Ceaseless (12 page)

CHAPTER 11 

Dank

The rest of the band had crashed in the main lounge area back stage.  I liked them enough but 
generally 
before a gig they had groupies with them and they got on my nerves. I could smell the sadness and disease in many of them. What human men saw as sexy often repelled me because all I could see was the soul. 
The
ir
 souls were weak and damaged.

              
I sank down on the 
leather sofa
 and propped my feet up. Pagan would be here any minute
, a
long with Gee and Miranda who would want to meet the rest of the band. Miranda was going to be disappointed. They were just like any other 
rock band
. They had their 
addictions
. They thought all females worshiped them. They were everything Pagan feared I was.

              
A knock at the door surprised me. I figured Gee would walk right in.

“Come in,” I called out and stood up to go greet Pagan. I wanted to show her around. It wasn’t Pagan. It w
as a groupie I’d seen with 
Loose
 
earlier.  Groupies weren’t welcome in here.  “You got the wrong room,” I replied sitting back down to wait on Pagan’s arrival.

              
“Oops,” she giggled and stepped into the room closing the door behind her. Did the girl not 
speak English
? She also had herpes. I could smell it on her body.

              
“Go. Out. Now.” I ordered pointing to the door. I’d be seeing her soul again much sooner than I should if she kept the drug use up.

              
“Demanding. I like it when a man is the boss,” she slurred walking over toward me.  Her soul was tarnished. The outward appearance had all the things humans looked for but the inside was ugly.

              
“This is your last warning. I’ll call 
security
 and you’ll be thrown out.” This happened once or twice a gig. It had become a 
game
 to 
the groupies
 to see if one of them was
 talented enough to get me to let them stay. They didn’t understand that what I saw wasn’t appealing.

“You’
re a grumpy pants. I was warned before I came in here. I bet I can make you 
a 
happy
 pants
,” she was almost to me when I moved out of her way and she stumbled forward and landed on the couch. Pulling my phone from my pocket I dialed the backstage security number.

              
“I got one 
in my room
 that refuses to leave. I want her out of the building.”

              
“On it Mr. Walker,” was the quick reply.

              
“Oh poo
,
 you didn’t even let me show you how very talented I am,” She whined from her sprawled out position on the couch.

              
The door swun
g open and in walked Gee followe
d by Pagan and Miran
da. At least I was on the other side of the room from the half-
dressed girl laying out on the couch like she was waiting on me.

              
“Do I need to call security?” Gee asked as she looked over at the girl whose damaged soul was also the only thing Gee saw.

              
“Already did. I’m waiting on him to come pick her up.” I replied stepping around her to reach out and take Pagan’s hand.

Before her 
memory loss
 Pagan had seen this before. During the time my fans 
k
new I had a 
girlfriend
 it had gotten worse. We made a game out of it. Pagan would guess how many girls we’d have break into my room before the show.  Now
,
 she 
just 
looked concerned.

              
“I’ve been waiting 
for 
you,” I assured her as she took in the girl whose shirt was missing and her very large fake boobs 
were 
spilling out of the bra she was wearing. It
 did look incriminating.  “She’ll be gone in a second. Security is coming to get her
,
 she came in uninvited.”

              
Pagan frowned and turned her gaze to me, “Where is her shirt?” she asked slowly as if waiting on me to admit I had something to do with her lack of proper clothing.

              
“Probably in the other room where the band
is. She came in here like that. My refusal to hang out with the band an
d groupies often sends the braver ones in here to see if they can change my mind. They can’t. I do
n’t do
 drugs 
or
 
STDs
.”

              
A small smile tugged on Pagan’s lips as the door opened and one of the guys on the clubs security team walked in and hauled the girl 
u
p from her spot on the couch. “I want her gone from the club while I’m here.” I reminded him.

              
He nodded, “Yes sir.”

              
“Why do they get to stay? They came in uninvited too,” she whined and slapped at the guys back. “Leave me alone. I have bigger tits than they do and I’ll suck,” the door slammed behind them cutting off whatever 
else 
she was about to say. Thank Deity.

              
Once the door closed, 
I took a deep breath.

              
“Wow, that was interesting.” Pagan 
teased
.

              
I grinned at her
,
 
then
 shifted my attention to Gee. “Why don’t you take Miranda to meet the rest of the band.
”
 It wasn’t a suggestion
;
 I knew Gee and everyone else in the room knew that too.

              
“YAY!” Miranda clapped her hands. “I brought my sharpie
---
will they 
autograph
 my shirt?”

              
She was wearing a white shirt that the band had sold at a beach concert 
last year.  S
he
 had
 
taken 
Pa
gan 
to that concert al
though
 Pagan 
hadn’t known
 
who 
or 
what I was
 at the time
. “They’ll sign anything you ask them too
,
 but 
remember
 they are a 
raunchy
 crowd. You’
ll
 
wind up with 
a lot of names
 
on your chest.”

              
Miranda beamed at my warning. 
She was definitely in a better mood. Pagan had told me about what happened with the other girl. I wished I could tell her that it would be okay. That the soul she’d loved in Wyatt was the same soul that was living inside Nathan. But I couldn’t. She’d have to figure this out on her on.

              
“I got this. She’ll be fine,” Gee replied and led Miranda back out of the door leaving me alone with Pagan.

              
“Why do I feel like you just sent them away on purpose?” Pagan asked as she looked up at me through her eyelashes.

              
“Because you’re a smart girl. I have a thing for females with brains,” I replied.

              
“
Ooooh
,
 that explains why you weren’t attracted to the topless 
model perfect body
 who was more than willing to do whatever you wanted with her.” I cringed mentally thinking of the girl who had been in here. I didn’t even want to take Pagan over to the couch and have her sit where the girl had been. It felt tainted now.

              
“All I wanted to do with her was get her the hell away from me. Nothing about that train wreck was attractive.”

              
Pagan liked my answer. I could see it in her eyes. I was proving to her that
 I wasn’t the depraved sex
-
crazed
 man
-
whore she assumed I was 
just 
because I was a singer in a band. She took a step toward me and I didn’t reach out and touch her. I wanted to see exactly what she was planning 
to do
. If she started to move I may grab her and hold on but right now I wanted her to feel like she was in control.

              
“That is very sexy, Dank Walker. Just so you know. Most guys wouldn’t have cared about anything other than her looks.”
 The awe in her voice made my chest expand.

              
“
I’m glad you realiz
e
 I’m a little deeper than you first assumed,” I replied.

              
Pagan placed a hand on my chest and ran it up until she was touching 
the
 necklace that she’d bought me before my last concert
,
 before her memory was taken from her. She’d said lead singers needed some 
jewelry
. 
She’d chosen a 
Celtic knot
 on a black string. She said the knot was endless and so were we. I hadn’t taken it off since. 
I kept it tucked inside my shirt unless I was going onstage. I didn’t like people to touch it. Pagan had given it to me. It was sacred. She held the knot in her hand and I felt an odd sense of power at having her hands on it again.

              
“It’s a Celtic knot. Why did you choose this?” She asked looking up at me with intrigue in her eyes.

              
“Someone gave it to me,” I explained waiting to see if any of this clicked with her. She ran her thumb over the cool metal.

              
“The knot is never ending,” she said quietly as if she was repeating a memory to herself.

              
I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to interrupt any small memory that may be trying to break through.  She dropped her hand from my chest and turned and walked away from me. That hadn’t been what I was expecting.

              
“What’s wrong?” I asked almost afraid to speak.

              
She shrugged and I heard a small sniffle. Dammit she was crying. Why was she crying? I took two long strides until I was standing behind her and I pulled her back against my chest. “Why are crying?” I asked gently.

              
She took a deep breath and shook her head, “I don’t know.” She reached up and wiped away the tears on her cheeks. “I just suddenly wanted to cry. It was weird. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

              
Hope. I had hope. The 
Celtic 
knot was triggering something inside her.

Pagan

              
Dank was going to think I was an idiot. The lump that had formed in my throat the moment I held 
the necklace
 in my hands had been odd. I had to ask about it and he talked about it with such reverence 
in 
his voice I couldn’t fight back the sob. My eyes had instantly filled with tears. How crazy was that?

              
Surprisingly enough he wasn’t calling 
security
 to haul me out of here. He was holding me. 
Was this guy even real?  Most guys would have 
written 
me off as a lunatic. His arms were tightly wrapped around me. I rested my head back on his chest and enjoyed it. Something was comforting about letting him hold me. I 
felt 
safe.

              
“We go onstage soon. Will you come watch me from the side of the stage? I’
d
 like 
to be 
able to look over and see you safely away from the crowd out there. This is one of the wilder clubs we play.”

              
His protective streak should annoy me. I just met the guy… but it didn’t. I liked it. Had Jay ever been protective? Had anyone ever been protective
 of me
 other than my mother?

           
   
“Okay. What about Miranda and Gee?” I asked still standing with my back to his chest and his arms firmly around me.

              
“They can stay too if they like. They’re welcome to walk around or stand with you. Gee knows the out of bounds places.”

              
That was something I wanted answered. Who was Gee to him? “How do you know Gee? I thought the first time I saw you that you two might be a couple but I’ve figured out that isn’t the case.”

              
Dank turned me around to face him. “Gee is one of the oldest friends I have.”

              
That was a weird way of saying it. Did he mean they’d been friends a long time? Like since they were kids? I opened my 
mouth
 to ask when the door opened and in came 
guys that looked like
I expected guys in a 
rock band
 to look like.

              
“Fuck man, I was pissed when 
they 
told
 me
 you threw the blond 
hottie
 out
,
 but day-um
,
 
B
ud, 
no wonder
,
 if she was busting up this shit.” A guy with long 
blond dreadlocks pulled back in a ponytail
 and dark brow
n
 eyes rimmed with red 
as if 
he’d had very little sleep or maybe smoked a few too many joints
,
 
openly 
appraised me.

              
“
Loose
, this is Pagan. She’s with me. Only me.” Dank replied
,
 keeping his hands locked on my waist. 
“No one goes near her. No one touches her.”

              
Loose
 raised his almost completely shaved off eyebrows, “Got it. No sharing 
of 
the 
Dankster
’
s
 girl. 
I
t’s a damn shame
, though,
 
‘
cause she sure is pretty.”

              
A guy with short spikey 
unnaturally 
red hair shoved 
Loose
. “You’re 
gonna
 get your ass beat. Back up and shut up. Th
at
 dude
 i
s scary as shit.”

              
Dank pointed toward the guy who
 just spoke, “That’s 
Les
. He ha
s the most normal name out of the group. He’s also the other voice.”

              
“Hello,” I replied not sure what else I was supposed to say.

              
“She’s all proper and shit. That’s sexy,” 
Loose
 replied
,
 winking at me.

              
A guy with a shaved head and at least fifteen piercings per ear walked up and grabbed 
Loose
 by the 
shoulders,
 “Get your ass on stage before we are 
minus 
one drummer.”

              
“That is Rubber and please don’t ask,” Dank said as the bald guy nodded and shoved 
Loose
 out the door.

              
“Show time
,
 Dank
;
 let’s go blow this place up.” 
Les
 called out as he followed the other two.

              
“Were they what you expected?” Dank asked looking at me with a worried frown.

              
“Yes. Exactly what I expected,” I assured him and headed for the door.

              “Wait, I forgot to mention something,” he said.

              
I glanced back at him, “What is that?”

              
He closed the distance I’d put between us. “I need a good luck kiss.”

              
Oh my, yes. I could do that. I placed both my hands on his shoulders and leaned up to kiss him swiftly on the mouth. He had other ideas. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently before slipping his tongue inside to tangle with mine. It was over too soon. He stepped back and took a deep breath.

              
“Okay. I 
gotta
 get out there before I decide they can do this 
without me
 and lock that door.”

              
The giddy feeling over 
the 
sexual power that came with his words was surprising. I really liked that he was so attracted to me. But then again what female wouldn’t?

              
Dank reached down and took my hand a
s
 we walked toward the stage entrance. “With a wink, he let go of my hand and stepped out on stage. 
The smoke
 consumed him and I had a moment of panic as the memory of being trapped in smoke and having someone 
rescue me
 flashed in my memory
—
but that had never happened.

              
The d
rums began beating a foreign tribal sound
,
 and screaming fans quieted down.  I watched as Dank walk
ed
 out from the smoke and into the red spotlight.  Something that looked like panties and a couple 
of 
bras were slung up onto the stage. That would take some getting use to. 
Les
 stepped out into the light next
,
 and Rubber came in last.

              
The tribal beat grew louder as 
Loose
 played the 
hypnotic
 sound.  The sound of 
an
 
electric
 guitar entered the mix and then 
Dank’s
 voice joined in.

             
 
Dange
r
,
 Danger running cold

              
Knowing but fearing just the same

 
              
Death comes and yet you don’t let go

              
Standing while it’s ste
e
l bands hold

              
Don’t walk
.
 Don’t walk 
where
 
light 
can not
 shine

              
You know the warning has been told

              
It comes for what is mine and I know it will be so.

Let go
,
 
it’s
 all there is that’s left. Let go your sin has no wrath.

              
Danger was H
ell
’
s last request. 

              
Let go it’s all there is that’s left. Let go your sin has no wrath.

              
Forgiveness wasn’t given yet. Not yet. Not yet.

              
No regrets.

              
“That is their new one. 
I love it,” Miranda whispered as she came up beside me.

             
 
“It’s some morbid sh
it is 
what it is
,” Gee said with an annoyed tone.

              
I watched Dank as he sang the words and wondered what song of his I’d heard before. His voice was familiar. I’d heard him sing something. His stuff wasn’t mainstream so I knew it hadn’t been 
on 
the radio.

              
He shifted his eyes to me and a grin tugged at the corner
s of his mouth
 before he turned back to the crowd and started the next song. 
Les
 talked to their fans. Dank might be the voice but he wasn’t the personality. He didn’t perform for the crowd. 
Les
 was doing a 
good job
 of that. The girls chanted 
Dank’s
 name 
just the same
.

              
“He plays that mystery card well,” Miranda said approvingly. “They love him because they feel he is hiding some big secret and they want 
to know it
.”

              
Gee snorted and we both turned to look at her. If Dank had a secret she’d be the one to know it. “No one wants inside his head. Trust me.”

              
I felt the need to defend him. Shaking that off I looked back out at him. I’d known him 
one week
. She’d known him most of his life. I knew nothing really. “Stop frowning Peggy Ann. I was only teasing. Dank Walker has his secrets but nothing you would run from. Trust me when I tell you that.”

              
That was better. She wasn’t being so negative about him now. I liked Dank. He was nothing like I’d first assumed. I started to 
say something
 to Miranda when the sounds of 
Dank’s
 
guitar playing
 became the only sound
 out there
. The rest of the band had stepped back leaving him in center stage. Something in me ached. 
Was it t
he lonely sad sound of the music or seeing Dank stand
ing
there in the darkness 
alone
?
 I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but 
it made 
my chest hurt. Then he began singing. Each word tugged at me. Something about what he was singing. 
The
 melody wrapped around me. I wanted to go to him and hold him. I braced myself against the wall as the words  “Yet You Stay” caused my heart to race. What was wrong with me? My head pounded violently and the words “Yet You Stay” drummed over and over again as my breathing 
became difficult
 and m
y vision blurred. I hea
r
d Gee asking me if I was okay. I heard Miranda’s frantic voice saying I was having a
panic attack
. I couldn’t focus on any of them. The words were drowning me. Suffocating me. I needed air. 
              “Move,” 
Dank’s
 voice broke into my fog and I managed to take a much
-
needed deep breath. Coughing as the air entered my lungs. “I’ve got you, Pagan. It’s okay. I’m sorry,” he murmured other things that I didn’t understand but they soothed me. My heart slowed down and the pounding subsided to a small ache. Dank was holding me and rocking me in his arms. His hand was caressing my head with gentle strokes. I was suddenly tired.