Capital Risk (18 page)

It took the violence of another to forget the horrors caused by the men I loved.

So much had changed since then. Since we left the estate. Since we bound together to fight and run and forged an alliance against Darius.

I had confronted my demons and banished my nightmares with Nicholas. Didn’t Max and Reed deserve the same closure?

We all needed whatever comfort, whatever forgiveness, we could offer each other.

Because who knew when it would be our last chance.

“Oh.” Reed glanced at Nicholas. “Uh. We can…leave, if you two need to—”

Now I did flush. “Look, I’m okay. It’s just hormones.”

It was more than that. So much more. Confusion and doubt, conflicted loyalty and anxiety. I planned to kill a man who might have swelled me with his child. I left my mother in the cruel embrace of a monster who would sooner murder her if it meant crippling me for his taking.

I loved the man who endangered me the most.

And I missed the gentle and ravenous touches of his brothers, even when they originally intended to capture, degrade, and humiliate me. Neither Max nor Reed ever really hurt me, not when it wasn’t Darius’s bidding. They loved me like a friend, like a sister, like a lover. It wasn’t a conventional relationship, but it had meant so much to me.

It kept me alive.

“This is such a mess,” I whispered. “I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

Nicholas settled beside me on the couch, taking my hand. I let him, but Reed hadn’t moved.

I seized a breath. Now or never.

I took his hand too.

“Whatever you want, it’s yours,” Nicholas said. “You tell us what you need to be happy, and we’ll make it happen.”

Reed nodded. “No questions asked.”

It was that simple. And it was that complicated.

“Is it strange that I want things back the way they were?” I asked. “Not…before my father died. Not before you guys kidnapped me. But before…”

I stopped. I had no idea if they’d understand. No idea if I was mourning a darkness that confused me or trading genuine friendship for captivity.

But I took a chance in loving them.

I searched their gazes. “Even with all those terrible, awful things that happened, and all the bullshit Darius put me through, I got through it because I had you guys.”

Max approached, but he didn’t sit. “It wasn’t us, baby. We
caused
that shit. We didn’t help; we fucked you up more.”

“You might have hurt me, but you didn’t. Not like I knew you could.”

“But we did hurt you.” Reed swallowed. I hated the hollow regret in his voice. “And we never apologized for it.”

“It’s a bad dream now. It doesn’t scare me. I just wish…”

Hormones again—tears and heat. I wished I could make up my mind. Nicholas brushed my hair behind my ear. His touch stirred more than confusion.

“I wish we could be
close
again,” I said.

Reed winked. “You were close with Nick.”

Yes, but I still hadn’t figured out what it meant—not to me, not to him, not to Bumper. We cleansed a terrible memory, but, beyond that?

I was as desperate to be free of the Bennetts as I was to love each one of them again—Nicholas as my equal, Reed as a brother and friend, Max as a loyal protector.

“It’s just comfort I miss,” I said. “The intimacy. That’s all.”

Nicholas’s voice layered me in his consuming, perfect confidence. “I wouldn’t deny you that comfort, Sarah. Not after what we’ve been through.”

Reed nervously chuckled. “Uh, she’s pregnant.”

Nicholas nodded.

“With your kid.”

He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“We’re not…really of
use
anymore.”

Max grunted. “Besides fucking with her head.”

Reed shrugged. “I fucked other places.”

“I’m serious,” Max said. “Baby, I’ve done enough damage to you. If you need to get off, take Nick. He deserves you. Not me. Not after the shit I put you through.”

“You don’t believe that,” I said.

“I do.”

“Max, what happened was…I
let
you guys take me like that. We
had
to do it, or Darius would have murdered us all.”

“Doesn’t fucking matter.”

“It does to me.”

My throat tightened. I didn’t want my inhaler, I just wanted him to look me in the eyes, something he hadn’t done since that awful night in his penthouse when my freedom lasted only a few precious minutes before a new captivity began.

Darius destroyed more than my confidence, my life. He took my step-brothers.

It was worth bloodshed to right that wrong.

“I don’t blame you, Max,” I said “I forgive you.”

“Don’t.”

“You can’t
stop
me from forgiving you.”

He scowled. “I won’t believe it.”

“Then I’ll say it again and again, all day, every day, until you get sick of hearing it.”

“Do you want me to fucking leave?”

That was the last thing I wanted. “Just stay. Here. With me, with us.”

“I’m not going to hurt you anymore, baby.”

“If you leave, you’ll hurt me more than ever.”

“What the hell do you want from me?” Max held his arms out. “Want me to get the belt? Want me to beat you again? Fuck you like a goddamned animal?”

My hand crossed over my belly. “Not particularly.”

“That’s all I’m good for.”

“Not true.” Why were we fighting about this? “We can comfort each other.”

“I don’t deserve to be comforted.”

“
I do
!”

Nicholas’s hand brushed mine, but Reed hadn’t moved. My chest tightened.

We wouldn’t survive this if we weren’t together, unified,
healed
. My step-brothers suffered from guilt, an ugliness that stole their smiles and bound them in despair. I knew what it felt to lose myself in that darkness. I didn’t wish it upon anyone, least of all the men who tried so hard to save me.

Their intimacy had once offered me strength. I could do the same. Mend their wounds and offer them forgiveness and bind us together, again. For me. For the baby. For each other.

It just took a little confidence.

“Do you know what I want?” I whispered. “I want to feel you guys again. Not in pain or fear. I miss the pleasure and the closeness. I miss
being
with you.”

“You want us to fuck you?” Max made it sound coarse and raw.

I shook my head. “I want us to be
together
. I want to be safe and sexy and protected again.”

Reed froze. Max didn’t believe me. Nicholas kissed my hand.

Didn’t they feel the same way? Hadn’t they missed the simple pleasure of just enjoying each other? We had nothing else in this world except for each other, and the best way to prove our affection was in the sensual and wicked moments we shared.

I wouldn’t let what happened ruin our bond. Not when it meant so much to all of us. They just needed the same confidence I had to rebuild.

I stood, facing my step-brothers. My fingers curled in the hem of my shirt. I pulled it over my head, tossing the material away. They each exhaled a sharp, excited breath as I gripped the waist band of my shorts. They eased down next, revealing me, tiny, pink and brazen.

They gazed at my body, searching my softened curves and offered secret. Months ago, my nudity would have terrified me. Now? These men never leered, never gloated, never meant to
hurt
. Every touch delivered with Nicholas’s loving confidence, Reed’s gentleness, and Max’s dominating intensity.

I missed it.

And I knew they missed me.

“Fuck, Sarah,” Reed sighed. “Goddamn, you look more beautiful than ever.”

I heard it from Nicholas, whispered again and again in the darkness as we pressed together, moved together, loved each other. It sounded just as good from Reed. Max’s unsubtle adjustment of his jeans revealed he felt the same.

Nicholas took my hand, curling his fingers within mine. My quickening pulse blended with the calm, confident beat of his heart. His one touch would forever tease into an uncountable number of embraces, but each time he held me in his arms was as thrilling as the first, as passionate as the last, and as promising as every whispered vow he ever offered.

I meant to slide in his lap. He had other ideas. He guided me against the couch, my body resting over his legs, head against his chest. I stretched over the sofa, toward Reed.

And his dimple turned mischievous.

Reed grinned, but he still didn’t reach for me. Not until I nodded, not until my trembling breath offered him every permission.

Nicholas and Reed were so very different, and I loved it. Reed’s touch didn’t mirror Nicholas’s soft pressure. Nicholas so often savored and delighted, but Reed explored and played.

His hands brushed over my curves, my waist, the softness of my thighs. I gave a tiny sigh as the warmth of Reed’s fingers dazzled my already flushed skin. Nicholas eagerly tasted my pleasure, leaning to steal a kiss. Reed’s lips drifted their own path over my body. I arched for him, murmuring against Nicholas. My nipples tightened, still so newly puffy, under Reed’s hand.

“Good?” he asked.

Oh god, yes. His fingers rolled over my breasts, and I eagerly panted for more.

Reed’s eyebrows arched, playful and devious. “I gotta try this.”

Christ, he was a like kid in a candy store, eager and excited and wiggling with a brazen arousal.

I gasped as his mouth sealed a perfect fit around one of the darkened little tips. He suckled, hard, and the sensations blinded me in sharp, overwhelming bursts. Every lick drove a sizzle of excitement into my core. I tensed, falling into Nicholas’s grasp as his brother’s lapping, pulsing tongue teased me until I groaned.

Nicholas nuzzled at my neck until I twisted and offered him a chance to kiss and nip at the heated bit of my flesh just above my shoulder blade.

Too much. Never enough.

Within seconds I felt as though I were devoured, as though we had never parted from each other. My slit slickened, practically shuddering with the need I had denied for so long.

Reed sensed it. He pulled from my nipple with a garish
pop
, chuckling as I mewed against the chilly air swirling around the bud. He even blew on it, just to watch as it tightened and trembled for the return of his mouth.

I never should have taught him what I liked.

But it had its perks.

Nicholas whispered warm and gentle words as he adjusted my hips. His brother’s attention drifted lower. Reed’s lips pressed below my breasts, over my navel, and, in a soft peck, over the little bump.

I bit my lip. Nicholas’s teeth pressed hard against my neck. His hand slid over my curves until it captured where his brother had kissed.

He was never jealous, never once faulted me for taking my pleasure with his brothers. He never punished them for taking me.

But when it came to Bumper?

I welcomed Nicholas’s heated palm, the rough rub of his fingers, the
pride
of his touch against the tiny bump. It was primitive. It was dominating. It was a consequence of our lovemaking that never should have happened.

Except I loved that little bump as much as I loved Nicholas, both for reasons I could never understand and for the most obvious explanation.

We belonged together.

We needed each other.

But I also needed Reed and Max and every promise they’d offer to help us survive.

Reed kissed a gentle path over my heated slit. He grinned, savoring just the sight of my puffiness and desperate heat. His hesitance with each passing second tortured me like an eternity. I whined, twisting my hips. His breath tormented the petals already too warm, too waiting, too wanting.

Reed poised to sink upon me, but his fingers tightened over my legs.

“This okay?” he didn’t ask me.

Nicholas released my tender neck, nipped between his teeth. “Ask her.”

Reed winked at me.

“Please,” I said. “Don’t tease me now.”

He laughed, “But that’s no fun.”

“We have plenty of fun.”

“Not nearly enough.”

Reed grunted as he dove between my legs. My thighs parted, and I gave my silky softness to him.

And he took it.

I gasped in gratitude. Nicholas threaded his fingers through my hair, whispering sensual words, encouraging me to arch higher, spread my legs wider, and enjoy everything Reed offered me.

And he offered me
everything.

Reed understood pleasure. He devoted himself to it. His domination was the opposite of the restraints and chains Max preferred. While his brothers captured their pray, tangled them a thick web of possession and strength, Reed let my own desire trap me under his will. I twisted and
begged
for him to do all the terrible things his brothers promised under threat.