Cat's Lair (21 page)

She tried to turn her head but his hands in her hair prevented her from doing that. “Eli. You can’t do that. You love your job, and I still feel very confused.” Her lashes swept down. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again. It was hard enough the first time. I’m still asking myself if you’re seducing me in order to get me to do what you want.”

“Of course I am. I want you to stay with me. I know you’re not going to testify against Cordeau. But you’re mine, Cat, and I’m not giving you up. It’s natural for you to be afraid, and I’ll have to work at earning your trust back, but I will.”

“You lied to me.”

“Only about my name. The man who was with you in the warehouse was all me. Maybe not so bossy or crude like I can be, but he was me. I gave you me.”

“Where were you that day? You always came to walk me home, but you didn’t that day. It was Tuttle, not you.”

“He’s a moron. He doesn’t do undercover work and he sure as hell can’t tail someone without them spotting it. I’d heard they were going to move on you and I wanted to stop them. I spent the day arguing. During the meeting I got wind that maybe someone had tipped Cordeau and I needed to run that down. If it was true, I planned to lay the entire thing out for you myself.”

Catarina swallowed hard. “Eli, I don’t want you to change your life on the chance that I might want to stay. I don’t know if I can get that trust back. I don’t even know what’s going on here between us. Is this just until my leopard emerges? Is this supposed to be a lifetime deal and I’ve got no say in it? I can’t tell you I’ll stay.”

“You’ll stay. Shifters mate for life, Cat. You’ll stay.”

She winced, afraid he was right. If her leopard only had two choices, Eli or Rafe, and she didn’t even know if Rafe would take her back or kill her, she knew she would rather be with Eli. He might never love her, or she him, but he cared enough to take care of her after they had wild, crazy sex. She blushed again just thinking about it.

“You sore?”

She moistened her lips. Her body ached from the pounding on the floor, and deep inside with every movement, she still felt him there, but it was a kind of delicious soreness. She liked it. She liked knowing how she got sore.

“Baby?” he persisted.

She nodded, liking the way his hands moved in her hair. “Not bad. The bath helped. Although I think I have skid marks on my butt.”

“I think your leopard is very close, Cat. When she emerges, I’ll have to let my leopard out. We’ll both be affected by their very unrestrained passion.”

She could tell he had chosen his words cautiously. Her heart jumped and she felt a sudden rush of damp heat at the idea of what unrestrained passion was. She thought they’d been pretty darned unrestrained.

“I’m not certain what you’re telling me. Is this going to get worse?”

He laughed softly and tugged on her braid. He leaned over and nipped at the soft spot where her neck and shoulder met.

His hands transferred from her hair to her shoulders and he began a slow massage, easing the tightness from her sore muscles. She felt almost as if she were melting into the chair. His fingers were strong and then moved to her neck, back to her shoulders and down her back. She’d never felt more cared for in her life and she didn’t know how to think or act so she did nothing at all. Again, she just allowed herself to enjoy the moment.

He pulled up the more comfortable deck chair beside hers and sank down into it, reaching for his coffee.

She glanced at him. “You didn’t answer me. Is it going to get worse? The sex?”

“You’re such an innocent. Not worse, Kitten, better. You’ll like it.” He said that with confidence.

“You only say that because you’ve discovered I’m a perv,” she said. There was a part of her that wanted to laugh and another part that wanted to cry.

He laughed. “Woman, if that’s you being a perv, I’m all for it.” He reached across the small end table and curled his fingers around the nape of her neck. “You’re sitting next to the real thing, and I can tell you, absolutely, truthfully, you are not there. I won’t mind trying to shape you in that direction. The moment I sat down I thought about sitting out here watching the sunset with a fresh cup of your coffee and you sitting right here between my legs, your mouth very busy.”

Her eyebrow went up. “I think you have an oral fixation.” She had to make a joke of it, because, honestly, the moment he sat down, she wished he wasn’t wearing any sweatpants and she could practice all she wanted to. And her leopard hussy was nowhere in sight.

He grinned at her. “You think? Don’t worry, baby, you’ll like it.”

She already liked it, she just wasn’t certain she should like it so much. Because he was talking about it and she was thinking about it, she just had to ask him. She was very grateful she had an excuse to stare straight ahead. “Um. Eli. Why counting?”

He didn’t answer right away and she figured she hadn’t given him enough information, but really, what was she supposed to say? That she wanted to be really, really good at pleasing him and he obviously liked her mouth on him?

“I didn’t want you to panic when you couldn’t breathe, baby. You have to learn to breathe through your nose and even then, when I’m deep, if you don’t relax and trust me, you might still think you’re going to choke, or strangle. First, I wouldn’t let that happen, and second, you’re learning. I don’t want anything we do to frighten you.”

His voice was matter-of-fact. They could have been discussing the weather.

“Once I learned to read, I found a few how-to books about sex,” she admitted, because he made it easy to talk to him about anything. “I didn’t dare go online and look at anything because he always had me watched on the computer and he checked my history and everything else. I knew he tracked the keystrokes on my computer so I used his. He never knew.” She said it rather smugly. She felt smug about that.

He flashed a grin at her. “You outsmarted him.”

“Yes.”

“You read about sex in a book?”

“I was afraid Rafe might want that from me at some point. He’d begun coming into my bedroom some nights and just watching me. I actually went so far as to eavesdrop on some of the girlfriends of Rafe’s closest soldiers when they were talking about things they’d done with their men.”

Eli groaned softly. He stroked a caress down her hair. “Kitten. Really.”

She blushed for no reason. “You’ve given me more instruction and experience in twenty-four hours than I read in all three books or heard about in a very graphic and rather drunken conversation.”

“I want sex to be good for you. Every time. Whether it’s rough or gentle or I’m making you beg, I want it always to be off the charts for you. I’ll teach you the things you need to know and if you have questions, just ask. If there’s something you don’t like, tell me. We’ll talk it through. If there’s something you want, you tell me and it’s yours.”

She pressed her lips together. She had made up her mind a long time ago that she would be as honest as possible. She was good at deception – at least she thought she was – but she didn’t like it. She wanted to be the kind of person who dealt with something and then it was over. And she wanted honesty. Still, Eli was very blunt when it came to sex. She didn’t like that she didn’t know very much. She didn’t even know if it was good for him.

“What is it, baby?” he asked gently, his hand curling around the nape of her neck, his fingers moving into the muscles there. “One of the things I admire most about you is the way you just ask me questions or answer when I ask you. Don’t be embarrassed. You don’t ever have to be embarrassed with me.”

She took a deep breath. “You say that it isn’t just my leopard making me so crazy when it comes to sex. I can’t stop. I can’t control myself when it happens. I don’t understand that. I’ve never been like that in my life. I’ve never even wanted another man, but with you, I have to have my hands and my mouth on you. I can’t wait for you to touch me. It doesn’t make sense because I still don’t even know if I like you. I don’t trust you. If it’s me and not just her, why didn’t I know this about myself before?”

“Cat, you can tell that I’m experienced. I know women and I know what they like or need. In case you haven’t been paying attention, I like control. I like my world the way I want it. I need sex often and a certain way. I knew the moment I laid eyes on you that you’d be compatible with me. Even my leopard recognized it and that was before your female made an appearance. If you weren’t capable of matching me in bed, of being what I need you to be, I never would have touched you.”

She frowned, trying to deny to herself that she liked sex with him. That was insanity. She loved sex with him. She liked the way he took command. She liked how rough he could be and how absolutely caring he was afterward. Mostly she loved how he could make her body go up in flames. She hadn’t known it could be like that.

Catarina bit down on her lip. There was something to what he was saying. She couldn’t hide from the fact that even now, and she didn’t feel her leopard close, erotic images played through her mind.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Eli,” she admitted. “You do make it good for me, but I don’t want sex to be all about me. I need to know that it’s good for you too.”

She was so confused. She didn’t even know why she cared whether the sex was good for him too. She was just using him, right? She didn’t have a clue what she was doing or even why, but his answer mattered to her.

There was silence. Her heart pounded.

“Cat. Look at me. Right now. Look at me.”

She could barely make herself turn her head to him. Her face was red, but it was the truth. She wanted to make him feel the same things she felt.

He caught her face in his hands, his thumbs sliding over her jaw. “I’m not a man who would ever pretend even if I could. If you don’t know anything else about me, you have to know that. You please me, baby. You more than please me.”

Her eyes slid away from his. He growled low in his throat. “Kitten. I said look at me – that means your eyes are looking right into mine when we’re talking about this.”

Catarina sighed, but forced herself to look him in the eye again. “It’s just a little embarrassing, Eli. I don’t know what I’m doing, you have to tell me everything.”

“Sweetheart, I love coaching you. I love that no man has been inside you and you’re all mine. I love that I can teach you the things that please me and you’re so willing to learn. That matters to me, that you want to please me.”

“Don’t get too used to it,” she advised. “I want to kick you more often than I want to please you.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “I intimidate everyone, especially women. Where the hell have I gone wrong with you?”

“You intimidate me,” she admitted. “But that only makes me want to kick you all the harder.”

He stretched his legs out in front of him and looked out over the slightly rolling land. “I fell in love with this place the first time I saw it,” he said. “But it never felt right. It never felt like home. Not until you walked through the door.”

Catarina didn’t like the way her heart melted at his statement. The sex was bad enough, but it was just sex. She could handle just sex with no emotion attached to it. She didn’t want to like him so much and the way he talked to her, the things he said, even the way he looked at her, made her feel special.

“I think I was handcuffed and maybe carried,” she pointed out.

“Yeah. Like I said, felt like I was coming home for the first time.”

His voice had dropped an octave lower, sliding over her skin like the touch of fingers, and she shook her head. The problem was, Eli was a very sensual man and right now, she was finding she liked sensual. She even craved it. So Eli was somewhat irresistible to her.

“I need a few more supplies from town.” Changing the subject was the only safe thing to do. “For cooking. A few more spices, just some things.”

“You like to cook, don’t you?”

She shrugged. “I told you I did.”

“Make a list, I’ll get you whatever you need. I like the fact that I get to reap the benefits, especially if you’re in the kitchen in one of my shirts.”

She glanced sideways at him and realized he was teasing her. She took a breath. Oh, God. She shouldn’t for one minute trust this man enough to feel like her insides were melting, but she did, she was nothing but goo inside and that didn’t bode well for keeping him at arm’s length.

“My shirt and no panties,” he added.

Her tongue darted out to moisten her lower lip. Of course he had to remind her she’d been a crazy perv, on the floor, for God’s sake. On the floor.

“Baby.” His voice gentled and his fingers curled around the nape of her neck. “Stop being embarrassed. What we did was beautiful. I know you’re scared right now, but I’ll take care of you, get you through this.”

“What happens when Rafe shows up?” She asked because… well… Rafe would find her. He always found her once he had a starting point.

“Catarina, don’t ask me questions if you don’t want answers,” Eli said, and his voice went hard. Scary hard.

She turned her head to look at him again. She’d always thought of him as sweet. Dangerous maybe, but still sweet. There was nothing sweet about Eli in that moment. Danger radiated off of him. He gave off a vibe every bit as scary as Rafe did. She caught her lower lip between her teeth. Maybe it was the leopard in them, but suddenly, she felt a little bit like prey, caught between two powerful predators. Eli hid it better than Rafe, but he was just as lethal.

“Don’t.” He said it softly.

“Don’t what?”

“Be afraid of me. I’m a shifter and my leopard is difficult to handle at times, but I handle it. I don’t kill people unless I have no choice. I’m not Cordeau. I wouldn’t slash my woman’s back to punish her or bite her so fucking deep she has scars. Don’t look at me like that, like you’re afraid of me.”

“I am afraid sometimes,” Catarina said honestly. “Right now is the first time I really saw it in you. The stamp of danger that means you’ve battled and won a million times and you don’t back down – ever.”

“Why would that scare you? You’re under my protection.”