Chasing Cassidy (21 page)

“Yes, vixen, let go. I need to feel you come.” There’s no holding back. I come loud and hard and so does he. I love hearing him scream my name and knowing he’s never screamed for anyone else turns me on even more. When he releases my hair, I collapse as he falls next to me, pulling me to him, and kisses me passionately.

“I love you so much,” I whisper to him when his lips leave mine.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back, guiding my hand to his erection. He’s still hard, or maybe he’s already hard again from our kissing. Whatever the case may be, I’m just happy to be together again. Between his schedule and all the last minute wedding planning and events, we haven’t had sex in about two weeks. I know it’s not
that
long but with everything being so emotional lately, it seems like forever. I needed this. I needed to be close to him, to be intimate with him. Being with Zack calms my world when I’m filled with insecurities.

“Hey,” he says softly, pulling my attention back to him. “Whatever it is you’re thinking, just let it go, babe. Be here in this moment with me, not lost in your thoughts.”

“My thoughts are of you, Zack.”

He smiles brightly as he climbs on top of me, lacing our hands together as he enters me. “What were you thinking?”

Always so curious to get inside my head, I can’t say I blame him. I always want to know what’s going on inside his head, too.

“I was thinking how much I need you and how much we needed this time together.” My honest reply has him squeezing my hand tighter as he moves ever so slowly in and out of me. When his lips meet mine, I welcome his kiss eagerly. Our tongues dance a passionate tale, speaking a language all their own.

“Cassidy,” he calls out lightly, “promise me you won’t run anymore. Thinking I’d lost you, even for a short period of time, scares me more than anything. I can live without my money, my job, being separated from our families by an ocean, but I can’t live without you, baby. Promise me, please.” The vulnerability he’s showing as he makes love to me breaks my heart. Gone is my confident, self-assured man from just a little while ago.

Using my free hand, I pull him to my mouth by the back of his head and kiss him with everything I’ve got. When he moans into my mouth, I lose myself even further into this kiss. My legs wrap tighter around his waist and I pull him deeper, harder, even though each move is deliciously slow and sensual. As my orgasm peaks, my eyes meet his. “I promise, Zack. I’m not going anywhere. I scared myself and I’ll never do it again. You’re my forever.” We come together and I swear it feels different somehow. Like our love has just anchored us together for eternity.

Zack rolls off me and pulls me into his embrace, peppering perfect kisses on my forehead. That’s the last thing I feel before sleep crashes over me.

“No!” she screams and I’m instantly up and out of bed. “Stop! Daddy, no, please leave him alone. Zack, wake up. Please wake up, Zack.” Cassidy is sobbing hysterically and screaming in her sleep.
Shit!

I can’t believe she’s having another nightmare. I’d hoped without the stress of the wedding looming over her they would have subsided again.

Climbing back into bed, I pull her close to me and rub her back. “It’s okay, Cassidy, it’s just us. You’re safe, baby. You’re always going to be safe with me. Come on, sweetie, wake up.” Her thrashing subsided when I started rubbing her back, but she’s drenched in sweat. It must have been a really bad one this time.

“Zack, you’re okay!” she sobs in relief as she slowly realizes it was just another nightmare.

“Shh, I’m fine. He can’t hurt us anymore, either of us.” She turns over and throws herself at me, hugging me tightly. Her tears are still flowing and I feel utterly helpless.

“He was… and you were… oh God, it was just a dream.” She kisses me with a hunger of someone seeking something they’ve lost and my heart aches. Her tears are still falling and splashing onto my cheeks. I wish he’d die so she’d be out of her misery; all the years of torture are still following her. I’ve got to get her to go to therapy. She has to deal with this, confront it head on once and for all.

“It was just a dream, Cassidy, just a dream,” I reiterate to her over and over. Over her shoulder, the bedside clock shows it’s four a.m. A little while later, Cassidy falls back asleep but my mind is turning. I wanted to recreate as many of our important firsts as I could but I feel like I’m running out of time. Maybe reliving the past isn’t the way to go after all. Maybe making new memories should be my goal, instead.

Carefully extricating myself from Cassidy’s embrace, I take a much needed trip to the bathroom. When I’m finished, I take a seat in one of the library chairs and watch the beginnings of a beautiful sunrise over the ocean. This feels like home and suddenly, I know this is the house we’re meant to raise our family in. I want our kids to be raised in paradise, with parents who love them. If we’re away from her parents, maybe she’ll relax easier. Both of us can do what we love here with no pressure. Isn’t that what’s best for kids, anyway? To see their parents happy no matter how that happiness comes?

As I lean back in the chair, trying to relax, I can’t stop picturing Cassidy as a stay at home mom. I know she’s terrified of becoming a mother, but I also know no one has as much love to give as she does. Our kids will be extremely blessed to have her. I want a family now; I just wish she agreed.

If she would have slept better last night, I would have woken her up to watch the sunrise with me but after the night she had, it’s better to let her sleep. My phone is on the charger next to me and the message light is flashing. I need to text Pete, anyway, so I grab it off the charger and check the messages.

There’s an email from my mom and a text from Rylee that just says ‘sorry.’
Great.
Before I even go there, I’ve got to text Pete.

Can you move the appointment for me to today if possible? I’ll pay triple.

A few minutes pass before he answers back, but I still haven’t read the email.

Done, but he could only get you in after the show. Will 8 pm work?

I don’t want to leave Cassidy alone but I’ve got to get this done.

That’s fine. Can you stay with Cassidy and keep her company while I’m gone? It should only take a few hours.

I’m sure Cassidy will enjoy trying to get to know Pete better since she wants him to hook up with Ry. I’m still not sure about my sister hooking up with my friend; that could get seriously awkward.

Of course I can.

Good, at least that’s taken care of.

Thanks, see you then.

Now, on to my mother’s email. I wish I had coffee for this but I’m not leaving Cassidy up here alone. I take a deep breath and open her email.

Zachary,

Your sister forgot her phone yesterday when she came to pick up some pictures. I know you’re aware your father hasn’t been home and I was worried, so I went through her phone. Imagine my surprise to find out my entire family will be in Hawaii by the weekend. Your father and I need to talk. I’m sure you can understand that as you’ve chased after Cassidy again.

I’m sure you won’t believe me and you have every right to your feelings, but I’m proud of you, Zachary. I’d like to talk to you and Cassidy alone, if possible, at some point. We have a lot to discuss. I don’t have much to say in my defense except I thought I was protecting you both and I hope someday you’ll forgive me. I’ll be flying in tomorrow and will be in touch.

I love you,

Mom

Great, just what we need—an invasion from my mother. If there’s one thing I know about Priscilla Stafford, it’s that she’ll want to deal with my dad first. That’s good for us because he won’t let her come here alone, regardless of what she wants. Hopefully, he’s ready to battle this out with her.

I’ve been so distracted by her email I didn’t even hear Cassidy get out of bed. “Good morning,” she says as she sits on my lap and places a soft kiss on my lips.

“Good morning,” I greet her with a smile.

“Why didn’t you wake me to watch the sunrise with you?”

“I just thought you deserved your sleep after your nightmare last night.” Confusion clouds her eyes for a moment. Sometimes she doesn’t remember her dreams right away and I always feel like an ass reminding her but at some point, she always remembers and gets angry when I don’t tell her.

“Oh, yeah, it was a bad one, wasn’t it?” she murmurs and I nod. I turn her face toward mine and meet her blue eyes with mine.

“Cassidy, it’s time.” She nods but doesn’t say a word. “I’ll go with you if you want me to. You won’t have to go through any of this alone but it
will
make you feel better. I promise.”

“How can you be so sure?” she snaps at me.
Guess I’m not the only one who needs coffee this morning.

This is another one of those secrets that finally needs to come out. We’ve never kept much from each other since we’re best friends but this was important, and she would have freaked.

Hell, she’s still going to freak, but it’s time.

“Because I went to therapy for over a year when we were seventeen.” She gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. The hurt expression she’s wearing makes me feel like absolute shit.

“I’m sorry I never told you, but I couldn’t.”

“Why, Zack? We tell each other everything.”

Almost everything. She doesn’t tell me Ry’s secrets.

“I needed to talk to someone after that night. She helped me so much, Cassidy. Not only with what happened and how I felt watching him do that to you, but also with how I felt about almost losing you that night. I was a mess.” My confession stuns her.

“You… you seemed fine. You helped me so much and took care of me.” Her eyes are filled with tears.

“I wasn’t fine, I was a total and complete mess. Your dad almost killed you and I didn’t stop him.”

“Zack!” she cries out in disbelief. “There was nothing you could have done. You were hurt. Neither of us expected him to attack me like that. He’d never hit my face before…”

“Still, I didn’t feel like that at the time. The therapist not only helped me work through it, but she taught me techniques I used to help you. You were always so scared to let me love you. She showed me helpful ways to reinforce my love to you. It started getting better after that night but it’s only these past few days I really feel like you’ve truly begun to let me in.”

That’s it. My confession is out and Cassidy looks horrified. She doesn’t say anything for a long time. She just sits and stares blankly at me, but I don’t think she’s actually seeing me.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I tell her while tenderly caressing her cheek. “I’m glad I went. She really helped me understand things. That’s why I know therapy will be good for you because until you go, you don’t really understand how things are affecting you.”

“I can’t believe my fucked up life drove you to therapy and you kept it a secret all these years.” She’s hurt, but the underlying tone of her voice is disgusted.

“Stop it, Cassidy.” My tone is firm and I’m not going to put up with her blaming herself for what was completely out of her control.

“This was not your fault,
none
of it was your fault. Your dad is sick. He’s an alcoholic with anger management issues who likes to beat on kids. He’s a sick fuck…”

“Stop, Zack, please,” she interrupts my rant and starts to cry. “He was abused, too. My grandma sexually abused him.”

What?

“I’ve pieced it together over the years. He wasn’t like this until we moved into her house. He was a good dad when I was little. He tucked me in at night and read me stories, and he’s never once been sexually inappropriate with me. I was his little princess. When she died, he started drinking and when we moved into the house it got worse, and that’s when the beating and the other stuff started.”

Holy fuck.

“It’s not an excuse, Cassidy. If anything, it makes it worse.” How can you be abused and then abuse your own kid?

“I know,” she answers quietly. “But it messed him up. Things like that mess with a child’s psyche.”