Cause For Alarm (11 page)

J
ulianna caught the streetcar at the stop outside Buster's and headed uptown, to Citywide's office. She took the last remaining seat, vacated as she boarded by a hugely obese man wearing clothes that smelled vaguely of beer, tobacco and sweat.

The smell lingered as did the warmth of his body and repulsed, she scooted forward on the seat until she was perched on the very edge. She longed for the days when she had zipped from destination to destination, without a thought to anything but her own convenience.

Now, she was forced to use public transportation. To travel on someone else's schedule. With people she didn't know, most of whom she wouldn't want to know. Now, she was forced to endure screaming children and constant stops, the crush of bodies at rush hour and the occasional burp, fart or halitosis that went along with that crush.

She found it irritating and distasteful. But it was cheap. She hadn't been in New Orleans twenty-four hours before she learned that the cost of parking in any of the lots in the central business district or French Quarter was outrageous. Working at Buster's certainly didn't allow her such luxuries, so when she had found one of the rare, free parking spots on the street near her apartment, she had maneuvered her car into it and hadn't moved it since.

Julianna turned to the window and gazed out at the waning afternoon, trying to ignore the greasy smear on the glass. This wasn't forever, she reminded herself. Soon she would have all the things she loved and needed. Soon, she would feel like her old self again.

Richard.

And Julianna.

She closed her eyes and pictured her future, imagined her days, how she would spend them, what her life would be like. Her life with Richard.

It would be perfect, everything she ever longed for.

She smiled to herself. Last night Richard had come to her in her dreams. He had whispered in her ear. That
she
was his everything. His lover and partner. His best friend.

He'd told her he couldn't live without her.

And they had been together. Sexually. Spiritually. Two souls made one, bodies entwined in an act of love so pure, so perfect, it defied the physical plane of existence.

Kate had come to her as well. She had been smiling. Holding a baby in her arms. Completely content.

Giving her blessing to the union of Julianna and Richard.

The baby stirred inside her, and she brought a hand to her belly, pleased. The dream had been a sign, a marker sent by the universe for Julianna to follow. She was meant to be in Richard's arms, to fill his life. To be the one he counted and depended on.

And Kate was meant to have a baby in her arms. Julianna's baby.

She would give her baby to Kate, Julianna had decided. And in return, she would take Kate's husband.

The streetcar rumbled to a halt. Julianna opened her eyes. They were stopped in front of a school. Through the wrought iron gates she could see a lovely courtyard; at its center, a fountain and a statue of the Blessed Virgin. A symbol of goodness and purity, one that guarded all against the encroachment of evil.

Another sign. An assurance.
She brought a trembling hand to her mouth.
Destiny.

The vehicle began to move, leaving the school and the statue of the Blessed Mother behind. Julianna twisted in her seat, craning her neck to keep it in sight as long as possible.

When it had completely slipped away from her, she faced front again. She laid her hands across her swollen belly and smiled. Today she took the first step toward her future. Today she would tell Ellen that she had chosen Kate and Richard to be her baby's adoptive parents.

The streetcar squealed to a stop at the corner of St. Charles and Sixth Street, her stop. The charity's office was located just off the Avenue, in a big old home that had been gutted and turned into an office complex, housing several small businesses.

Julianna left the vehicle. The day, unseasonably warm for early February, had cooled with the descent of the sun, and Julianna hunched deeper into her coat. The weather report had promised falling temperatures—the result of a cold front that had already moved across much of the country.

From overhearing hundreds of conversations at Buster's, she had decided that New Orleanians were obsessed with the weather. She figured that was because it not only changed frequently, but ran the gamut, from flooding rains, to unexpected freezes, to temperatures hot enough to boil seafood. One of her customers had proclaimed that anybody who lived in a place that got as hot as hell's kitchen deserved to obsess about the weather a bit.

She supposed he was right.

Julianna reached Citywide's office and let herself in. Madeline, the receptionist, was not at her desk, and Julianna took a seat, figuring the woman was either in the common kitchen area down the hall or using the rest room and would be right back.

Several minutes passed. From down the hall, the direction of Ellen's office, she heard the sounds of conversation. Ellen was in. Bored and antsy, Julianna stood and followed the sounds, stopping outside the social worker's partially open door. Judging by the one-sided conversation, the woman was on the phone. Julianna lifted her hand to tap on the door, pausing when she heard Ellen say the name Kate. Then the name Richard.

Julianna caught her breath.
Her Kate and Richard?

Heart beginning to thunder, she dropped her hand and leaned closer, straining to hear more clearly. At that moment, Ellen hung up the phone.

Julianna sprang back from the door, cheeks burning. Afraid Ellen was going to catch her lurking outside her office, she quickly stepped forward, knocked, waited a split second, then poked her head inside.

“Hi, Ellen. Madeline wasn't at her desk, so I came back. I hope that's okay?”

The woman smiled warmly. “Of course. Come on in, Julianna.” She motioned to the two chairs facing her desk, closing the manila folder on top of the stack in front of her. “Have a seat.”

Julianna followed the movement with her eyes, the blood beginning the thrum in her head. Could that be Richard and Kate's folder? If she had just been on the phone with one of them, it seemed likely.

She had to get a look at it. There had to be a way.

“Thank you,” she murmured, dragging her gaze back to the other woman's. “I was afraid you'd be too busy to see me.”

Ellen smiled again. “Actually, your timing couldn't be better. I was going to call you this evening.”

“You were?” Julianna settled into a seat. “What about?”

“I have some good news for you.” Her smile widened. “Your expenses have been approved. Medical and living.”

“Oh, my God.” Julianna brought a hand to her chest. “You're serious?”

“Dead serious. Dr. Samuel has been notified. You need to call his office for an appointment. Before you leave, remind me and I'll give you one of his cards. As for your living expenses, you'll receive your first check at the beginning of next month and every month thereafter until the birth of your child.”

For a moment, Julianna simply stared at the woman, unable to believe it was true. No more waiting on ungrateful slobs. No more aching feet and back or going home at night reeking of fried food.

Another sign.

Tears stung her eyes. “Thank you, Ellen. Thank you so much. This is going to make things so much easier for me.”

“That's what we're here for. Now—” she folded her hands on the desk in front of her “—what can I do for you?”

Julianna drew in a careful breath. Ellen, she was certain, would not believe in destiny. Or fate. She would not understand how Julianna and Richard were meant for each other. And, Julianna was certain, if she even suspected what Julianna was up to, she would toss her out of the program so fast her head would spin.

She needed to play this just right.

Julianna lowered her eyes for a moment, then returned them to Ellen's, hoping to appear hesitant and unsure of herself. “I've…I've come to a decision. About which couple I want to adopt my baby.”

“Have you?” Ellen leaned slightly forward, beaming at Julianna.

“Yes, I…it wasn't easy. I sympathized with every couple. I almost feel bad that I can't…choose them all.”

“But one couple jumped out at you.” Ellen smiled encouragingly. “One couple seemed perfect.”

Julianna returned her smile. “That's exactly right. How did you know?”

“It always works that way. I think of it as part of the miracle of adoption.” Again the woman beamed. “So, who have you chosen?”

“Before I—” she took a deep breath “—before I tell you, I have a few questions. About how openness works.”

“Certainly.” Ellen folded her hands on the desk in front of her and went on to explain Julianna's different options, from a closed adoption to a completely open one and the many choices in between. The former being no contact between her and the adoptive parents, the latter including regular postplacement visits with both the baby and its new family.

When Ellen had finished, Julianna said nothing for several moments, pretending to take in all the woman had told her. “But…how will I know if the couple I choose will agree to the arrangement I want?”

“Truthfully, most of the couples are quite flexible. After all, they're all anxious to be parents.”

“But what if the couple I choose feels differently?” Julianna caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “What if…I mean, I would hate to get my hopes up only to have them dashed.”

“I can understand that. Let me reassure you, however, that's never happened.”

“But still…” Julianna wrung her hands. “If I tell you who I chose…could you tell me what they've agreed to?” She met the other woman's eyes pleadingly.

Ellen hesitated, but only a moment. “I guess so. Who's the lucky couple?”

“Richard and Kate.”

“Richard and Kate,” Ellen repeated, looking pleased. “You've made a wonderful choice, Julianna. They're a lovely couple and have so much to offer a child. Their folder is right here.” She tapped the folder on top of the stack in front of her. “Just give me a moment and I'll check the degree of openness they selected.”

She opened the folder and flipped through a few pages, finally stopping on one. Julianna watched her, heart pounding, fingers itching to get her hands on that folder.

“They're open to meeting you,” Ellen murmured. “They've agreed to postplacement letters and pictures and quarterly visits for the first year.” She met Julianna's eyes. “How does that sound?”

“It sounds…good,” Julianna murmured. “It gives me a lot of options.” She looked down at her folded hands a moment, then back up at Ellen, her expression as earnest as she could make it. “I haven't completely decided what I want yet. There's so much to consider. I want to do the right thing. The best thing.”

Ellen nodded. “I appreciate that and so will Kate and Richard. Just remember, Julianna, you're already doing the right thing for your baby. He or she will have a wonderful life with the…with Kate and Richard.”

Julianna dropped her gaze to Ellen's desk and Kate and Richard's folder, scrambling for a way to get her hands on it. Suddenly, inspiration struck.

Julianna got to her feet. “Thank you so much for your time and…your…your—” She brought a hand to her head. “I don't feel so well.”

Ellen jumped up. “What's wrong? You're not…is it labor?”

“I don't know. I don't…think so. I feel—” Julianna fluttered her eyelids and swayed slightly. “I feel a little…a little…faint.”

“Oh, dear.” The social worker rushed around the desk and took her arm. “Come, let me help you. There's a sofa in the waiting area. You can lay down there.”

Julianna shook her head. “No…really. I don't…just let me sit here. A glass of water or…juice. Could you…please?”

“Of course.” The other woman nodded and helped ease her back into the chair. “I'll be right back. Just call out if you need me.”

The minute Ellen cleared the door, Julianna launched to her feet. She grabbed the folder and flipped it open. “Ryan,” she whispered, reading the information. “On 361 Lakeshore Drive. Mandeville.”

She repeated the information silently, committing it to memory, even as she shut the folder and laid it back on Ellen's desk, careful to return it to the exact spot she had found it.

No sooner had she settled back in her chair, than the social worker rushed back into the office with a glass of orange juice. “Here you are.”

Ellen handed the glass to Julianna and hovered over her while she sipped the juice, making sure she drank the entire glass.

“How do you feel?” she asked when the juice was gone.

“Better.” Julianna smiled weakly and handed the glass back. “Much better. Thank you.”