Career Girl in the Country / The Doctor's Reason to Stay (19 page)

Except, of course, Aunt Grace had been the difference, the memory that mattered. His connection. And he missed it, still needed it. Thinking back, he knew she had been his only real link to a better life, to a life where someone really did care. And now here he was, sitting on the opposite side of the blanket from Edie and Molly, totally unlinked. Totally left out. His choice, of course, and not the first time in the few hours he’d known Edie that he’d nearly regretted his choice. But even though the wounds were old, they felt more acute here, in Lilly Lake, than anyplace else. Wounds he didn’t want opened again. And Edie would be the one to open them. Edie, or Molly. Not intentionally,
but more as a fallout from the things he couldn’t allow himself to have.

“Look, I’m going down to the lake,” he whispered. “Care to come with me?”

“I’d like to, but I don’t want to disturb Molly.”

She connected with horses, children … probably even the ants sneaking their way up to the blanket in search of picnic crumbs.
Could be trouble,
he thought as he wandered down to the water’s edge by himself. Big,
big
trouble, if he wasn’t careful.

A huge part of him was on the verge of wanting to turn around and look back toward the picnic blanket, at Edie and Molly, but he knew he shouldn’t. Just one look right now would change the situation from casual into something he wasn’t even sure he could put into words. And he didn’t like these feelings coming over him. Didn’t like the mellowness, or the slender thread of longing that came along with it. Not at all!

So, he chalked it all up to this being the effect of coming home, and hoped that would take care of him until he got the hell out of there. These were old insecurities returning to haunt him, leftover emotions that apparently hadn’t ever quite resolved themselves after his father had died. Damn, he hated the old man, even after a dozen years. Maybe hated him more now than ever, because those feelings his dad had burned into his soul wouldn’t let go. Wouldn’t even be put aside, it seemed.

After all these years being away, convincing himself he was over it, convincing himself he was well beyond the dark cloud his former life had cast over him, he despised the fact that he’d been so wrong about it, despised the fact that all the emotions had been hiding
close enough to the surface that they’d simply popped out to strangle him when he let down his guard the least little bit.

But that was what was happening. Same feelings, same anger. He could feel it in his gut, feel it in his heart. And this time he didn’t have his aunt to help him through it. It was just … him. No family, no friends. No one!

Unable to resist, he stole a quick glance at Edie and Molly, again seeing that easy connection between them. Even though he did envy them a little, he almost resented them for it, too. Almost resented them for something he couldn’t feel. Yet, when he glanced back again, he realized it wasn’t resentment he was feeling. It was … emptiness.

For a moment he caught himself wishing he could be curled up on that blanket, too, with Edie and Molly. But he knew better. If there ever was a lesson his old man had taught him, it was that he definitely could not go home. Not now, not ever. Home meant pain, and that, above everything else, was the reason Rafe spent the next half-hour standing on the shore, alone, skipping rocks.

“It’s been a long time,” Rafe said, extending his hand to Rick Navarro, not sure whether or not Rick would take it. To his credit, Rick took Rafe’s hand right away, and greeted him with a hearty shake. But there was no sense of friendliness in his eyes. Nothing warm, nothing welcoming. Not that Rafe expected there to be. In fact, he wouldn’t have been easy with it if there had been, as he didn’t deserve it.

“It has been, hasn’t it?” Rick said. His steady, wary
gaze met Rafe’s straight on. “So, welcome to Lilly Hospital. I’m assuming you and Jess are going to continue to call it Lilly Hospital.”

“Actually, we haven’t really talked about what we’re going to do. But I don’t anticipate changing the name.”

Rick nodded. “Grace liked the name. She thought it sounded warm and nurturing. After she bought the hospital, the board wanted to call it after her—Grace Corbett Memorial, even Grace Memorial, but she wouldn’t have it. Said it was too pretentious, that the hospital was about the town, not about her.” He chuckled. “She threatened to dismiss the entire board if they went through with it. Joking, of course. But that was Grace, wasn’t it? Always getting her way, one way or another.”

“The hell of it was, her way was always right,” Rafe said, forgetting the tension between them for a moment. “She knew it, and she had the most subtle ways of convincing other people to see it like she wanted them to. Never browbeating. Never nagging.

Just …”

“Friendly persuasion,” Rick offered. “She did that better than anybody I’ve ever known, and I respected Grace probably more than anyone I’ve respected in my life.” He paused, drew in a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry for your loss, Rafe. Grace meant the world to many people, including me, and we’re already missing her. She always treated me fairly, when …”

Rick paused. Didn’t say the rest of the words. Words Rafe knew so well in his heart. Words to which Rick Navarro had a right. “I miss her. She was one amazing lady.”

That was something about which the two of them
could agree. Common ground, after all these years. “She
was
an amazing woman,” he said. “And I respect her decisions about the hospital, Rick. Respect her decision to make you Chief of Staff. So let’s get this awkward moment out of the way, OK? While Jess and I haven’t really reached a decision over what we’re going to do with the hospital, the one thing we did agree on is that we want you to stay here, in your same capacity. We don’t want to make changes that will disrupt anything … not the way the hospital operates, not people’s lives in general. Jess doesn’t even practice medicine any more, and I have no intention of staying in town, so we’re not going to interfere with anything you’re doing here. Grace trusted you to run her hospital and as you’re who Grace wanted, you’re who I want. Can you deal with that … deal with staying on in your same capacity for now, maybe even taking on more responsibility in the future?”

Rick didn’t even hesitate before he answered. “I can deal with it. But I’ll need the terms laid out for me, considering …”

“Considering how badly Jess and I treated you when we were young?” His mother had been their maid, and they’d taken every opportunity they could get to bully Rick because of it. Jess hadn’t done it so much. More like stood off on the sidelines and watched. But he himself … He cringed, even thinking about what he’d done to Rick.

“You did,” Rick stated. “You made my life a living hell all those years, and I know people change, but I haven’t gotten over all of it, Rafe. And you’ve got to know it. Out of sight, out of mind works, but now that you’re not out of sight, I’m having a hard time
separating myself from the way you and Jess treated me. Bad memories returning to haunt me. But I’m trying to chalk it up to youthful pranks. And hoping my own son, who’s six now, doesn’t have such a rough time of it growing up.”

“You have a son? Aunt Grace never mentioned it.” “It’s a long story. Wife who sidestepped the responsibility and gave it all to me. Son caught in the crossfire. Dad with full-time custody. Christopher’s a great kid. Smart, full of life. Best thing that ever happened to me. Which isn’t what we’re talking about here. I mean, I know what your old man did to you, Rafe. He was wrong, and I’m sorry about what he did. My mother used to tell me to be patient, that you and Jess … particularly you … weren’t really such a mean boy, but looking at you through my eyes … it was tough, and there are parts of me that still resent the hell out of both you and your brother, even though I’m a man now, and I can understand where you were coming from. So you’ve got to know how I feel, and I’d understand if you two decided to get rid of me and hire someone else to run the hospital. This is going to be awkward for all of us, maybe for some time to come. Maybe for ever, who knows? But in my defense I can do one hell of a job for you if I stay, because I truly care for this hospital, and care for the people who work here. But like I said, you have to know how I feel about you and your brother,
personally,
before we go any further with this discussion as you may not want somebody in charge of what you own who has the kind of feelings for you that I have.”

Blunt, but honest. Rafe admired that forthrightness. Respected it, even. Especially considering that Rick
had a good right to his opinion. He and Jess
had
bullied Rick when they’d been kids. Kids’ stuff, most of it. Unrelenting kids’ stuff. But kids damaged so easily. He knew. He thought about it now, more than ever, because of Molly. Back then, he’d been a damaged kid, too, who hadn’t really gotten over it yet. So he understood Rick’s position. “Look, I want to apologize. Accept it or not, it’s up to you. Truthfully, I don’t expect you to forgive me because there was no excuse for the things I did to you.” The way he couldn’t or wouldn’t forgive his own father. “But I am sorry for the way I treated you. It was wrong. I was wrong. And I’m not going to hide behind youthful stupidity, or give you any excuses, not even the most obvious one that I was a bully because my dad was a bully, because that doesn’t cut it. Doing that would diminish my apology to you, Rick, and I don’t want it diminished, because I am deeply sorry for what I did. I’m also sorry it’s taken me so many years to step up and apologize.” So many years to face up to the fact that he’d been just like his father. There weren’t any words to describe how that made him feel, other than sick to his stomach.

“I appreciate that,” Rick said, stiffly. “I do. So give me some time, OK? Let me work it out. I teach Christopher that he should accept an apology when it’s offered, but doing that’s harder than it sounds, I’m just now finding out. But we’re good for the time being.”

“Better than I expected,” Rafe said. “I know that a few words aren’t going to take away the impact of the way my brother and I treated you. We were wrong. Like I said, there aren’t any excuses, and I don’t expect that my apology is going to change much between us. But I hope I can earn your respect over time. And I
do want you to know that Jess and I are aware of what you’ve done for the hospital and we’re hoping you’ll stay on.”

“If I do, how will it work? How does my staying here to run the hospital really work, when you and Jess will have all the power?”

“That’s just it. We don’t want all the power. It’s not in the best interests of the hospital.
You are.
Aunt Grace knew that, and she trusted you. Because of that, so do my brother and I, and next time he’s back in Lilly Lake, he’ll tell you the same thing.” At least, that was what Rafe hoped. But Jess was on his own course of avoidance these days, so who knew?

Rick gave his head a skeptical shake. “Well, just so you’ll know, I’ve already been packing up my office for the transition. I have a couple of offers I’m looking at. Nothing firm, but the possibilities are there.”

“Can you unpack? Turn down the offers and stay here … hopefully for a long time. But if you can’t make that commitment right now, at least long enough for all of us to figure out what we’re going to do?”

“I can, but I’m a cautious man, Rafe. I have a son to think about now, and his needs come first. We’ve been happy here, and I want him to stay happy, but part of that is about me being happy, too. It’s sort of a reciprocal relationship. So I’ll have to think about it. Is that fair enough?”

“That’s fair,” Rafe said, pondering how the father-son relationship was a reciprocal thing. He’d never seen that in action in his own father-son situation, but there were hints of it there in Molly. In some ways she did reflect his moods, which wasn’t good as he wasn’t going to be her father. “Think about it for as long as
you need. And for what it’s worth, you should have kicked my butt from Lilly Lake all the way over to Jasper for the way I treated you. I deserved it. Jess and I both deserved it.”

Rick actually chuckled. “Is that an open invitation?”

“If that’s what it takes to keep you here, it’s an open invitation.”

“I appreciate your honesty, and your apology,” Rick said, just as his cell phone vibrated. He turned away, took the call, then turned back to Rafe, who was already half way down the hospital hall, on his way to the door. “Hey, Rafe. Care to see how we operate here?”

“As in?”

“Got an orthopedic patient coming in. A child. Probably a surgical case. I’ve got my surgeon on call, but if you’d like to see how things work in your own hospital, now’s as good a time as any.”

“Sure. Any idea what it is?”

Rick shook his head. “He fell out of a tree, so it could be anything. I’d suggest you go get our child life specialist. The kid’s only seven, and this is where Edie is worth her weight in gold.”

“You’re working?” Edie asked Rafe several minutes later.

“Apparently. And so are you.”

She grabbed up her clipboard and headed to her office door. So efficient, he thought. He’d seen Edie in a lot of ways, but this professional look at her was new. He liked it. “He’s seven, victim of a tree … or rather the ground, when he fell out of the tree.”

“And he’s a surgical candidate?”

“Possibly. So, how do we do this? I’ve never worked with a CLS before.”

“It’s pretty simple. You take the lead, do the exam. I follow your lead, try to figure out what kind of emotional support the child is going to need, deal with the parents, address any behavioral issues that might arise.”

“In other words, you compensate for my lack.” She stopped, and turned to face him. “You lack only because that’s the way you want it to be.” “We’re talking about Molly now, aren’t we?” “Are we?” she countered.

“And that’s supposed to be you, questioning my guilty feelings over something I’ve already told you isn’t going to happen.”

“You’re right about part of that. It is your guilty feelings.” With that, she turned down the hall leading to the emergency department, and shoved through the double doors before Rafe had time to articulate a comeback. Or a defense. All he could think, as he watched her disappear into the ER, was,
Wow.