Chance (5 page)

“Alright,” he shrugged.
“You don’t have to. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. It was just an
idea.”

Despite his words, she
could see he felt differently. It was obvious he was hurt by her reluctance. He
looked so wounded. Charlotte felt simply awful. She wanted to make him happy.
She hated seeing him upset or hurting, and knowing it was because of her made
her feel even worse.

Sadly, the afterglow of
their lovemaking was soured by her rejection.

Logan removed his arm
from around her shoulders and got up out of the bed, heading off out of the
room without saying a word. Initially, she’d assumed he was going to the
bathroom and he’d be back soon. However, when after ten minutes, he still
hadn’t returned, she got up to find him. She reached for her dressing gown,
throwing it on over her naked body as she crept out into the hallway.

“Logan?” She knocked on
the closed, bathroom door. There was no answer. “Logan, are you in there?” She
turned the handle slowly and pushed open the door, discovering it was empty.

Baffled by Logan's
absence, she padded softly down the stairs to find him huddled on the living
room sofa in the dark. He was hugging his knees to his chest. It was such an
unexpected, gloomy and peculiar sight. The normally strong, confident, suave
Logan was reduced to looking like a sad little boy.

“Logan?” she said, as she
walked toward him and sat on the arm of the couch close to him. “Are you okay?
What’s the matter?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled.
He got up when he saw her and then moved away, through to the kitchen. He
returned with his coat on and started heading toward the front door.

“I'll see you later,” he
added.

“Wait, you’re going? Now?”
she stood up and faced him, confused. “You’re not going to stay the night with
me?”

“Not really much point,
is there?” he answered coolly, swinging open the door, stepping out into the
hallway and slamming it closed behind him, without even saying goodbye.

Charlotte remained in the
same spot for many moments, just staring blankly into the empty space where
Logan had just been. She was at a complete loss, confused; she wondered what
she’d done to make him react as he did. Of course, she knew deep down. His
reaction could only be about her not agreeing to move in with him. Apparently,
he'd felt rejected by her reluctance to commit to move in with him immediately,
upon his request.

Upset and even a little
angry by the turn of events, Charlotte hurried back up the steps to her bedroom.
She was really looking forward to spending the night with Logan. She was more
than a little disappointed he left, especially the way he'd left. So, she
cuddled up in the duvet on her own. She could still smell him on the linens, as
her eyes stung with tears.

The next day at work, she
was extremely distracted and unable to concentrate. Her mind was elsewhere. She
kept running through her conversation with Logan, from the previous night. She
kept wondering what it would be like to live with him. Why was she so nervous
about taking that step?

Charlotte considered
calling friends to ask for their opinions and advice, but she hadn’t spoken to
any of them in weeks. She felt isolated, out the loop, after so much time. She
didn’t really connect too well with anyone at work, either. She got along with everyone
perfectly fine, but there was nobody who she felt close to; no one she felt she
could confide in and talk to about any of this. It was too personal.

She'd expected him to
call her in the morning to make sure she’d gotten into the office all right, as
he did every morning. Today, he didn’t. She was disappointed. Then she looked
forward to his call at lunchtime to see what she was doing, like every other workday.
Again, he didn’t. She fell deeper into sadness and disappointment. When it was
four o'clock in the afternoon, and he still hadn’t called, she became even more
upset.

Charlotte began to realize
exactly what Logan had been talking about; the need that he had to be with her
and to stay in touch with her. The need to be in contact. She was surprised by
how much she'd longed to be with him, last night and all day today. She missed
him—very much. She couldn't believe how much of a void was left when he wasn't
around. She hadn't realized how big a part of each day he'd been for her.

After only a little more
than a month of having him in her life, they'd become so close. They'd spent so
much time together, seeing each other in person as well as talking throughout every
day during his many phone calls. It felt strange and empty NOT to hear his
voice. She hated realizing she couldn't look forward to seeing him tonight, not
for certain, and not the way they'd left things between them. She wanted to see
him. She ached to hear his voice and to touch him.

Everything was made much worse
by how things were left last night. It wasn't as if he left cheerfully after he
said goodbye and kissed her. He'd left hurt and upset. She'd felt sad, guilty,
pressured and angry, all at the same time. Her feelings had morphed since last
night. Now she missed him terribly and felt empty, and worried she might lose
him. He meant so much to her. She yearned to be with him again, to be the way
it had been just a matter of hours before, before he asked her to move in with
her. Before she'd rejected him.

Just before the end of
her workday, Charlotte's boss knocked on her office door. He simply stood there
in her doorway, looking at her expectantly. She gave him a blank stare in
return, not understanding what he was doing or why he was there.

“Hi, Boss,” she said with
a small smile. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes, you can,” he
answered. “You can give me the spread that you were supposed to give me by
lunchtime.”

Oh God…oh no! What
have I done? I forgot all about my assignment! Shit! I fucked up royally. I let
my boss down.

 Her mind spun in a
whirlwind, panic gripped her stomach as she realized how much she’d messed up.
She’d been so caught up in pining over and thinking about Logan all day, she’d
completely forgotten about an important deadline, a job she'd had to do that
day. She’d just been staring at her computer, barely managing to get through
menial tasks, neglecting her deadline. She shook her head, wincing, feeling
awful.

“I'm terribly sorry. I’ll
get it to you within the hour,” she promised her boss. “I’ll stay late and
finish it. I promise.”

He gave her a
disappointed look and then walked out, leaving her to her new deadline. She
sagged in her seat, internally chastising herself. This was ridiculous. Look at
all of her angst. Look at how she'd allowed her inner turmoil to screw up her
job—all because of a man! She’d never been like this over anyone before, never
even close to this. Surely, this must mean she did love Logan. Here she was
feeling lovesick, feeling as if her heart were broken, fearing she'd lost him.

She picked up the office
phone and dialed Logan’s number. She knew it by heart. She needed to speak with
him and get this squared away. She needed to get it out of her system and off
of her mind so she could get back to work and focus on what needed to be done.
The last thing she wanted to do was to upset her boss and end up losing her job,
simply because she was acting like a stupid teenager with an obsessive crush.

Logan finally answered after
five rings. He normally answered after two. She wondered whether he'd done that
on purpose, just to make her wait. It may have been a coincidence. Was he busy?
A part of her had dreaded the possibility he might not answer at all; he might
not want to see her again. Then what would she do?

“Charlotte,” his calm,
deep voice over the other end of the line made her stomach flip. Her tense
shoulders immediately dropped as she relaxed slightly. However, her chest was
still tight with nerves; her stomach tied in knots. She was extremely fearful
of what he might say.

“You…um…you didn’t call
me today,” she said cautiously.

“I’ve been busy,” he said
immediately.

There was a pause, a
heavy silence between the two of them. They never had awkward silences. Their interactions
had always been so easy and natural. She wasn’t sure who should speak first,
but it seemed as though Logan was waiting for her to say something. She
couldn’t stand the weird tension between them. It made her feel sick; not to
mention the way it had been affecting her work and her mind, in general.

“I was…I was thinking
about what you asked me last night,” she began, biting her lip nervously.

She waited for him to
speak, but once again, he said nothing.

“So…um…maybe it wouldn’t
be too bad if we moved in together.”

“Wouldn’t be
too bad
?”
he repeated her choice of words, sounding unimpressed.

“Well, I mean, it could
be good,” she corrected. “I think it would be very good. I’d like to try that.”

“That’s better,” he
replied. She could hear an immediate change in his tone. It was lighter,
happier; she could practically hear him smiling.

In an instant, she felt
happier, as well. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her. She
couldn’t understand why she’d been so apprehensive in the first place. If she’d
just said ‘yes’ last night, none of this would've happened. She wouldn’t have
had to deal with the stress and the worry of it; she wouldn’t have craved his
phone calls and the sound of his voice; she wouldn’t have missed her deadline
and upset her boss. She felt like such an idiot.

“I’m so sorry, Logan,”
she found herself apologizing. “I never wanted to hurt you. I was just nervous,
I suppose. I’d never told anyone I loved them before. I've never lived with
anyone before. This is all just so new for me. It's new and scary. I missed you
terribly today.”

“You’re going to love
it,” he assured her. “We’ll be able to spend more time together. We'll sleep
together every night; cuddle up with each other all of the time. It’ll be
perfect. I’ll even be able to cook dinner for you when you come home from
work.”

“You can cook?” She asked,
surprised about that tidbit of information.

“Of course, I can cook.
I’m a brilliant cook.”

“I'd imagine you are. I
think you'd be brilliant at anything you set your heart to do.”

“I’ll pick you up in ten
minutes and we’ll move your things into my house.”

“Ah…” She hesitated,
hating to let him down again, but knowing she couldn’t just walk out the
office.

“What's wrong? You’re
finishing up for the day,” he asked, sounding a bit tense again.

“I can't tonight do it
tonight,” she explained. “I…um…I got behind on some work and I have to stay and
finish it. I’m sorry, Logan. I want to see you tonight.”

“Oh…” He sounded disappointed.

“I’ll be done in about an
hour or so, hopefully. I’ll call you then, okay?”
He was silent for a long moment and she felt butterflies take flight in
her tummy again, as she waited for his response.

 “Fine,” he said and swiftly
hung up without saying goodbye.

She was a bit put out by the
abrupt way he'd hung up, but she tried to shrug it off. They’d made amends and
everything was fine.

Wow, she was going to move
in with Logan. She felt a small thrill of excitement course through her body.
This was new territory for her, a new chapter in her life.

Charlotte made herself a
quick cup of coffee to try to turn her mind around so she could finish the
magazine spread. She found it so much easier to concentrate, now that the drama
in her mind and her life had been dealt with.

Later that evening, she'd
met up with Logan, as arranged. He picked her up from work in a van. He’d rented
it specifically so she could move everything out of her apartment and into his
house. It was all happening so quickly, she was amazed.

As he steered them
through the evening traffic, she realized she didn’t even know he could drive. She'd
never really thought about that before. Logan had always met her at her office
or apartment. They always walked or took taxicabs wherever they went.

Charlotte thought about how
she was moving in with him without ever having seen or been to his home. She hadn’t
met any of his family or friends. What she didn't know about Logan greatly outweighed
all that she knew. Although she was looking forward to sampling Logan’s 'brilliant'
cooking, it reminded her she really knew very little about him.

She'd never realized it
before, but Logan very rarely talked about himself. All of their conversations
focused on her or on them: their relationship, their future, their plans for
the weekend or the evening out. Whenever she'd tried to turn a conversation around
and ask him any questions about himself, either he'd give her vague, mysterious
answers or he'd simply change the subject.

A part of Charlotte quite
liked that about Logan. It seemed to make things more exciting, adding to his
alluring air of mystery. She didn’t even know what he did for a living. She’d
tried to ask him on a couple of occasions, especially when he’d mentioned work—perhaps
telling her he had to be up early or apologizing for being late because
something came up with his job.

“What is it that you
actually do?” she'd ask.

He'd invariably reply, “Oh,
it’s very boring and complicated. It's not worth talking about,” or something
along those lines, then he'd give a little laugh and quickly change the
subject.

She assumed since they'd
be living together, she'd find out more about him. After all, she’d be there
when he left for work and when he came home. She'd see how he dressed when he left,
whether he carried a briefcase or any papers. Even if he chose to continue not
to tell her anything—which was his right—she might be able to make an educated
guess, based on her observations.

They couldn’t move all of
her things in one night. There was too much and she hadn’t been prepared, so
nothing was packed or organized. All of her clothes, kitchenware, bits and
pieces were still all over the place. Logan helped a little by putting things
into boxes and suitcases for her. Most of the time, he just stood by, sipping
on the beer she’d kept in her fridge for him. He also ordered her around in
that casual, laid back manner of his.

He'd say things like, “It’d
be better if you put the cups and the dishes together,” he told her lazily. “That
way, it'll be easier to unpack," and, "Maybe you should do your
clothes next.”

She didn’t mind him being
the director of operations. It had been a long time since she’d moved and she
didn’t have a clue where to begin. Sometimes it made things easier if one
person was in charge.

By ten o’clock, Logan was
bored and Charlotte was physically exhausted. They'd loaded up the van with
what she’d managed to pack so far. It was only about one quarter of her
belongings. Then they headed over to Logan’s house. This was the first time
she’d ever been there.

He lived in a very nice
area of Chicago, on a long residential street with wide pavements and large
front gardens. All of the homes were big and modern, so she knew his job must
pay well to afford to live in a place like this.

When they pulled into his
driveway, she gaped in amazement. It was a magnificent double story home on at
least half an acre, set well back from the road. It was protected by a tall
brick and wrought iron fence. As the automatic wrought iron gates slid open silently,
she turned to him.

“Oh my goodness! This is
beautiful! How much does this cost you to rent?” she blurted out without
thinking.

“I don’t rent it,
sweetheart,” he laughed. “I own it.”

Her eyes widened in
amazement. She'd a fairly decent job, yet she could only afford to rent her
apartment; her dream of owning her own home had to be put on the back burner,
in favor of establishing a more successful career and working her way up the
ladder. Now, she had to admit she was utterly fascinated about his job. She
wanted to know what he did to earn so much money. She bit her tongue, knowing how
much he hated her asking.