Cake (24 page)

With a sexy laugh, he answers, “I can do that.”

He pushes into me, forcing himself in because I’m dry and not ready. It’s not hurtful, but it’s not comfortable either. Once he is finally all the way deep, he begins to move. He kisses my lips, but I’ve lost all interest. For the sake of what is happening, I follow through. Minutes seem like eternity. How much longer is this going to take? I’ve got to get out of here.

“Stop!” I say before thinking it through.

“What?” He stops mid thrust and looks down at me.

“Get off of me.” I push at his chest, and not looking at his face, I turn away. “Now!” I yell angrily.

“Are you mad? Did I do something?” he asks while rolling away from me on the bed.

Yes, I want to answer. I’m mad at my stupid, moronic, idiotic self. What am I thinking? Rolling off the bed, I begin to dress myself, not daring to look at him.

“No, I’m not mad. It’s just been a hellacious week, and now this? I can’t handle it.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you here.” Retrieving my heel off the floor, I slam it back down.

“No dammit, you shouldn’t have,” I reply back to him, but not because of why he thinks. “It’s Dray’s apartment. His home. And let’s be honest, the only reason you live here is because you refuse to have roots. The same reason you don’t have a woman in your life is because you would have to make some goddamn commitment to them.” I pick my shoe back up and slide it on my foot.

“You know what, Trent? I always called Dray the womanizing whore because he fucked them and then left them, but by God, they knew the score beforehand. You, on the other hand, are the evil bastard. You offer a taste of a commitment that you never plan on following through with, wasting years of their life.”

When I finish dressing, I look over at the expression of shock across his face as he sits on the edge of the bed. The thin white sheet is the only thing that covers him. My feelings and thoughts are not his fault, and he didn’t deserve this tirade.

“I’m sorry,” I say from across the room.

“I guess I’m the sorry one,” he replies on a sigh.

“This shouldn’t have happened.” I turn to walk out.

“No, it just happened too late.”

His answer follows me through Dray’s apartment. The photos of him on the wall witness my walk of shame. Jonsie runs up barking, and I gather him up to take with me. I walk to the end of the street and since I don’t see any, call a cab. Only minutes later, one arrives and carries me home along with my achingly empty heart. What have I done?

Opening my Aunt Leigh’s front door, I hug Mads as she walks in. It’s Saturday, and we are having a girls’ sleepover with some of my aunt’s closest friends and family. “Only celebrating allowed,” my aunt proclaims.

“What’s up, Skankalicious?” Mads greets me.

“Really?” I try to sound mad, but I laugh instead. It’s the first honest laugh I’ve had in days. Looking behind her, I make sure she didn’t make good on her threat of strippers. “You alone?”

“Your Mom said no to the strippers, too. Party poopers,” she pouts. “Where can I put this food that I picked up?” She shows me the bag in her hand.

“Follow the loud voices. My cousins are already imbibing a little too much in the kitchen.” I still have a hangover, and my stomach is queasy from my binge drinking the other day.

“Good for them!” Looking me over, she says, “Looks like you could use some sizzurp yourself, if I do say so. Boozeville is where I’m heading,” she says, walking into the kitchen.

Madison does not know anything about the other day. I miss telling her everything. When did my life become this complicated? Following her, everyone greets Mads with hugs and kisses, and sure enough, a drink magically appears in her hand. My aunt sits at the kitchen table drinking her mojito and enjoying the scene around her. This is her element, everything lively and everyone having a good time. I know that she can sense my moods, and I do not want to ruin this for her, so I grab a drink to nurse.

Hours pass as we all sit around talking with music playing softly in the background. I made a playlist of some of my aunt’s favorites including Steely Dan, Stevie Nicks, and her favorite drinking song she told me about once called, “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson. Once it starts playing, all the women scream, and everyone starts dancing. Madison hops up on the top of the table and uses her wine glass as a microphone. I can’t help but join in and go over to my aunt to dance with her. We sing the lyrics, which repeat throughout the entire song. When it gets to the ooohs, everyone joins in. My mom joins Mads on the table to sing, and we die laughing at her crazy moves. Looking around me at the smiles and laughter, this is a moment, in my life, that I pray I remember forever.

“Shake it, Mom,” I yell, and everyone laughs.

Later, after everything calms down, I stand outside overlooking the lake. The full moon reflects off the water, illuminating it for miles. A soft breeze blows, chilling my skin. At some point, Madison joins me, and we stand in comfortable silence.

“She is one of the kindest and bravest women that I know.”

Mads doesn’t have to say who she is referring to. I already know. “Yeah, she is.”

“I’ll be here. Always.”

Reaching for her hand, I link our fingers and lay my head on her shoulder.

“I know.” I hold the tears back, by saying, “I slept with Trent.” At my confession, I hear Mads cough or choke. I’m not sure which. I lean my head up and let her hand go. Turning my face to see her expression, which looks like she just seen a ghost.

“Really?”

“It was awful.”

“What?” She turns me with her arms so that we are staring at one another. “Let me get this straight. You’ve waited how long to sleep with that guy, and it was awful? I don’t know if I want to cry or laugh for you.” She shakes her head then looks up. “I guess you ended everything with Dray?”

“Not exactly.” This time the tears spill over. “I’m a slut. A whore. I’m a slore. That’s what I am.” Sitting down on the ground where I am standing, I break down. Madison kneels down next to me and pats my back. “It feels so right with Dray and so wrong with Trent. How the hell did that happen? I want a good guy who wants to make the world a better place by my side and a demon in the bedroom. Can I marry Trent and fuck Dray because that sounds like the answer to my problems.” After several seconds of not answering me, I look at Mads and demand, “What?”

“Give me a damn moment to process all this shit you are telling me! I’m a little overwhelmed. Can I get a drink because I think I need one or ten before I answer you?”

“I’m not joking, Madison.”

“Me either, Kylie. I’m sorry, but this is fucked up. They are brothers, closer than brothers, because they only ever had each other. What were you thinking?” She yells at me.

“I don’t know. I don’t know,” I cry. “It’s all screwed up, and it gets worse.”

“It can’t get worse, Kylie.” She looks at my face whispering, “Can it?”

“I may be pregnant with Dray’s baby.”

The shock on her face scares me. If Mads is that astonished, then I’ve royally screwed up.

“Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

“It’s too early,” I answer.

She’s quiet for a minute then asks, “Did you sleep with Trent after that? Is that why it was so awful?”

I can’t answer because I’m ashamed. What have I done? Did I honestly think I could have my cake and eat it too? Did I really just fuck my life up?

“Hey, Girls.” My mother’s voice sounds from the dark. “Is everything okay?”

“We are fine, Mrs. Lord. We will be in soon,” Madison answers her as she stands.

Reaching down, she offers her hands to pull me up. I place my hands in hers and she tugs at me until I’m standing beside her.

“What did I tell you earlier? I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

“I love you, Mads.”

“Well, just to let you know, I don’t swing that way. Just thought I should point that out since it seems you are sleeping with everybody lately,” she jokes before becoming serious. “I love you too. And for the record, you’re a pretty cool slore, so that counts for something.”

I can’t laugh, but I appreciate her trying.

“C’mon, up you go. Put your happy face on, and let’s live it up while we still can. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow. Together.”

Nodding my head, I wipe the tears from my eyes, and give her a quick hug. My confession feels raw and it also makes everything real. A little too real. Tonight is about my aunt, so I lock it all back up and follow her inside.

Sunday rolls around, and Madison comes over to watch the football game at my apartment. My aunt says she needs a day to rest and pleads with me to take a day for myself. It’s a late afternoon game, but we settle in my bed with a large bowl of popcorn between the two of us. Just like old times. Madison fixes herself a glass of wine and hands me an orange juice.

“Really?” I ask her.

She looks pointedly at my stomach. “Yes, really.”

I nod, realizing why she did it. The Eagles are playing the best team in the league today which also happens to be our biggest rival. The reason I haven’t seen or heard from Dray is because this will probably be the biggest game of the season. If they win, they will have a great shot to have a Cinderella season with no losses.

We cheer at the kick off and follow the game the entire time. We scream at the television when the referees constantly throw flags against us, clearly wanting to give an advantage to the other team. Both Madison and I jump off the bed shouting when Gavin, the quarterback, throws a beautiful long pass and it slips right through Dray’s hands. He never misses those. Thankfully, he redeems himself in the next quarter by running one almost fifty yards for a touchdown.

The game comes down to the fourth quarter with both teams tied. In the last few seconds, the other team drives it down the field and our defense can’t hold them. They score with no time left on the clock.

“Well, shit,” Mads exclaims.

“That was rough,” I agree.

“You want to watch a movie?” she asks.

“Actually, I’m really tired. You are welcome to stay the night and watch one.”

“Well, if that’s the case, I’m going to go see my boo.” She slides her shoes on and grabs her keys.

I want to ask her how things are going, but she hasn’t brought up Lil Rip to me, so I shut my mouth. “Sure,” I reply.

Smiling at me, she leans in and kisses my cheek, “It’s killing you not to ask, isn’t it?”

Nodding, I answer, “Yep.”

“Good,” she replies and walks out. “Serves you right.”

I laugh at the sound of Jonsie’s barking. He wouldn’t even come in the bedroom tonight because of her. Finally, I hear her going down the steps and the sound of the alarm being set.

I clean our mess up then take a shower. While the warm spray washes me clean, I think of Dray and feel awful for him. I know he had to really want this game, and the loss has to be devastating. Finishing, I reach for my towel to dry off. When I exit my bathroom, I hear my cellphone ringing.

Finding it on my bed, I inwardly cringe when I see Trent’s number. I haven’t talked with him since the other day. I hesitate to answer, but it will kill me worse to not know what he wants.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Can I come over?”