Chances Aren't (9 page)

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… you like that?" She fires back at me while shifting her head from side to side. "Now I'm as cool as you."

I shoot her a look like she's out of her mind. "Great, you can say it, but maybe you should try doing it a little more then you wouldn't be such a miserable person." Raising my eyebrows I wait for her response.

"Yeah, okay, whatever…" She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Anyway, I spoke to a lawyer today and in order for us to get divorced we need to live separately for twelve months. The clock starts over every time we spend the night in the same place and I want this over as soon as possible, so I want you to go… now."

"Fine. I'll go."

"Good."

Heading to the kitchen, I grab my wallet and car keys and rush out the door carrying my tennis shoes.

Driving less than a mile from home, I realize I don't have the key to my office door and my plan was to sleep there. Pulling the car to the side of the road, I take a deep breath and weigh my options. I'm dressed in damp workout clothes; there isn't a hotel within twenty miles and I'm also a little too pissed off and probably over the legal limit to make the hour long drive to work.

"Shit," I mumble as I turn the car around and head back home.

Parking at the bottom of our driveway, I decide to take a nap in the car to sober up before going in the house to change and pick up my keys. Maybe I can sneak in and out while Emily is asleep. I recline the seat back a bit and settle in. Suddenly, my eyes shoot open with the realization that I'm a moron and my keys to the house happen to be on the same damn key ring with my office keys.

I walk up the driveway, then to the back of the house and quietly try to open the sliding back door. It’s locked and all the lights are out. While pausing to think, I notice there are lights still lit on the second floor of Nina's house. I remember we gave them a key to our house last time we took a trip so I head over.

I knock on Nina's door quietly, looking behind me nervously as if I'm doing something wrong. I'm just here to get the key, I repeat over and over to myself. Twenty seconds pass and I'm still waiting, so I ring the bell. A few seconds later the hall light come on inside and I see a figure walking down the steps as I look through the sidelight's thin curtains. Taking a step back, I wait. She pulls the curtain aside and peers out. We make eye contact and I give her a sorrowful shrug with my hands raised. Her expression is unreadable, but as she lets the current fall back in to place I notice she pauses before reaching to unlock the door.

"What are you doing here?" She asks in a calm voice that I wasn't expecting to hear. I'm totally not used to a woman, more specifically Emily, asking me something without an edge to her voice. No emphasis on the last word, which I usually take to mean it's followed by an unspoken word like 'asshole.' Narrowing my eyes, I struggle to process this in my already impaired state. She repeats the question as she presses a towel to her damp hair.

"Oh, sorry. Do you still have a key to our house?"

"I think so." She's wearing a pink fluffy robe and from the way her cleavage is escaping from the collar I'm guessing there is nothing underneath. Somehow, wearing this, she looks sexier than she did naked in the pool.

She steps back and I enter into the foyer. "Emily sorta threw me out and I was driving to work and realized I don't have my keys to my office or to the house."

"I think they're in the kitchen."

I follow her down the hall and stand next to the table as she pulls open a drawer and searches.

I begin, "Sorry about before, I, um…"

Glancing over her shoulder at me, she says, "No, it was my fault. I don't know what I was thinking." She returns her attention to the drawer. "I was just feeling so alone and— here they are."

I step toward her as she pulls the keys out and places them on the counter. I'm so close now I can smell her shampoo and I inhale deeply. "I think I know that feeling… well," I whisper. Placing my hands on her neck, I gently touch her skin.

Bending her neck down, she moans softly. I massage her, spreading my hands out until the robe falls off her shoulders. "God, you're sexy." I lean in, pressing my lips to her neck, and take a deep breath. She smells of perfumed soap.

Pulling back from her, I take hold of the robe and slide it down exposing her back and just the top of her gorgeous rear end. "You're perfect." It's been so long since I've touched a woman like this. It seems like forever. Returning my hands to her neck, I move closer, pressing my erection against her. She moans again, and reaching back with her hand, she takes hold of my shirt.

"Oh…" I close my eyes and run my hands slowly down her back, barely touching her skin. "I hate my life… I hate my job… run away with me." I lean in, pressing my lips to her flesh and suck it carefully into my mouth. She slides her hand lower and squeezes my aching erection though my shorts. My eyes roll back in my head. "Key West…" I kiss her back. "Yeah, I've always wanted to live in Key West."

Dropping my hands to her calves, I run them slowly up her legs. She spreads them wider pushing her hips back as she rests her elbows on the counter. "Ohhh…" she whispers.

I lean over her, pressing my face to her back while bringing my hands together between her thighs. She shudders when I raise my hands higher, placing my fingertips against her wetness and discover that she's soaked. She moans and spreads her legs further apart. I kiss the back of her neck, sucking at her skin as I slide one finger inside of her. Her body convulses with my touch.

Reaching back, she grabs at my hair and groans as I slip my finger deeper inside her folds. I kiss her again and pump my finger carefully inside of her. She whimpers and turns to me and my finger slips out of her. Lifting her rear up on the counter, she spreads her legs. Our eyes meet for only a moment before she looks down, pushes my shorts below my erection and takes hold of it pulling me closer gripping me hard. I gasp— it's been so long since someone has touched me this way.

I close my eyes as she guides me inside her. Pulling her hand away, she wraps her arms around my back as I press my hips to hers. Placing her head on my shoulder, she moans softly as I slowly thrust deeper. She wraps her legs around me and pulls me tight. I hold still a moment, enjoying the intensity of our connection.

Scooping her up by her rear, I lift her off the counter and take half a step back before I begin thrusting my hips again. She wraps her arms around me tighter, lifting herself higher before plunging her hips down then back up again and again in a steady rhythm. The muscles in my legs and arms ache from supporting her, but no way will I stop. I hear soft sounds escaping from her lips and feel her warm breath on my neck as the heat between us builds.

"Oh, God," I mutter as I move faster and faster, using my hands to push her hips further out from my body before pulling her hard against me. Suddenly my orgasm is upon me and I explode inside her, my mouth wide open as I let loose with a barely audible groan.

I stumble back a step, dizzied from the combination of my overexertion and alcohol overindulgence. I steady myself and I'm still hard inside of her so I go back to work, thrusting and lifting her over me. Nina lets out a noise that almost sounds like a whimper.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Uh-huh," she replies.

"Did you come?"

Her body suddenly feels lifeless against mine as if she's only holding on to keep from falling. I stop moving my hips and wait for her reply.

"No," she whispers.

"Do you want to..." I stop mid-sentence when I hear the unmistakable sound of her fighting back tears. I feel her legs release their grip around me and I lift her off my erection and she places her feet on the floor.

"Sorry." She turns from me then hurries down the hall, slipping into the powder room and closing the door.

"Shit." Standing dejected, I close my eyes and run my hands over my face. I pull my shorts back up and look around the room in confusion as I consider my next move. After a moment, I move slowly down the hall. "Nina?" Standing outside the closed door, I lean in to listen. I hear soft sobs and sniffling and rest my head on the door. After a few seconds the sobs grow louder sobs and sighing I whisper to myself, "Fuck."

I knock once. "Nina, are you okay?"

"I think you should go," she says in-between sniffles.

I'm crushed. My heart sinks and my pulse quickens as the realization of yet another stupid mistake washes over me. Cringing, I begin, "Hey, uh, do we need to talk ab—" I think better of this and only say, "I'm sorry," before heading to the front door.

I return home and use the key I grabbed off Nina's counter to get inside. Tip-toeing into the house, I discover Emily sleeping on the great room sofa and stand there for a moment watching her softly breathe in and out. My thoughts are swirling— part of me wants to wake her up and just hold her, beg her to reconsider, while the rest of me wants to run away and never look back. Considering what I just did with Nina, the rest of me wins out. Suddenly it hits me, or at least I'm willing to finally admit it. All these years I was just coasting through life on autopilot— groggily doing just enough to get by. No wonder Emily gave up on us, I gave up on me a long, long time ago. It may seem like she can be a total bitch on occasion, but ninety percent of that is my fault. She was all I had left in this world and if there were ever any chance of reconciliation, it's certainly all gone now.

I quietly make my way upstairs to the bedroom and close the door. It's after four and I figure I should take a shower and get out of the house as quickly as I can before Emily wakes. Stepping before the mirror in the bathroom, I look at my reflection shaking my head in disgust. "You're such an ass. It's not enough that you fuck up your own life you've got to take other people down with you."

I strip off my clothes and climb in the shower playing the night over in my head.
I just asked a woman I barely know to give up her life and take off to Key West with me. What the hell was I thinking? She should have thrown me out right then. Shit. I can't take this anymore. I hate my life. I've hated it for a long, long time. I just don't want to do it anymore— I don't see the point. I know what I have to do and I'm going to do it today, but I need to confirm one thing first. I can't leave her with this financial mess.

After getting dressed, I make my way downstairs into my office and close the door. I open the file drawer and pull out the folder labeled Life Insurance and pull out the policy. Scanning the index, I find the suicide clause is on page six.

Suicide: We will limit the proceeds we pay under this policy if the insured commits suicide, while sane or insane:

1. within 2 years from the Date of issue; and

2. after 2 years from the Date of issue, but within 2 years from the effective date of the last reinstatement of this policy.

They've got to be fucking kidding me, right. I mean, I'm no lawyer, but if I read this correctly, I'm welcome to kill myself at any time and any way I choose as long as I don't do it within that two-year period and Emily gets a big check. I'm safely inside the window where the policy will pay, but I still need to make it look like an accident. I don’t want my mother having to live with the knowledge that I made this choice and I don't want Emily dealing with that either. Better they both think it was just an unfortunate event, but if somehow the investigators do figure out the truth, knowing that Emily's financial problems would still be resolved makes this much easier to justify to myself. Sighing, I close my eyes— it's sad that I've gotten to this point and it's even sadder being worth more dead than alive.

I really don't want to admit it, but I've been planning this day for the better part of ten years. I'm numb and oddly calm as I straighten the papers on my desk, pulling out a few unpaid bills and placing them where Emily will easily find them. Having sex with my neighbor was never part of the plan, but even if she is regretting it and I feel like an ass for doing it, it was still an amazing last memory.

There is nothing left for me to do at home since I can't leave a note for obvious reasons. I need to wrap up a few things at work because I don't want to leave a mess for Greg. He's always been good to me.

Driving to work one day about five years ago I watched as a young woman pulled her car out in front of me as I was making a right turn. Behind me was a huge truck riding on my tail that she must not have seen, although I don't know how she could have missed it. Maybe she thought the truck was turning right with me, but he didn't. The truck slammed into her driver's side door and she died instantly. Maybe she wanted it that way, or maybe she was working the late shift at her job and in her exhaustion made a little mistake that cost her her life. Either way, after I witnessed that event, the car crash became my chosen exit strategy. Everything else seems either too messy, too painful or two difficult to pull off making it look like an accident. Dozens of people make mistakes behind the wheel every day and don't walk away.

I've had my location picked out for a long time and it's perfect. A lightly traveled road with a big thick-trunked old tree sitting just before a sharp turn. Leading to the tree is a long straightaway with a fifty mile per hour speed limit— it's an accident waiting to happen. It's good that I need to go to work first before I put my plan in action for two reasons— one, I need to be traveling eastbound, as I do on my drive home, or the logistics just don't work for that location and two, and in some ways more importantly, there's nothing like a few hours at the office to solidify my determination. If I have any lingering doubt at all about doing this, my wonderful yet unfulfilling job will squash those away.