Chameleon Soul (Chequered Flag #1) (17 page)

Chapter

Twenty-Four

Teo

I lay in bed watching Raine sleep. She’d drifted off around half an hour ago and I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes and shut her angelic face out. We’d made love a further two times, neither of us realising nor caring that it was nearing two a.m. by the time we stopped. The first time had been hurried and over much too quickly. We’d both been lost to a frenzied need that had built up over the year. The next two rounds were slower. We took our time exploring each other’s bodies again, reconnecting, and drawing pleasure from each other. Raine had a sated smile when she started to drift off, and I imagined I looked the same.

Even asleep she still looked content. Her lips were curved at the corners and her face was free of any lines. Her hair hung loosely around her, folding under her chin and fanning out behind her.

Tentatively I reached over to swipe it back behind her ear. When she stirred and mumbled something unintelligible, I paused until her breathing settled again. I couldn’t help allowing my finger to linger on her jaw as I pulled back.

One of my favourite things to do when we were together originally was watch her sleep. Having her in my bed and looking so relaxed warmed my heart. It made me never want to leave the room and remain there forever with her. It was only now I had Raine again I realised how empty my life had become. There’d been no emotions other than a desperate need to forget with the women I’d fucked over the year. I’d used them, and they’d used me.

With Raine it felt completely different. It was all about her. Everything had always been about her. Even when I had been screwing others to distract myself it was because my mind refused to forget her.

Now that I had her back I refused to let her go again. I wanted to pleasure her in every way possible. And I didn’t just mean sexually, although that was near the top of my list. I wanted to give her everything, be the one to make her smile and laugh. I never wanted her to feel pain again.

I was watching her so intently I noticed the second her features changed. At first her eyebrows drew together into a frown then her mouth twisted. Gone were all signs of relaxation as she flipped onto her back. Her body started to convulse violently like she was having a seizure and the first strangled cry ripped from her throat. It was a million times worse than what I’d heard while at Dustin’s, having no walls to muffle the sound.

Her hands clawed at the duvet, pushing it off her and fighting with it.

“No, please, no.” Her voice filled with anguish and she sobbed in her sleep.

Like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my heart, it shattered into tiny fragments as I watched her struggle, unsure of what I should do. Never before had I felt so helpless.

I reached for her wrists, only realising they were shaking when mine were inches from her. As gently as possible, I moved to close my fingers around her, hoping to still her movements and prevent her from hurting herself.

The second my skin made contact with her, she ripped them violently from my grasp as if she was awake.

“Please don’t hurt me. I won’t say anything, just let me go.”

My heart clenched at her words.

“Raindrop, I need you to wake up. You’re having a nightmare,” I said, thinking it best not to touch her again.

She tossed and turned on the mattress. Beads of sweat were forming on her forehead and then a tear broke free from her closed eyes. It rolled down her cheek, reaching her ear before she bolted upright, her chest heaving.

She glanced around the room with wild eyes and slowly, so as not to startle her, I raised myself up until I was sitting behind her.

“Raindrop?” I kept my voice low, my tone cautious but placating. “It’s me, Teo. You had a nightmare, baby. You’re safe.”

I had to battle every instinct to reach out and touch her. Every fibre of my being itched to draw her into my arms, and I would have if I wasn’t afraid of hurting her further.

“Can I touch you, Raine?”

She turned her head to look at me through glazed eyes and I thought she was staring right through me until she whispered, “Teo?”

“It’s me, baby. I’m here.”

She threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck in a deathly grip. I wound my arms around her waist, keeping her tightly against my chest as her body began to tremble with sobs. Her tears coated my neck, only making me hold her tighter.

With one arm I fumbled for the switch on the bedside lamp. When it clicked on, I returned to holding her, allowing her to cry when I remembered what Nadine had done back in the factory on that first day.

It took an enormous amount of effort, but I managed to undo her grip and separate us so I could hold her at arm’s length. She fought me every step of the way, trying to claw her way back into my arms and bury her face in my neck.

“What colour are the walls, Raine?” Her body stilled in my arms, her shoulders and arms tensing beneath my touch as she focused on me.

“The walls, Raine. What colour are they?” I repeated, trying to mimic the clear and forceful tone Nadine had used.

“Cream.”

It came out in whisper.

“What colour are the sheets?”

She answered quicker this time, her eyes focusing on her surroundings more as they lost the dreamy glaze. “Blue.”

“What colour is your hair?” She raised a hand to touch a strand slowly, pulling it out in front of her to gaze at it like she was seeing for the first time.

“Brown.”

“What colour are my eyes, Raine?” She stared into my eyes, her gaze searching and pleading. It had the ball of emotions in my throat swelling and my heart wanting to burst with sympathy and agony. I’d have done anything in that moment. I wanted to save her from whatever demons were still haunting her.

“Brown,” she said finally around an exhale. Her body slumped as if she’d deflated so that only my grip held her up. Silent tears trickled down over her cheeks and I drew her back into my arms. Pulling her onto my lap, I cradled her against my chest, placing kisses on top of her head as I murmured reassuring words.

After a few minutes I felt her breathing calm and her body stopped trembling. She nestled her face into my chest like she couldn’t get close enough.

“I’m sorry.”

What could she have been apologising for?

“I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Raindrop. Why would you even think you have to apologise?”

“I ruined it.”

“You ruined what, baby?”

“Tonight. Everything was great, I was happy, we were together…” she took a shaky breath, “then this. Why now? I haven’t had an attack for a week. Why tonight? I ruined it.”

I leaned back enough to see her. “You didn’t ruin anything, baby.”

“I did.”

“You didn’t, I promise you. The only thing I’m worried about right now is you. Earlier was perfect and will remain perfect. And now I get to hold you all over again. Nothing’s changed, Raindrop.” I fell back gently, pulling her with me so she was tucked against my side and lying on top of my chest.

“I never wanted you to see me like that.” She ran a finger over my chest, drawing random patterns. It felt as if she was talking to herself more than me, lost to her own thoughts once more. Almost as if she was ashamed.

“Why not? I don’t think any less of you. All I want is to help.”

“How did you know about the colours?”

It wasn’t like I expected her to answer, but it would have been nice to know why she felt more comfortable with Dustin than with me.

“I heard Nadine when you were at the factory. I didn’t know if it would work, yet it was all I had. Dustin refused to let me see you last time; I had no idea what to do.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

“Stop apologising, there’s nothing to apologise for.”

She hummed, her movements becoming slower. Her breathing levelled out as we lay there in silence. There were plenty of questions I wanted to ask her. If anything there were more than I originally had, but I couldn’t bring myself to voice them. I didn’t want to upset her again so soon.

When I felt her body relax against mine I knew she’d fallen asleep again.

“Raine?” I whispered. She didn’t respond.

Reaching for the light as carefully as possible so as not to disturb her, I flicked the switch to immerse us in darkness once more. I knew sleep wouldn’t come easy after what I witnessed, even though I needed it, seeing as I was meant to be testing the upgrades on my car tomorrow, but that meant little in my mind. All of my thoughts were consumed with the images of sheer terror on Raine’s face as she was trapped inside her own head. I prayed she didn’t wake again, for her sake.

Chapter

Twenty-Five

Raine

I was sitting on the wall next to the Braxton test track with Mickey, watching Teo speed around the circuit. I don’t know how Teo managed to get me in considering everything about racing was so secretive, but somehow he had. I also couldn’t figure out how he could concentrate on so little sleep. Everything had been playing on my mind all morning: whether or not to tell him. Even though I pretended not to notice, I saw all of the disappointed glances when I cut myself off. Teo hid things well, yet I knew it bothered him. There was an underlying strain being put on us and the longer I left it the closer he got to the beginning the second half of the race calendar.

“He’s really on his game today,” I said, trying to break the ice. Mickey hadn’t shown much emotion towards me since I’d arrived. We’d gone through the usual greeting, although it was nothing like the relationship we used to have.

“Yeah, he’s been doing well.” He leaned on the wall, linking his fingers together to form a fist as he rested on his forearms. “We don’t want anything messing that up now.”

I bit down on my lip, fully aware of the implied meaning in his words. “You don’t need to worry about me, Mickey. I’m not going to mess things up for him.”

He peered at me out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve heard that before.”

I shifted uncomfortably on the wall, folding my legs up beneath me as Teo flew by in the car, the racing green and mass of sponsor logos a blur. I waited until the roar of the engine had faded slightly before I turned to him.

“I left him because I
didn’t
want to mess with his career, Mickey. He needed to board that plane and he wouldn’t have if he knew the truth. Hell, if he knew the truth it would have brought on a reaction that could have thrown him out of the sport entirely. You think I wanted to break things off? I love him, Mickey. I cut my own heart out to save his dreams.”

“Well, your plan failed. He went off the rails without you—he was losing, and he almost lost his contract. If the team hadn’t pulled his head out of his ass so he could start gaining the results he was capable of, he’d have been out. Was that your intention, Raine? Because he loved you too and you left him bleeding.”

He wasn’t the only one,
I thought and refrained from scoffing. Mickey knew nothing.

“Better than jail, right? Where would you be if that happened?”

“He has more control than that. You bolted without giving him a chance.”

“If he loved me like you say, then he would have stopped at nothing until the person who attacked me was in as much pain, if not worse, than I was lying in that hospital bed. You know that as well as I do. I made a choice for the both of us to protect him. I can’t say whether it would have worked out differently had I stayed, but I know Teo and look at where he is now. Are you
really
telling me, it didn’t work out well for him?”

I got no pleasure from the shock registering on Mickey’s face. If anything it made me feel guiltier for giving him more information than Teo had.

“Y-you were in hospital when you phoned him…because you were
attacked?
”

It didn’t sound like a question, more like Mickey was trying to come to terms with what I’d told him. I nodded anyway.

“Shit, Raine. What the hell were you thinking? We’d have all been there for you, every one of the guys.”

There had never been a second I doubted they would be there for me. When I spoke again I couldn’t meet his eyes. I gazed off into the distance, my voice sad. “I couldn’t let him give it all up for me, Mickey. He’d worked too hard to throw it away to look after me. I was broken when I got out. Still am. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d ruined his dreams because we both know he’d have chosen me. I needed Teo to win, so it wasn’t all for nothing.”

“What wasn’t all for nothing?”

“There’s a reason I was attacked, but Teo doesn’t know. I should tell him first.”

Mickey watched me warily. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You kept it from him for a reason in the first place.”

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“I need to be prepared, so yes.”

“I have no friggin’ idea if it’s a good idea or not, but he deserves to know and the bastard who attacked me deserves to be held accountable. I want to be with Teo, Mickey, and we can’t be together with this hanging over us. I’m not going anywhere, although I can’t promise how Teo will react.”

The only response I received was a curt nod, and seeing Teo coming in to park the car I clambered down off the wall to head back inside to wait for him.

“Raine,” Mickey called after me, and I turned with a questioning look. “Try not to hurt him again, all right? I don’t know if I can pull him back a second time. He’s not complete without you.”

I spun on my heels and headed back inside because I couldn’t give Mickey the answer he wanted. If there was a way I could relay the events without hurting Teo I’d have done it long ago.

Finding a seat in the canteen, I pulled out my phone to call Dustin. I hadn’t heard from him in a few days and we were seeing a lot less of each other because I stayed with Teo at least every other night. Usually he’d have been blowing up my phone, worried about me. I didn’t mind the lack of worry, but he’d been acting strange the last week, slowly backing out of my life and handing everything over to Teo.

I missed him.

When all I got was his answerphone, I left a quick message for him to call me and hung up. I had slid my phone back into my jeans when a shadow fell over me. I expected it to be Teo, so tilting my head up with a grin, I said, “You were great out…there …”

The words died on my lips when I realised it wasn’t Teo. Aston stood looming over me, an amused expression on his face. He leaned back against the bench I was on. Instinctively, I shuffled to the furthest end, sliding along the varnished wood until my back hit the wall.

“What d-do you w-want?” I hated that my words came out weak and with a stutter.

“Oh you know, just to catch up. How are things going with you? Have you enjoyed having your pictures across the nation? Your life would have been a lot easier had you listened to me.”

I’d come too far to let him ruin anything. I’d dealt with the press, Teo’s ex-flings, being put into the spotlight, and a handful of other things. Even if I’d broken down along the way things were becoming easier by the day and I refused to allow Aston to set me back.

“You’re sick. Have you ever thought of trying to win without resorting to cheating? There’s no glory in that. Everyone knows you’re a fraud.”

“Who gives a shit? I’m the one rolling in cash and you can’t prove anything, darlin’. No one can. That’s why I’m number one.”

I bit my tongue to keep my retort in. I wasn’t about to bait him into a fight; I hoped he’d get bored of me and disappear.

“Say, why did you never tell Coates what happened to you?”

“Like I was going to let
you
win. Even drugged up I was clear-minded enough to figure out your twisted plan. No way in hell would I allow you to force Teo’s hand.”

“So you broke up with him. It surprised me to hear that, to say the least. I honestly didn’t think you had it in you, but it all helped.”

I scoffed at the insinuation. “Yeah right. Had you not pushed Teo off the track he’d have won.”

Aston shrugged, unfazed by the accusation. “Are you ever going to tell him? I thought you’d have wanted to get back at me.”

“You’re really not worth it, Aston. Don’t flatter yourself by thinking I even pay you a speck of consideration throughout my life. I didn’t let you ruin Teo’s career then, and I’m not about to do it now.”

He inched closer to me on the bench, sliding along it until his leg almost touched mine. With nowhere to retreat, my heart started to beat wildly in my chest as he caged me in. I fought against the black spots that wanted to transport me back to that night.

When Aston leaned in, I held my breath.

“You do, Raine. Every time you try and blend in, every time you cry out in panic, you think of me. I’ve seen how you act, and I’m sorry I had to involve you. It was the only way.”

My breath caught in my throat, tears burning my eyes. I dug my nails into my palm, hard enough to form crescents. I hated proving him right.

“Answer me one question, though.”

“Why should I?” I didn’t want to be, but I was afraid of what he might do. He’d already crossed the boundaries into crazy.

“Humour me. How did you know it linked back to me?”

“Like I’d tell you that.” It wasn’t elaborate; his guys had simply left me lying there, thinking I was unconscious, and mentioned his name. Regardless, I wasn’t going to fill Aston in, and at my refusal he leaned in closer until I could feel his breath on my skin. I bit down on my lip to prevent it from trembling. Fortunately, before he could say or do anything, Teo entered the room.

“What the fuck are you doing, Hattersey?” Teo’s voice echoed around the deserted room, his footsteps squeaking on the tiled floor. His whole body was tensed, his fists balled at his side as he strode towards us with determined strides. He walked straight past Aston to me, leaning down to press his lips possessively against mine. All I could focus on was praying Aston wasn’t about do something stupid.

“Catching up with your girl.”

Teo glanced between us. “Why would you have to catch up with her? All you’ve done is made her life hell.”

Teo didn’t know how correct he was with that statement. And the dangerous glint in Aston’s eyes worried me.

“It’s nothing, Teo. He’s being the usual asshole he was born to be.” I stood, linking my fingers with his and prepared myself to leave.

“Think of it as making your relationship stronger, Coates. Without me you’d have nothing to fight for.”

I ignored Aston and pulled on Teo’s hand to get his attention. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.” Teo draped his arm across my shoulders and when he began leading me towards the door, I breathed a sigh of relief.

It was premature.

“Wait a second, Coates. Don’t you want to know the real reason Raine left you last year?”

Teo’s steps froze instantly and my heart turned to ice. All of the blood in my veins froze, paralysing me on the spot.

Don’t do this, don’t say it,
I chanted ritually, even though it did little good. Aston had no boundaries.

“Not if it’s coming from you I don’t,” Teo said over his shoulder and resumed his steps, half pushing me towards the door when I couldn’t get my feet in gear.

“She was stabbed on the way to your flat, Coates. She was jumped by four guys who pulled her into an alleyway and attacked her. She was lying in a hospital bed and fighting for her life when she called you. Your brother was the one who gave her the phone, enabling her to do it.”

Teo hissed, sucking in a sharp breath as if Aston had dealt a physical blow. He stopped, but didn’t turn. “Why should I believe you?”

“You know it makes sense if you think about it. The stupid bitch wasn’t meant to leave you, though. You were supposed to be by her side, not forced onto a plane.”

I tightened my grip on Teo’s hand. It would be nowhere near enough to stop him if he wanted to go for Aston, who was deliberately goading him, wanting him to lose it. After a year he could still use what happened to mess with us. Wasn’t it enough that I had permanent scars, not to mention the damage it had done mentally?

“What the fuck did you just say?” Teo forced out through gritted teeth, the anger flowing off him as he rounded on Aston, who had been smirking at his back.