Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel (33 page)

"I love you," I whisper.

"I love you too," she whispers back. She buries her head in my chest and I feel the wetness from her silent tears.

Why did we wait so long to be together like this? We're finally together and now she's leaving.

This is all my fault. I'm such a fucking idiot. I kept her away, thinking it was for the best, but was it really? Because right now, I can't imagine anything better than this. Than having Jen in my arms, in my bed, in my life. It's what I want. I want her here. With me. But is staying here what's best for her and her future?

That thought keeps me awake for the next two hours until I finally fall asleep. My alarm goes off at five, like it normally does, and I take Jen back to her apartment, then head to the job site. I'm still working on that three season room over on Jackson Street. It should be finished this week. Austin's been working alongside me every day, so he knows what's been going on with Jen. I told him not to tell Dad or our brothers until I know for sure if she got the job.

"Hey," Austin says as I walk past him. "I got you a coffee."

I see it sitting on one of the paint cans. "Thanks."

It's only six forty-five so the rest of the crew hasn't arrived yet. I take my coffee and sit on the floor, leaning against the wall.

Austin sits next to me. "So how'd it go?"

"She got it." I rub my forehead, trying to ease my pounding headache that's either caused by stress or lack of sleep or both.

"They already offered her the job?"

"No. But I know they will. They wanted her even before she interviewed. She said they'd get back to her next week."

"Is she gonna take it?"

"She didn't say, but I know she wants the job, so yeah, I think she'll take it. It may be her only option. She's been sending out resumes for months and heard nothing back."

"So what does this mean?" he asks cautiously, noting the tension I'm giving off. I'm so wound up right now I probably look like I'm about to explode. I'm not angry. I'm just on edge, feeling like everything's spinning out of control.

"I don't know." I take a drink of my coffee.

"Denver's not that far. And they have direct flights from Chicago."

"It won't work." I shake my head. "That long distance shit never works. It may work for a month or two, but then things change and people move on and eventually it ends."

"But this is you and Jen. You guys are different. You're best friends. You love each other."

"It's not enough. We have to be able to see each other." I take a deep breath and rest my head back against the wall. "If she takes this job, it's over."

"Maybe she won't take it."

"She has to take it. It's a good job. A good opportunity. She needs to take it."

He doesn't offer up any more advice because he knows it won't help. The situation is what it is and there's nothing more to say about it.

The crew arrives and they, too, can tell I'm not myself. I don't joke around with them like I usually do and the few times I talk, it comes out sounding angry, so everyone keeps their distance and just does their work. We work seven to four, but when the crew leaves at four, I stay behind. So does Austin.

"You can go," I tell him.

"Why don't we go do something? I know it's early but you want to go to dinner? There's that brewery a couple miles from here."

He's trying to cheer me up and I appreciate the effort. I love my brothers. I really do. We used to fight a lot as kids, but as adults, we've come to appreciate each other. I can always count on them no matter what, and when Jen is gone, I'll need them to help me get through it. But right now, I'm not ready for their help. I need to be alone.

"Dinner's on me," he says. "I got a shitload of tips last night. Some drunk girls were throwing money on stage, trying to get us to keep playing."

"I forgot you played last night." I gather up the paintbrushes and set them on the ladder. "Sorry I missed it."

He shrugs. "Don't worry about it. You don't have to go every time I play. Besides, I knew you had to pick up Jen. So how about dinner? You up for a burger and some beer?"

Jen has to work until seven and I really don't want to sit at home alone so I agree to it. "Sure. Let's get out of here."

We go to the restaurant and order some beers. Austin doesn't usually drink during the week. It's part of his strict nutrition plan. No alcohol on weekdays, then splurge on the weekend. But even his splurge isn't that much. A few beers or some shots of hard liquor. He usually doesn't do much more than that, but tonight he's having a beer to commiserate with me.

"You going over to Jen's later?" he asks, then quickly says, "Sorry, I shouldn't talk about her. I'm trying to get your mind off her."

"It wouldn't work. She's all I can think about." I half smile. "But thanks for trying. You're a shithead sometimes, but overall you're a pretty decent brother."

"Back at ya, man," he says, then swigs his beer.

"Bryce?" I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to see a girl standing there. She's tall and thin and has that goth look; jet black hair, her eyes outlined with thick black lines, and a piercing in her eyebrow.

"Yeah." I turn more so I'm facing her. "Do I know you?"

"No, but I'm friends with Jen. I go to school with her. I saw you guys having lunch a few weeks ago and I um," she smiles, in a flirty way, "asked her about you." She comes around to the side of my barstool. "I'm Natalie." She holds out her hand, and as we shake hands, I notice her black fingernails and the tattoo on her wrist.

I get hit on a lot by girls like her. They assume I'm attracted to them because of my tats. Maybe that's true for other guys covered in ink, but it's not true for me. I don't like the goth look. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just not drawn to girls like that.

"I was thinking we could go out sometime." She puts her hand on my knee and I immediately turn forward again, causing her hand to drop.

"I'm dating Jen," I say forcefully.

"You are?" she asks, as if the very idea doesn't make sense. A guy like me with someone like Jen? It's that assumption that was one of the many reasons I didn't date Jen all those years. Because I knew people would react to us that way. As if we didn't belong together. As if I'm not good enough for her. But now? I don't give a shit what people think.

"He's been dating Jen for weeks," Austin says since I didn't respond.

"Oh." Natalie backs away. "Sorry, I didn't know."

"It's no problem." I glance at her. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah. Bye." She walks off.

Austin chuckles as he watches her leave. "You and the goth chicks."

"Yeah, I know." I swig my beer.

"She's pretty hot, though."

"Then why don't
you
go after her? Go ask her out."

"I don't like the goth thing either. She'd have to get rid of all that black shit around her eyes."

Even if she didn't have the goth look, I still wouldn't be attracted to her. Because I don't want Natalie, or any other girl. I only want Jen. She's it for me.

So what the hell am I doing? Why am I letting her go?

Our food arrives, but I have no appetite, which almost never happens. I'm always hungry. The last time I didn't have an appetite was right after my mom died. I didn't feel like eating when I was dealing with such a huge loss. Now I feel like I'm faced with another loss. Of Jen. It's not a death, but it's still a loss and it's still huge.

"I have to go," I say, getting off the barstool.

"Go?" Austin sets his beer down. "Our food just got here."

"I know, but I can't eat. I don't feel good." I take my wallet out and drop a twenty on the table.

Austin gives it back to me. "I told you, it's on me."

"I didn't even eat it."

"Doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. So where are you going? To Jen's place?"

"She's not home yet. She works until seven."

"Why don't you just stay? You don't have to eat."

"Sorry, I can't. I need to go." I get my phone out and call Nash. He's working on a job not too far from here.

"Hey," Nash answers, sounding more serious than usual. "I heard about Jen."

I whack Austin's arm and say to him, "What the hell?"

"What?" He turns to me.

"You told Nash about Jen?"

Austin takes my phone and says to Nash, "I told you not to say anything."

I grab my phone back and talk to Nash. "So everyone knows?"

"Jake knows, but we didn't tell Dad. But you know Jen will."

"But she hasn't yet?"

"Not that I know of. I just saw him an hour ago and he didn't mention it. So you think she'll take the job?"

"I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I called because I wanted to see if you're still at the job site."

"Yeah, but I'm leaving. I'm walking to my truck."

"Can you stop by Rut's Brewery? I'm here with Austin but I have to take off. Didn't want to leave my kid brother at the bar all alone." I smile at him.

He rolls his eyes. "I can eat by myself, idiot."

"Austin'll buy you a beer," I say to Nash. "And I've got a burger and fries I haven't touched. Or did Callie already make dinner?"

"She's not home. She has class tonight. Tell Austin I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay, talk to you later."

"Bryce, wait."

"What?"

"You doing okay?" Nash has that worried tone he always gets. I think it's one of those oldest brother things. He's always worried about us.

"Honestly? No. I'm not."

"Why don't I stop over there tonight? Let's talk."

"I can't. Jen's coming over. She's staying at my place. Nash, I gotta go."

"Yeah, okay. We'll talk later."

"Nash will be here in a few minutes," I say to Austin.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to my apartment. I'll see you tomorrow."

When I get back to my place, I take a long hot shower but it does nothing to relieve that tense, anxious feeling I've had ever since Jen told me about her job.

I have to do something. I can't let her leave. I thought I could, but I can't.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Jen

This afternoon, I stopped by my advisor's office to tell him how the interview went. He congratulated me, assuming I'd take the job if they offer it to me, which I think they will. When I was in Denver talking to Tracy, she basically told me I had the job. She said I'd be a perfect fit for the company, although I'm not really sure if that's true. I wasn't there long enough to tell.

When I told my advisor I hadn't made a decision about the job, he urged me to take it. He said it's a tough job market right now and that some of the people who graduated with accounting degrees last December are still unemployed. That had me panicking, thinking I have no choice but to take this job. I've been sending out resumes for months and heard nothing back, so if I turn this job down, I may not get another offer for months, or even a year. I can't risk being unemployed for that long. I could always get an hourly job to pay the bills, but the longer I go without an accounting job, the worse I'll look to an employer.

So I feel like I have to take this job, but I know if I do, it'll be the end for Bryce and me. We'll still be friends, but I want more than that. Now that I've had a taste of what it's like to be his girlfriend, I don't want to go back to being just friends.

But what if I don't take this job and then we break up? As much as I love Bryce, I don't completely trust him to stay in this relationship. He said he knew he loved me after that kiss on graduation night. If that were true, then why did he let me go? Why did he ignore me for almost a year? I know he said he did it because he felt like I deserved someone better, but why didn't he tell me that back then? Why didn't he at least talk to me and explain himself?

Ever since we started dating, I've been worried Bryce might do something like that again. Something will make him question our relationship and he'll just end it. If we'd been dating a few months, maybe I'd feel differently, but it's only been a few weeks and that's not enough time for me to feel confident this will last.

Just after seven, I get home from my job at the bookstore. I'm supposed to go over to Bryce's apartment tonight but I don't know if I will. I feel like I need time alone to think about this. My head is spinning trying to figure out what to do. This is all happening so fast.

My phone rings and I assume it's Bryce, but instead it's my mom. Just what I need. A call from my mom to make me feel even more anxious.

"Hi, Mom."

"I texted you earlier and you didn't respond."

"I'm sorry. I was in class and then I had to work."

"So you got that job in Colorado?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. I just had an interview. They haven't made an offer."

"Bryce made it sound like you had the job."

"You talked to Bryce?"

"I had to call him because you wouldn't call me back last night."

"Mom, I couldn't call. I didn't have time."

"You had time to call Bryce. So he's more important than me?"

I sigh. "I can't talk about this right now. I need to get going."

"Where? To Bryce's place? So you'll go see him but not me? I've missed you, darlin'. I need to see you."

Does she really want to see me? Or does she just need money, or something else from me?

"I'll come over this weekend, okay?"

"This weekend? That's days from now. I want you to—"

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." I hang up, cringing, because I know she's going to yell at me later for hanging up on her.

I'm about to call Bryce and tell him I won't be over there, but then I hear a knock on the door.

"Jen, can I come in?" It's Bryce. So much for having time alone to think. And yet my heart leaps with happiness knowing he's here. I'm so in love with him. So what do I do? Stay here, even though I'm not sure about us?

"It's open," I say, meeting him at the door.

He comes in holding a bouquet of red roses. He's never given me roses, or any kind of flower.

He hands them to me. "These are for you."

"Bryce, they're beautiful, but why are you giving them to me? And why are you here? I was supposed to meet you at your apartment."