Catch Me Falling (10 page)

He caught her hand, kissed it. It was a soppy, affectionate gesture that sent emotion flooding through her. Did he care? Did he really, truly care?

“I'm not done with you yet,” he said, his voice wicked.

Alexa stared at him. “What?”

“I'm going for four,” he added.

She could feel her cheeks heat. He leaned down, his lips meeting hers and the kiss sending heat surging through her tired body. As sore she was, as shuddery she was, his kisses sent little shockwaves across her skin. She had never come four times in one night, but if anyone could do it, it would be him. He seemed to know what she liked best even more than she did, he could play her body like an instrument.

Number three was mouth and fingers again and it left her shuddering, gasping. It hurt, but it hurt so good that she could barely think straight. He shifted off the bed, but just long enough to tug his boxers off. She couldn’t help but stare. She hadn’t gotten to lick his abs, and if she didn’t by the end of the night she would be sorely disappointed.

“Want me to wait?” He got back on the bed, a small foil packet held in his hand.

“No.” She shifted on the bed, feeling wanton, needy. She had never been this forward with anyone else. Never been this wanting. And he seemed to like it. He encouraged it.

He chuckled and then rolled the condom on, moving forward to position the head of his cock against her entrance. He held himself above her, looked at her. His blue eyes were as deep as the ocean, the intense heat she saw in them warming her to the core as he slid into her without looking away. She bit back a whimper, wanted to toss her head to the side. But she couldn’t.

It felt so right, having him inside of her. He moved slowly, tenderly. She moaned, wrapping her legs around him to pull him further into her. It changed the angle of her hips, and he thrust into her even deeper. He was kissing her neck, kissing her, anything and everything he could do to make it good for her. It was a messy kiss, lips and teeth rather than finesse, but she didn’t care. It was warmth and need and heat and lust and it was everything she was feeling, everything she wanted.

The heat was building in her, starting at her core and moving out, until her entire body felt like she was going to tip over the edge. It felt like she was breaking apart at the seams. “Come for me,” he murmured into her ear, thrusting into her faster. “Come for me, Alexa. I want to see you fall apart.”

She moaned at his words, at what he said, what he meant, and she came with a gasp, her inner muscles clenching around him. He groaned and thrust into her one more time, coming deep inside her. She was barely aware of it, her brain fuzzy, focusing on the shockwaves of pleasure that coursed through her.

“Fuck.” It seemed to be the only word in her vocabulary, as crude as it was. It didn’t convey anything that she wanted it to, beyond a sense of wonderment.

“That good?” He pulled out, tugged the condom off and tossed it. He shifted both of them until she was half on top of him, her head on his chest. She liked that he could move her around without even trying. That he could look after her.

“Yes.” She didn’t know what else to say.

They laid there for a while longer, Alexa focusing on the sound of their breathing. In, out. She fought back the tears that prickled at the corner of her eyes.

“It’s okay,” he murmured into her ear. He stroked her hair.

Apparently she had done a shitty job of hiding what she felt. “Sorry –”

He cut her off with a gentle kiss.

With him holding her, she cried and cried until she felt like there was nothing left.

“
S
o
?” Jill asked the moment Alexa walked into the office.

“So?” Alexa looked at her, raised her eyebrows. Two could play that game.

“You first.” Jill said, nodding to the chair that she had apparently already settled on the opposite side of her desk.

There was no way Alexa was going anywhere until she spilled the beans. With a sigh she settled into the chair Jill had already set up for her. “It was a nice weekend,” she said, a soft smile finding its way onto her face. She still felt a bit raw, emotionally drained, but a comfortable sort of happiness was starting to take its place.

Jill waited.

And waited.

She frowned at Alexa, disapproving. “Details, woman.”

“I don’t kiss and tell.” Alexa winked.

Jill’s face fell in comical disappointment. “That's not the kind of gossip I wanted.”

“Well, that's the kind you're going to get.” Alexa snorted, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back in the chair.

Jill sighed.

Alexa looked at Jill. “What about your evening?” she asked, determined to get the topic away from her.

“Met him at the bar. He’s a surgeon.”

This time Alexa’s eyebrows went through the ceiling. Normally Jill was all over her exploits with men, throwing details left and right. But she was more cautious about this one. “What surgeon has time to go to a bar?”

“One that controls their hours and works at an outpatient clinic,” Jill said dryly.

“He have his own practice?”

Jill nodded. “Married once, but mostly to the job.”

“Any kids?”

“One, former marriage, his wife has custody.” Jill shrugged. “I'm not afraid.”

“How old is this guy?” Alexa was mildly concerned. The kid didn’t concern her, not really. Given the hours most surgeons worked it was rare they got custody. But – did Jill really want a surgeon boyfriend?

“Thirty,” Jill said. “Not much older than I am.” She looked pointedly at Alexa. “Or you.”

She had a point. Alexa tugged on a strand of her hair, then smiled. “If you like him, I think you should date him.”

Jill looked at her for a long moment, something in her eyes that Alexa hadn’t seen before. Was it hope? Wow, she was really into that guy, it seemed. “You sure?”

“I want you to be happy.” It was that simple. Jill was her best friend, after all.

Jill looked at her for a moment, like a cat eyeing its prey.

Alexa shifted in her chair.

“Are you dating Isaac?”

Oh no. “Uh...” Alexa scrambled to come up with an answer.

“And don't tell me he is not your type, because I know enough to know exactly what your type is, and he fits it to a T.”

Damn her. Alexa scowled at her. “I don’t know.”

“Why not?” Jill crossed her arms. “You’re totally into him.”

Alexa looked away. Their weekend had been amazing. It had been magical. He had seen all of her and accepted her for what she was. But was that dating? Was that commitment? Did she want it to be? “I don’t know,” she said finally.

“Why don’t you want to date him? “ Jill as usual went straight to the heart of her problem. Sigh.

Alexa hesitated. Could she come clean? Admit that she had spent the better part of a year lying to Jill about the status of her relationship? She let out a shaky breath. She owed Jill that much. Jill had stood by her for a long time, had listened to everything. “I don't think I'm cut out for relationships,” Alexa said carefully.

“That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard,” Jill said flatly.

Alexa scowled at her, irritated. She opened her mouth to refute -

“You'd be a wonderful wife,” Jill said, cutting her off. She paused for a second. “Unless you want one of your own?”

Alexa frowned. “I'm not gay.”

“Not that there's anything wrong if you were,” Jill added, then crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in the chair. She was giving Alexa no quarter until she stopped dodging and answered the question.

“Look, my ex-boyfriend –” Alexa stopped, struggling with what to say, how to say it.

The fist connecting with her cheek, throwing her to the floor.

The vicious kick in her side, sending shooting pain in her ribs.

The feeling of a lit cigarette in her shoulder, the pain spreading when he didn’t let up.

Her sobbing, her screaming. The ever-present wish that everything would go away.

“I know,” Jill said. Her voice was soft, an apology.

Oh, God. How? She had done her best to cover the bruises, to cover everything. How did she know? “You knew?” Alexa asked, trying and failing to control her shaking voice. If Jill knew, did others? How many people knew?

“Makeup can only cover so much,” Jill said with a half-hearted shrug.

Alexa swallowed, forcing herself to stay calm. “How did you know?”

“I doubt anyone else knows,” Jill hastily assured her. Her gaze flickered to her hands, then back to Alexa. “My sister was beaten by her husband,” she said. “I know the signs.”

Alexa didn’t know what to say. She had never wanted to tell anyone. That was why she had hid it from Jill in the first place, hid it from everyone. It had been her secret shame. “Yeah,” she said softly. “He beat me.” She closed her eyes, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks as the shame threatened to swamp her.

“You didn’t deserve it,” Jill said immediately.

Alexa looked at her, then wiped the tears from her eyes. There was something in Jill’s tone that made Alexa wonder if it really had been her sister who had been in that situation, but she didn’t say anything. “Maybe,” she said finally, not wanting to get into it. It was over. Damien was behind her. And she wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

Not like her mother.

“That's why we need to find you a new boyfriend, one who will treat you right.” Jill nodded firmly.

Alexa looked at her, eyebrows raised. “And you think a womanizer like Isaac is the one to treat me right?”

Jill shrugged. “He’s slept with multiple women, so you can bet that he doesn’t beat them.”

Alexa stared at her.

Jill’s smile was cheerful, as if her logic made perfect sense. And in a way, it did. It was unnerving. “Otherwise he wouldn't get them in bed.”

“That's the most perverse sort of logic I've ever heard.”

“But it’s true.”

Alexa conceded the point. “It wouldn’t work out.” Her lawyer brain pointed out that that was a shitty argument, even without Jill’s help.

Jill tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I don't think that's true,” she said.

But it was true. Alexa was broken, shattered. But he was, too. She could see it in his eyes, the dark blue of a stormy ocean. The way he talked about his family. The way he had looked at the initials on the wall.

“Have you asked him about it?” Jill raised her eyebrows.

Alexa scowled. “No.”

Jill looked like a cat who had caught her prey, all self-satisfied. “Don’t put the cart before the horse.”

“You sound like a wizard, talking in metaphors.”

“I am wise, after all.” Jill grinned.

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Well, some of us actually have to work,” she drawled, looking pointedly towards her office.

“You mean, some of us have to disappear and pretend this conversation never happened?”

“Shut up,” Alexa said, her cheeks flushing.

Jill tossed her a mock salute, turning back to her work. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

Alexa walked around Jill’s desk to give her a hug and whisper ‘thank you’ in her ear. Then she grabbed her keys and headed to her office.

S
he had slept with him
, and it had been fine.

Isaac had worried more than he worried about anything. Thought about kicking Alexa out. Thought about sleeping on the couch. But they had curled up in his bed, naked bodies twined together, and he had slept well.

He wasn’t sure whether that meant his nightmares were over for good, or if they had just gotten lucky. Either way, he couldn’t get it out of his mind, not even hours and hours later.

It would have been easy to give up his Monday shift. Isaac had lost count of how many of the doctors owed him a favor, when he had taken their shift when they needed time off. But Isaac didn’t. He needed time to think, time away from Alexa. He had kissed her goodbye and then gone inside of his house, going straight to the shower to try and wash his thoughts away.

The weekend with Alexa had shaken him to the core. He had slept with plenty of other women, but she was different. He had shown weakness and she had showed strength. He had shared his vulnerability, and she had shared hers. He had seen them, felt them, tasted them. Those scars on her shoulders, her stomach. He would make sure that she never had to worry about it again. No one would get near her while he lived.

Except for himself.

He chuckled at his black humor.

Isaac headed inside. He had a few minutes before his shift, before he had to be on top of everything. He checked his email. There was one from Alexa, asking him to come in. He smiled without realizing it, quickly replacing the smile with a frown. He didn’t need to smile. Why was he smiling? Was he starting to care for her? That was already a problem. He was one and done. He didn’t do repeats.

But he had. Over and over.

She was like a drug, and he was already addicted. He emailed her back, letting her know he would drop by at five.

It was easy once his shift started to slip into the personality he needed to have. Charming, an authority. He had mastered that long ago. It was a mask, one every doctor had. One that let him keep his feelings locked away with all of the women he had ever slept with. That was, until Alexa. She had snuck underneath the mask, gotten close to him. Even when he had gotten what he wanted – multiple times – she had surprised him. He wanted to have sex with her, she wanted to have sex with him. It seemed like an expedited match in heaven. But then he had he kissed her, licked her, sucked her – and there had been feelings.

Feelings he hadn't expected, hadn't planned on. Feelings he didn't know what to do with. He knew what they were, at least logically. Warmth, desire. A desire to make her as happy as he could.

Normally, sex was something he did for fun. There was little that made him feel more powerful, in control, than making women come underneath his mouth, on his cock. There was something different about her. The way she'd surrendered under his hand, under his mouth. The way she gave him all of her, let him see her scars, trusted him with her secrets. It drove him crazy, made him want her even more. But it scared him at the same time.

Isaac never dated. Commitment wasn’t something he was interested in, or so he thought. That had changed when she had kissed him in the bathroom, when she had trusted him with all of her. That was a trust he would never betray.

It was a trust he didn’t deserve.

The moment she kissed him, the moment he had felt the warmth, the protective instinct, she had become somebody different. And that scared the shit out of him. All he knew was that he wanted her, and he would do anything to make her happy. But dating? He wasn’t sure.

Apparently karma sensed that. There were a slew of couples that landed in his ER, both for good and bad reasons. There was a young married couple, 32, wife pregnant with their first child. Bleeding – but she still had the baby. Crying with relief, the husband had stayed by the wife while she was admitted. They held hands the entire ride to the obstetrics unit.

The next pair was a couple in the 40s. The husband was incoherent from a stroke. Isaac got him the treatment he needed, and then sent him to the right unit. The wife cried, hugged Isaac. Thanked him profusely for his care and compassion. Isaac had smiled his mask smile, nodded, and shooed them on their way. He loved his patients, loved what he did in the ER. But sometimes it wore him down more than he cared to admit.

Third was one of the happy times. Mid twenties, the wife’s first child. She came in in having contractions, in the midst of labor, and he sent them straight up to OB. Quick, just some paperwork, but it made him smile anyway. That was one of the best parts of his job. He saw the good and bad in everyone’s lives.

But sometimes bad was very bad.

Next was a family, the worst of the day. Mother, father, and their three children had been in a nasty car accident. The mother was critical condition, the father fair. Two children were life-flighted out to the peds hospital where they'd receive better care for their critical conditions. The third child was sent out via ambulance to another hospital. She was critical but not quite as bad as her siblings.

It was hard working on child victims because they were so little with so much life left to lead. He fought his hardest to save them, remembering the hours and hours they had worked on his siblings. How the medical staff had tried to save them, even when there was nothing they could do.

He couldn’t imagine being a parent, being put in that situation. Even if the parents pulled through, what if their kids didn’t? Sometimes that was the case. This time it wasn’t. They had saved the whole family, barely.

The driver that hit them wasn't as lucky. He died on the operating table. Part of Isaac was relieved, and part of him was angry at his relief. No one should die, but no one should get drunk and almost kill a family of five, either. He was not judge or jury. He was just tired.

By the end of the shift, he was wrung out, exhausted, and regretting his decision to go see Alexa. But he would do it, go find out what she needed.

Besides, he wanted to see her.

He changed into street clothes and then headed up to her office. Jill wasn’t at her desk, which was new. It was late. Maybe she had gone home. He knocked on Alexa’s closed office door. Had she gone home?

The door flew open and Alexa stood there. She was gorgeous, as she always was. Her soft brown hair was in its normal, immaculate bob, her green eyes sharp underneath her makeup. Her lips were soft and kissable, and he wanted to kiss her, consume her, right where she stood. She was dressed in a sleek pants suit – court? Whatever reason it was, it made her legs look like they went on for miles.