Caroline's Secret (16 page)

Esther couldn’t hold back her gasp of surprise.

“Jah.”
Maddie nodded. “There’s been talk all around about the two of you. I’ve even heard that you spent the night out there at his farm.”

Esther’s eyes widened until they hurt. “But that’s not true.”

“I never said it was,” Maddie said defensively, crossing her arms and looking down her sharp nose. “I’m merely informing you of what’s going on. Don’t be surprised if you get a visit from the deacon. The elders cannot let infractions like this go without notice.”

Esther wasn’t sure if Maddie was talking about the content of the rumors or the rumors themselves. Surely the elders wouldn’t allow such vicious gossip to be spread.

“I just thought I should tell you.” Maddie’s voice sounded like she had done Esther a favor, but Esther knew Maddie’s heart wasn’t always in the right place.

“
Danki
, Maddie, for telling me.” It was always best to take the high road, her John always said. She had a fight on her hands, but it wasn’t with Maddie Kauffman.

Esther brushed past the woman and went in search of Caroline.

Caroline folded her mother’s letter back to rights and slipped it into the envelope. Her heart pounded and her mouth was dry. This was it. She had asked God for a sign to show her that she had taken the right path. This was as big as they came. Trey was looking for her.

She took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. All these years she had consoled herself with the fact that she had made her choices. She had got on the bus that had brought her here. She had made the decision to take the money Trey’s parents gave her and buy a bus ticket with it. Now it seemed as if the wind was shifting.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the booth in the diner. Emma pounded the high-chair tray demanding her attention, but the images of the past swamped her.

She remembered it like it was yesterday, that rainy night in August when she had gone to their house. “House” seemed like such an inadequate word for the gigantic structure.

They told her that Trey didn’t want to see her. He had even gone back to school a week earlier than planned. And he hadn’t even told her. He’d just left. She had cried and pleaded, right there on their front porch. Distraught, she sank to her knees. What was she to do with the baby?

Trey’s father had pulled out his wallet, handed her five hundred dollars in cash, and told her to “take care of it.”

At the time she hadn’t known what that meant, but she soon realized. Trey didn’t want their baby. Her family no longer wanted her. So she packed a bag and headed for Colorado.

Emma pounded the tray once more. Caroline raised her head, blinking her eyes open and free of the tears that had gathered behind her lids. The time for crying was long since gone.

“Caroline, are you
allrecht
?” Millie Fisher stopped at her table to refresh her coffee.

She forced down the knot growing in her throat. “I think I’m coming down with something.” She certainly sounded like it. True, she had just been put through an emotional wringer, and like the clothes her mother ran through the one on their back porch, Caroline felt twisted and out of sorts.

Millie gave her one last concerned look, then walked back to the waitress station.

Caroline tore off another piece of biscuit and gave it to Emma.

“Danki,”
her daughter said, and fresh tears arose in Caroline’s eyes. What would she do without the sweet child? And what was she supposed to do now about the girl’s father?

“
Ach
, Caroline, you look
baremlich
,” Emily said as Caroline sat down at the picnic table next to her.

She placed Emma on the bench beside her and faced her friend. “How sweet of you to say so.”

Lorie smacked Emily’s hand. “You’re not supposed to say that to a lady.” Emily opened her mouth to protest, but Lorie interjected first. “I don’t care if she is your best friend.
Ach
, Emily, one would think that your father hasn’t taught you any manners.”

“
Jah?
Well, just because my father is bishop doesn’t mean that I have to go around lying to everybody about how they look.”

“Did your mother never teach you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth closed?”

Caroline smiled. These were her
freinden,
and she loved them.

“What’s so funny?” Lorie asked.

She shook her head. “I’m just glad we are all friends.”

“For certain,” Lorie agreed. “Can you imagine how she would talk about you if we weren’t?”

They all laughed.

Caroline took a deep breath and noisily let it out. “I need to talk to you two about something.”

Emily nodded. “Talk away.”

But ever-more-intuitive Lorie cocked her head to one side. “Andrew?”

“
Nay . . . Jah
. . . Sort of . . .”

Emily and Lorie exchanged a look.

“I seriously hate it when you do that.”

Lorie grimaced. “Sorry. But I’m not surprised. It seems like the two of you have gotten pretty serious over the last few weeks.”

“
Jah
, I suppose.” Caroline picked at a place on the table. “It’s just . . .”

“Just what?”

“I was hoping that maybe we could meet somewhere a little more . . .”

“Private?” Lorie supplied.

“Jah.”

“Sounds juicy.”

Lorie elbowed Emily. “You should behave yourself. You are supposed to be a beacon for the young people of this community.”

Emily made a face. “You sound like my
mamm
.”

“Somebody needs to.”

Emily elbowed her back. For all their bickering, they were the best of friends, bonding in a way that Caroline could only skim. They had accepted her into their relationship, but between Emma and the fact that she hadn’t grown up in Wells Landing, she had a slight disadvantage. Not that they treated her any differently. It was just different was all. But two better friends she couldn’t ask for.

“Let’s meet tonight at the restaurant. No one’s using the banquet room. We can go in there and talk.”

“I appreciate that, Lorie.”

Her friend nodded. “It looks like you need to get something off your mind.”

“Jah,”
Caroline said. For sure and for certain.

Esther agreed to watch Emma, and Caroline made her way down the sidewalk to the restaurant. She still wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to say to her friends, but she needed advice in the worst way. She only felt a little guilty at not sharing this news of Trey with Esther. The woman had been a lifeline to her these past couple of years, but she wasn’t sure that Esther could ever understand what led her into Trey’s arms. Esther had fallen in love and married her childhood sweetheart. Emily and Lorie were younger. She just hoped they could understand what she was dealing with. Someone had to. She couldn’t be the only Amish girl to ever succumb to the pleasures of the
Englisch
world.

She opened the glass doors and stepped into Kauffman’s. As usual it was busy, though the dinner crowd was slowly dying down.

“Hi, Caroline.” Millie waved as she wiped down a table. “I can seat you in just a second.”

“I’m here to meet Lorie and Emily.”

“They’re in the banquet room. Go on back.”

“Danki”.
Caroline made her way to the banquet room, her knees trembling. What if she told her friends her deepest secret and they shunned her? What would she do then?

“Caroline.” Lorie motioned her into the room. “What are you doing out there?”

Only then did Caroline realize that she was hovering just outside the doorway. She shook her head and ran her hands down her sides. “Nothing, I . . . Just thinking.”

Emily looked to Lorie. “Sounds serious. Come sit down.” Emily patted the chair next to her.

It was time. Caroline inched into the room, perching on the edge of the seat, her back as stiff as an overstarched apron.

“I ordered you a water. Do you want anything else? Tea? Lemonade?”

“Nay.”
Caroline took a big gulp of water to ease the dryness in her throat. “Emma’s father isn’t dead.”

There. She’d said it.

Emily slapped her hand on the table. Lorie’s mouth fell open. Both of them gasped.

“I knew it,” Emily said.

Lorie elbowed her into silence. “What do you mean, Caroline?”

She couldn’t look her friends in their faces. Instead she kept her head down and concentrated on folding unnecessary pleats in her apron. “I mean he’s still alive and living in Tennessee.”

“So you’ve been lying to everybody?” Lorie asked. Her tone was strained and filled with hurt.

“Nay.”
Caroline jerked her gaze up to scan her friends’ concerned faces. “
Jah
. But not intentionally,” she quickly added. “Everyone just assumed I was a widow, and I never told anyone any different.”

“Not even Esther?” Emily asked.

Caroline shook her head.

Lorie laid her hand over Caroline’s trembling fingers. “Does this mean you are going back to live with him?”

“Maybe I should start at the beginning.”

Both her friends nodded.

“His name is Trey Rycroft.”

“That’s not a very Plain-sounding name.”

A small, rueful smile played at the corners of her mouth. “That’s because he’s English.”

More gasps.

“I met him at a party and fell instantly in love with him. He was so handsome and confident. Anyway, it seemed like he felt the same way about me. We started spending a lot of time together . . . alone. His friends didn’t understand his wanting to be with me, and I certainly couldn’t let him spend time with my friends. One thing led to another and . . .” Caroline shrugged.

“When I realized that I was going to have a baby, I went to his house.” She closed her eyes against the painful memories.

“You never told him that he has a daughter?” Lorie asked.

“
Nay
. Though I tried. I went to his house, but his father told me he had already left for school. He—he gave me some money, and I used it to buy a bus ticket.”

“Gut himmel.”
Emily sat back in her seat and fanned herself with a stack of paper napkins. “That’s some story.”

“Caroline,” Lorie started, “why didn’t you tell us?”

She shook her head and swallowed the lump clogging her throat. Tears welled in her eyes. “I was afraid to lose your friendship.”

Lorie slung one arm around her and pulled her in for a quick squeeze. “You could never do anything to ruin my love for you.”

“Jah,”
Emily echoed the sentiment.

“Danki.
” Caroline wiped away her tears and sniffed. “I got a letter from my mother this week. It seems that Trey is looking for me.”

“As he should be,” Emily admonished. “He has a child he has never seen.”

Caroline shook her head. “He doesn’t even know she exists.”

Lorie gasped. “What are you going to do?”

“I think—” Caroline sighed. “I think I need to go back to Tennessee and tell him. He deserves to know that he has a daughter.”

“What about Andrew?” Emily asked.

“That’s the hardest part. I think I might be falling in love with him. He’s so
gut
and kind.”

“He loves Emma so much,” Lorie added.

“But if I have a chance to start a life with Trey . . . Well, I have to try now, don’t I? For Emma’s sake.”

“What makes you think he wants you now if he ignored you two years ago when you needed him the most?” Emily crossed her arms and cocked her head to one side.

“Haven’t you been listening?” Lorie asked. “Trey didn’t see her that night. For all she knows, his father lied about him being gone.”

“So you’re just going to pick up and go to Tennessee?” Emily was shaking her head before Caroline even opened her mouth to reply.

“Jah.”

“What happens if Trey doesn’t want anything to do with Emma?” Emily continued despite Lorie’s warning look of censure.

Just the thought of him turning away their child sent a stabbing pain through Caroline’s heart. “Then I come back.”

“What if he wants you to stay there and be the family you never got the chance to be?” Lorie asked quietly.

Maybe it was just her hopeful heart, but that sounded more like the Trey Caroline had met and fallen in love with. She should have realized at the time that Trey cared about her. But she had been too caught up in her whirling emotions, misery, and hormones to see through the cloud of pain his father’s words caused.

What if Trey wanted them to be a family? She had loved him once. Loved him enough to go against everything she had been taught. She was older and wiser now. Could she give up her life in Wells Landing, her job at the bakery, Andrew, to go and live with Trey?

Caroline gave her two best friends a small smile that she hoped looked confident when she felt anything but. “We’ll just have to see once I get there.”