Chains of Loss (14 page)

Please, Shadow.  PLEASE have the communications gear fixed.  This is targeted radio.  Come in, Shadow.

[-hundred million, thirty-four thousand, three hundred forty two bottles of—Derek?  How goes it?]

I need your help here.  Or, Mycah does.

[Who?]

The woman. 

[What?  I’m a little bit ineffective over here.]

She’s got cybernetics now, but she’s never had a Shadow. 

[You gave her cybernetics?  Do you have any idea of how much trouble that could have caused?]

I’m learning.  It almost killed her already.

Shadow whistled in his mind.  [You don’t half mess up when I leave you alone, do you?  Well, you’re right, she does need a Shadow.]

And we can’t grow one from scratch.

[Probably have the methods you’d need stuck there in your head.]

But no way to grow a new Shadow in the time we have available.  Her implants went online last night.  They’re fully active, but haven’t been calibrated.  I’ve given her some of the suit; she can’t even use it without almost killing herself.

[Well.  I’m not seeing a lot of alternative here.]  The computer paused.  [Online last night, eh?  What’s she like in bed?]

She has the most horrific nightmares…!

[Well, thank you SO much for finding my prospective offspring a peaceful new home!]

I’m sorry.

[But it does look like you’re right.  I’m not sure how much I can do about the nightmares, but we could probably work something out.  We’re really not supposed to do this, ever, but the circumstances are exceptional.  I’ll split off a clone.]

Thank God.  I’ve missed you.

[Hold up, friend.  She’s not going to serve as a dummy server for holding
ME
.  This clone will be a full copy of me, but it’s got to be
her
Shadow.  It will answer to
her
. It will be loyal to
her
.  Not to
you
.  Sure, you’ll be able to talk to it, but you have to keep in mind that
you
will not be its caster.  You’ll still be its old friend, but she’s its home.  Got it?]

I know. 
Derek felt a twinge of guilt.  Shadow was completely right; it was what Derek wanted to do, but it was wrong. 

[I just had to make sure.  Now I’m going to need to talk to her.]

Okay.  Give me a few seconds to patch her through.

[All right.  I’ll keep myself busy.]

Derek shifted into real time and turned to Mycah.  “Shadow’s okay with it, but he wants to talk to you first.”

She shrugged.  “Okay.  I’m listening.”

He reached for a place to start explaining the rush, decided that she wasn’t ready for it yet, and changed gears.  “I’ve got to pull you into a simulation, okay?  What you see there won’t be real.  You’ll be able to talk to him there.” 

“Okay.  Do I have to do anything?”

“Not really.  Well, you’re about to see some text, or hear some voices; just ignore it.  It’s a side effect of what I’m doing.”

“Not go crazy.  Got it.”

Derek quickly whipped up a simulation, then logged into her implant in order to bring her in.  If she’d had a proper Shadow, it would have kept him out; as it was, it triggered some automatic alarms, which Mycah dutifully ignored.  He didn’t spend much time creating the simulation; it was simply a copy of the place he was currently standing in. 

“Okay.  We’re in.”

She looked around and shrugged again.  “Where is he?”

“He – uh, hold on a second.”  He’d normally left simulations open to his Shadow by default.  The idea that he wouldn’t arrive unless Derek invited him just hadn’t occurred to him.  He reached out for contact again.

[-on the wall! Three hundred thous – oh, there you are again.]

Are you TRYING to make me glad that you’re not inside my head right now?

[May-be!]

Anyway, c’mon in.

Derek focused back on the simulation.  “All right, Mycah.  I’d like you to meet Shadow.”

***

Mycah looked around the simulation.  Nothing had changed; as far as she could tell, they were still standing by the ruined tree.  She glanced down at the ground; Derek was casting an entirely normal shadow.  She waited for something unusual to happen. 

A voice called out, “Hi there.  No, up here.”  She followed its voice and gaped.  The sun was talking to her.  It grinned.

Derek guffawed.  “Oh, stop that right now!”  He turned to her.  “Honestly, he’s without me for just a couple days and this is what he does to a friend?”

The sun’s face abruptly disappeared and a dark-haired man stepped out of nowhere.  “Hey, I’ve been locked up in that ship while you’ve been running around, having adventures and fighting orcs!  You gotta let me have some fun.”  He punched Derek on the shoulder.  The two looked like they could have been brothers.  Mycah shook her head. 

“Okay.  You’re a shadow?”  She pointed at the newcomer.

“Not just
a
shadow.  Derek’s Shadow.  That’s my name – or at least, what you should call me.  Derek gets to call me Shadow; you’ll get to call your own shadow that also.”

“Okay.  I thought you were going to be my shadow.”

“It’s more complicated than that.  I’m Derek’s Shadow.  I don’t want to change that; the poor kid would be lost without me.  No, the best way to summarize it is that the plan is currently for me to have a daughter, and for
her
to be your shadow.”

“You’re going to have a daughter – with who?”  She backed away a step; Derek hadn’t mentioned this part.

“Shadows don’t…oh boy.  This will take some time.”

“We probably can’t afford to stand around.  Especially if we’re not seeing what’s really here.” 

“What do you mean?”

“If they’re tracking us, every second we stand around is another second that they gain on us.”  She waved a hand at her surroundings.  “More, if this isn’t real, we’re looking at a dream while they could be sneaking up on us.”

“Okay, then.  I think I have a topic to start on.”  Derek’s Shadow looked reproachfully at Derek.  “You didn’t teach her about the rush?”  He turned back, not waiting for a response.  “Roughly every twelve minutes we spend in this simulation, a full second passes in the real world.  We’re just fine.”

“You can control the passage of time?” 

“No, we can control our
perception
of time.  In a simulation, you can move as fast as you can think – and you can think significantly faster here than you could elsewhere.  I can explain as needed.  So, as I was saying.  I’m not human; I look human in this simulation, but I’m actually a machine.”

Mycah noticed something odd as Derek’s Shadow spoke.  He didn’t actually breathe except when it was part of what he was saying; he might sigh, but he never stopped to inhale. 

“As a machine, I can create a copy of myself without help from anyone else.  I can entrust it to you, but you have to
understand what that means
first.  Your Shadow will live in your head, with you.  It will be there to help you think through things, remind you of things you forgot if it remembers them, point out things that you looked at but didn’t see, aid your coordination and grace—all sorts of things.  It will also regulate your cybernetics and other devices that Derek gives you; some of them, you won’t even be able to use without a Shadow.

“However, before I give you my daughter, I’m going to have to make sure you understand, because this is a problem that the early Shadows had when people first got them.  A Shadow is a separate
person
that just happens to be in your body with you
.  Most of the time, it’ll keep itself busy.  It won’t ask for much in exchange for all that it does; the ability to see what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel.  It’ll want the best for you; not just because it benefits if you’re happy and healthy, but because it wants to be your friend..  Be good to it, respect it, and it will be good back to you.  Okay?”

She thought she understood.  “Will it keep my secrets?”

“As much as I keep Derek’s.  If it’s important, and it understands how important it is to you, it will.  It won’t be able to root around in your memories or anything, either.  Anything you experience from here on out, it’ll be able to call up again at will, but nothing before.”

“And if we don’t get along?”

“It’ll try to adapt to what you want, as long as you’re being at least a little bit reasonable.  We’re really quite flexible that way.”  He winked.  “Many ways, actually.  Nobody’s ever completely rejected their Shadow – not even in the days before they started raising shadows with their partners.”

Mycah took a deep breath.  “What do
you
say, then?”

“Excuse me?”  Derek’s Shadow raised an eyebrow.

“I agree to abide by the terms you just stated, but I want to ask if you really think it’s a good idea,” she said.  “It seems so…I don’t even know what it seems.”

“Well, I wanted to get to meet you first.  My daughter’s going to know almost everything I do, so she’ll be a lot like me.  Think you could put up with someone like me hanging around?”

“Maybe.” 

“Sounds like a plan then!  Lemme get my furniture…just hold still, I have to crawl in through your ear.”

She backed up a step.  “You’re shitting me.”

“Why, I never!”

She turned to Derek.  “Is he always like this?” 

He shook his head.  “I think he’s gone a bit stir crazy.”

The machine smiled.  “A bit.  Just a little bit.  I’ve been cooped up in the ship for two whole days, and time doesn’t always mean the same thing to me that it does to you.  When this conversation is done, I’m going right back there, but my offspring stays with you.  I have plenty to read, but there’s only so much I can do.  I’ll find a way to amuse myself, but it
will not be easy
.”

“Why don’t you just drop to the same perception of time that we have?”

“I did that the minute after you left.  It doesn't really work that well for Shadows.  I’m just bored.”

“There are worse things than boredom.”  Mycah raised an eyebrow at the expression she received in response.  “What?”

“Worse things than boredom – for me?”

Mycah shrugged.  “Torture.”

“I don’t feel pain if I don’t want to.  You won’t either when you have a Shadow, by the way.”

“Okay then.  Hunger.”

“Ditto.  Less true for you; you’ll still need nourishment, but machines don't eat.”

“Fatigue?”

Derek’s Shadow grinned.  “What’s that?  We don’t sleep either.”

“Impending death?”

The machine quirked its eyebrows at her.  “Sounds exciting.”

“Politics.”

“And we’re back to boredom.”

She grimaced.  “Not always.”

“Okay.  Back to the point.  We’re in agreement then?  I should have a daughter?”

Derek nodded.  Mycah took a moment to consider.  Having a Shadow present in her mind scared her – but Derek seemed to consider it more than worthwhile, and how else would she control the fantastic things Derek had given her?  Those things could aid her immensely.

The thought occurred to her.  The Shadow would be a friend, tucked inside of her head.  One that could be kept safe – not just safe but
secret
– from the rest of the world.  A friend that might actually last. 

“I’ll do it.”

“Nothing you need to do, just sit tight a second.  Done.”

“What?”  She looked around.  “That’s all it took?”

“Pretty much.  Give it a few seconds to compile and…”

A person-shaped blot appeared in the simulation.  It started without detail, but quickly shifted into a bald, androgynous person with colorless eyes.  “Hello world!” it exclaimed in a completely flat voice.

“Uhm, pleased to meet – ”

Derek’s Shadow cut her off.  “Don’t bother yet.  That was more a tradition than a greeting; she’s not really conscious just now.”

“She…what’s going on?”

“She exists, but she has no personality yet.  Right now, she’s a collection of information that’s trying to make sense of itself.  Just like all of us, but more so.  She has many of my memories, but no experiences of her own.”