Ceaseless (13 page)

              
“She 
okay
?” Gee asked from somewhere nearby.

              
“Yeah, she’s breathing easy now,” 
Dank
 replied.

              
“What the heck happened? She was fine 
one minute and the next minute 
she 
was 
in a ful
l-
blown panic attack. I know what it was because I had several after my boyfriend died. I could see it all over her face. She 
couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t see
.” Miranda sounded upset.

              
I lifted my head from 
Dank’s
 chest and looked up to see that Dank was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and I was in his lap. Miranda knelt beside us wringing her hands frantically.

              
“I’m good. I don’t know what happened. Something just snapped,” I tried to explain. I decided 
against 
telling them that the words to his song had sent me spiraling out of control
.
 

              
“It’s the move. You’ve not got
ten
 enough sleep. You’re adjusting. I’m forcing you to go out places at night
 and then unloading all my screwed up emotions on you. I’ve cried on your shoulder and you’ve been the one to make me feel better. 
It’s my fault. I need to stop 
being a big baby
.” I held up my hand to stop Miranda from her sudden need to take all the blame for this.

              
“I’m fine. Nothing is your fault. I don’t know what triggered it
,
 but I’m good now.” I felt like an idiot curled up like a baby in 
Dank’s
 arms. It was a miracle this guy hadn’t sent me packing yet. I started to stand up and let him get back to 
the 
band
.  
It sounded
 
as if the other members 
were carrying on without him. 
He jumped up quickly and hovered beside me as if I was going to crumple to the ground.

              
“You’re supposed to be out there,” I told him nodding toward the stage.

          
    
“I can 
quit 
for the night. Do you want me to drive you
 back to your dorm
?” His worried tone made this even more humiliating. I was the 
crazy, mentally unstable
 friend.

              
“No. Really. I am fine but I do think I’m 
gonna
 go if Miranda is okay with that,” I glanced over at her and she nodded in agreement.

              
“I can take you. She can stay and listen to the rest of the set,” he said studying my face as if he was waiting on some answer to appear.

              
“I got this
,
 Dank. Go do your thing. You have a long night ahead of you,” Gee piped up and Dank shot her a warning glare. It was something I was used to seeing him direct h
er way. He did it a lot.

              
“I’m fine. You go sing,” I 
assured him again and pushed him gently toward the stage entrance.

              
Dank’s
 frown deepened and he started to shake his head no. Gee stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm and whispered something angrily in his ear. His defeated sigh bothered me
,
 but when she was done he nodded and looked back at me. “Okay. If you’re sure 
you’ll be okay
. Just say the word and I’ll take you back to the dorm.”

              
“Positive,” I replied.

              
Dank nodded and turned around 
and 
jogged back onto the stage. The crowd in the club erupted in cheers and chanted his name.

              
“Alright, Peggy Ann, let’s get you out of here before he sings again. Apparently it’s your kryptonite,”

CHAPTER 12 

Dank

              
It was still early and students weren’t littering the campus yet. I’d 
worked
 hard all night trying to keep the memory of Pagan’s me
n
tal breakdown out of my head. She’d been about to remember. I reached up and touched the 
Celtic knot
 just under my shirt. This ha
d 
trigger
ed
 a memory. The song I wrote for her had sent her to her knees. The memories were there
, trying to break free. But as much as I wanted her to remember I knew 
the human
 mind was a fragile thing. Gee had reminded me last night that I could do damage to Pagan in my haste for her to get her memory back.

              “
Dankmar
,” 
Jaslyn
, a transporter who also worked as a messenger, stepped out of the morning fog
,
 and unlike Gee
,
 looked every bit 
as unearthly as one would expect.

              “Yes,” I replied hesitantly. The last time she’d shown up to tell me something it hadn’t been pleasant.

              
“The Deity is not pleased. You are pushing the girl too hard. She hasn’t even reconnected emotionally with her soul’s mate. Her memory will not be restored until a fair decision can be made.”

              Why were they doing this? If she wasn’t connecting with him
,
 didn’t that mean her heart was already claimed
---
memory or not
? There was a reason she was unable to feel something for the soul who was created for her. “I’m not pushing. I’m waiting. But the soul they are expecting to mean something to her doesn’t stand a chance. He isn’t ready for any type of 
relationship
 either.”

              Jaslyn
 gave me a sad smile. “I am to tell you to be ready. It is coming. The souls will connect and when they do, you must stand back and let them. Death 
must 
not interfere. Your job is not to protect this girl. If she loves you
, then she will come to you. Death can not go to her.”

              “They want me to back away?” I asked incredulously. That wasn’t going to happen. If I had any chance at winning this then I had to show her what she means to me. Her heart knows it. Her mind just can’t remember it.

              “You are to be prepared for the souls to connect. It is what is 
meant to be
. You are not her destiny. However, if at the time her soul has found its mate and her heart still wants you then it will be her choice. Her memories will be restored. If she chooses her mate then those memories will be lost forever.”

              I didn’t reply. There was nothing left to say. I held the power to take life from a body but that is where it ended. I could not control this. Fate wasn’t mine to 
mold
. 
Jaslyn
 faded away
,
 leaving me with the message and warning. This wasn’t going to happen as easily as I’d thought. The Deity knew the future. They knew what was coming next. Preparing myself for the rage that would consume me was the least of my worries.

Pagan

              The banging on our door at eight a.m. was 
un
welcome. It was a Saturday
 and I wanted to sleep late. Miranda groaned and grabbed her pillow to cover her head and ears.

              “Who the hell is that?” she grumbled as I tried to shake the sleep from my fuzzy brain.

              “I 
dunno
,
 but they aren’t going to live long,” I replied
,
 throwing the covers back and getting out of bed. I glanced down and realized I’d slept in sweats and a 
tank top
. I was covered up enough. But then it was 
only eight so the person beating down our door had to be a female. So being properly covered up didn’t really matter.

              I jerked the door open and the angry words I’d been about to say fell flat as I looked into the eyes of a very upset and determined Nathan.

              “I tried to stop him,” Jay said from behind him. I shifted my gaze off Nathan to Jay then looked down the empty hall. How had they not woken up everyone with that banging?

              “What is this?” I asked confused.

              Nathan moved me out of the way with little force since I wasn’t expecting it
, and barged into the room. “She won’t answer my calls and you won’t allow me in the building when you’re awake. So, I had Jay bribe a chick and get us inside while you weren’t awake to stop me.”

              Miranda sat up in bed and the covers fell t
o her waist revealing the thin white camisole she’d slept in. I thought about tell 
her to cover up but the shocked look on her face stopped me. It wasn’t like they could actually see through it all the way.

              “Nathan?” she croaked in a sleepy voice.

              He went over and knelt down beside her bed
, then pulled the blanket up to cover up her boobs. I had to give him points for that. “I need you to listen to me. I can’t defend myself if you won’t give me a chance.”

              I wasn’t sure if Jay and I should step out of the room or if Miranda would want me 
there. So, I just stayed put by the door.

              “It doesn’t matter, I’m over it.” That didn’t even begin to sound convincing.

              A doorknob across the hall started to turn and I grabbed Jay’s arm and pulled him inside 
and closed the door quickly before we got caught with boys in our room. I wanted Nathan to get to say what he came here to say.

              Both Nathan and Miranda looked back at us now standing in the room in front of the door. I shrugged, “The girls across the room are waking up.” I explained.

              Nathan nodded his head toward the bathroom, “Can y’all g
o in there and give us a little privacy?

              “Sure,” I replied grabbing Jay’s hand and tugging him along behind me
.  I wanted this matter settled and Miranda wasn’t going to be easy to convince. We’d spent two full days eating ice cream and watching Damon to get her over this guy.

              Once we were safely tucked away in the bathroom
, I let go of Jay’s hand and put some distance between us. In reality this mess was his fault.

              “What happened with them?” Jay asked as I pressed my back up against the door to Gee’s room.

              “You don’t know?” I asked. Really he was that busy with his female 
friends
 that he hadn’t asked Nathan what happened?

              “Nathan doesn’t really know either. From what you told him at the door the night he tried to get in Victoria had shown up and shared his sexual habits with Miranda and she wasn’t interested in being a part of that.”

              I hadn’t been very clear but I’d thought he would figure it out if he 
was
 in fact screwing that girl on a regular basis. “Victoria showed up to warn me off you. Miranda was being defensive and trying to stand between the two of us. Then Victoria informed Miranda that Nathan was screwing some girl name
d 
Siera
 on a regular basis. She was his and I quote
, “fuck buddy” and that Miranda needed to step back.”

              Jay
’s eyes went wide and he shook his head, “That shit 
ain’t
 true. 
Nathan and 
Siera had a very 
short
 fling about two months ago. It was just the sex. He didn’t even like her very much. I think they may have had sex a few times since then but only because he drank too much at a party at the frat house and she threw herself at him.”

              I nodded, “I 
kinda figured that. Hopefully that is all getting cleared up in there.”

              Jay took a step toward me, “What about you? What did Victoria say to you?”

              “Oh, that you and her did it like rabbits and I needed to 
forget about you. You weren’t interested in me. I was just a flavor of the week.”

              Jay scowled and slammed his palm down on the counter. “I’m so fucking sick of her shit. I’ve told her no. I’ve pushed her away but she is still convinced I want her.”

              “Are you trying to tell me y’all didn’t do it like they do it on 
the discovery channel
?” I asked in an amused tone.

              Jay
 frowned, “Sure, we’ve had sex
 a few times. She is one of the easier lays on campus. But I don’t have any feelings for her. She was just handy. Now she’s got it in her head that I want something more.”

              Nice. He was all about respecting the females these days. “Hmmm it seems to me that maybe you should be more careful where you stick it.”

              Jay
 sighed and leaned a hip against the sink. “This has ruined any small chance I might have had to get another date 
with
 you
, hasn’t it?”

              I nodded, “Yep, pretty much. Although, if it makes you feel better
,
 I was anti
-
the
-
dating
-you thing after you asked someone else out on our last date.”

              Jay
 ran both hands through his hair and cursed under his breath. “I wasn’t expecting you to walk back into my life, Pagan. I thought about you all the time but I had been telling myself for over a year that you were gone. I’d never see you again. I didn’t get serious with anyone because I always compared 
them
 to you. No one ever measures up. Yes, I’ve screwed around and dat
ed
 a lot of girls but
 it was my way of coping. If I’d
 known you’d be walking back into my life again, I’d 
have 
done things so much differently.”
              Well that was nice. Didn’t change how I felt, but it was still nice to hear.

              The door opened and Miranda stuck her head in, “Could y’all maybe leave?”

              “Uh, yeah could I have clothes first?” I asked, studying her very pleased expression.

              “Yeah, hold on. Don’t come out, though,” she said slamming the door in our faces.

              “I’m thinking my man might have smoothed things over,” Jay said with a small laugh.

              “Yeah, I’m thinking you’re right.”

              The door inched open and a pair of cut-
off blue jean shorts and a Rolling Stones tee shirt that was entirely too tight
, which
 Miranda 
well 
knew
,
 was shoved through the door before it closed again. The lock clicked and I looked over at Jay.

              “You’re gonna have to leave through Gee’s door before I get dressed.”

              Jay grinned, “I promise to close my eyes.”

              “Not in a million years,” I assured him and bent over to pick up my clothes.

              “Come on Pagan, I promise I won’t look.”

              He had to be kidding me. When had I ever been willing to change in front of him?

              I knocked on Gee’s door and when I got no reply I opened it. Peeking inside I 
found it empty. Good. At least she didn’t have to see me sneaking out of a bathroom with Jay. “Coast is clear, now go away.”

              Jay stuck out his bottom lip in a pout and I shoved him out the door and locked myself inside.