Captured Love (9 page)

I nodded, taking in the weight of his words. He was right. I had to stay far away from her for my sake. “I know.” I sighed.

“Goodnight.”

Jason frowned and retreated from the car, pulling Luna with him. “Night,” he said, closing the door.

Without waiting for my friend to run back to his house, I sped off and away from that cursed house.

Chapter Eight

Jessica

In my house’s driveway, Sophie leaned against Rachel’s Mazda and pressed her hands together. “Please, Jess, come with us.” I fought a smile at her begging figure and shook my head. “No, and you shouldn’t be asking. You know why I won’t go.” Rachel peeked out the window. “If you’re worried about a certain someone being there, don’t worry. He won’t be there.” I frowned. They were talking about a bike event. Jason, Luke, and Ethan would be there even if they had to cross the ocean with their bikes. How did they know Ryan wouldn’t be there?

I leaned against the porch. “Why not?” Rachel and Sophie exchanged a weird look. “He just won’t be, okay?” Sophie said.

“We guarantee.”

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“Please come,” Rachel insisted.

Even if he weren’t there, the memories would be too strong. Many, many things happened around those tracks.

Back then, on Saturday and Sunday, Ryan, Jason, Luke, and Ethan spent their afternoons at the tracks. Ryan and Luke were serious about it, wanting to follow what they said was their calling. Jason and Ethan loved it, but they knew they weren’t good enough to be successful in the racing world. That didn’t stop them from practicing and racing every now and then.

During the month Ryan and I were together, the girls and I had been at the tracks every minute the guys were there, and when Jason was busy, I sneaked behind the bleachers with Ryan.

Since we had started seeing each other, I knew he hadn’t dated any other girl. How could he when he spent every night with me?

I wondered, though, how long he would wait 148/504

for me, until I was ready to have sex with him. A month? Two months? I was sure that if I waited too long, he would dump me.

Another one of my worries was

Jason—my brother and his best friend.

“The girls know about us,” I told him one afternoon. We were behind the bleachers while Jason and Luke had their practice run.

He had me pinned against a wall, but when I spoke, he retreated a step.

“And?”

“They think it’s great since we’re all friends now and hang out together anyway.” His posture visibly relaxed, and he reached for me again. “I think it’s great too,” he whispered, lowering his lips to mine.

“What about Jason?” I blurted out. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who pressured the guy to meet the family, but the thing was, he already knew my family, and since we were all going out together now, it 149/504

was getting harder and harder to sneak around with him.

Ryan’s body stilled. “What about him?” Somehow, Jason found out about our first kiss and had punched Ryan, warning him to stay away from me. But he didn’t, and we had been more careful after that. Never-theless, I didn’t know how long we would be able to keep this up behind Jason’s back.

“When are you going to tell him?” Letting out a long breath, he ran a hand through his hair. “Things are great the way they are, don’t you think?”

I did, but it bothered me a little how he was dismissive of letting others know about our relationship.

Once again, I realized that if I had noticed the signs, I could have stopped my heart from falling in love with Ryan. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him, my father and I would be okay, and I wouldn’t have run away. Right now, I would be studying 150/504

architecture at Clemson or Charlotte. I would come home for every holiday and summer vacation. Rachel, Sophie, and I would still be close, and I would still love pictures and sketching people.

I sighed. “Sorry, I can’t.”

Sophie walked up to me, her eyes kind.

“You know, I may be mistaken, but you need some closure. To put the past totally behind you.”

“There’s nothing to close,” I whispered.

Unwanted tears burned my eyes. “There was never anything to close.”

She embraced me. “Oh, there was, and you know it.”

Rachel appeared by our side. “I agree.

You need to find a way to say goodbye to the past. Maybe going to the tracks will be it.

Maybe riding a bike with Luke or Jason.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure what would do the trick. I think only you will know, but I think you need closure.”

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Jesus, what was with these girls? They wanted to kill me. Closure meant thinking about the past, reliving it, and I so wasn’t ready for it. In fact, I knew I would never be.

Despite the few memories pushing their way to my mind here and there, I just wanted to forget the past.

“I’ll think about it,” I lied.

“Good.” Sophie embraced me again.

Then it was Rachel’s turn. “Call if you need to talk.”

“I will,” I lied again. I hated lying to them. Even though I still loved them, we had grown apart. Things would never be the same. “Have fun,” I called as they dashed to the car.

I waved as the car drove away, then turned on my heels and stormed into the house in search of some honey. I needed a sweets overdose.

***

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Ryan

Every two weeks, I had to work at the Habitat for Humanity on Saturdays. I had many, many hours to put in, and if I didn’t work a couple of Saturdays here and there, I would have to keep at this for many more months.

I sighed, examining the alignment of the doorframe I was installing.

Why did I care so much about finishing my hours with Habitat for Humanity when I had no idea what I would do next? Who would hire me? With my fucked-up past, no one. Though, until I finished my hours, I wouldn’t be free. Not of my father at least.

He would still pay for my rent, my bills, my food, and I would have to report to him every weekend, to show him I wasn’t getting out of line.

I had to finish this.

But then what?

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I reached for the door, leaning against a wall.

There was a time when I wasn’t so sure about my future, but someone was.

On a weeknight, Jessica had sneaked
out of her house to go riding with me, as she
often did. That day, though, I wasn’t feeling
so great. I had had a big argument with my
father.

“You’re nineteen,” my father started.

“When are you going to grow up? Playing
around with bikes isn’t going to pay your
bills.”

I had heard that speech many, many
times before. And I wasn’t the only one. I
knew Jason also heard that same speech
from his father.

As much as I fought it, my anger always built up, and instead of being quiet
and just ignoring him, I engaged him. I re-torted, I yelled, I kicked the air. That day
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though, he went as far as saying I was a big
disappointment.

“Don’t worry,” I barked. “You still have
Brianna and Tommy to keep you happy.”
I raced out of the house, slamming the
door in the process, and went after Jess. For
some reason, when I thought of her, my anger subsided a little.

So, instead of riding around aimlessly,
that night I parked the bike alongside a field
just out of town, took Jess’s hand, and after
a hundred steps or so, plopped down on the
grass.

With a wary smile, she lay down beside
me, her shoulder and arm touching mine.

In silence, we watched the stars. Here,
they were shinier than in town, prettier. Incredible how something so little could actually be so big, and be so many miles away.

Incredible how big the universe was. Incredible how insignificant I was.

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A flutter ran up my stomach. I tilted
my head to the side and found Jessica
turned to me, her elbow on the grass and
her head propped on her hand. Her other
hand drew circles on my stomach.

“Want to talk about it?” she asked, her
voice low.

How the hell did she know something
was wrong?

“Not really.”

She scooted closer and laid her head on
my shoulder. “I’m here. When you want to
talk.”

I slid an arm under her and pulled her
body flush with mine. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, loving her wild rose scent. Her
fingers shifted to my chest, making me
shiver.

A beautiful night, with a beautiful girl.

What else did I need in life?

I sighed. “Sometimes I wonder what I’ll
do with my life.”

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“What do you mean?”

“I can’t race forever.”

She tilted her head up and looked me in
the eyes. “Why not?”

“Because …” I didn’t have a good
answer.

“I don’t see why not. I mean, you’re
really good at racing, and even if you don’t
make it to the top, you can still work with
bikes, can’t you? You love bikes. And you
can fix them like no one else in this town.”
I let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Right. Because my father would love to see his son
working in a bike shop, covered in grease all
day.”

She shrugged, her shoulder digging in-to mine. “I understand wanting to please
your parents—believe me, I know—but
sometimes you have to follow your heart.

Fixing bikes would be honest work, one that
would put food on your table, clothes in
your closet, and a roof over your head.

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Maybe a simple roof, but still a roof, which
is more than a lot of people in this country
have. Or would you rather be a fancy lawyer or doctor, driving a Ferrari, living in an
empty mansion, and completely miserable?”

“I wouldn’t be completely miserable
driving a Ferrari,” I joked. She poked her
finger in my ribs. “Ouch!”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.” I grabbed her waist and pulled
her up so she was leaning over me. “When
did you get so wise?”

She smiled, a naughty thing that twisted my insides. “Well, I’ve always been wise;
you’re the one who never paid any attention
to me.”

“I was a jerk,” I said, running my
hands down her back. “But believe me, I’m
paying attention now.”

I rolled us around so I was hovering
over her, and stared down at her flushed
face shining with the moonlight, her long
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hair fanned on the grass, her tight body under mine. She was so beautiful, so perfect.

I lowered my body and pressed against
her as my mouth melded to hers.

“Hey,” Jason said, appearing from behind the door I had just installed and bringing me back to the present.

“Shit.” I took a step back, willing my heart to slow down.

“I scared you?” he asked, hiding a laugh. I groaned and picked up my jacket from the toolbox. “So, are you done here?” I glanced at the clock on my phone. It was past seven in the evening. “Not sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

I grabbed my bandana from my jacket’s pocket and wiped my forehead with it.

“What?”

“Luke, Ethan, and I are going to a race, and we want you to go with us.” 159/504

Shit. “You know my answer. When are you going to give up?”

He flashed me one of his big smiles.

“Never.”

I walked past him. “You’re a prick.” Jason shrugged. “No, I’m your friend.” He followed me out of the house, and we walked together to the parking lot. “Are you going to tell me what it’s going to take for you to at least go watch the race with us?” As if I knew. Instead of answering him, I turned the interrogation around on him.

“How are your classes?”

He nodded. “The usual tactic. Changing subjects. Unlike you, I’ll answer the question. Classes just started, but like any summer semester, they are harder.”

“And … how is your father?” I couldn’t care less about Paul, but I knew Jessica had come back because of him. Besides, Jason was my best friend. I didn’t wish for him to lose his father.

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“The same. Sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, complain, sleep, sleep, sleep.”

We entered the parking lot and I turned to my car.

Jason followed me. “Seriously, man, you should come with us. It’ll be good for you.”

If he pushed this matter, I would end up punching him square on the nose. I opened my mouth to tell him to go to hell or something when his phone dinged.

He fished his phone from the pocket in his leather jacket. “It’s Luke. John arranged another race for him.”

Jealousy crawled through my insides.

“That’s great,” I said through gritted teeth. I opened my car door. “Have a good time.” I slipped inside and closed the door before Jason could even say bye.

I peeled from the site and onto the road as jealousy and frustration ate me alive.

Chapter Nine

Jessica

After a quiet dinner with Mama, she retreated to her bedroom, with excuses of being too tired, but I knew she was also concerned. She had stopped by the hospital earlier to see Papa, and the nurse told her his day hadn’t been that good.

I cleaned the kitchen, and then joined Luna on the swing on the back porch.

It was still early, but I knew the bike show should be almost over, being replaced by a party, which could be right on the tracks or at a bar or club around town. My brother, my cousin, and my friends would be there.

And I knew Ryan would be there too. Party was his last name. It had always been, even when I refused to see it.