Chasing Beautiful (Chasing Series #1) (7 page)

I might’ve deluded mysel
f that this was over...Could it be possible that it was one of those “you-don’t-realize-what-you-have-until-you’ve-lost it” syndrome?  I groaned.

I really
am in the shitter.

I slowly opened my eyes and drank him in. His hair and clothes
were all disheveled and his eyes seemed to be raging something from deep within. He got up and started to get dressed without even giving me a glance.

Thinking that
whatever comeuppance this situation brings, I played a major part in it—so I should hold my head high and act like the mature person that I am.

I sighed.

“Kyle—” I whispered.

He was
staring at the window, his back towards me like he was trying to gather his thoughts.

Distant
and unreachable.

Why isn’t he talking?

I straightened up my clothes and tried my best to fix my hair with my shaky fingers.

I
was nervous and anxious.

I didn’t ask
for this, but yet I couldn’t stop or deny myself the opportunity to have him again.

Even for the
last time. 

Wanting him and him
to want me, it was just all too much and yet it was something I couldn’t just walk away from.

Oh, damn it to hell and back.

“Kyle, say something!” I croaked, still, no response. 
What in God’s name is he playing at?

“Oh! I get it! You just needed
to get one last fuck out of your system and now you can just walk away! That’s it, isn’t it?” The feeling of being used was something I had never encountered before and that feeling didn’t sit well with me, especially when the person in question was Kyle.

He moved against the window and
the moonlight shadowed behind him, making him appear like he was some sort of dark angel breathtaking to look at.

T
his fallen angel was staring back at me—with a carte blanche expression. It gave me an idea of what was to come and for the first time, I was at a loss for words.

Kyle

God, she’s gorgeous!

Even in her bedraggled state from our crazy romping, she still ha
d the ability to take my breath away by just standing there, demanding my attention.

Her skirt
was twisted to the other side and not properly fixed, her lips—red and swollen from our lovemaking, her hair disheveled and those beautiful crystal green/gold eyes flashed at me, immobilizing me on the spot from her sheer beauty.

She doesn’t have any clue how she affects me by just
one look.

She has
this power over me.

She has this effect on most men.

She doesn’t see it, but I knew and saw how men wanted to possess her, her beauty, her body, her beautiful heart.

She’s next to perfection
.
And she was mine
.

How did I even manage to convince myself
that I could be at the same party with her and not feel this? Savagely, I cursed my stupidity.

She
has always possessed power over me. No one has the capacity to drive me up the walls like Sienna can. Back then, she was
it
for me and yet she still walked away.

I wasn’t enough for her.
Never will be.

I have to harden my resolve for my sanity’s sake.

God, this is difficult!
My throat ran dry as thoughts ran through scenes from a few minutes ago in my head, vividly.  How she looked lying there, waiting with desire—
all for me
.

A
ll mine and mine alone. But not any longer—she will eventually find someone—it wouldn’t be hard. I bet there’s already a line waiting.

The idea of another man possessing her brought ferocious feelings out of me.
It was jealousy eating me alive.

I
couldn’t go there.

Not tonight.

“Sienna—I’m not going to apologize for this.... seeing you again made it impossible to resist you. I remembered us being good together and I just couldn’t seem to help myself…. I had to have you….”

“So, that was just a one-time thing then?” she said in a shaky voice.
Her beautiful eyes rimmed with unshed tears. How I wanted to possess this woman. My heart ached. I hated seeing her hurt, but I couldn’t let her get to me.

I barely survived when she left the last time. I
couldn’t go there again.

Steeling my resolve, “Yes,
it is—it was—I’m with Brooke.” She didn’t even let me finish before she started yelling.

“That’s fucking convenient! You had sex with me without a second thought to your girlfriend and now…. after you got what you wanted, you’re in a relationship again?
!” her voice screeched.

Sienna
was beside herself.

Man, she look
ed even hotter when she was furious.

I wanted to take her again,
against the wall.
I’m going crazy
.

I just want
ed to reach out and kiss those pouty, swollen lips of hers senseless, for the last time. Just a little taste of her once more, before walking away.

I hate feeling like this.

This uncontrollable passion I have with her. I feel powerless against it.

I have to get out of here—
fast—before I start kissing her and fucking up more.

Leave
, now!

I had to calm myself before responding to her accusing tone. “I didn’t use you. I asked you if it was okay before things got way too heated
—and you told me it was fine!” I countered.

I
badly wanted to leave, but I hated seeing her upset and I certainly couldn’t leave without looking like more of an asshole after having a mind-blowing session in bed.

I wanted to be friends with her, but it was impossible for me.

That’s asking too much of myself.

But I don’t want any hard feelings either
. “Hey…we’ll talk this over when we’re sober and calmed down. I’ll come see you in a couple of days. How about we—” she held her hands up in exasperation.

“You k
now what?! This was a stupid mistake! I thought for a second there—that—that you might feel something….or it meant that you still….you know what? It doesn’t matter what I think! Let’s forget this ever happened, kay? Please, don’t try to contact me because I don’t want to see or hear from you
ever
again!” she said with finality and walked out the door.

Out of my life.

Again.

Hell, Sienna!!!

Sienna

London, present

“
Sorry about that. I had to step out a bit to finish a business call. I didn’t leave you too long, did I?”  Concerned look etched on his face as he waited for me to respond to his question.

“No, it’s fine. Stop worrying
Blake.” I smiled at him. “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re a worrywart sometimes?”

Sippi
ng his coffee as he gazed at me, Blake waited a beat before speaking. “Yes,
you’ve
often told me.”

“It’s true
. You’ve got to channel stress into something productive—like
boxing
, perhaps?” I said, teasing him.

“Sure, as long as you join me, then we can kick
ass together,” he jested back.

Uh, not a good idea!
I might just get turned on watching him—sweaty and full of angst.

“No thanks
, I let out my frustration through dancing.” I gave him a smug look.

“Anyhow, what the hell happened between you and Camille?” using my casual tone. I was curious. I’m always curious when it comes to his girlfriends
. Sometimes he’s forthcoming with
the dirt
, but sometimes he’s just tight-lipped.

T
wirling his coffee cup, he studied it with the utmost concentration before he spoke. “As I said before, she wanted to move in with me. She was getting demanding—jealous and paranoid. It was nothing permanent and she knew it, still she pushed. So, I had no choice but to let her go.”

“I really believed you guys
were going to last longer than two months. Together, you guys looked perfect. Are you okay, though? I
know
for a fact that break-ups are nasty and never easy,” I continued on when I didn’t get a reply.

“
So, she was jealous, huh?
Were you entertaining and catering to your other girlfriends, Blake?
Ay-yay-yay.” I gave him a ‘you’re-such a naughty-boy’ look—because he surely was.

His throaty laugh filled the air. “Oh, Sienna—sometimes you’re just too adorable.
To answer your question—no I wasn’t getting my groove on and screwing other women. Honestly, she was jealous of my relationship with you. She thought we spent a lot of time together—she thought I was crazy about you. I assured her that we were friends, nothing else—and the mere fact that you were with Kyle, didn’t convince her troubled mind. Cam was convinced that once Kyle was out of the equation—
I would step in and have you all to myself
,” leaning back and still playing with his coffee cup. His eyes were steady and pensive, studying my reaction.

I laughed—
hard
—and almost ran out of air.
That’s the funniest story I’ve heard,
I thought
.

Was Camille high on drugs? Ha
d she looked in the mirror lately? She was
stunning
. Where did she cook up ideas like that? Blake doesn’t go for women like me. If he wanted to, he had plenty of chances over the last eight months, but he never did try anything—anything to imply that he was interested, at all. So, she was being silly over nothing.

“
Finding my story funny, Sienna?” still watching me intently, voice steady and calm.

He
could be so intense sometimes. It makes my heart skitter.

“Yes, I mean
, come on! That was stupid! Why would she be jealous of me? Look at her—and look at me—she’s like the epitome of perfection. And the idea of us?—we’ll never work. I mean we like the same things, but we’re different.  You’re like mega rich and soon you’ll be running the world, no doubt, with just a bat of your eyelashes and I’ll be,
you know
, the same.
Normal
,” my voice got small in the end, biting my bottom lip until all the blood drained.

The idea of Blake—
us
—bothered me. We’re worlds apart, everyone can see that.

He was still
and unmoving, lips on a straight line, pensive.
What’s he thinking now?

He didn’t have the chance to reply.

Our food arrived; we fell silent as we worked on our plates, lost in thought. The food was excellent and I was happy to oblige my grumbling stomach.

“Mmmmm, this is
definitely divine,” I said as I bit on a piece of bacon, savoring every taste as I closed my eyes.

“Certainly looks like it
.” Blake murmured, locking his eyes on me as he took a bite of his toast.

Shrugging,
I set aside my dish after I practically devoured it with pure gusto. I worked on my coffee next. I needed something to do besides looking at his magnetizing eyes. Uncomfortable was not the word I would use to describe it. Maybe breathless would be fitting, possibly?

Afte
r what seemed like five minutes, “Ready?” He asked as he was leaving a hundred pounds on the table.

    
“Not really, guess I have to see what’s in store now, don’t I?” getting up and pretending to be petulant.

“You’ll just have to wait and see
my impatient one.”