Chasing Darkness (42 page)

Rob
was right behind him as he crossed the street.

“Wait
in the car.”

“No.”

Nick
continued toward the house. There wasn’t time to argue. He had to get to Sam.
He reached the front door and heard a low murmur of voices, but was unable to
make out the words.

“What’s
going on?” Rob asked.

Nick
pressed his finger to his lips and moved around the side of the house. At the
first window he stopped and crouched low, looking through the corner of it. He
could see the kitchen. Sam stood at one side, her back to him. Derek was in
front of her. They appeared to be talking. He exhaled.

Just
as he was about to move back to the door, he caught sight of something in
Derek’s hand. Ducking back, he squinted into the window and saw that Derek was
holding Sam’s Glock, the barrel trained on his own head.

Nick
dropped, his knees cracking. “Shit.”

Rob
leaned toward the window, and Nick grabbed him and dragged him down. His
expression was wide-eyed and startled, and Nick remembered that this wasn’t
just another hostage situation for Rob. This wasn’t his job—this was his life.
“It’s going to be okay,” Nick lied.

“What’s
going on?”

“I
need you to go back to the car and call for backup. Just pick up the radio and
press the lever on the side. Tell them you’re with me. Give them the address
and have them send someone immediately.” Nick gave him the code for an armed
suspect holding a hostage rather than telling Rob what he’d seen through the
window. He was better off not knowing. And Nick didn’t need any panicking on his
hands.

Rob
grabbed Nick’s shirt. “Why don’t we go in?”

“We
can’t.”

Rob
looked up at the window and then back at Nick. Narrowing his gaze, he dropped
his voice. “Why? What did you see?”

Nick
let out his breath. “He’s got a gun. I need you to go back to the car and call
for backup.” He pushed Rob toward the car. “Now.”

Rob
measured his gaze and then nodded. Ducking down below the level of the windows,
he ran back toward the street.

Nick
eased himself up to the window again. Derek was still clutching the gun. Nick
moved slowly toward the back of the house, searching for an open window,
mapping out a plan to stop Derek from doing something drastic. He found a
window and pressed his hands against the sill, willing it to open. It was
locked. “Damn.” The next one he found was locked, too.

“They’re
on their way,” Rob said when he returned several minutes later.

“You
should wait in the car until they get here.”

Rob
shook his head, the muscles in his jaw working. “No way.”

Nick
cursed under his breath, concentrating on his next move. He closed his eyes and
focused on the layout of the house. It was all one level, but he didn’t
remember a back door. “Is there another way in?”

“Through
Sam’s room. A door.”

“Show
me.”

Rob
stood up and Nick pulled him back down, pointing to the windows. “Stay below
the level of the windows.”

Rob
bent over and ran the length of the house. Nick followed right behind.

At
the back of the house Rob stopped and pointed to a door.

Nick
grabbed the knob and turned. “It’s locked.”

Rob
nodded and reached down to a large metal hook and faucet that were meant to
hold a garden hose. Off the back of the hook, he pulled a little tin box and
slid the top open.

Nick
slapped his shoulder and took the key from the box, unlocking the door and
pushing it open as quietly as he could. Drawing his gun, he motioned Rob back,
knowing he would follow anyway. In his situation, Nick would have done the same
thing. He kept himself in front and hoped the sight of Rob would calm Derek.

The
door led them into Sam’s bedroom, and he smelled her in the air. Silently, his
gun in front of him, he said a prayer and headed toward the front of the house.

At
Sam’s door, he clutched the knob, turning it slowly until he heard the light click
of the lock releasing, and pulled it open a half inch at a time. The purposeful
motions contradicted the erratic thumping of his pulse.

As
the door reached the halfway point, he looked out. He couldn’t see either Sam
or Derek from where he was, but their voices were a low murmur. It was a good
sign. No screaming, no yelling. Perhaps there wouldn’t be any violence. This
family had been through enough. All of them.

He
turned the corner and saw Sam begin to cross the room toward Derek.

“Don’t
get close. I’ll do it. I swear,” Derek shouted at her.

Sam
glanced at Nick and then looked immediately back to Derek. Nick watched her lay
five fingers against her right thigh. Then there were four, then three. Nick
nodded, ready to run.

When
there was only one finger, she launched forward and Nick ran for Derek.

Derek
stepped backward and started to drop the arm with the gun to his side.

Sam
ran toward him, the gun aimed in her direction.

Nick
saw it and dove for it. He felt his fingertips touch it, pushed it away from
Sam. But he was too late.

He
heard the pop of the gunfire and saw Sam fall forward.

The
first thing Sam felt was heat and a wave of nausea.

Derek
screamed.

Rob
reached for his brother, but Nick held him back.

Rob
struggled, only Nick was stronger, and Sam saw him push Rob to the ground, out
of the way.

Sam
sat sprawled out on the floor gripping her left arm. Derek had shot her. Dear
Lord. She watched the blood soak through her fingers and drip on the white
linoleum floor. A million thoughts swarmed her mind. She focused on staying
calm.

Derek
leaned against the kitchen cabinets, the gun aimed at the air in front of him.

Nobody
moved. No one spoke.

“Oh,
God,” Derek finally sobbed, the gun trembling in his hands. “You shouldn’t have
gotten close. I just want it to be over. I just need to end it.”

His
words made Sam feel as if her heart were breaking but she stayed silent, trying
to save her strength. She had no idea what to say to that, what to say to this
child she realized she hardly knew.

Rob
started to cry. “No, not like this. Please, don’t.”

“Let’s
put the gun down, Derek,” Nick said, trying to ease himself closer.

Derek
shifted the gun. “Stay back. Please, Nick. Please don’t get closer.” He was
crying and his breath was ragged.

Nick
backed off. “Okay. I’ll stay back, but you’ve got to help me, Derek. Put the
gun down, okay?”

He
shook his head.

Rob
cried harder.

Derek
got on his knees and crossed to Sam. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder,
still holding the gun. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sam. I swear I didn’t.”

“I’ll
be okay, Derek,” Sam said, her voice gravelly to her own ears. She wondered if
she’d ever be okay again, if any of them would. God help them all. “I need to
go see a doctor, but I’ll be okay. We’re all going to be okay, but you need to
listen to Nick and put the gun down.”

“No.
I need it to be over. I need to see Mom and Becky.” He stroked her shoulder,
tears streaming down his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You weren’t one of
them.”

“Why,
Derek? Help me understand,” Sam said, searching his face. A rush of images of
him growing up flashed by her. At that moment, he looked like a little boy
again. Where were the signs? Where had she gone so wrong?

“I
started reading your old cases,” Derek said. “Not all of them. Just the first
ones. There was all sorts of stuff in there—unfinished stuff, like single moms
who hurt their daughters. Hurting boys was bad enough. But girls. Look what it
did to Becky . . . and Mom.”

“I’m
so sorry about your mom. It’s all my fault,” Sam said. “I should have done
something.” She had known about Becky, of course, from the accident, but the
boys had never wanted to talk about her and Sam had finally given up, leaving
it in the past.

Derek
didn’t seem to hear her. “All I could think about was how our mom was dead and
those moms were hurting their girls,” he said, turning to face his brother. “I
thought about Becky, Rob. I don’t know why, but I went to see those girls. I
even met one—her name was Becky, too. I wasn’t going to talk to her, but she
had big green eyes. And she looked so lonely.”

He
flinched as if it was painful. “Then I watched their mothers. I wanted to know
what those terrible women were like. And I saw what they did.” He looked over
Rob’s head at Nick. “I followed Sandi Walters. She did drugs. She went and
bought heroin and got high. She even danced around naked. And she was so
happy.” He rubbed his hands together and Sam could see his anger, an anger he
had kept hidden from her. How had she not seen it? “She hurt Molly and then she
went and got high.” He paused. “I just snapped.”

Derek
shut his eyes and swiped at his tears with the back of the gun hand. “It
doesn’t matter now. I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “They had it coming.”
He waved the gun toward Nick and Rob.

“You
killed them?” Rob whispered.

“Sandi
Walters didn’t deserve to live. I went up there to the woods to watch her. I
went to talk to her, to tell her not to hurt Molly again. And she told me that
she could do whatever she wanted. She was like Dad. She said Molly was her kid
and she had every right to hurt her.”

Sam
tried to touch Derek, tried to pull him closer, but he pulled away, sobbing.

“She
made me so mad. I was so mad. I couldn’t stop. She finally looked scared, and I
thought, Now she understands how Molly feels. And then she was dead.” The gun
continued to shake in his hand. “I just wanted to make her understand.”

Sam
prayed the gun didn’t go off again. Don’t let him kill again. “Derek, it’s
okay. We’re going to get you help,” Sam said. “It’s going to be okay.” Moving
slowly, she started to get up but the pain was too much.

He
shook his head. “I was so scared. I didn’t mean to kill her, so I got the twigs
like that Sloan guy did.”

He
looked up, his eyes wide, and Sam wanted to hold him, to make it better. But in
her heart, she knew it would never be better.

“You
didn’t mean to hurt Eva Larson either, did you, Derek?” Nick asked. Sam knew he
was trying to keep Derek talking until he could make a move for the gun. It was
all so surreal. How could this be her own nephew?

“I
didn’t mean to do it again. I went to check on little Becky.” He choked out a
sob. “She was already dead. Her mother had let her die. She tried to say I had
done it. That made me so mad. She killed Becky. She killed our little Becky.”

Rob
stood and pushed past Nick. He was crying and his voice cracked as he spoke. He
dropped to his knees in front of Derek. “It’s my fault, Der. I killed Mom and
Becky. I killed them.” He choked on a sob and pushed on. “I thought they’d be
okay. They were wearing seatbelts. I thought everyone would be okay except Dad.

“I
only meant to kill Dad. The way he used to hit us. Even Becky, remember?” Rob
reached out to his brother. “And Becky was only a baby. It’s my fault that Sam
has to take care of us. It’s because of me. I tried to get rid of Dad and I
killed them all.”

Sam
felt her own shock and saw Derek’s. Rob blamed himself for his mother and
sister’s deaths. Sam caught Nick’s gaze. He had heard the story already, she
was sure.

“It’s
not your fault, Rob,” Sam whispered.

Nick
nodded. “You were just a kid.”

Rob
stared at Derek. “I didn’t mean to, but I did. Remember in the car that night?
I told you to put your seatbelt on. Remember? Dad wasn’t wearing his. I thought
if everyone else was, we’d all be safe. And he’d be gone.” Rob moved forward.
“Then he couldn’t hurt you anymore. I know how he hurt you, Der.”

Derek
shook his head. He stood up. “No.”

“I
know now what you went through. I didn’t then.” Rob stopped and his shoulders
sagged. “Or maybe I did and I just couldn’t think about it. He was a terrible
person, Der. But we don’t have to be like that. We can be whoever we want.”
Tears were rolling down Rob’s face.

“We’ve
all done bad things,” Sam said softly. “And had people hurt us. But that’s no
reason to call it quits. We have to stay together.” She tried again to pull
herself up.

Derek
took her hand and helped her. “I can’t, Sam. I can’t do it.” He moved away from
her.

Sam
swayed and reached a hand out to steady herself, leaving a thick bloody print
on the counter.

Derek
saw it and flinched.

Sam
looked over at Nick. He was trying to appear reassuring, but nothing could undo
what had been done. They just had to get the gun from Derek. Get it away and
keep him safe. That’s all she’d ever wanted for her boys.

“Come
on, Derek,” Rob said. “We need to get some help for Aunt Sam. She’s all we
have. We’re a family.”

“I
can’t be here now. I killed them. That makes me as bad as they are. And it
wouldn’t have stopped. I know it wouldn’t. It felt too good.”

“We’ll
get help for you,” Sam said. She watched Nick. He was getting ready to go for
the gun. Sam tried to hold Derek’s attention. “You didn’t mean to hurt them. We
can work though this, Derek.”

“But
it felt so good when they were dead,” Derek whispered. “It was like I was
killing Dad. I wish I had killed him. I thought about it so many times.”

“It’s
okay, Derek. It’s all over now,” Sam said, reaching her bloodied hand toward
him.

Derek
shook his head. “I’ll never get over what he did to me.”

Sam
moved in to hold Derek. “Yes, you will, Derek. My father raped me. He raped me
just like yours raped you. He raped me a thousand times and I thought I’d never
be better.” Sam choked on the tears that spilled down her cheeks. “I hated him
a million times. I dreamed of tearing his eyes out and of stabbing him over and
over.” She paused and let her sobs loose, shaking. “He’s dead and I have to let
go of how much I hate him.”