Challenging Depression & Despair: A Medication-Free, Self-Help Programme That Will Change Your Life (29 page)

How can this be? Let us revisit the poor musophobic long before he (or more probably she) began to jump on chairs at the first sight of a tiny tail. When the child first encounters the mouse, she may feel a small surge of apprehension at something unusual or not understood. If she has been told by somebody else that mice are frightening, the experience is all the more likely to trigger thoughts of a mouse ‘threat’. Now, the child has two choices.

1
If she
goes
towards
the mouse and examines it, and is not harmed, her level of fear goes down. Initial apprehension may be replaced by curiosity, by fascination or even compassion, so that she wishes to see
other
mice and find out all about them.
 

2
But if she
runs away
, her initial apprehension will not have reduced at all. She will not have learned anything about the mouse. It will be unknown, mysterious, potentially harmful. She will have had a wholly negative, scary experience. Running away causes a feedback loop: ‘I must run faster, I am in danger, I may be chased.’ The heart beats louder, the pulse quickens, the thoughts race: ‘The peril is gaining on me, it is coming after me. I am really
frightened.’ The fear itself is extremely unpleasant, and grows more unpleasant the more it is experienced. The child wishes to avoid such fear in the future. And so the mouse threat grows. And with every avoidance, it grows worse and more terrifying.

DESENSITISATION

What exactly
is
desensitisation? It means progressive exposure to the thing that frightens you, and to the
fear
you experience, in order to master it. Members of the armed forces are trained by progressive exposure so that they become ‘seasoned’ or hardened. An agoraphobic, on the other hand, has trained himself to avoid exposure altogether, until he is afraid to venture outside the front door. Unlike the hardened soldier, the agoraphobic has used avoidance of fear as a life tactic. Normal tasks and challenges causing a little apprehension, instead of being accepted, are avoided because of the fear involved. But then that fear, because it has been avoided, becomes an unknown quantity. Its quantity might be very great. It might unhinge the mind or prove fatal – the agoraphobic simply doesn’t know. Apprehension therefore builds up about this fear, and the ability to cope with it. It attaches to all contact with the world that caused the original fear, and then to all actions leading up to that contact, and then to everything else, until finally the sufferer realises that he or she is completely disabled and asks for help.

One form of cognitive behavioural therapy that has been found effective in treating agoraphobics
is
desensitisation. Patients are asked by the therapist to grade their fear on a scale of one to ten as they try to perform certain tasks: going towards the door, grasping the door-handle, opening the door, and so on. They are asked to talk through their level of fear and observe it going up or down. Gradually they learn that they can cope with quite high levels and still go ahead with the task. And as they face and conquer these feelings, their levels of arousal go down. The patient becomes inured, or desensitised. He or she can then walk out of the front door like everybody else.

Fear as a source of terror

There are many examples of fears that induce fear. Take, for example, the man who is afraid of dental treatment. He has to have a tooth extracted, and the dentist tells him, ‘I can either give you a local anaesthetic to numb the area, or I can give you a general anaesthetic. The latter carries risks, and one of these unfortunately is death.’ The frightened patient thinks about his options, and then says: ‘Knock me out.’ Why? Because he is more afraid of his dental fear than he is of the risk of death under a general anaesthetic. Some dental practices now carry a sign warning of the risks of GA in dentistry and offer counselling to overcome dental chair terror. But some patients have extracted their own teeth rather than face their dentophobia.

GOING TOWARDS FEAR

All phobias gain their power from
being escaped from
. The more you run away, the less you wish to fight them another day. So if you want to reduce their power you must go towards, not run.
Going towards
triggers a
positive
feedback loop: ‘I may be nervous, but I am also courageous. I am curious. Let’s see what happens if I do this.’ Fear is replaced by a rush of adrenalin, by excitement and exhilaration because you have dared, and this means you are not a ‘cowerer in corners’, but a brave person. You are living in the moment, instead of fearing the past and the future.

Consider trying fear in safety

Horror movies are designed to offer you fear in safety. If you have never watched one, try it. Ask for advice from experienced horror-watchers and start with a fairly ‘tame’ one. Then if you enjoy it you can ‘build up’. Wes Craven, the director of
Nightmare on Elm Street,
put it like this: ‘People come out like just chattering and laughing and slapping each other on the back … enjoying themselves in some strange, wonderful, giddy way.’

PINNING DOWN YOUR FEARS

Even though you take challenges, you may still be afraid. But the more you go towards, the more that fear will reduce. You are turning and facing the mythical monster, and progressively robbing it of its power to frighten you. You may object that some phobias do not involve harmless stimuli like mice. Some concern stimuli with genuine danger attached. Yet even these fears, once examined, are often inaccurate or inappropriate. ‘Fear of heights’ is
really
fear of falling from heights. You can be high up and never fall. ‘Fear of school’ is
really
fear of repeating bad experiences that a child has had at school. ‘Fear of flying’ is
really
fear of crashing. You may fly hundreds of times and never crash, and so on. So it pays to examine exactly what you fear, and think of ways to reduce that fear rather than augment it.

TROUNCING FEAR: THE NATURE OF THE NINTH CHALLENGE

Your ninth challenge is therefore to confront something you yourself are afraid of.
Choose the fear you will trounce
. You are not
necessarily
going to hang-glide or free-fall out of a plane, but I have interviewed people who get enormous pleasure from these activities who were previously terrified of heights – one being former world hang-gliding and paragliding champion Judy Leden. Children instinctively plump for physical ‘dares’ because they provide such life-affirming buzzes. And West Lothian great grandmother Gean Hodsdon from Linlithgow finds extreme sports absolutely ‘her scene’. Gean celebrated her 90th birthday in March 2010 by going white-water rafting down the River Tay. Asked what she thought of it afterwards, she said it was OK but that ‘there were a lot of flat bits’.

You will appreciate the value of stepping outside your comfort zone by exploring the websites of the outdoor adventure organisations listed below.

Outdoor and adventure challenges

If you choose an outdoor or adventure challenge, here are some organisations that can help you. Go to their websites and feel the thrill:

The Institute for Outdoor Learning

Tel: 01228 564580; e-mail: [email protected]
Based in Carlisle, Cumbria, the Institute gives access to properly accredited and experienced training providers and professional development schemes.

The Outward Bound Trust

Tel: 020 7610 4218; website at: outwardboundtrust.org.uk
Since 1941 over a million young people have taken part in one of their outdoor activity schemes. They provide adventure holidays and personal development programmes to excite and motivate 11- to 24-year-olds as well as adult corporate programmes.  

The Duke of Edinburgh’s Award

Tel: 01753 727400; e-mail: [email protected] for regional offices
The youth charity has adventure and development programmes for young people between the ages of 14 and 24 who receive awards for completing four or five challenge sections. 

PSYCHOLOGICAL DARES

Your own chosen ‘fear to trounce’ may not be of any physical experience at all. It may be purely psychological. You may be petrified of speaking to your boss. You may be mortified and have to visit the toilet repeatedly at the thought of going to the dentist, or speaking in public, or going on a blind date. It is up to you to choose a fear that you wish to confront. But first, let’s understand properly what we are trying to achieve by looking at
other people’s
phobias.

Phobia List Exercise

Look through the list of phobias at the start of the chapter and devise a challenge for every phobia on the list. In each case:

•
Explain how to confront that particular fear.
 

•
Decide whether to set a gradual or sudden challenge.
 

•
What is to be thought through before the event?

•
What is the real level of danger?

•
How would you help the phobic to distinguish between the real danger and the threat perceived?
 

•
What would you tell the phobic to encourage (to give courage to) him or her?
 

Now choose your own fear and set out your own programme of progress towards fearlessness. Good luck, but do you know what? You won’t need it.

KEEP A RECORD OF YOUR CHALLENGE HERE

WHAT PANEL MEMBERS THOUGHT

Katey

‘My problem is I can’t afford to go on any adventure activities, but I did a scary dare. I went to a little zoo where they let you go in and handle the reptiles. I touched a chameleon which was quite rough and spiky, but the main, amazing thing was that I had a bloody great snake draped round my shoulders. It was amazingly heavy, but not slimy at all – which was the thing that horrified me before I actually did it. It kept looking at me and I suddenly thought: “You’re just an animal. You’re really beautiful.” Afterwards you feel quite calm about everything and what a wuss you’ve been for years and maybe you should try more things.’

Vaz

‘You finally threw me a curve this time. I couldn’t get out of this one as I’m quite capable of doing sports and outdoor things. I’ve just been a bit down and a bit lazy. Cut a very long story short, we went up to Derbyshire in my mate’s four-by-four with his two bikes on the back. We cycled round the area and we got round to going up the bottoms of a few slopes. He’s like a goat but I had to do it very gingerly. It was
great. Absolutely
. I know I can be a prick sometimes – it’s just a cover. If I’m honest, I want to do something better than I’ve been doing, going out and getting smashed with stupid superficial traders and falling flat on my face. I want to do something more valuable. I think now I will. You find out stuff by doing this stuff.’

Charlotte

‘I don’t like anybody seeing me even semi-dressed, but I’ve always wanted to go swimming as I used to when I was a kid and I loved the sea. So I thought: what can I do that’s halfway like the thing I really want to do? With swimming there’s nothing really. You either do it or don’t. So I bought this very nice costume, and even trying that on in the fitting room I was petrified in case anybody came in. I haven’t worn it yet. But now I’ve got it, it will play on my mind. Does that count? If it makes you excited it must do.’

Barbara

‘I had my teeth done! Since I was married I let my teeth go because I kept putting it at the bottom of the list like you do. Then when I did make an appointment I would cancel it. I took a friend with me this time and read the magazines and wouldn’t speak to her, but I thought: “If I walk out of here now I’m never going to do it.” I hated the needle but it lasted a couple of seconds and then you don’t feel a thing. We came out of there and I felt as if I’d fought my fear and won. Anyone else would probably think: how boring is that!’

Terry

‘I tried a couple of little challenges I won’t bore you with as they weren’t particularly scary – bad horror flicks, having a tattoo and such. People will probably think I’m a prat as I can’t afford it, but I’ve really always wanted to go up in a hot air balloon. I’ve got the leaflet. It’s expensive, so my new girlfriend bought me one of these pig money boxes as she says I could save on other things – by which no doubt she means my fag and drink money. She says if it takes me a month, or a couple of months, so what? And she’s got a point. Life is ******* short and you’re only here once. Why not go for it? So far I’m a third of the way up there.’