Change (Kitsune) (19 page)

Chapter 15

Friday morning I showed up bright and early at the clinic. I found the small parking lot in the back with no trouble and after parking my car I realized I didn’t have a key to the back door of the clinic so I walked through the back gate to use the front door of the small office. Alexis and Caden were both already there, waiting for something to happen. We had our usual visit over coffee and soon settled into separate activities.

I tried to read for a while, but I was restless, and I just couldn't settle down. I started looking for things to do to keep me busy. I wandered through the clinic, looking for something to clean or put away but I found nothing that needed doing. 

I offered to go pick up lunch for everyone, anything to get out for a few minutes. I wasn't sure why but I was feeling antsy and anxious. Something was obviously wrong and I could tell that Alexis and Caden could see it, but I had no clue what was causing it. They sat on the sofa in the front room for a while, just watching me pace back and forth.

"What's up Nickie?" Alexis asked after Caden went in the break room to get away from what he called my unsettling behavior.

"I'm not sure. I'm restless. I feel like I need to move, to keep going and honestly, it's starting to get on even my nerves."

"You've paced this place until I'm dizzy from watching you."

"I know, I'm sorry, I don't know what's up today."

"How are things going at home?" she asked calmly, her voice peaceful.

"No problems. I live alone, so there's no one there to worry with any odd behavior like this. I've learned to handle glass again, so I've been back to work for a while, and that seems to be going fine too."

"And how about with your family? From what Bill's said you're pretty close to them."

"Nothing really to tell there, everyone's fine."

"How much do they know about what you're going through?"

"Nothing, Bill gave me permission to tell my parents if I want to, but I haven't decided if I want to yet. So I've kept my mouth shut about everything."

"And why do you think you might not want to tell them?" She watched me pace back and forth, waiting for my answer.

"I don't know. How will they take my not being who they thought I was? That I'm a Kitsune? And honestly, will they freak out when they learn what my being a Kitsune means?" I rambled on a little as I tried to put my worries into words.

"Well, let's try to look at this objectively for a minute. I don't know your family, but Bill's told me a little about them. Let’s take a minute and look at your family, pretend you're not a part of it for now, like you're on the outside looking in. You have a couple who adopted four children in addition to the two they had on their own. When making the adoptions they didn't choose only children just like them, they took in the ones they fell in love with.” I nodded, following her so far.

“Do you really think that your parents will care that you're a more little different then they knew about? Your whole family is out of the norm. Are you afraid they'll turn their backs on you once they learn that you turn furry?" I sat down on the other end of the sofa, and looked at her for a moment, trying to put my thoughts together.

"I don't know, not really. They've always supported us in whatever we chose to do, within reason. They've always counseled us to not do drugs or break the law, that kind of thing. Outside of that we've been taught that we can do whatever we want to do. But this is big, really big, how would they handle this? I mean I can barely handle it and it's happening to me. What will I do if it's just too much for them, if they just can't handle it?"

"I'm not sure what to tell you. Obviously Bill believes they'll be able to handle it, or he wouldn't have allowed you the chance to tell them. More than that, I feel reasonably certain that he feels they'll react well to the news, and that they’ll be there to support you. Or, I can assure you, he wouldn't risk it."

"I know, but still."

"I have a feeling that this is a big part of your restlessness. You're stressing about it and this is how it's manifesting, by turning it into nervous energy."

"Only a part?" I asked, "What else could it be?"

"Well..." She drifted off, thinking for a moment before speaking again, "What do you do when you're not at work, or here, or with your family?" She wanted to know.

"I used to go out with the girls, shopping or dancing, or I hang around with Brandon and the guys, sometimes we play sports, sometimes we hike... but I haven't been doing much of either lately."

"What have you been doing?"

"Well, the girls and I just don't have a lot to talk about anymore, I want to talk about what's going on with me and I can't share that, they talk about dating and clubbing. Because of my hearing I can't go clubbing anymore and I'm taking a break from the dating scene."

"Understandable, but that's what you’re not doing, not what you are doing."

"I've talked to Brandon some, but there's something different about him now and I'm not sure why I get that feeling."

Alexis didn't say anything just sat quietly and watched me, waiting for me to answer her question.

"I do some swimming, and after I left here last week I ran into an old friend as he was moving into my apartment complex. When I caught his scent I thought he was pack and I mentioned the Kindred to him. I've since discovered that he isn't a shifter, but he knows all about us because the rest of his family is."

"Ahh, you mean Devon Wilson."

"How did you know?" I asked, puzzled.

"I may not have been Harmonia when he left but I was part of the pack, I remember him. Plus he's the only non-shifter in the pack. And he is pack, just not a shifter."

"I know. Anyway, I knew him before he left, though not all that well. He's a few years older than me and was part of my sister's crowd. When I ran into him we started visiting, and we've started spending some time together.

"I took him to our family dinner to get reacquainted with everyone and now he's working for my dad. He's helping out around the farm which means he keeps a similar schedule to mine, up and out early. We tend to run into each other in the evenings after work."

"The two of you are spending more than a little together, I take it?"

"Yeah, you could say that. I mean it's not every day, but we've run into each other two or three times during the last week." I paused for a moment, unsure if I should go on. But I decided that I needed someone to share it with, and I felt like I could trust Alexis not to spread what I said around. "I think he's spent years feeling like an outsider in his family. And because of what's happened, I'm starting to understand some of that, being the only one different in the family. I don't have to worry about keeping the secret from him, or letting something about it slip.

"I know that in a lot of ways Brandon has no clue where I'm coming from. I mean, sure he's Kindred, but he's always known it. He's always expected it and he's just like the rest of his family and what they expected from him. Devon grew up expecting to be shifter, and then he couldn't, and suddenly he was different."

"I see what you're saying. Right now you're just feeling like you have more in common with Devon than any of the rest of your friends, and even your family."

"Pretty much, I don't feel like I have to hide what I'm learning about myself from him, like I do from my family and friends. And there are few, if any, Kindred who have any clue what it's like to suddenly discover what you are as an adult. I'm still adjusting and I know it'll take time. I'm just not great with the in-between time." I laughed a bit at myself.

"So… quick question?"

"Yeah?" I wondered what she’d ask next.

"Are you feeling any better for having talked it through, at least partway?"

I thought about it for a second, noticing that I wasn't quite as restless, "Yeah, I am. Not worlds different but less stressed for sure. Thanks."

"Don't mention it. It's part of what I'm here for, plus I like you. I want to be able to help you in any way I can. Feel free to use me as a sounding board any time you feel the need.” Alexis reached over and her hand against my arm  “It's my guess that you're feeling a little guilty that you've been drifting away from old friends and spending time with Devon, kind of like you’re betraying your old friends in some way. I also think that you're feeling guilty that you haven't told your parents yet, despite your anxiety about telling them."

"You’re probably right on both counts, though I doubt I would have put it quiet that way."

She chuckled softly, "We all express ourselves differently. You need to keep in mind that it's okay to make new friends and let other friendships fade. It's a natural cycle and sometimes you have to go that extra mile to keep friendships that are important to you."

"I guess," I looked at my hands, sitting together in my lap.

"You should also reconsider telling your parents, and soon. The longer you wait, the more difficult it's going to be. And the harder time they will have understanding why it took you so long to tell them. Do you really think that never telling them is really an option? Could you go the rest of your life keeping this secret from them?" She asked gently.

"No, I guess not. It would really hurt their feelings if they found out from someone else, and then learned that I could have told them and didn't. I'd better get a hold of Bill and see when we can do it."

I needed to move around again, to let what Alexis had said process a while, so I got up and went into the kitchen to get something to drink. I leaned back against the counter top, slowly drinking the water I’d poured myself, I noticed Caden sitting at the table in the middle of the room. He was holding his PCD up on the table in front of him, and I watched him lay it down from where he had obviously been reading. He looked up at watched me as so stood there.

"What're you reading?" I asked.

"An old sci-fi novel." He replied.

"Is it a good one?"

"I'm enjoying it, it's part of a long series that I'm only about half way through."

"I read some sci-fi, do you mind if I ask what it is exactly?"

"It's called
The Chronicles of Pern
, but it's more than thirty years old, you've probably never heard of it."

"And it's by Anne McCaffrey." I finished for him, grinning.

"You've read them?"

"A couple, I really like some of her other series. I just haven't gotten into Pern as much."

"I'm enjoying them, they're different, but entertaining and easy to read."

"Most of her stuff is."

"You doing okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I talked some things out with Alexis and it's helped. I'm still restless but not as bad."

"I know it's a nosy question, but when's the last time you shifted?"

I had to think about it a minute, "Over two weeks ago. Why?"

"I've seen Kindred get restless like you've been when they haven't shifted in a while. Generally it's a lot longer than two weeks, but I thought I’d suggest that you shift, find someone to go for a run with. Maybe it will help, it can't really hurt." He suggested, shrugging.

"I'll do that, if nothing else it'll be some good exercise, maybe relieve some stress. Thanks for the suggestion." I said. He picked up the coffee cup sitting on the table next to him and raised it in my direction before he went back to reading.

It was almost quitting time when I approached Alexis with a question.

"Are you busy?" I asked, walking into the front room where she was sitting, reading.

"Not really, do you need something?" she looked up at me.

"I have a question for you."

"Oh? What is it?"

"I know you can't heal humans like you can Kindred, but can you heal a non-shifting Kitsune?"

She watched me for just a moment before answering, "This is about Devon isn't it?" she laid her PCD down in her lap.

"Well, yeah." I said, "I haven't said anything to him about it, I wanted to ask you first, to see if it was possible."

"That's good, because the answer is no, not really. Sometimes it can be done but it is really hard on both the healer and the injured. It's a lot easier to heal children who haven't shifted yet, I think it's because they're much more suggestible and they believe they'll be healed. It's almost like when a person discovers that they can't shift their mind builds a barrier that stops the healing magic from working anymore."

"Well, damn. I was hoping it could be done. At least something to help him, especially when the pain gets bad."

"I'm sorry I'm not able to help, his best bet is probably some kind of muscle relaxer or pain killer, for when it flares. You also might look into someone who does deep tissue massage, it's painful but it loosens the muscles and really helps."

"Thanks so much for your patience with all my questions, and for the talk this afternoon, it's given me some things to think about."

"I'm glad to be of help. Like I said earlier, I like you. I'd like for you to think of me as a friend. I tell you what, how about you and Devon come over tomorrow afternoon and we can toss something on the grill. Hank should be home, we can spend an afternoon visiting and getting to know everyone."