Chained (Caged Book 2) (20 page)

I gulped. My heart hurt. Regret ached at every part of me. I loved her. I always had, yet I hadn’t ever had the fucking courage to tell her that. A part of me had thought that if I said it out loud then she’d be taken from me, like everything else I had loved in my life had been. And what if it was too damn late? Too late for her to ever know how I felt about her?

“Why couldn’t I have just told her, Rob? Why did I have to be so damn selfish?”

“It isn’t selfish to be scared, Anderson. Kloe knows how you feel about her. Whether you’ve said the words or not, she knows. She sees it in you every day. She feels it in the way you touch her, the way you treat her like the fucking princess you do.”

I smiled. Kloe insisted she hated the way I took care of her, but I saw the love shining back at me every time I lifted her in my arms and carried her up the stairs, or the way she giggled when I dressed her every morning. She was too precious to be taken for granted. She’d changed my life in so many ways, and every morning I woke up beside her I felt my heart beat harder and my soul sigh with contentment.

Life had been cruel in every way, but Kloe showed me that it had all been worth it. Every minute I had been tortured, raped and mutilated had been leading me to this point, to the point where our scars came together and created a love so incredibly strong that some days it overwhelmed me with its intensity.

The door opened and a doctor strolled in. Both Robbie and I shot upright.

He gestured for us both to sit. His sombre expression made my gut tighten and I practically fell into the threadbare sofa.

“Mr Cain,” he started with a smile. “Congratulations. You have a healthy little boy.”

I couldn’t ever describe the feeling that filled me. Tears burst free with relief and excitement. Rob grinned at me, pulling me into a hug. “Congratulations, mate. I’m so fucking proud.”

“And my wife?”

The way his expression fell so quickly had my skin prickling with fear. He blinked, and sighed. “Unfortunately, Kloe suffered excessive blood loss, and her heart stopped during surgery.”

The air around me froze. All my organs failed me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t grasp his words as I said them over and over in my head, trying to make sense of them, and make them say something other than what they did.

“We managed to resuscitate her, but her brain was starved of oxygen for a long time.”

“What are you saying?” Robbie asked when I couldn’t.

“I’m afraid your wife slipped into a coma. I need to inform you that you should brace yourself for the worst. Her organs are failing, Mr Cain. Her body is shutting down.”

I stood staring at Kloe for an age. I couldn’t move further towards her. So many tubes entered and exited her body, machines beeped a rhythm that was already making my head ache, and the mass of flashing lights hurt my eyes.

A thin white sheet covered her body and she looked strange without her large belly.

Forcing myself forward, I took the chair beside her bed and slipped my hand into hers.

“Hey,” I whispered. “You did so well, little wolf. We have a healthy son.”

I gulped, willing her eyes to open, or for her fingers to twitch. For any sort of reaction from her to tell me that she heard me.

“We never chose a name; I need to know what to call him.”

The machines continued to beep, the lights continued to flash, and my wife continued to lay silent and still.

“Kloe.” I fought to control my emotions and shifted in the chair. My nose started running and I sniffed. “Please. I… Why is it suddenly so hard to talk to you? Open your eyes, baby. I need to see your eyes.”

I hated the tears that blistered my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop them. They were rampant and fast, torturing me.

“You’ve always been there,” I professed with a whisper. “We were best friends, Kloe, from the very beginning. Even when we were apart we were always with each other. We always found each other.”

I lifted her hand to my mouth, softly kissing the ridge of her knuckles. “What if I don’t find you again? What if you go up and I go down? What then? What if…”

I clamped my mouth closed, the pain that was tearing up my throat making it difficult to talk. Every fibre of me screamed in pain and I hissed when a forbidden sob tore from my lips, my despair vocal and loud.

“Kloe, please,” I begged, tightening my grip on her hand. “You promised me you’d never leave me. You promised. You always lie to me!” I yelled in devastation, my soul screaming alongside me. “Our son needs you. I need you, little wolf. I can’t… I can’t do this without you, without your love, and your smile, and your beautiful fucking eyes that find me every morning. I don’t ever want to wake up again if you’re not there beside me.”

The machines continued to beep, the lights continued to flash, and my wife continued to lay silent and still.

“I’m so sorry, for everything. I made it so hard. In the beginning. You have to know that I never wanted to hurt you, even when I caused you so much pain.”

I was babbling, trying to get everything out. But in the end, only one thing really mattered.

“The day you walked into my room at the hospital I knew you would change my life. I knew. I felt my soul reach out to you. I felt the beat of your heart inside me. I felt every bit of your courage, your strength, and your gentleness. You took my hand in yours that day, and you never let me go.”

The machines continued to beep, the lights continued to flash, and my wife continued to lay silent and still.

“You never mentioned the books I left you when you were in the basement.” I frowned at my own sudden recollection. “I knew you’d like them, because they were my favourites. Even as children, I bet you read to me. I know in my heart that you wiped my tears when I cried and you sang me a soft lullaby to make the pain go away. I feel that, Kloe, in the very centre of my heart.”

My heart wept and I clenched my teeth together when getting out the words became unbearable.

“You always watched over me, little wolf. And I hope to fucking God that you still will. Because I need you. Because if I think for one moment that you’re not here with me then I won’t be able to do this.”

My weeping became silent. My grief became silent. The beat of my heart became silent.

I felt it. Right then. I felt her, and I felt her love surround me. I felt her soul dance with mine, and I felt her pain cease.

I reached up and gently pressed my lips to her forehead, and I closed my eyes.

“I love you, my little wolf. I love you.”

My beautiful Kloe died three minutes later. And my soul died alongside her.

T
HE SMELL HIT ME AS
soon as I pushed the door open, and I grimaced. Mail littered the front door mat and I bent to pick it up, tossing it onto the small table.

The house was dark, all the curtains drawn, and Anderson’s grief making even the shadows conceal themselves.

I didn’t want to do this, but I had to. It had been four days. Four days of hell that I never wanted to relive again.

Red whined and lifted her head from Anderson’s lap as I slowly walked into the lounge. Her tail wagged once and then she went back to supervising her master.

Numerous whisky bottles were laid about, a couple smashed and the shards of glass crunching under my feet. The ashtray was overflowing and I looked around for any signs of food.

Anderson never acknowledged me. I wasn’t sure if he was comatose or not but he didn’t move.

Anger and grief was a dangerous combination, and I stopped a short distance from him. He was laid out on the sofa, his eyes open but unfocussed. He wore sweatpants and a vest. Days of dirt and vomit clung to the material like a second layer of clothing.

Pulling in a breath, I slowly released it and braced myself. “You need to get up.”

He didn’t move.

“Your little boy needs you, Anderson. He hasn’t even set his eyes on you yet.”

Silence.

So I fisted my hands, steadied myself, and said the one line guaranteed to get a reaction. “What would Kloe think of you?”

My back hit the wall so hard that I swore he had fractured my spine. My lungs squealed in shock when his grip on my throat restricted their deep pull of air. I jumped when his other hand punched a hole through the wall beside my head.

“Kloe – isn’t – here!” he spat. I’d never seen so much rage and hostility in him before. It poured from him like he sweated pure hate, disgust leaking from his pores in abundance.

“No, she isn’t,” I choked around his hold. “But she’s in that little boy who really needs his daddy right now.”

Anderson blinked, rearing back slightly with the shock of my words.

“She lives with you in that little package of love, Anderson. She died to give him life. That isn’t his fault. It isn’t yours either. But it is. And it fucking stinks. But it
is
!”

His teeth snapped together and he shook his head. “But… she’s dead because he’s alive.”

Expecting exactly that, I nodded. “Yeah. But then, you could also say Kloe’s dead because you’re alive.”

The sharp words from my tongue hurt me as much as they did my best friend. His eyes widened in horror.

“Ivan would have killed you all those months ago, Anderson. Kloe fixed it. You would have imploded in terror if she hadn’t taken your hand when you left the Dawson’s farmhouse. Kloe fixed you. After Terry took her, Kloe fought with everything to keep your son alive. You created that little boy as much as she did. She didn’t get pregnant alone, Anderson. He was in her womb because you put him there!”

My own anger was boiling over and I thrust my face into his, my spit making him blink.

“HE’S YOUR SON! YOUR BABY!”

His head shook as tears fell from him.

“And he’s Kloe’s baby. He holds her soul, her spirit, her blood and her fucking strength. And now it’s about time you found yours!”

I pushed at him, moving his sagging body from mine.

And I walked away.