Authors: P-P Hartnett
Call Me (24 page)
This way.
Stunning Sex Sounds presents:
THE HOT INTERNATIONAL SHAFT CO.
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Use our HOT INTERNATIONAL sex lines
No credit card No cheques
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HOT * FILTHY * DISGUSTING * HARD * HORNY * THROBBING * SLEAZY * EROTIC
BONAPHONE
P.O. BOX 2745 El.
Calls cost 84p/min cheap, £1.04p/min all other times. Calls terminate Guyana.
HOT * FILTHY * DISGUSTING * HARD * HORNY * THROBBING *
An anonymous sexual compulsive in search of a fresh face, a new bodyâsome magical quality to feel completeâfixed his sad eyes on me in hopeful anticipation, sitting up and leaning just a little forward like a stuck up, bitter and twisted judge about to pass sentence. So I fixed my eyes on dancing queens braving the change of weather in JPG kilts on Soho Square, drinking from bottles in brown paper bags, wearing teeshirts which would be trashed by October after a lovely little shopathon. Daggy pop-tarts who pay so much attention to their smells, stars, scars and choice of Scotch in bars. So busy all of a sudden with their mobiles. Topic of conversation: a fab bit of e-mail? The latest T.4 cell count? Surely, no surely not Ms Kylie Minogue. Place your bets.
The state of anticipation this particular sexual compulsive was trapped in was exhausting him. He'd perfected that wanna-lick-yer-arse-this-minute look with years of practice, flashing across his forehead more garishly than the pulsing neon of Roppongi. This way.
As Madonna finished singing a song which compared her to a virgin being touched for the very first timeâfor the ten millionth timeâthe old fool put on his glasses gingerly, changing from the pair of reading glasses he'd scoured
Boyz
with. He wanted a jolly good look at that blur swamped in black. To him I was just the sum of my body parts and the whiff of a memory. Gay love is not blind. He would have recoiled at the sight of a concave chest, double chin or absence of copious bulge in the ding-a-ling department. It wasn't my CV he wanted to get his hands on. He wanted prime, pumped, waxed, tanned, moisturised boy-flesh. No short-dicked man. He stared, gobbling up the curves of the nasty piece of work who'd quite happily buried his father just an hour back. I turned the pages of
Boyz
so he'd see I'd deliberately diverted my eyes.
ON THE JOB
GAY SEX HOT ACTION WITH MEN AT WORK
010 592 596 ***
DOCTOR's EXAMINATION
Spanked on the cheeks by the company medic
010 592 596 ***
BANK MANAGER's MEETING
Steve takes it all for a loan
010 592 596 ***
POLICEMAN's BEAT
Caught with his pants down in the cottage
010 592 596 ***
BUTCHER's BOY
Bent over and pumped on the block
010 592 596 ***
PERSONAL TRAINER
Black muscle man gets pumped and rammed
010 592 596 ***
FISHERMAN's FRIEND
Sticking his 9â³ up his catch
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JOURNALIST's INTERVIEW
Probed by his dick
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BUILDER's SITE
Rough builders slide their fingers up him
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TOILET ATTENDANT
Peephole view of the city boys sucking hard
010 592 596 ***
LAWYER LUST
Barristers pull their briefs down in the loos
Calls charged at 84p/min cheap rate and £1.04 at all other times.
Calls terminate in Guyana.
Sexplay Services, PO BOX 2745, London El
Calls terminate in Guyana? It always pays to read the small print.
I looked out of the window as a gang of Hare Krishna devotees bounced by, banging drums and singing something easy enough to learn the words to. I wondered if there was a pattern to the man's absenteeism at work. Wondered what he'd say to me in a mirrored room with fifty nine minutes to go.
When I turned around he was still staring, teacup in hand, like I was the creature he'd been waiting all his life for. I prayed he'd soon be hovering up and down Queer Street, off to Crews, Brief Encounter, Halfway to Heaven or Kudos ⦠stumbling the noisy jungle/desert of the Metropolis, sitting inside the vacancy of his hopes ⦠or raking through those exciting imported magazines in the basement of Clone Zone. Maybe he'd have felt more at home on a massage table at Earl's Court Clinique, No 9 or Image in that yellow rubber jock-strap he'd treated himself to not half an hour before in Regulation ⦠or on the stained bedsheets of any number of musclebound little darlings available in the free papers all in the name of a bit of fun he couldn't quite explain. The tired-out boot-licking, piss-drinking, finger-frigging, tit-tweaking, love-biting, arse-licking, shit-stabbing, mother-fucking, spunk-loving, ball-busting, cock-sucking, fist-fucking, lip-smacking, thirst-quenching, cool-living, ever-giving useless man.
But what did I go and do? Only flash him my âOoh, I could make you feel so good' look.
And when the corners of his mouth began to curl up in a horrible smile, I leaned forward to whisper,
“It'll cost you.”
A-Z
UNDERSTANDING THE TERMS
KEY WORDS AND ADVERTISING VOCABULARY ABBREVIATIONS
Many of the words and phrases are as you'd expect â¦
WLTM:
would like to meet
36 yo:
age can be stated using yo (years old), or numerically.
5â² 11â³:
this refers to height.
8â³:
an entry in inches usually refers to supposed length of erect penis.
seeking 25-35:
desired age range sought after.
1-2-1:
supposedly seeking a sincere, one to one relationship.
501s:
a range of Levi's jeans.
NE:
North East, geographical areas are often specified.
Some are a little more obscure â¦
A:
active.
abs:
abdominal muscles.
Accu-Jac:
male masturbation device, an electrically operated vacuum pump connected to a sleeve which fits over the penis, providing a gently sucking movement. A âbuddy' attachment allows usage by two males simultaneously. Accu-Jac II is also equipped with dildos for anal or vaginal insertion.
AC/DC:
bisexual.
accident prone:
interest in urination, often when clothed. See WS/water sports.
AIDS:
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
ALA:
all letters answered.
ALAWP:
all letters answered with photo.
Amyl Nitrate:
heart drug, often used to enhance dance and sexual experience.
any:
anywhere. eg London/any.
A/P:
active/passive.
apricot:
chubby chaser
AT:
animal training. (Submissive partner is treated as a dog or some other animal.)
auto-fellatio:
capable of providing themselves with oral sex.
AYOR:
At your own risk, advice sometimes offered in gay guides in connection with cruising areas such as parks.
BD:
bondage.
B&D:
bondage and discipline.
BND:
boy next door.
B no D:
bondage, no discipline.
beefcake:
masculine/muscular.
beige:
rimming.
Bike:
popular brand of jock strap, also Bauer and Black.
BJ:
blow job.
Bk:
black. (Eyes or hair.)
BI/BI:
refers to eye colour (blue), hair colour (blond).
black:
heavy S&M/whipping.
black & white:
hanky worn on left indicates a liking for black bottoms, worn on the right to indicate a desire for black tops.
blow: (blow job)
fellatio. Can also refer to drugs.
blue:
Can indicate 9â³ or over; interest in bruising.
bona:
Polari for fabulous. (Also title of short-lived gay television guide in the UK, 1994).
boots:
interest in footwear, boots in particular.
bottom:
passive partner in anal intercourse/S&M.
bottom man:
passive partner in anal intercourse/S&M.
boxer shorts, boxers:
Interest in boxer shorts, underwear.
Br:
brown. (Eyes or hair.)
Brd:
beard, bearded.
brogues:
interest in City gent type footwear.
brown:
interest in faeces.
buns:
buttocks.
butch:
masculine appearance and/or behaviour.
buttplug:
sex toy, artificial penis.
C/B:
cock and balls. (Penis and testicles.)
C/BT:
torture of cock and balls. (Torture of penis and testicles.)
C Cards:
credit cards, occasionally seen in ads for masseurs and escorts.
chaps:
Western style clothing which covers the legs but leaves the crotch and rear on view. Popular in S&M circles.
cheese:
waxy accumulation under unwashed foreskin.
chicken:
underage male.
chubby chaser:
homosexual seeking obese male.
cln shvn:
clean shaven.
clone:
New York Village/San Francisco variety of 70s gay with exaggerated macho appearance & behaviour.
closet, in the:
homosexual not admitting sexual orientation.
cock ring:
pubic ring used to strengthen erection, enhance orgasm.
cock tease:
someone who acts as though s/he wants sex but has no intention of following through with the act.
combats:
interest in uniforms.
come:
semen.
contract:
agreement between those engaged in S&M activities. Often a safe codeword is used.
CP:
corporal punishment, spanking.
CS:
clean shaven.
cut:
circumcised.
cut-offs:
shorts made by cutting longer leg covering garments, usually jeans.
D:
divorced. (Occasionally used for Dominant.)
denim:
interest in Levi's, Lee, Wrangler, Edwin, Big John Jeans
dick:
penis.
dildo:
sex toy, artificial penis.
DIY:
masturbation. Nothing to do with putting up shelves.
DMs:
Dr Marten's footwear, boots favoured by skinheads and labourers. Became a major fashion item in the early 1980s.
drag, in:
dressed up as opposite sex. Also Polari for clothes.
EC:
European Community, used in Mixed sections of contact ads where a person is seeking (a marriage partner) of the opposite sex. See MBA.
endowment:
male genitalia.
equipment:
male genitalia.
EWE:
extremely well endowed.
firm hand:
corporal punishment interests, spanking.
fist fuck (FF):
penetration of anus with fist.
FFA:
penetration of anus with fist and forearm.
frank letter:
a request for graphic descriptions, nude photo.
French:
fellatio.
French dressing:
ejaculate of semen into mouth during fellatio.
fruit:
gay male.
fuschia:
spanking.
G:
gay.
gayper:
free gay paper such as
All Points North, Boyz, Gay Community News, Guyz, The Pink Paper, QX, Thud.
generous:
often implies that the person is willing to pay for sex.
GL:
good looking.
glory hole:
hole cut in toilet wall to look through, exchange notes, fellate, penetrate.
goatee:
a style of beard.
gold:
interest in threesomes.
Greek:
anal intercourse.
green:
indicates money. Used by a sex worker or someone willing to pay for a sexual service.
grey:
bondage. (This might also suggest Discipline.)
GSOH:
good sense of humour.
GWM:
gay white male.
H:
can mean hot, hairy, humpy, husky, handsome, hung.
hand job:
masturbation.
handball:
penetration of anus with fist and forearm.
HIV+:
body positive. Person infected by the virus which can go on to cause AIDS, (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome).
hz:
hazel. (Eyes.)
J:
Jewish.
jack off (J/O):
masturbation.
JO:
jack/jerk off.