Candidate (Selected Book 4) (81 page)

"No."

"Sit here, now!" She barked.

"You keep your tentacles to yourself."

"I won't touch you," she said. "Sit."

I sat, but I glared at all of them. My heart was breaking, again. I was tired of this.

Jasmine stepped away. When she returned, she had paper. I hadn't seen paper since arriving. But she had paper and a variety of pencils. She sat.

"Jasmine Brighteyes, we do not understand," Jaguar said. "The triangle has formed. The bond with her parents should be ending."

"It doesn't work that way!" I said.

"Of course it does," said Harp. "Perhaps you don't feel it yet. That's all."

"Andromeda," said Jasmine. "Let me handle this."

She sat down and pushed the paper and pencils across the table. "Draw the triangle that Andromeda shares with her parents."

"That triangle is replaced."

"Draw the old triangle," Jasmine said.

Harp took the paper. She selected pencils and drew a simple triangle with colored in circles at the vertices. "We do not have symbols."

"Use M for Mom," I said, "D for Dad, and A for Andromeda."

And so she labeled the vertices. She gave the paper to Jasmine.

"Now draw the triangle you intend to share with Andromeda."

Harp said nothing. She drew a similar triangle, but she used different colors. She used symbols for her and Jaguar, aliens symbols, but the A for me.

Jasmine took it from her. "This is the only triangle either of you would have."

"Of course. You can only be part of one triangle."

Jasmine tapped the other triangle. "This is a Whiteblack triangle. Humans do not have the same sort of triangle. But they have their own. This is what you thought she felt." She tapped the other paper. "This is what you believe she feels now, and this old triangle is gone."

"There may be a ghost," Jaguar said. "Once we solidify the triangle, the old one is gone."

I shook my head.

"That is not how human emotions work," Jasmine said. "This is what you are asking Andromeda to do." Then she drew a second triangle tied to the first, and so there were two triangles, one with me, Jaguar, and Harp, and a second one with me, Mom, and Dad.

"No, no," said Harp. "This triangle fades. It should already be gone, but perhaps it lingers. It will fade."

"No it won't!" I said. "You think I can stop loving my parents? Are you insane?"

"This is Andromeda now," Jasmine said. "She feels both of you. Her triangle with her parents is not like her triangle with you. And so they both exist at the same time. But you are asking her to do this." And then she took the paper and tore it, ripping the portion with my parents away. I saw that, stared, and began sobbing.

I hate crying.

"Can't you stay?" I asked. "Please. I'll go to Saturn with you. Or the asteroids here. Or Mars. Or even further, but can't we stay close enough to visit? Can't we stay close enough to talk? Don't make me dead to them. You can't do that! Jasmine, you can't make me go with them. That would be as bad as giving me to a male."

"Maybe not as bad, but I understand, Andromeda."

"But..." Harp looked at the paper. Jaguar looked at me.

And then I felt their grief slamming into me, and I was filled with such deep pain, I doubled over.

"One triangle must break," Jaguar said, her voice rough. "How do we break the other triangle?"

"You can't! You're asking me to choose between you. And I choose my parents. Do you hear me? I choose my parents!"

Then I doubled again with a new wave of grief.

"It hurts," I said. "It hurts! Make it stop hurting."

"We must break the triangle," Harp said. "It is fragile. We can break it." She stood, and Jaguar stood, and they moved around the table towards me. I scrambled to my feet, intending to run away, but Jasmine was there, and she caught me.

"Let me go! Don't let them touch me." I struggled with her.

"Andromeda," she said firmly. "You must decide."

"My parents! I'll go to Saturn, but I'm not going to another star unless they can promise we'll come back every year."

"We cannot," Harp said. "We wouldn't be back for a decade at the soonest. Three or four is more likely."

"They'll be dead! They're in their fifties. They could have heart attacks next week."

"Andromeda," Jasmine said. "I'm sorry." She nodded to Harp and Jaguar.

Jaguar stepped forward. "Andromeda, please think about what you are giving up."

"You should have told me," I said. "You should have told me!"

She nodded. "Yes. Jasmine Brighteyes told us to tell you. We didn't think you would accept the process if you knew. We weren't sure it would work, but if it was going to work at all, it would be with you. You have given us a gift. We know we can form a triangle with a human. This is a great gift of knowledge." She looked down for a moment. "If you wish to break the triangle, we must deliberately hurt each other."

"You already did that part."

"We did not deliberately hurt you," said Harp. "We didn't want to hurt you."

I looked down at the floor. "I don't want to hurt you. I just want to stop hurting. Can't you stay?"

"We wish we could," said Jaguar. "We really do. We cannot explain. It is not allowed. We are very sorry, Andromeda. You must hurt us. If you do not, the triangle will tighten, and you won't be able to resist the next time we call. And we won't be able to leave you. You must hurt us."

"I don't want to hurt you!"

"You must," said Harp. She stepped closer. "You must hit me as hard as you can. You must try to hurt me."

"I'll break my hand."

"Hit me somewhere soft," Harp said. "Here." She pointed to her stomach. "As hard as you can. You must hurt me. I hid this from you. You must hate me."

"I love you!" I screamed. "You made me love you, but you want to take me from my parents."

"Hit me, Andromeda. Hit me, or by tomorrow, you will be crawling to us, the pain will be so intense. And we will all leave together. You must decide. Hit me, and then hit Jaguar. And then we must hit you."

"You'll kill me."

"No, but you will know this time we hurt you deliberately."

"There has to be another way. Please. We're all smart people. There has to be another way."

"There isn't." And then she reached out and slapped me. She slapped me so hard my head rocked back. I cried out, and then I wound up and hit her back. Then Jaguar hit me on the other side. And I threw myself at her.

Jasmine had to pull me off of Jaguar.

And then... I screamed with the pain before collapsing.

I was in and out of consciousness for two days. The world moved on without me, as the world does, but I was oblivious to events around me. But then I woke. I was in bed in my cell. Jasmine was sitting beside me, staring into space. I stirred, and she lowered her gaze to me.

"Are you with us now?"

"They're gone, aren't they?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Oh god, Jasmine. I loved them so much. I could feel them. I could feel them! I can't feel them anymore. Oh god. Oh god." I buried my face in my hands and began shuddering.

She moved onto the bed and wrapped around me. She held me while I sobbed. She held me for a long time, wrapped around me as I clutched at her. But slowly I calmed down, staring ahead, feeling dead.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "Andromeda, I didn't think it would work. They wanted you, but even how you felt about Charoite, we had to give them the chance. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"They should have told me everything," I said quietly. "They were duplicitous."

"I agree," Jasmine said.

"The gifts they gave me," I started to say.

"Were gifts," she said. "They want you to keep them."

"Will you take care of them for me?" I asked. "At least for a while. I don't want to look at them."

"Of course."

I paused a moment then asked, "Does Charo know? I'm not ready to see her."

"She knows."

"Does she hate me?"

"No. She asked to come. I told her to wait."

"Tell me Charo doesn't live two stars away."

"She's at the space station most of the time with her mother."

I nodded. "I need some time. I can't go from that to her arms. I feel like a big, fat cheater."

"You don't control the situation, Andromeda. I do."

* * * *

I returned to work the next day. People were gentle with me, but I had events to run.

Charo's version of waiting didn't exactly correspond to mine. I needed a week or two. I got two days. She came to me in my cell late that night, sliding into my bed with me. "You're moving up in the world," she said.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Jasmine told me what happened."

"I know."

"She also told me you feel like you cheated on me."

I rolled away from here, staring at the world. "I did," I said quietly. Charo moved against my back, sliding one arm underneath my head, the other around my shoulder before pressing against me tightly, spooning me.

"You had no choice in events," she said. "Please don't push me away, Andromeda. I want you." She pulled on my shoulder, and I let her pull me onto my back. Then she pulled on my chin until I was facing her. A moment later the visor went black, and she pulled it from my face, setting it aside. We looked into each other's eyes.

Charo caressed my face. I didn't try pulling her away, but my heart was in my throat.

"I want you," she repeated, speaking gently. "I think we would be good together. Unless you send me away, I intend to stay while we each make sure. Will you please let me stay?"

I looked into her eyes then captured her hand and kissed the fingers. "I don't even know what to apologize for."

"You apologize for nothing. You ask me to kiss you, and we move forward from here."

"Please kiss me, Charoite."

And she did.

* * * *

We worked together the next day. Afterwards, Jasmine invited us for dinner and Boardwalk. Bay had an event that was running much longer than expected. The mating candidate was doing a good job hiding from her challenger, and Jasmine told him, "If she's doing a good job, let her win. She's got two more to go." Cedar volunteered to stay with him to keep him company, but he told her to go along with the rest of us.

So there were five of us: Jasmine, Cedar, Clover, Charoite, and me. We had a nice dinner, but I was surprised how the game went.

Everyone helped me capture the Kitsune. When she realized what they were doing, she squeaked, and it wasn't her amused squeak, either. She wasn't entirely gracious about it when she moved to share my cushion, but then she cuddled in.

"This is more like it," I said. "I was wondering what it would take until I had the upper hand with you."

"It took a human, two Catseye, and a Loris," she said. "I should be flattered."

"We both know it only took two Catseye and a Loris because the human is so incompetent. They could have captured you far more easily, but giving you to me was the hard part."

It took her a few minutes, and I teased her a little. But soon she was flirting up a storm with me and teasing back. And then she began trying to tell me how to play.

"Who is the vassal?"

"I am only giving you advice," she said. "And I'm not a vassal. That's the Catseye term."

"You're in a Catseye household," Jasmine said. "Vassal."

Everyone else laughed.

"Fine. I'm your vassal. But it is my duty to give you advice."

"We are strengthening our position," I said.

"That's not how you win."

"It depends on the definition of winning."

"There's only one definition."

"That's not true. I don't want anyone taking you from me. We are winning or losing together."

"Well, we're going to lose together."

"Yes. We'll do it together."

"But-" She put on a mutinous expression. "Maybe if you kiss me, I won't mind losing."

I smiled and took my time about it. Once we were paying attention to the game again, Cedar said, "You two are good together."

We did indeed lose together, but it was together, and when Clover removed us from play, she didn't insist we separate. The warm Kitsune felt good, and it felt even better when I let her take me to her apartment.

I spent the night cuddled together with her. She didn't seduce me, but if she'd tried, I would have let her.

She did it the next night instead.

* * * *

Afterwards, we lay together. "Thank you," I whispered.

"That was nice," she said.

"Just nice."

"Nice is good. They can't always be earthshaking. Nice is good. Nice is how you settle in for the long haul. And it was together. That makes it special."

"Yeah," I said. "I liked that part."

We dozed a little bit, but she was restless, so finally I asked if she wanted to get up for a while and play a game or something. "You could tell me what you've been doing the last few weeks."

"I'd like that," she said.

So we climbed from bed. She gave me a robe, collected one for herself, and we moved to the living room. Then cuddled together, I asked, "So, where did you go?"

"I've been talking to more of the team at NASA. I grabbed a group and we went over to Geneva to hang with some of the engineers from the European Space Center. I tried to convince them what I wanted to do was safe, and then we discussed the other choices."

"Can you explain it in terms I might understand without a degree in astrophysics?"

"Yes. You know I want to colonize nearby space."

"Right."

"If humans weren't so populous, and so many of you xenophobic, we would live among you. But we don't think that's going to be safe for a long time."

"That's probably true, and even if you could, you're trying to fix the population problem here, not add to it."

"Right. So we have choices. We can just stay on the space station. There's some room there yet, and we could expand for a while. But it's not unlimited, and it's not what I want to do."

"So those are choices one and two, but they are problematic."

"Right. The next easiest choice is to build on Mars."

"All right. But you don't want to do that, either. Why not?"

"We could build a dome city. But Mars represents the next big step for humanity. We don't want to steal that step. So we can't do too much with it. We can't build too much, and we certainly can't move it closer to the sun to warm it up or do anything to add an atmosphere."

"So it's a choice, but you can't build a thriving colony."

"It's not a bad choice, but I'm thinking bigger."

"A lot bigger."

"Yes, a lot bigger."

"How much bigger?"

"I want to add a planet in Earth's L5 point."

"An entire planet. Not a space station, but a planet. That seems hard to believe."

"It's complicated. I'd have to build it."

"You're going to build a planet. You won't try to move Mars there. You'll build a planet."

"I could build a planetoid. I could move a number of asteroids there. It wouldn't need to be the size of even the moon. I could heat it, and gravitational attraction would pull it together. Put a spin on it then heat it more. Then a little explosion in the middle will blow it out into a hollow sphere."

"How big a sphere?"

"Earth-sized, but nowhere near as massive."

"You're going to make a hollow planet."

"It's advanced. It's only been done a few times that we know of. But people would live on the inside. It would still spin."

"Like the space station."

"Right, only it would be enormous with even more land mass than Earth. Or I could make it smaller. That would work, too."

"So you're basically going to move asteroids, a great many asteroids, into a shared orbit with Earth. Won't that disturb Earth's orbit?"

"It's complicated," she said.

"And you sort of fly them there like a space ship."

"Actually, because of the mass involved, we'd use gravity slingshots for a lot of it. We'd fly them past earth."

"That sounds like something you would need permission to do."

She squeaked. "Oh, yes. The council told me flat out I need United Nations permission."

I grew still. "I think I understand. So that's what you're working on. What we'd work on together."

"I'm still doing some of the engineering, and trying to convince the human space agencies it's safe. If I can't convince them, I'm not going to convince the United Nations."

"Is it safe?"

"Of course. We would be exceedingly careful."

* * * *

I thought about it for two days, and it was over dinner that night that I asked her, "What will you do if you decide humans will never let you build your hollow planet in our orbit? Will you build a city on Mars?"

"That decision is years away," Charo replied. "I haven't worked out enough of the details to have a full plan. Most of this is theory. The teams from NASA are skeptical."

"Hypothetically speaking. Ten years from now. You have your perfect plan. And you can't convince anyone at NASA to let you do it."

"I'm sure I can convince them."

"Hypothetically speaking. I want to know what your backup plan is. Do you build on Mars? Do you give up? Do you make another space station instead? What do you do?"

"This is years away, Andromeda," she insisted.

"Years? How many?"

"I'm not sure exactly."

"A decade? Five decades?"

"Certainly not five," she said.

"If the United Nations walked through that door," I said, pointing, "right now and told you, 'There is no way we're ever going to let you do this', what would you do?"

"I don't understand why you're being so defeatist."

"Do you have a backup plan? Will you give up and pursue another venture? Will you put a city on Mars? What?"

"I have a backup plan," she said.

"I want to know what it is."

"Why are you so upset, Andromeda?"

"Charoite, you said you want a life with me. And you want me to work on this with you. You don't seem to want to really share the plan with me, so I presume you want me to clean wastebaskets and keep the supply cabinet filled."

She stared for a moment. "This is years away, Andromeda."

"What is your backup plan, Charo?"

She looked away. "There are other star systems."

We both grew still, then I asked, "Hypothetically speaking, ten years from now, fifteen years from now. The UN won't let you do it. You give up on your new planet. You start looking at these other star systems. Would you do it all from here?"

"Well, I wouldn't go looking myself. But once we picked one, we would go together."

"And does my opinion matter?"

"Of course it matters." But she wouldn't look at me. "This is years away, Andromeda." At that she turned back to me, but she didn't meet my eyes. "Years."

"So instead of next week, it will be years that you take me from Earth forever. You'll take me from my parents, from my planet, from almost every other human."