Captured Love (10 page)

Jesus. My mind kept coming back to him.

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Perhaps the girls were right and I did need some closure, though I was sure we had meant nothing to him, which meant there was nothing to close. Still, I felt like I was tied to the past, too many ropes around me. I had to find a way to get free of them, one at a time. And I could start right now.

I dashed inside, picked up the truck keys, and peeked my head inside Mama’s bedroom. “I’m going out.”

“Good,” she said without looking up from the book she was reading, seated on her bed. “You should go out with your friends.” I didn’t bother correcting her. “Yeah.”

“Have fun.” She smiled, sneaking a glance at me. “And be careful.”

“I will.” I closed her bedroom door, and went into mine.

I put on my flats, picked up a jacket and my purse, and halted before the mirror. My hair was a mess, and I wasn’t in the mood to 163/504

apply any makeup. Not that it would matter since I wouldn’t be meeting anyone.

Luna trailed after me as I ran to the front door, but I didn’t let her leave. I needed to do this alone. Luna whined, but I didn’t fall for her trick. I locked the door and dashed to the car.

I drove to Lexington Square, the main park downtown, and the place where Ryan and I kissed for the first time. And many more times. This was the place where the magic had started, and where it ended. This is the place I last saw him before leaving town. This was the place everyone last saw me before I left.

I cut the engine of the truck in a parking space around the park.

The sun was setting. Its orange and red-dish rays licked the graying sky, only a few clouds spoiling the beauty. It was a gorgeous view, which made me wonder, where was everyone? Oh yeah, at the bike show, silly 164/504

me. Bike shows were always the main attraction whenever there was one.

I walked to the northern most point of the park, where a small circular plaza over-looked a fountain. I hid under the shadow of a tree around the circle and sat on the pavement, pulling my legs close.

I inhaled deeply, letting the air carry the memories to me. I needed to feel them, to see them, to swallow past them. But they hurt more than I remembered. They scorched their way into me, into my heart, and I gasped, fighting the tears.

I had been too young, too blind, too innocent. If I could, I would have skipped my teenage years. All of them. Nothing good happened until I went to live with my grandma. There, at my new high school, nobody knew me, nobody knew my past, and I was able to start over, to be someone else, someone stronger, wiser.

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I wish I had been stronger and wiser before. Maybe then, things would have been different.

Did it really matter? I had already admitted to myself that I wouldn’t have done anything different, so why lie to myself? Yes, there were days I wanted to change the past, there were days I wanted to forget, but deep down I knew it didn’t matter. If I could go back in time, I would have done everything the same, down to my last mistake.

I just wished Ryan had done things differently. I wished my papa had done things differently too. Which was selfish. Ryan and Papa were guilty, but so was I.

Drowning in my thoughts, I startled when a car cut its lights in the parking spot behind the plaza. I didn’t notice it was dark already, and I didn’t even see it arriving.

Not in the mood to be found, by strangers or not, I squirmed closer to the tree, hoping the shadows would hide me.

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The person skulked to the plaza, kicking some loose stones, hands buried inside jean pockets. I noticed, by the larger frame, it was a man, wearing a black baseball cap that covered his head. When he stepped into the plaza and looked at the fountain, I recognized that strong chin and that chiseled jaw.

My heart skipped a beat before ham-mering against my ribs.

Trying to be sneaky, I crawled backward, reaching for the tree trunk. I wanted to retreat, hide behind the tree, and tiptoe back to my car before he could even suspect he wasn’t alone in the plaza.

Instead, my foot rolled over a loose stone and I slipped, hitting my head and back hard on the cement ground. I let out a raw yelp and pressed my eyes shut as if the action would send the pain away.

“Jessica?” Ryan asked. The sound of his rushed footsteps approached me. His hands closed around my upper arms, and he pulled 167/504

me to sit up. “What happened? Are you okay?”

I rubbed the back of my head. It hurt so much that it had to be bleeding, but when I spied my fingers, there wasn’t any blood on them. The world revolved around me, and I closed my eyes again.

“Jess, talk to me. Are you okay?” I shook my head, but that rattled my brain loose inside my skull, and I cringed.

Ryan felt my head with gentle fingers.

“It’s going to bruise, but it’s not that bad.” Jesus, this was great. All I wanted was to avoid him, and here we were, together and alone in the square that held too many memories to count. On top of that, I wore simple attire, had no makeup on, had just made a fool of myself, and was now sprawled on the ground, unladylike.

Irritated and embarrassed, I grunted.

“You say that because it’s not your head hurting.”

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He chuckled and my eyes shot open, even with the pain it brought. His gaze met mine, and his grin died. His lips pressed together and his jaw ticked.

Realizing he was still holding me, Ryan jumped up and retreated a few steps. “What are you doing here?”

With the warmth of his hands gone, a cold trail swept over my skin. What the hell?

It was over ninety degrees. At night!

“I could ask you the same thing.” I wanted to stand, but I didn’t think it was a good idea yet. So, I just crossed my legs and took a deep breath, willing the pain away.

“This was the last place I thought I would see you. Actually, I was quite sure you would be at the motorcycle thing.”

He looked at the ground and shook his head. “I don’t go to bike shows.” I frowned and that brought new pain to my head. “That’s what the girls said.” 169/504

Quietly, he turned to the fountain again, his gaze distant.

Even hurt, it was hard not to noticed he hadn’t changed that much. His face was still of a bad boy, his gaze was still breathtaking, and his body was still ripped.

But he had changed. He was
more
ripped now, evident in the way his green T-shirt hugged his torso and arms and exposed the muscles underneath. He had new tattoos on his lower arms and on his neck, and only God, and the women he slept with, knew where else. But he looked much more serious now, and sad.

Fighting the pain and the dizzy spell that overtook me, I stood. “What happened to you?”

He gave me a quick glance over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“You’re different.”

He shrugged, his eyes on the water.

“People change.”

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Most
people changed, but Ryan wasn’t one of them.

I should run away and stay as far away from him as I could, but something nagged at me, some heavy feeling expanded in my chest, and I knew
something
had happened to him, even if he was trying to pretend nothing had. And I wanted to know what that something was.

I took a step forward, standing beside him, but still several feet away. “So … why aren’t you at the bike show?”

He looked down again and sighed.

“Don’t do this, Jessica. Don’t pretend you care when I know you don’t. And you know what?” He turned to me, his eyes hard and cruel. “I don’t want you to.”

I gasped, totally taken aback by the coldness of his stare. He had never, ever looked at me that way.

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Before I could recover and snap at him, he spun around and marched toward his Mustang.

Ryan halted. “Shit,” he muttered.

I followed his gaze. To his right, a cop walked down the path to the plaza.

“Mr. Dawson,” the cop said, his hands in his pockets. “Do you know what time it is?”

Ryan grunted. “Yes.”

“Did you forget about your curfew?” Curfew? What was he talking about?

“No, Officer Mike. I just got caught up.” I took two steps to the side, so I could look at the cop, and found him staring at me with interest.

“Oh, I see,” the cop said. “Are you trying to get in trouble again?”

“No.” Ryan’s jaw and shoulders were hard.

“Then you should stay away from her,” the cop said.

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“What?” I squealed.

“I know.” Ryan fished his car keys from his pockets. “It was an accident. She was here when I arrived and I was just leaving.”

“I see.” The cop glanced at me again, a frown between his brows. “Then I’ll escort you home.”

Without saying another word or looking back at me, Ryan continued to his car, the cop on his heels.

Ryan drove away, and the cop, in his police car, followed him down Main Street.

My knees wobbled, and I almost fell on the ground again.

What had just happened?

Without wasting time, I drove home, relieved to see Jason’s bike in the driveway.

I found him in the kitchen, eating a piece of apple pie, with Luna circling his legs, asking for some.

He smiled when he saw me. “Hey. Are you okay? I confess I panicked a little when I 173/504

got home a few minutes ago and didn’t see the truck.”

“What happened to Ryan?” I blurted, and his eyes widened. “He doesn’t go to bike shows anymore, and I just saw a cop escort him home, talking about curfew.”

“Shit,” he whispered, setting the plate on the countertop.

“No, don’t shit me. If you don’t tell me, I’ll find out some other way.” He took a deep breath. “Listen, Jess, I’m not sure I’m the one who should be talking about this. It’s his problem; it’s his thing.

If you want to know so badly, I think you should ask him.”

I sat down at one of the kitchen chairs.

“I kinda did.”

“And?”

I tapped my fingers on the table. “He was pretty mean. He told me not to pretend I care.”

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Jason sat beside me, the shine in his eyes hesitant. “Do you care?”

I averted my eyes, not sure about the answer. “I hate him. I hate what he did to me. But I’m not a bad person, and I don’t wish anyone to go through what I did, or rot in hell, or whatever. Not even him.” My brother patted my hand. “I’m sure he wishes you well too.”

I didn’t doubt him. After all, he was Ry-an’s best friend, and I knew they told each other everything. But that wasn’t the real question. “Why? Why would he wish me well now? He certainly didn’t four years ago.”

“Almost four years ago,” Jason corrected me. “I can’t answer that either, Jess. I still think that, if you want answers, you gotta go straight to the source.” He stood, and I stepped in his way before he could leave the kitchen.

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“Hey, you’re my brother. You’re supposed to help me, to defend me. Something you didn’t do four years ago!” The hurt that took over his expression tugged at my heart. Damn, if only I could take my words back.

He reached up and cupped my cheek.

“Jess, we can’t change the past, and I’m sorry for that. You know I’m truly sorry. I’m not telling you his shit because it’s my way of helping you, defending you. Forget about it.

But if you can’t, go ask him.”

“I can’t … I can’t just walk up to him and ask him whatever this is. He pushed me away, remember? I was—am—nothing to him. Why would he want me to tell me anything?”

“See, you know nothing about nothing.

And that’s why I think you should go talk to him. You two need to put the past in the past. I think you’ll only be able to do it after 176/504

talking

and

resolving

your

problems.

Together.”

I gaped at him. “You’re crazy.” I
was
nothing to Ryan. Why would he need me to put his past behind him? What had he done?

Slept with a demon? I couldn’t help him with that. I couldn’t help him with anything. “He probably didn’t spend one second thinking about me after I left.”

A sad smile took over my brother’s lips.

“You’re so, so wrong, sis. And that’s all I’m gonna say. You want to know more, go talk to

him.”

He

kissed

my

forehead.

“Goodnight.”

He left the kitchen, and I sank down in the chair, tired, as if I had fought a battle.

Chapter Ten

Jessica

Besides my curiosity, I didn’t give in and didn’t look for Ryan. The weakness I had shown at the square, by trying to talk to him, had been just that. A momentary weakness.

And it would never happen again.

Though bumping into him at the hospital on a Tuesday afternoon caught me by surprise.

I literally bumped into him when I stepped out of Papa’s room.

He held my elbows, so I wouldn’t fall.

“Sorry,” he whispered, his hazel eyes fixed on mine.

I stepped back, leaving his grip. “It’s okay.”

He glanced at the door, and a knot appeared between his brows. “How is your father?”

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“The same.”

Jason left Papa’s room two seconds later. “Hey, man, what are you doing here?” They clasped hands in that brotherly manner guys always did.

Ryan pointed his chin to the end of the hallway. “Brought a guy who cut his leg down at the site.” He glanced at his watch.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

“Yeah, but we gotta a call saying Dad was conscious. I left class, Mom left a pan on the stove, Jess left work, but we didn’t get here in time. He’s sleeping, as usual.” Ryan pointed to the elevator. “I should go back to …” He peeked at me again and didn’t finish his sentence.

“Yeah, yeah.” Jason bumped his fist on Ryan’s. “I’ll call you later.” Ryan nodded and, sparing me only a half-second glance, hurried away.

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When Ryan disappeared inside the elevator, Jason turned to me. “You didn’t talk to him yet.”

“I don’t want to talk to him.” It was a lie I wasn’t willing to admit to myself, but I knew it was a lie anyway. “I have nothing to talk to him about. Besides, did you see the way he ignored me? I told you I was nothing to him.”