Cartier Cartel (32 page)

"I'm telling you, yes, he does love you, because he wouldn't leave you,
but I don't think he ever respected you. He lay in my bed plenty of nights and
just complained about you, and I loved every minute of it. You know I was
a hater," Monya laughed. "I wanted to hear all the seedy details about how
you were lazy and couldn't cook, and that you were boring in and out of bed.
He said he felt like he had two kids, you and Christian, because he had to
fully take care of both of y'all. He said if he didn't tell you what to wear each
morning, you'd go naked. I told him what he was saying didn't sound like you
at all, but he told me that you'd changed. That jail had broken you and that
living with you was like living with a twelve-year-old kid."

Tears began to stream down Cartier's cheeks as Monya divulged all the
seedy pillow talk between her and Jason. Cartier felt so low and confused. She
thought she understood the pulse of her relationship, but as Monya rehashed
Jason's thoughts, she realized she did lose herself in Jason's shadow. Being
incarcerated had broken her spirit, and she just didn't want to fight anymore.
She allowed Jason to be the breadwinner and head of the household. He was
the king of the castle, and for years she was content with that. She thought she
was content being cooped up in the house being a housewife. She thought he
would appreciate her sacrifices. Instead, he mocked her to his mistresses and
made a fool out of her.

Suddenly, Monya stopped rambling with her stories. She realized her
words would hurt, but only superficially. Now she understood she was being
selfish. She didn't want Cartier going back to Jason, so she opened up and
gave her a snapshot of what Jason thought about her.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," Monya began. "He's not even worth
your tears."

Cartier shook her head rapidly, but said nothing.

"You know, a lot of this is my fault. If I didn't stab Donnie and then let
you take the weight, you would have never gone to prison and changed."

"That's not truly a fair statement," Cartier finally spoke. "I chose to plead
out for a reason, and you couldn't have stopped me. I did it out of guilt. I
made a lot of hardheaded decisions back then that wasn't fair to anyone. I
had no right to put you in the middle of my crazy scheme. And I had also
underestimated what you'd do under duress. Most of how my life unfolded
was my fault and if you were the one doing the time, I would have died inside.
If you and Jason think that I changed because I did time, there's no telling
how I would have turned out if you did the time."

Cartier called Trina and asked if Christian could spend another night.

"Sure, you know that's no problem," Trina replied. "Why? You and Jason
going out tonight?"

"Ma, Jason and I broke up," Cartier said matter-of-factly. "This time for
good."

"What? What happened now? Does this have anything to do with
Monya?"

"No, it doesn't. I'm just tired of his disrespectful ways and all his
cheating."

"Well, that's what men do, Cartier," Trina responded. "How many times
do I have to tell you that the grass ain't always greener on the other side?
Jason is a good man who loves you. The cheating will stop one day. He can't
cheat forever."

"And I'm just supposed to sit around waiting with bated breath until he
decides to stop?" Cartier snapped. "I can't let him have my happiness in the
palm of his hands while he's deciding if he should do the right thing. I swear
if I stay one more day I'm going to end up going back to prison. That's how
angry he's making me, and I can't control my feelings or anger."

Trina got a little frightened when Cartier mentioned prison. She was
approaching fifty and didn't have the energy to run back and forth to prison
on visits, and lugging kids and packages. Trina wasn't sure if her advice for
Cartier to stay put was the right advice.

"Well, ain't no man worth your freedom. You hear me?" Trina asked.
"Husband or no husband, if he acting a fool, then kick his ass to the curb.
He'll realize he messed up a good thing."

Cartier was glad her mother was on her side. She hung up, cut off her
cell, and crawled back into bed with Monya. She knew the next morning she
would have to deal with Jason. He had called over a hundred times, and left
over eighty messages. His messages ranged from concern to panic to anger,
but she didn't care.

In the morning she had lots of work to do.

onya followed Cartier back to her house to retrieve her things. They
waited until Jason left the house before they ran in like crackheads
on speed, grabbing only the necessities. They tossed most of her clothes and
all of Christian's clothes in large garbage bags and piled all of it into Monya's
BMW. They used Cartier's car to pack Pampers, Christian's high chair, and a
few toys.

Cartier took one look around and exhaled. She needed to be strong. She
left a post-it note on the refrigerator that simply read: Fuck You. Next, she
changed her cell phone number.

She didn't want to hear Jason trying to persuade her to come back home.
She needed to leave him and pick her self-esteem off the floor.

artier and Monya's relationship took off expediently. They couldn't
explain or understand their relationship. They both swore they weren't
lesbians, although they made love almost each night.

"What are we doing?" Cartier asked.

"I don't know. Let's not define it," Monya began. All I do know is that
I don't want it to stop. You make me feel good and I'm finally able to be
myself, flaws and all. When I'm with men I gotta put on this act and always
be conscious about my actions. I gotta put on my sexy voice, toss my hair,
keep my nails and toes painted, feed their egos ... I mean, the list goes on
and on. I have to act interested in their stupid war stories. I mean, I'm tired
of playing dumb. With you, you know me. You know the real me and I don't
have to pretend."

"Yeah, I hear you. But it's not like that with me and Jason. I don't put on
any shows and neither should you. Don't let any man make you over. I know
that I've put up with a lot of shit from Jason, but I was in a vulnerable position
coming straight out of jail with a newborn baby. Your situation is different.
You had your own crib, your own money, and a stable of men willing to take
care of you. I had a baby to feed without any money and I didn't want to
go back out there and begin hustling again, and risk being taken away from
Christian. I did what I had to do."

Monya shook her head. "Excuses. All you doing is making excuses. What
happened to you? The Cartier I knew wasn't afraid of shit. She was a thinker
who could put a plan together and take chances."

"I guess jail happened to me. I got soft because I didn't want to go back."
Monya tried her best to put herself in Cartier's position, but that was
tough to do.

ason crept down Fifth Avenue toward the 40/40 Club. The line was
wrapped around the corner and it was nearly two in the morning. He'd
already snatched up Pinky, a stripper at Club Desire in the Bronx. He had
to promise her a night's pay if she left with him. His intentions were to take
her straight home, so she could do a private dance for him. However, once
they were rolling, he realized he wasn't ready to go in yet. He no longer had a
curfew. When Cartier was home, she always told him what time to be home,
usually before the sun came up. If the sun came up, then Cartier would lock
his ass out. He did his best to push her out of his mind. She was the past, and
so was his marriage.