Caroline's Secret (23 page)

A frown creased Trey’s forehead even as her
mamm
’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m afraid I don’t understand. If we get married, then it fixes everything.”

Caroline shook her head. “
Nay
. Because you are English, and I am Plain . . .”

“We have to get married.” Trey all but pounded his fist on the table.

“If’ n you don’t get married,” her father started.

“Then Caroline could stay here and be with us,” her mother finished.

Trey shook his head in apparent disbelief. “And what then? Be shunned or whatever by everyone in town?”

“It would only be for a short time. Perhaps a few months. Being turned away by the members of the community is better than having to be cut off from my family completely.” Caroline cast a glance over to where Emma played with a set of plastic blocks and a wooden pull toy that her father had made. “Bittersweet” was the word that popped into mind. Being here with her
mamm
, even if her
dat
was having trouble speaking her name, meant the world to her. If she were to lose all that now . . .

No one mentioned going back to Wells Landing.

“No.” Trey shook his head, his voice gaining strength. “We need to get married. We have to do the right thing.”

“I think this is something we need to talk about,” Caroline said, trying to gather her courage to say the right thing . . .
do
the right thing. Trey had already stated that his family would want them to marry for appearance’s sake, but what about Emma?

“I’ll not have my
grosskinner
growing up
Englisch
,” her father said. He looked to her
mamm
. Grace in turn cut her eyes to Caroline.

“That’s not the only question we have to consider,” Caroline said.

“I find this remarkable.” Trey stood, his agitation finally getting the better of him. “I’m discussing the merits of an unwed mother remaining unwed with some of the most conservative people in America. It’s as if you want her to be shunned.”

Her father stood, his eyes flashing with anger and something Caroline could not identify. “I will talk of this no more tonight.” He stalked off, tipping his chair over as he left the room.

“Dat,”
Caroline called, but he continued on, slamming out of the house and no doubt heading for his precious barn. She jumped to her feet mumbling an excuse before hustling out the door behind him.

Trey couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the conversation had turned so wrong. His legs felt like rubber, and his heart burned in his chest. He only wanted to do what was right. Marry Caroline. Be a father to their child. How could that be wrong? And how could her family be opposed?

Grace stood and righted the chair, her calm remarkable in the wake of the storm he had just witnessed.

“Trey, would you mind?” She gestured toward the living room.

He hadn’t noticed it before but the child sat on the floor crying loudly, most likely from the ruckus of their argument. “Uh . . .” He almost said no. But if he and Caroline were going to be married and be a family, then consoling the child would be a part of his duties. “Of course.”

He scooped her into his arms, her warm weight strangely soothing. Her wails subsided to small hiccups as he bounced her the way he had seen some mothers do. And she smelled good. Like Caroline and . . . and baby. That was the only way he could describe it: sweet, sweet baby.

He rubbed her back as she took a shuddering breath. The motion itself seemed like a new beginning. And that was when Trey fell in love. Deeply in love with his own daughter.

Something fierce and proud rose inside him. He would do anything to protect her. Anything. He wanted to secure her future and let her know how much he loved her.

Which started with marrying her mother. Not because his father demanded it, but because that was the only way they could be a family.

“I don’t understand,” he told Grace. It was really remarkable how much she looked like Caroline. He had noticed the resemblance in the country store and even more so now. Same hazel eyes and honey-blond hair. Grace’s was a bit lighter and shot through with gray. They both wore the same pained expressions, at least they had as Caroline raced after her father.

“Don’t understand what, Trey Rycroft?”

“I only want to do the right thing.”

Her lips pressed into a small frown. “Taking Caroline and Emma away from us once again is the right thing to do?”

She had missed the point entirely. He instinctively snuggled Emma closer. If Caroline didn’t marry him, he wouldn’t be able to come visit her here. It would be a sure tip-off to the church leaders and the press. With their distinctive gray eyes it wouldn’t be long before someone put two and two together and came up with an unplanned pregnancy. His father’s career would be rocked. Caroline’s life would be hard. No doubt she would be punished for her lapse, and the media would be on her in a flash hounding her for details and sordid facts.

And what of Emma? It was a tragic tale, one worthy of every tabloid in America. What a field day they would have: Amish girl, senator’s son, and a love child.

But if he married her, would her life be any different? Surely, word would get to the press. It was a short dig to Caroline’s conservative roots. Would a hasty wedding stop the papers from printing every last detail?

No
.

And Caroline would be thrust into his world. It was a good world, filled with everything she could ever want: nice house, expensive cars, good schools, and more than an eighth-grade education for Emma. Opportunities galore.

And completely cut off from her family.

Still the question remained: Was marrying her the right thing to do?

He just didn’t know. What he wanted and what they needed tumbled around in his head along with all the limitations and opportunities.

He kissed the top of Emma’s head and silently wondered if now would be a good time to start praying.

“Dat?”
Caroline once again entered the barn looking for her father.

Too many emotions charged the atmosphere around the table, and the cool, earthy interior of the barn was a welcome relief. No wonder her father came out here to think. Barns were about as peaceful a place as one could find.

“Here,” he said.

Caroline followed the sound of his voice until she found him sitting on a bale of hay, a leather harness in one hand and a rag in the other.

The smell of saddle soap was a balm to her nerves, bringing to mind all the wonderful memories of her and him in this very barn, working with the horses while her friends learned to sew and cook.

She had always been what the
Englisch
called a “Daddy’s girl.” It wasn’t that she was her father’s favorite, but his only.

She could only image how much her leaving hurt him. How embarrassed he was that he couldn’t even raise one child to follow a righteous path.

Was there a best answer to their problems? Marrying Trey or staying here? And what of Wells Landing? She pushed those thoughts away. Andrew had made his feelings perfectly clear. He had cut her loose. Returning to Oklahoma was no longer an option, if it had ever been. She wasn’t sure she could live there in the same town with him knowing that he would never love her as much as she loved him.

“Dat”,
she said, easing down onto the stack of hay beside him. “I’m sorry.” It was all she could think of to say. She was very aware that the words were not enough to erase the past two years of hurt and distrust, but it had to be said. It was a start at least. “I never meant to cause you pain or dishonor.”

“Why?”

She took a shuddering breath. She had always known that she would have to answer that question eventually. But all the preparation in the world couldn’t have readied her for the actual time. “I’m not sure. There was just a connection between us, something bigger than the both of us. Maybe God’s will?”

“You think it was God’s will for you to sin outside of marriage, run away, and then have a baby?” His tone clearly implied his disagreement.

“I just know that every step we take leads us to who we are right now. If I hadn’t done those things, then we wouldn’t have Emma.” She sighed. “I won’t tell you that it’s been easy, but I wouldn’t trade that
maedel
for anything in the world. I can’t go back on that, nor do I want to. Like it or not, Trey is Emma’s father. He only wants to do right by us.”

“In
Englisch
standards. What about here?”

She wasn’t sure that she wanted to marry Trey, but perhaps that was her will battling God’s own. She knew who would win that one.

“It’s like I’m losing you all over again.” Her father’s voice was choked.

“What would you have me do? Stay here and bring more dishonor onto your house? Every time I hear a buggy go by, my heart starts to pound and I wonder if this time it’s the bishop to tell me about my sins and what I must do to make them right with the Lord.”

“People are kinder than you think.”

“Nay.”
Caroline shook her head. “They will say that they forgive, and they may even actually forgive, but no one will forget. Emma will suffer.”

Her words struck home. Hollis Hostetler bowed his head. Whether he was praying or simply resigned, Caroline didn’t know.

“Is this what you want, to marry this
Englischer
?”

“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully. Her greatest concern was for Emma. What would the marriage mean to her? Did she want her
dochder
growing up
Englisch
in a family that had never wanted her from the start? To be separated from her Amish grandparents?

If Caroline stayed in Ethridge, she would be shunned for a time. Most probably a long time. If she married Trey, the consequences would be even worse. “I don’t know what I should do.”

“All you can do, my girl, is take it to the Lord.”

Take it to the Lord.

These words stayed with Caroline long after she left the barn and made her way back up to the house.

Trey was still waiting for her, looking wholly uncomfortable on her family’s wooden-framed couch. Emma was sitting next to him, playing with blocks and babbling away in the language only she understood. Mostly it was a mixture of English and Deutsch with a few random sounds thrown in for good measure.

“Caroline.” Trey’s eyes lit with relief as she entered the house. He stood. “I didn’t want to leave without saying good-bye.”

“You’re leaving?”

He watched as she went to the couch and scooped Emma into her arms. “This isn’t something we can solve in an afternoon,” he said. “I thought maybe we should let everything settle again and take it up in a day or two.”

“
Jah
, okay.”

“Walk me to my car?”

She gave a quick nod and followed him out of the house.

Her thoughts were still in turmoil trying to take it all in, make sense where there was none.

She held Emma on one hip as she followed Trey to his shiny black car.

He opened the door, then turned to face her, making no move to actually get in the car and drive away. “I only want what’s best for us—you and Emma.”

“I know. The problem is figuring out what is best.”

His gray eyes searched her face as if the answer was written there. “What we had was good.” He took a step toward her, clasping her elbow and urging her closer. He lowered his head, his intent clear.

Caroline turned away before his lips could make their mark. The kiss on her cheek was sweet and warm. She closed her eyes against the maelstrom of memories and shook her head. “Don’t confuse me. Please.”

He released her arm and took a step back. “Okay,” he said, though hurt flashed in his eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“The next day.”

“
Jah
, okay.” Though she knew it would take more than a day to sort through all the choices that had to be made.

But a choice was imminent, she thought as Trey backed his car out of the drive and onto the road. It wouldn’t be long before the bishop came calling to talk about the mistakes she had made. She needed her answer before that happened.

She pressed a kiss to the top of Emma’s curls.

She had a lot of praying to do.

Trey unlocked his apartment door, something his father said niggling in the back of his mind. Something about money.

He sighed as he sat his keys on the table and resisted the urge to pour himself a stiff drink. Alcohol was not the answer.

It had been a long drive home, a trip filled with memories new and old. Even worse, the smell of her clung to him. Not Caroline’s, but Emma’s. A strange mixture of lavender and baby. It was nothing like he had ever smelled in his life. It made his heart thump painfully in longing for something . . . he just didn’t know what.

When he had looked into those sweet gray eyes and seen himself staring back, the future and the past . . . everything at once, he knew he’d do anything to protect his baby girl.

Caroline was right; there were tough decisions to be made. But his logic could only find one: marriage.

He sank down onto the couch, phone in hand, and dialed his parents’ number.

“Hello?” His mother answered on the third ring.

“Hi. Mom.”

“Trey.” His name was a rush of air, as if she was relieved that he had called.

He supposed that after he hung up on his father the other day, her fears were somewhat justified.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m . . . you know.”

“Yes, dear, your father told me.”

He could almost hear her shake her head, and relief flooded him. This was his mom, his understanding rock throughout his entire life. If anyone could make sense of the mess he found himself in, it was April Rycroft.

“I went to see her today.”

“Your father says the baby looks like you.”

“Identical. It’s a little weird to look into my eyes in someone else’s face.”

“Tell me about it.”

He laughed. He’d inherited those distinctive gray eyes from his mother.

“How did it go?”

He shrugged even though she couldn’t see him. “I don’t know. Her parents don’t want us to get married. Something about shunning and the church. It’s complicated.”

“What is it that the two of you want?”

“I want to do what’s right.” Emma’s face flashed through his mind’s eye. “She’s just a baby, you know?”

“I know. What about the mother?”

“I’m really not sure what Caroline wants. I thought marrying her was the best option, but she doesn’t seem to think so.”

“Has she said as much?” his mother asked.

“Not really, but she seems reserved.” He thought about his rebuffed attempt to kiss her this afternoon. “I know it would be a big change for everyone, but I can give her everything she and Emma need: house, car, education.”

“What about love?”

“Of course.” He said the words, but his stomach fell. Did he love Caroline? Did she love him? Would the feelings that had survived between them be enough to keep them together through all the changes that were about to take place? “I know it’s a big step, but it’s what’s best for everyone.” Especially his father.

And Emma. She needed both parents. That was the one thing he was certain of.

“Just keep an open mind and don’t be so hard on your father. He means well.”

“I know.” Trey sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was definitely in for another sleepless night.

“When she came by the house . . . well, I didn’t approve of what your father did. He only wanted what was best for you.”

Trey’s stomach sank. “What are you talking about?”

His mother grew so quiet that Trey thought they might have lost the connection. “Maybe you should talk to your father about this.”

“I’m talking to you.”

“I thought you knew.”

“Knew what, Mom?” He tried to keep his voice at a normal volume, but it rose with each syllable.

“Your father offered her money.”

“Money? When? For what?”

“Really, Trey.” Her voice grew agitated. “This is something you should discuss with him.”

“When?” he asked through clenched teeth.

“A couple of years ago.”

He took a deep breath hoping to calm his rising anger. “How come I never knew she came to visit?”

She paused, no doubt shaping her answer into the best form before speaking. “Your father thought it best that we not tell you. School was about to start and . . . and we didn’t think you needed the distraction.”

Distraction? “And what was the money for?”

“Trey . . .”

“Did he know that she was pregnant?”

“Trey, I—”

“Did he?” He hated browbeating his own mother, but his anger and frustrations were rising by the second.

“Yes.”

He felt sick. His father had offered Caroline money to . . . He couldn’t even think the word. It was too vile.

No wonder she fled. No wonder she didn’t want to marry him. Who could blame her?

“She’s a fine woman,” he said, his jaw so tight he was afraid he’d crack some molars. “I’m going to marry her and give our baby my name. You can count on it.”

Trey waited the two days that she had asked him to, but Caroline still wasn’t ready to face him. She had dreamt about Andrew the night before. He seemed to be calling to her across the sparse grass of her family’s yard. He was holding Emma in his arms and waving to her. A big smile graced his face and reflected in the aqua color of his eyes.

She wasn’t sure what it meant, but it kept her up from the wee hours of the morning until dawn when she heard her father stirring around.

Now she was tired. Her hands trembled, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through the day.

But she had promised Trey that they would talk again today, and she would keep that promise.

She rose from the couch the minute she heard his car in the drive, anxious to get the ordeal over and done.

Trey smiled as she opened the door, and she realized that when he smiled like that she remembered why she had fallen in love with him to begin with. But was it too late?

“Come in,” she said, holding the door open for him.

Trey stepped inside, rubbing his hands together in apparent excitement. “I thought we’d take Emma to the zoo today.”

All the way into Nashville? She wasn’t up for it. But she couldn’t say no. Trey looked so pleased with himself that she simply couldn’t. Besides, it might be a
gut
idea to get away from Ethridge and all of the confusion. Maybe among strangers and animals they would be able to talk more freely and make whatever plans they needed for the future.

“Let me get Emma’s bag.”

It wasn’t long before they had Emma’s car seat installed in the back of Trey’s car and Emma strapped inside. Then they were speeding down the highway toward Nashville.

“You look tired,” he said.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

He gave her a quick glance, then turned his attention back to the road ahead. “Me either.”

She thought he might be about to say something else, but he hesitated. “I don’t know how to begin.”

“At the beginning?”

He smiled at her poor attempt of a joke, then his expression sobered. “Why didn’t you tell me that my father paid you to . . . go away?”

“Would it have made any difference?”

“I guess not.”

“
Jah
, then. There was no reason to tell you about the money he offered me.”

His lips pressed together in a look of grim understanding, and Caroline had the feeling that the matter was far from over.

They rode in silence for a few miles before he cast his gaze in her direction once again. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you took off your head thingie?”

Her hands flew to her prayer
kapp
. “
Nay
. . . no . . . why?”

He shrugged, his hands loose and confident on the wheel. “I just thought it’d be a good idea for you to start dressing more English.”