Challenges (11 page)

“It’s there because I’d finally managed to make myself understand he was right not to get involved with me,” I explained slowly, trying to get it clear for my own benefit as well. “Even forgetting about the virtual certainty that the testing authority will send him away if they find out about us, there’s still my father and that beast he wants me to marry, and that noble who all but promised to claim me. Putting someone you care about into the middle of all that makes no sense, so I can’t picture myself doing it. We’ll all be much better off if things go back to the way they were.”

“In other words, you’re chickening out.” Her tone was flat, with a lot of exasperation behind the comment. “The idea of a relationship has frightened you again, so you’re trying to back away from it a second time. The only trouble with making that decision is someone named Vallant. If you thought you had his interest before, you’d better think again. This time there won’t be any stopping him.”

“But that’s absolutely mindless!” I protested, finally turning to face her again. “He has to have
some
idea of what he’s putting himself in the middle of, and not caring just says he’s a fool. Am I supposed to get involved with a fool simply because he refuses to face reality?”

“I’d say you were the one refusing to face reality,” she stated bluntly, her hands calmly folded in her lap. “You’re attracted to Vallant and he’s attracted to you, and he’s determined to see if something can come of that. The only thing that stopped him earlier was the belief that you wanted something else. Now that he knows better, he’s properly ignoring the testing authority’s wants, your father and his friend’s wants, and that noble’s wants. The only wants which are relevant here are yours and Vallant’s, a reality
you
refuse to face. All the rest of it is a pile of excuses you’re trying to hide behind, but if you can’t see that yourself, there’s nothing I can say to make you believe it.”

It was rather a long speech that she’d made, and at the end of it she just sat there and glared at me. At first I didn’t know what to say in answer, then I finally decided on the truth.

“But he could be hurt,” I whispered, putting my greatest fear into words. “He’ll be in the middle of the entire mess, and if he’s hurt it will be all
my
fault. I’d die if that happened, Jovvi, I’d curl up and die.”

“No, you’d just want to,” she corrected gently as she stood and came over to put a comforting arm around my shoulders. “But I do understand what’s bothering you, and I really sympathize. What you have to make yourself understand is that the choice is Vallant’s, and there’s really nothing you can do to stop him. That leaves you nothing but the option of going along with it, which could turn out to be extremely pleasant. Vallant said to tell you that he’ll be looking for opportunities to get you alone.”

She chuckled at the immediate blush coloring my cheeks, gave me a hug while telling me it was time she left, and then she stepped out of the room again. I stood staring at the closed door for a number of minutes, my mind and body busy with reacting to the idea of Vallant’s getting me alone, and then another thought pushed its way through.

Jovvi had said that I had no choice but to accept Vallant’s decision, and that had triggered a relatively new process inside me. The process involved finding options whenever someone said I had no choice about something, and it had developed to counter what my parents told me. Now it had countered Jovvi’s pronouncement, and in a way I hadn’t expected.

“If I can’t protect him by refusing to associate with him, what if I do associate with him?” I murmured aloud, a wicked smile beginning to curve my lips. “Dom Ro may be the only one able to change his own mind, but what’s there to say I can’t give him a bit of unmentioned help? Then he’ll be safe again, and I’ll have some marvelous memories…”

And his being safe would make it all worthwhile. I’d be able to stand the loneliness if I knew he was safe and happy, so I couldn’t wait to start my brand new plan…

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Jovvi made it back to her bedchamber without being seen, and took a moment to breathe deeply while hating the need for all that sneaking around. But at least the requirements of secrecy were taking her mind off the devastating experience she’d had that morning. Not to mention the attention she’d had to give Tamma and her problem. It would be interesting to see how that worked out, especially since it had been fairly clear that Tamma wasn’t about to give up her worries.

And thinking about worries brought Jovvi back to her own. She’d spent a good part of the day trying to regain her balance, as there were things she’d seen at the trial that she knew she needed to think about. What had kept her from doing it was the fact that she had to replay the trial in her mind in order to consider what needed examining, and she wasn’t yet able to do that. The anguish and guilt were still too fresh and painful…

For the hundredth time Jovvi was forced to shy away from the too-vivid memories, and getting frustrated was simply making things worse. What she needed was another distraction, and the perfect one would also help her to sleep. To her mind that meant a relaxing soak in the bath house, something she’d meant to do earlier but had forgotten. Well, better late than never, everyone said…

It didn’t take long for Jovvi to change into a wrap, and it took the same amount of time for her to decide that she wanted none of the house’s multitude of spies to follow along and ruin her relaxation. So once she was ready to go, she sent her ability out ahead of her to make sure no one discovered her presence or destination. A maid in the midst of a late-evening chore was out in the hall, but the chore was quickly seen to so that the maid could go to her own room.

When the hall was empty again, Jovvi slipped out. No one hovered in corners or shadows or behind doors as she quietly descended the stairs, but a surprising number of servants were still up and about in the kitchen. Or perhaps the number wasn’t quite that surprising. People who needed information to sell to their secret patrons had to be available to gather that information when there was a chance it would occur, and most of the members of the soon-to-be Blending were awake. Spies get to go to bed only when the objects of their spying do, which more than served them right.

One of the male servants lurked in a deep shadow not far from the back door, but he might as well have been holding a stable lantern for all the good the shadow did in hiding him from Jovvi. She paused far enough away so that he had no idea she was there, and then took a moment to consider the situation. The man had apparently been at his post for quite some time, and seemed to have no intention of leaving it yet despite the discomfort which had not yet reached his conscious mind—

Jovvi smiled, realizing that that was her answer. Rather than standing there for hours waiting for the man to leave or finding a window to climb out of, she just had to encourage the growing discomfort of his body. He’d apparently brought a supply of tea along to keep him company during his vigil, and when tea wants to leave you it becomes rather insistent. Jovvi just had to focus his awareness on that insistence, and then let nature take its course.

As soon as the man had hurried off to relieve himself, Jovvi slipped outside and did her own hurrying toward the bath house. An intensive scan in all directions showed no one aware of her at all, which was exactly the way she wanted it. The door to the bath house opened easily in the dim colored light of the paper lanterns, and Jovvi stepped inside—only to discover that the place was already occupied. For a heart-stopping moment she thought it was Lorand, but he and Rion only looked alike physically. In their minds, the two men were completely different individuals.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Rion, I should have realized I’d be intruding on someone’s peace and quiet,” she said at once when he sat up abruptly from one of the bath’s head rests. “That servant waiting in the shadows near the back door… He must have been waiting to see if anyone came out secretly to join you.”

“And now
you
have,” he pointed out calmly, beginning to get to his feet. “Obviously the only thing I can do is leave at once, which ought to make him think we aren’t hatching any secret plots.”

“Even though we are,” Jovvi agreed with a smile as she gestured to him. “But don’t leave unless you really want to. The servant was forced to abandon his post for a moment or two, so he missed seeing me come out here. As far as he knows, you’re still alone.”

“You won’t mind if I stay?” Rion asked as he settled back to watch Jovvi walk over to the soap cabinet. “My presence won’t keep you from enjoying the water as well?”

“No, I’m used to bathing in mixed company,” Jovvi said, then turned back to him as she realized something. “Rion, you’re making progress again. You’ve noticed that men and women don’t usually bathe together, and I think you’re trying to understand why.”

“Yes, I am,” he acknowledged with a smile, one hand pushing back wetness from his dripping hair. “When I first got here, all I knew was that I was supposed to bathe alone. Being in a group changed
that
pretty quickly, and of course I noticed that you and Tamrissa didn’t bathe with the rest of us. I suppose I thought that was because you didn’t want to be crowded, but when I accidentally walked in on Warla a short while ago, I learned differently. She’d put up the occupied sign, and I simply hadn’t seen it.”

“Oh, dear,” Jovvi said as she slipped out of her wrap, leaving it on the bench near her slippers. “It’s terrible to laugh at something like that, especially with someone like Warla involved. But the girl could use some shaking up, which just might put some starch into her backbone.”

“There seemed to be plenty of starch all through her when she began to scream,” Rion told her ruefully. “At first I thought I’d gotten here just in time to save her from some horrible but invisible fate, and it took me a moment to realize that
I
was the horror. She made me turn my back before she would leave the water, and while she dressed she kept apologizing for having to blame me for intruding. That was one point I didn’t even try to understand.”

“I don’t blame you a bit,” Jovvi said with a laugh, aware of the way he looked straight at her as she entered the water. “I’d rather avoid it myself, although I’m usually not this much of a coward. It’s supposed to be my place to help people with emotional problems if I can, but right now I have too many of my own.”

“Which our … friends at the testing authority want you to have, according to Ro,” Rion said, leaning forward again. “Coll and Ro and I found a few moments of privacy during the afternoon, and he told us about the trial—as well as about that secret observer with Spirit magic. The man seemed completely taken in?”

“As far as I could tell, he was only able to see surface emotions,” Jovvi said, feeling the warm water begin to take the knots out of her muscles. “I had plenty of those at the time, and all of them were the sort those people were apparently trying to produce. I still have them, of course, but don’t intend to let them be as crippling as those people wanted them to be. When you know what people are about, you find it easier to meet their ploys.”

“Not always,” Rion said, a dark shadow passing over his mind as his gaze began to see something inward. “There are times you can actually watch what people are about, but it becomes impossible to figure out why—and what you can do about it. That’s something else I’ve recently learned, and I wish I hadn’t.”

“I’d say you need to talk about the situation,” Jovvi observed, heading for the side of the bath where she’d left her soap. “If you’ll hold on until I’ve washed, I’ll be more than happy to listen.”

“But you said yourself just now that you have enough of your own problems,” he protested in confusion. “How can I add to that without feeling that I’m taking advantage of a friend?”

“Actually, I’m in the process of learning something new myself,” Jovvi replied, turning to look at him. “I’m beginning to realize that if it weren’t for my friends’ willingness to share their feelings with me, I’d never be able to share mine with them. And then I’d be locked up all alone in my head with the horror I now feel, and nothing would be able to relieve it. It isn’t necessary for someone to be able to do something about your problem; very often it’s just their willingness to listen which helps.”

“You’re only just now learning that?” Rion asked with amusement obviously offered up for sharing. “I learned that myself days ago, only hadn’t realized I had. Go ahead and do your washing, and then we’ll exchange problems.”

Jovvi matched his smile before turning to her bath, which didn’t take very long. Once she’d pushed back her freshly clean hair with both hands to rid herself of dripping water, she moved to the rest area near Rion’s and slid down into it.

“Okay, I’m all ready to listen now,” she said, feeling the calm patience he’d been showing all along. “What is it that’s bothering you?”

“It … seems I’ve lost my lady, but not in the usual way,” he began, his former calm definitely rippling. “Tamrissa and Coll helped me to avoid Mother’s watchdogs so that I might go to see Naran in her new place of residence, and we had a marvelous time together. Afterward I left to come back here, but it occurred to me that I didn’t have to be here until morning. So I went back to the house where she’d been, only to find her—and all trace of her—gone. It was almost as though I’d imagined her, but I happen to know I didn’t. She should have been living in that house, but instead she’d disappeared.”

“Is it possible that your mother’s people found her?” Jovvi asked, hating to bring up the point but knowing it was necessary. “You might have been followed without your knowing it, and those people might have spirited her away.”

“I discovered I
was
followed, but not closely enough for them to know which house I went to,” Rion answered with a dismissive headshake. “The next day I was told they meant to find out, but Naran was gone by then. And not only were there no signs of a struggle in the empty house, the rooms we used had been tidied.”