I call him C, or kid.”  She looks to me and I’m taken back by her eyes, or by the way she stares intently at me, like she’s able to read all of my secrets.

I step forward with my hand out and immediately Prudence shrinks into the chair, hands reaching to cover her head. Wolf grabs me and pulls me behind him while he softly speaks to the young woman, “Pru, I would never put you in danger. You know that.  He is a good man, young and stupid at times, but deep down where it counts, he is truly a good man.”  She lowers her arms and actually shakes it off. 

Hesitantly she raises a hand out in front of her and in a very timid voice says, “Nice to meet you, Cadence.” 

I lean around Wolf and shake her hand gently, “Right back at ya, Prudence. It’s nice to meet you, too.” 

She blushes at my comment and says, “Please, call me Pru. Everyone here does,” Then she smiles a full smile at me and I feel like the sun just rose.  She has one of those smiles that draws you in and holds you there.  It reaches her unusual eyes that shine in her face, making it all that much more awe-inspiring. 

This is not sexual by any means, it’s something deeper... more, and it shakes me. I have no idea what is happening but she looks at me long and hard before she speaks, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.  You were dealt a rotten hand, but don’t let that determine the man you will become.  Take care of that little one and all will become clear to you,” She rises from the chair and heads toward the little cabin, still holding her kindle. 

Wolf grabs my arm to keep me from falling face first into the lawn chair, “What the fuck, dude? Why are you sharing my business with someone I don’t even know? Are you fucking her or something?” 

Wolf’s grasp tightens as he shoves me down, “Watch your mouth, kid. I have not touched Pru in any way other than to help her. She has been to hell and back.  One of my contacts in law enforcement asked me to help her. She was kidnapped and sold into human slavery.  I cannot image the hell she has been through, and at such a young age. She is here to recover and find what is in her heart to do with her life. I have noticed she has an ability to see things, or as we say in the native culture, she has the vision.”

I sit there in shock. How did I not know this about Wolf, “You help total strangers out?”  Wolf pulls a picnic bench close and sits on top of it.

Rubbing his hand over his neck, he leans forward and begins to tell me a piece of his story, “C, there is a lot you do not know about me, and one day I will share some of it with you.  To answer your question, yes. I help others out. It is my way of giving back. Once, a long time ago, someone helped me. They gave me a purpose in life and always had my best interest at heart, no matter what. It wasn’t easy because in the beginning I was a fucking mess, pushing people away at every available opportunity, but this man never gave up on me. He backed me and stood by me. I owe my life to him and will never forget what he has done for me,” Wolf takes a breath, leans back and continues, “You know whom I speak of, kid. He helped you when you needed it, too.”

My head shoots up out of confusion, “Who, Doc?”

Wolf shakes his head no and replies, “No, kid. It wasn’t Doc, it was Des. He not only saved my life, but he gave it purpose, so now I pay it back whenever I can,” He points to the cabin that Pru just walked into, “That is just one way I can help. She needs protection, time to heal, and someone who believes in her. The people who had her are looking for her so she stays here where no one knows her. She is safe.” 

I look at Wolf with newfound respect.  Shit, have I really been that selfish and self-absorbed these last couple of years that I didn’t look beyond my own nose to see what was going on around me?  Looking up, I see Wolf watching me, not saying a word.  His eyes are intent, but waiting. I open my mouth then shut it because I can’t seem to find the words, “Dude, I am so sorry that my head has been so far up my own ass for so long. You should have told me what you were doing and I would have helped. I may not be as smart and seasoned as you are, but I could pitch in with whatever you need.  This is a lot to take on by yourself.” 

Wolf lets his breath out, throws his braid over his shoulder so it sits right above his ass, “Thanks kid, but at the time, you weren’t ready to give anything of yourself.  Now you are finally finding yourself and are seeing life through clearer eyes. So, on that note, there is something that we need to talk about. Just listen and then give me your thoughts, okay?”  I just nod as Wolf continues, “I have already spoken to Trinity and she agrees. She is even in the process of setting this up for herself. Because you both have had such horrific childhoods and have never truly dealt with them, I think it would be beneficial if both of you saw a therapist.  No, don’t get all crazy and defensive, kid. I know that you have talked with one on occasion, but you need to go to one and stick with it, not just when you feel you need it. Both you and Trinity are survivors of sexual abuse at the hands of people who were supposed to take care of you and protect you.  It’s not an easy subject to talk about, but both of you have experienced this. I am not sure what your plans are with her, but to build a relationship of any kind, you need to be honest and come into the relationship with as little baggage as possible.  This shit will be with both of you forever kid, but you need to know how to handle it when it pops up.  You have a kid coming, and if you two don’t have your minds right and your shit together, you will fuck this child up. You don’t want that, do you?” 

Shaking my head no, I hear him out, “I have contacts that deal with this specific type of abuse and can give you guidance and the building blocks to handle situations when they come up. You will go through exercises to be able to deal with those memories and then put them away. You have to remember that they are only memories and they cannot hurt you anymore unless you keep letting them.  It will make you a stronger man and better able to handle life’s situations as they come. If it helps, I have my own shit and I have been seeing a therapist for years. He has helped me develop a technique to not only handle when shit makes it through to the surface, but day-to-day obstacles.”

At this news, I’m stunned. Wolf always seems so calm and put together. I don’t understand why he would feel the need to see a shrink.

“I want the help, Wolf, I really do. I’m just so fucking scared to talk about it. I’ve never even told the therapist that Doc referred me to the whole truth of what happened. I’m also running out of skin to tattoo and places to pierce,” Wolf nods, showing me he understands exactly what I’m saying, “When the pain is so bad I can’t stand it, I get new ink or a piercing. As fucked up as it sounds, the pain from the tat or piercing helps get me over the emotional agony inside.”

“I will give you my guys’ information and when you are ready, give him a call.  He is pretty cool and doesn’t make it seem like you are seeing a shrink, if that is what you are worried about.”

“So, explain all of this, bro. How could I not know all of this about you and we spend most of our time together working and hanging out.  I’m a little overwhelmed.”

Wolf laughs, “Hopefully you see me in a better light than before all of this came out.  We all have secrets, or pasts, that we keep close to the vest. What I do here helps me with mine. Didn’t mean to keep you out of the loop, but I also didn’t think you would even care.” 

I feel these words deep because before Trinity, I didn’t really care about anyone but myself and my needs.  I’ve been one big asshole, that’s for sure, “I’m sorry for being such a selfish prick.  If there is anything I can contribute or help out with, just let me know.” 

Wolf stands and pulls me to my feet, “Let me give you the grand tour, and then we’ll see if you still want to volunteer.  There is a lot going on here kid, and there are some things I can’t show you just yet. You don’t have clearance.”