Authors: Luke Young
Tags: #Humorous, #Time Travel, #Literature & Fiction, #Romantic Comedy, #Satire, #American, #General Humor, #Humor & Satire, #Romance
"Two
is
good."
We look at one another, our lips quivering as we both hold back our laughter.
I say, "Jesus, last week the most intimate conversation we had was about how we can't stand Vinny next door and now we're talking about the size of my balls."
"And the number," she announces, proudly.
"Yep, maybe I'll share some other important super-personal facts about myself a little later on."
"I hope so."
I narrow my eyes. "Wait, when did you realize I was, you know, naked in here?"
"I saw you standing on the edge of the pool."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"So you were spying on me?"
"Kinda, I'm very bored over there."
"Uh-huh. So you basically came over to embarrass me?"
"Basically." Rising up, she stands at the edge of the pool. "Do you mind if I join you?"
"Yes, I mean, um, no, not at all." I'm staring directly at her firm, young body with my heart beating out of my chest. I'm not sure if it's still beating this way from the laps or from her. Nina crosses her arms, and pulls the straps down on either side of her suit exposing her breasts. My jaw drops. She pushes the suit lower down to her waist then bends over as she shimmies it past her hips down her legs and stands upright. Unblinkingly, my eyes take in all of her. I remind myself to breathe and now I'm sure it’s not the laps that are causing my pulse to race.
"Is it cold?" She asks.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out so I shake my head no like a moron. Smiling, she dives in, goes fully underwater swimming to the far side of the pool, with her cute little ass poking out of the water as she does it. I can't tear my eyes from her. She turns, pushing off the wall and swims toward me. She stops three feet away and bounces up and down in the water in front of me with her full breasts glimmering in the moon light. "I've never done this before."
"What?"
"Skinny dip."
"Oh, yeah skinny dip," I reply desperately trying to mask my disappointment that she didn’t say something a little different. "It feels pretty good, right?"
"It does." Bringing a finger to her lips, she nibbles on it briefly then says. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Do you think I'm sexy?"
I scoff. "You're kidding, right?"
"No, I don't think Tom thinks I'm sexy anymore."
"You've got to be kidding. I haven't blinked since you took off your suit. Actually, no since I saw you sitting on the edge of the pool."
Shaking her head, she gives me a weak smile. "Thanks." Her lip quivers as a tear falls from her eye and she turns away.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"He cheated."
"Tom cheated on you?"
"Yes, on some business trip last summer with this woman from work."
"He told you this?"
She turns back to me. "He admitted it after I found a text message from her."
"Shit."
"Yeah, shit." She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. "I've never cheated on him."
"It must have been some kind of temporary insanity thing. I mean, look at you. I'm sure he would never do it again."
"Oh, he begged me to stay with him and promised me it would never happen again, but I just can't get past it."
"I'm sure it meant nothing. It was just sex. Sex makes people do crazy things. Look at Jodi Arias and that crazy bitch from Georgia."
"Yeah, I guess, but..." Her words trail off as she turns away from me in the water.
"You love him, right?"
"I think I still do."
"You guys will get past this. I'm sure." I ask hopefully, "You guys do a lot of things together, right? Like, watch TV, workout, or—"
"No."
"Oh, well, maybe you could start. You should develop a common interest. Like take a dance class or something, maybe, uh, square dancing."
She wipes a tear from her eye and chuckles. "You think we should square dance?"
Shrugging my shoulders, I say, "Doesn't have to be dancing."
"You're cute."
I look away from her. "No, I'm an old man."
"No, you're cute." Gently taking hold of my face with her hands, she directs my eyes to hers. "And sexy too."
"Really, I, uh—"
Suddenly her lips are on mine, softly at first then as the heat rises between us I move to her, wrapping my arms around her. I can feel her breasts pressing against my chest and my erection poking against her belly. Her hands slide down my body to my hips and she pulls me closer still. I slide my tongue between her lips and kiss her more deeply.
I pull away slightly from her and gasp. "Wait, you're gorgeous. This is... you, don't want to do this. You'll regret it."
"I do." Nodding her head, she looks deep into my eyes with her lips parted. "I need to do this."
"As much as I'd like to do this. I mean, I really, really want to do this." I blink a few times just to be sure I'm not sleeping. "In fact, I think I already came twice."
Chuckling, she runs a hand over my chest gazing at my neck. "I hope not."
"Don't you think it's probably a bad idea?"
She shakes her head no and presses her lips to mine. Panting, I make some sort of gurgling sound as I wrap my arms around her and scoop her up under her thighs as she wraps her legs around me. Lifting her higher, I kiss her breast, wildly searching for her nipple until I finally find it sucking it inside my mouth.
She gasps, wrapping her arms around my head and pulling me closer. I hear what sounds like a whimper and pull away from her, catching another tear sliding down her face.
"No, don't stop."
Gasping for breath, I rub my hands over my face wiping the pool water from my eyes. "I'm not used to crying before I sleep with a woman, usually they have the courtesy to wait until after I'm done."
She wipes her eye as she holds back a chuckle. "I'm sorry."
"You're going to hate yourself... and me if we do this."
"I don't want to think, I just want to do it." She reaches her hand out to touch me.
"Wait..." I move away from her and head to the edge of the pool. "Let's just take a minute."
"Yeah, okay." She brushes the wet hair from her face.
We're staring at each other standing still in that amazing warm water, under that damn romantic moonlight. Gazing at her breasts, which look incredible and appear to be floating on the surface of the pool, I swallow hard. "I think we—"
"Ben?" A loud voice calls from the patio area pulling me back to reality.
Turning, I see Emily rushing over and she's not happy. "Nina, is that you?"
"Hi, uh, Emily." Nina says as she dips down lower in the pool hiding her nakedness.
"We're just going for a swim," I say with as much confidence as I can muster.
"Are you guys naked?" Emily asks, horrified.
"Well, technically we are, but that's just because I didn't have my suit when I decided to get in the pool," I explain as Emily stands there with her hands on her hips wearing an incredulous expression.
"Uh-huh."
I point to Nina. "She came by later. I was already doing laps and she…"
Nina shrugs. "Yeah, I was just. I saw him in the pool and—"
"Hold on," I interrupt. "If I remember correctly, didn't you leave me and if I want to have a friend over, I'm pretty sure that's okay. We're separated, right?"
"Do you really consider
having
a
friend over
…" Emily begins drawing imaginary quote marks in the air. "…to mean swimming naked with our married neighbor?" Cringing with her head tilted and her hands raised, she waits for a response.
"Well, I…" I glance to Nina seemingly for help, but she returns another shrug before I continue sheepishly, "I think that I can have someone over in the pool if I want."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah." Nodding confidently, I say with more authority, "And whether or not they happen to be wearing a bathing suit is none of your business."
"Uh-huh."
"What the hell are you doing back here anyway?"
"I can't spend one more minute with my parents."
"I think I should go," Nina says.
"Oh, no, Nina don't leave on my account," Emily snaps back, her words dripping with sarcasm. Turning her wrath on me, she continues, "And Ben, why don't you stop in so we can talk after your
friend
leaves."
Without waiting for a reply, Emily turns and marches toward the house. Once she slides the door closed, punctuated with a loud slam, I turn to Nina with my eyebrows raised. "This was fun."
"You don't have any guns in the house do you?" Nina asks as we both make our way to the steps of the pool.
"No."
"Good. I think I'm going to go."
"Okay." I steal one last dreamy look at Nina's naked body before she wraps a towel around herself covering up all the good stuff. "Sorry about all that."
"No, it's my fault." After picking up her bathing suit from the pool deck, she heads toward the gate.
I enter the house wearing my shorts and T-shirt which are mostly damp now that I slipped them on without the benefit of drying off with a towel. I find Emily sitting in the great room on the sofa with her feet pulled up alongside of her. Frowning, she makes a noise like I sicken her. "Did your little friend go home?"
"Yes." I sigh.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Skinny dipping with Nina… What's next? Am I going to find you smoking meth with Mr. Jenkins?"
Sighing, I don't bother to respond. After ten awkward seconds of us avoiding eye contact, I ask, "So what's wrong with your parents' house?"
"Oh…" She rolls her eyes. "They constantly fight."
"You mean like this?" I motion between the two of us with my finger.
She ignores my gesture and plows ahead. "The air conditioning is set at like sixty and when my father isn't pooping, he's crunching on pretzels. My mother… she's constantly complaining about one health problem after another. I just can't take it. I can't."
"So…"
"So I want you to move out."
"You're kidding."
"I'm not. I was going to let you stay one more night, but not after you embarrassed me in front of the entire neighborhood."
"What?"
"You're having sex with Nina in the backyard and now I'm the laughing stock of—"
"I was not having sex with her." I plop down on the sofa across from her. "And no one can even see back there."
"I saw you kissing her."
"She started it," I say.
"Okay? And where the hell is Tom?"
"On a business trip."
"Have you been having an affair with her?"
"Noaaa," Shaking my head, I explain, "She said Tom cheated on her and she was just feeling—"
"Okay, yeah, that makes sense." Nodding, she shoots me a superior look.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No, say it." I fold my arms and glare at her. "Go ahead."
"She's just using you."
"You mean no woman could possibly be attracted to me."
"Well not a young woman like that."
"She
is
attracted to me."
"Okay, all right." She humors me with a smile before looking away.
"She wanted me." Nodding my head, I motion to myself up and down. "She said I'm in better shape than Tom."
She scoffs.
"And you know what… it feels good to know someone is attracted to me. I haven't been in touch with that emotion since, since… I can't even remember when."
"You're crazy. I was attracted to you."
"Yeah. Okay, you really showed me how much."
"I always did."
"I never stopped being attracted to you. Even when you put on that weight, I was still—"
She shoots me an evil glare and I shut the hell up. "Are you calling me fat?"
"No, but we, you know, promised we would stay in shape for each other."
"You bastard. I've been through so much and now you have the nerve to criticize my body."
"I wasn't." I sigh, exhausted.
"Damien thinks I look good." She lifts her nose in the air.
"Well maybe you can screw him now. He can deliver his sperm donation… personally! You've always wanted him to."
Her jaw falls open. "I want you out now."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
Cringing, she gives me a pathetic look. "Okay, that's it, use foul language Mr. Cool."
"I think if ever an occasion called for…" I mimic her air quote marks, wearing a snooty expression. "…
foul language
, this is fucking it."